Show Prep 79

Greetings and Salutations, people! -

Today on VSR –

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Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)



OCEAN CITY, Md. (AP) -- Maryland State Police said a drunken 47-year-old Florida man wearing a diaper was arrested for shouting profanities while trick-or-treating. Police said Joseph David DiVanna of Sarasota, Fla., was arrested about 9:15 p.m. Sunday and charged with disorderly conduct.

Police said witnesses reported DiVanna cursed at adults and children in the Fox Chapel neighborhood of West Ocean City as he tried to get them to give him candy.

(Clip 40) Onion News story about the Hamburglar.

Magnificent 7: Top Seven McDonalds Characters
7. Birdie the Early Bird - She was the first identifiably female character, introduced in February 1980 to promote the company's new breakfast items. She is a yellow bird wearing a pink jumpsuit and flight cap and scarf. In the ads she is frequently portrayed as a poor flyer, and somewhat clumsy in general. Birdie's origin is explained in one old commercial: a giant egg falls from the night sky into McDonaldland, and Ronald McDonald decides to show the egg love.

6. Ronald McDonald – The original Ronald was actually Willard Scott.

5. Uncle O'Grimacey - He was created in 1977 and even appeared in 1986 for an advertising narrative of McDonald's both in celebration of Saint Patrick's Day and to mark the annual appearance of the Shamrock Shake. O'Grimacey is the Irish uncle of the character Grimace and is a variant of the Grimace-design in that he is green instead of purple, sports a frock coat covered with several four-leaf clovers, and carries a shillelagh. His design motif is not unlike that of a stereotypical depiction of the Irish folkloric leprechaun. O'Grimacey resides in his home country for eleven months of the year and visits his nephew Grimace in March, bringing with him his "incredibly delicious" shake. Uncle O'Grimacey is no longer used by the chain for its promotions of the shake.
4. Fry Guys - They are characters used to promote McDonald's french fries. When they first appeared in 1972, they were called Gobblins and liked to steal and gobble up the other characters' french fries. Accompanying them was the "Keep Your Eyes on Your Fries" jingle. Their name was later changed to the Fry Guys in 1983, then the Fry Kids in 1987, as female characters (the "Fry Girls") were introduced. They are differently-colored, shaggy, ball-like creatures with long legs and no arms, almost resembling a pom-pon with legs and eyes.

3. Hamburglar

2. Grimace - Grimace is a large, purple character who was first introduced in November 1971 as the "Evil Grimace". In his first two appearances, he was depicted with two pairs of arms with which to steal milkshakes and sodas. "Evil" was soon dropped from his moniker, and he was reintroduced in 1972 as one of the good guys. In 1974, he was redesigned, going from two pairs of arms to the single pair he has today. His role continued to grow, and by the mid 1970s, he was a major character in McDonaldland. Commercials and merchandise generally portray Grimace as a well-meaning simpleton whose clumsy antics provide a comic foil to Ronald McDonald.

1. Mayor McCheese - Mayor McCheese was an enormous cheeseburger who appeared from 1971–1985, he has a burger for a head, and sports a top hat, a diplomat's sash, and a pair of pince-nez spectacles. He is portrayed as a giggly, bumbling, somewhat incompetent mayor.


I’m Craig, and that’s the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)


Bring on Face:

Are you uncomfortable entering Wal-Mart? We have a greeter at my local Wal-Mart who makes me super deluxe uncomfortable when I walk in.



Week in Wankery:

Yellow Card:
-Woman who almost killed me backing up in the grocery story parking lot
-The Eye Doctor – Bright lights while dilated for pictures were painful.
-The Woman talking at full volume on her cell phone during the first five minutes of the play I attended last night.

Man of the Match:
3 Winners this week:
-Jerry “Larry” Fairish – Hooking me up with a sweet Avs long-sleeved T-shirt.
-My cousin Tawni – Hooking me up with a ticket for the Broncos-Jets game
-My unknown friend in a Jeep – I was driving down Arapahoe Road on Thursday when this hero flashed his lights at me several times. I figured he may be trying to warm me of a speed trap, so I slowed down. I had been going 15 over the limit, but I slowed to the speed limit, and the motorcycle cop on the median just let me fly on by.

Red Card
-The Play that I went to last night. “Something Wicked this way comes” by Ray Bradbury. Ugh, it was so terrible.




-Ward M Vining – Dude who came up with the name for the Denver Broncos





The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
Cat Stevens – “Peace Train” (Clip 99)

Thanks to: (Whoever called)


Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
 



Patron- Does this library have any information of King Malcolm the Tenth?
Reference Librarian – You mean the King from the play, Macbeth?
P – No I mean the civil rights leader.
RL – Oh, you mean Malcolm X.

P- Do you have a videotape of Abraham Lincoln giving the Gettysburg address?
RL – No, we don’t.
P – You should get it. You have Bush on tape, and Lincoln was a greater President.
RL – Thanks for that historical analysis.

P- Do you have a good English translation of Hamlet?
RL – Yes, it’s by a man named William Shakespeare…very close to the original.

P – Who invented the time machine?
RL – H.G. Wells

P – I need information on the car BMW. How do you spell it?
RL – Go to the head of the class…you just did.

P – Why were so many Civil War battles fought in national parks?
RL – Trees provided great protection from bullets.

P – Do you have an audio tape of live dinosaur sounds?
RL – No, but you might want to try the zoo.

P – I need information on the woman named Rosetta Stone.
RL – Good luck. Let me know when you find it.

P- I need books on youth in Africa.
RL – You need books on young people in Africa?
P – No I need books about killing old people and vegetables.
RL – Oh, you have the wrong continent. That’s youth in Asia.

P – Is the correct term Swiss or Swedish?
RL – Yes.

P – I want to get the Gutenberg Bible on inter-library loan.
RL – That depends. Will you pay the shipping costs?

P – Do you have a copy of the Jerusalem newspaper on the day Jesus was born?
RL – No, but it might be on microfiche.

P- I need a book on impudence.
RL – Can you be more specific?
P – My husband can’t sustain an erection.

P – I need a cookbook for preparing dog food.
RL – You mean like kibbles and bits?
P – No for preparing a roast dachshund.

P – Is this library a government suppository?
RL – Sometimes it seems like it is.

P – I need a biography of a prehistoric man.
RL – How about Ralph the Hairy?



“The League” – 32 Teams made up of random and goofy team names for some unknown purpose

Pirates
Ninjas
Monkeys
Robots
Gorillas
Yetis
Dinosaurs
Moose
Nuts - Ed
Scary Kids - Ed
Dragons - Amiezin
Scorpions – Richie
Razor Blades - Richie
Geckos – HPG
The Blaster Girls
The Fightin' Feeny's
The Okeydokeys
The Jacuzzi Petes
The Swishy Arms
The One-Man-House-Bands
The Big Fans
Bandits – dawgpound81
Outlaws – dawgpound81
Octopi – The Whale
Gigawatts – The Whale
Turbines – The Whale
Scythes – The Whale
Bongs – The Whale
The Billy Goats – StreetDreamer83
The Trains – StreetDreamer83
The Bootleggers – StreetDreamer83
The Amigos – StreetDreamer83
(Bonaduce Sux – Aaron Young) Just a few random names that popped up:
Hillbillies
Afterburners
Sequoias/Redwoods
Jungle
Cattlemen
Pedophiles
Printmakers
Golden Cattle
Erections
Field Mice
Beastmasters
Tornadoes – The Ryan
California Chuck - Larry
Mississippi Mitch - Larry
Cardsfan:
Lemon Bars
Freudian Slips
Monte Cristos
Rapscallions
Neerdowellers
Layabouts
Loafers
Skivers
Spendthrifts
Rageaholics
Photo Dimers
Photo Bombers
Cow Pie Chuckers
Mad Hatters
Blue Quarks
The Diablos – The Ed
Mighty Turtles – The Ed
Dirty Sanchez – The Ed (Gross)
Anal Intruders – The Ed (Even more gross)
Weasels
-NSMaster56
South Carolina Traffic Violations (abbreviation SCTV)
C.H.U.D.S.
Kalamazoo Kangaroo's
Ypsilanti Yankees