Greetings
and Salutations, People: We are UNITED IN ORANGE! And by we, I mean my
city…Denver, Colorado…I realize that a large portion of the listening audience
is likely rooting against the Broncos today…and to you I say, “Go Spit.” Today
is about the Broncos, and I could not possibly be more excited.
To those
of you who might try to call me a bandwagon jumper, I direct you to the
following clip from the March 19th, 2012 episode of VSR…Let’s just
say when it comes to Peyton Manning enthusiasm, I was an early adopter…(Clip
51)
So, during
the offseason, while a large number of people were questioning John Elway
jettisoning Tebow and claiming that signing a quarterback coming off four neck
surgeries was foolhardy, I chose to believe in the positive possibilities, and
Manning has led my favorite football team to heights even I thought were
unlikely. 13-3 and the top seed in the AFC Playoffs. And today, the Baltimore
Ravens come into Sports Authority Field at Mile High to open up the divisional
round of the NFL playoffs this afternoon, and all I can think is that when the
game ends, the stadium sound system will sound a lot like this… (Clip 52)
I feel
that way because 11 wins in a row tends to spoil you. However, I cannot be
completely comfortable today, because I carry Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
wounds from January 4th, 1997. When the Jacksonville Jaguars
strolled into Mile High Stadium as 14.5 point underdogs and walked off the
field 30-27 victors. That loss haunts me to this day, and the fact that it was
a 13-3 team, wearing orange jerseys in the early Saturday game in Denver
against a big underdog is shudderingly familiar to today. Even more eerie…Do
you know what the second playoff game of that day was? The Packers vs. the
49ers. It’s spooky, isn’t it.
So, while
I am fairly confident in a Broncos victory today, in the back of my mind I
think back to when I was a 21 year old sitting in the East Stands of Mile High
sitting in disbelief as a glorious season went up in smoke, and I worry about
today. Especially with so many odd coincidences in common with that sad cold
day in 1997.
So, while
I am nervous, and getting more and more and moreso with each passing minute, I
choose to believe like I did when we first signed Manning. I believe that this
is our time, and we’re going to send that purple wearing, squirrel dancing,
murder rap evading nutcase of a linebacker off to retirement with a Dan
Marino-like finale…For those who don’t remember, Danny boy walked off the field
for the final time on the wrong end of a 62-7 score in a Dolphin playoff game
against the Jaguars, and for the love of all that is holy, I pray that we can
send that ridiculous Ray Lewis off to the announcer booth with a similar
sendoff.
Roll
Broncos!
Peyton
Manning Style (Clip 53)
VSR is
brought to you by the Amazon.com link on VerticallyStripedSocks.com.
Tweet of the Week:
@DannyZuker
If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet
it would explain a lot.
Things I
liked this week:
Taking my
daughter to the Nuggets game last night.
The Nuggets
have won 4 straight while the Lakers have lost 6 straight
Honey Nut
Cheerios
Today on VSR –
If you’d like
to join in the fun - (646) 716-7522 OR OHMS-1-MRLAB
(Bring on
Face) –
Let’s get to
the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
Let’s get to
the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
STOCKHOLM (Reuters) - A Swedish man has designed a coffin
with built-in speakers linked to a music playlist that can be updated by the
living.
Music and video equipment store owner Fredrik Hjelmquist
said his hi-fi coffin would entertain the dead and provide solace for grieving
friends and relatives by making it possible for them to alter the deceased's
playlist online.
"We don't know, right? But then people believe in
different ways in different parts of the world," Hjelmquist told Reuters
television when he was asked whether a belief in life after death was what
would lead someone to buy his coffin.
"In Sweden perhaps we don't believe in it, but in
many parts of the world people believe in a different way," he said.
He planned to be buried in such a coffin, he added, and
would choose opera for his long sleep. He has not sold any of his coffins, but
there have been many enquiries, he added.
The price tag is a hefty 199,000 Swedish crowns
($30,700).
"We've had an unbelievable amount of inquiries, not
so much in Sweden, but many from the United States and Canada, also from
Taiwan," he said.
"Ozzy Osbourne should buy one I think or Keith
Richards. Somebody ought to do it because this is really rock n' roll I
think...but at the same time beautiful," he said.
A dog shaved to look like a lion prompted someone to call
police in Norfolk, Va., earlier this week.
On Tuesday morning, a 911 caller reported seeing a baby
lion "walking down Colley Avenue, possibly looking for food," according to the
Virginian-Pilot.
Police then called the Virginia Zoo, which reported both of its lions (Mramba
and Zola) were accounted for.
Police officials say it's not the first time Charles, a
3-year-old labradoodle, has been mistaken for a baby lion.
The dog's owner, Daniel Painter, said Charles was groomed
to look like the mascot for Norfolk's Old Dominion University. Charles is known
to neighbors, who often see the friendly pooch at University Pizza. He even
has a Facebook page.
Nonetheless:
Painter said police have told him several times that his
dog has been mistaken for a lion. He said he's taken his dog from his Riverview
home to Lafayette Park near the zoo and seen people run to their cars in shock.
"I tell people he's a Lab-a-lion," Painter told
the paper. "And half the people believe that."
A New York
musician who had his iPhone stolen on New Year's Eve created a fake dating
profile and arranged a romantic rendezvous with the thief.
trombonist trombonist trombonist TromNadav Nirenberg, 27, accidentally left his phone in
the back of a taxi while on his way to a gig in Brooklyn. But despite
repeatedly calling the phone and leaving messages offering a reward, he heard nothing.
He then
discovered the person who had his phone had logged in to his OKCupid dating
account and was sending "weird" messages from his profile to girls on
the site.
"Not
only had he stolen my phone, he was creepy and disturbing," said Mr
Nirenberg. "So I created another OKCupid account as 'Jennifer Gonzalez' a
ficticious 24-year-old girl who just moved to Brooklyn. Then I chatted him
up".
Mr
Nirenberg confronted the thief with $20 and a hammer (pic: Glasspiegel)
'U wanna
meet?' the thief said in a message posted on the site.
'Yeah I kinda
do,' Mr Nirenberg wrote back, suggesting that they meet at 'Jennifer's' place
that night.
A few hours
later the thief was on his way while Mr Nirenberg armed himself with a hammer
and waited.
"Little
did he know that on his way up the stairs I would pop out behind him, calmly
give him $20 for my phone and tell him the cops were on the way," he said.
"I saw
through the peephole that he was a small Indian dude. When he realised what had
happened the look of shame on his face was priceless. He must have felt like an
idiot. He was all dressed up, he was carrying a bottle of wine and he stank of
cologne.
"I had
the hammer in case he was insane or huge. I was scared but I never threatened
him in any way.
"The $20
was because I wanted to lead with a peace offering instead of a confrontation.
I could easily have kept the $20, his wine and probably his wallet, but I
wanted it to be over as quickly as possible".
Mr Nirenberg
has little sympathy for the thief, whom he believes was the taxi driver in
whose cab he left his phone.
"The
dude thought that a 24-year-old girl who lives alone would invite a complete
stranger over for wine. He also believed 'Jennifer' wouldn't care about the
message she received from him: 'Hay the pic u see on my profile it not my pic
it my friend pic'.
'Jennifer'
got messages from 30 men on OKCupid in the five hours she existed. "My
apologies to the girl whose picture I used," said Mr Nirenberg.
I’m Craig,
and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
Bring on the Whale
Band name of the week:
Squishy Baff
– Clip 81
Sports:
Broncos-Ravens
- Broncos
49ers-Packers
- Packers
Seahawks-Falcons
- Seahawks
Patriots-Texans
- Patriots
Wildcard Weekend:
Bengals vs.
Texans - Texans
Vikings vs.
Packers - Packers
Seahawks vs.
Redskins - Seahawks
Colts vs.
Ravens - Ravens
Nonsensical Attempts to comfort from
stupid people:
-Guy at Lids
– “Well the good thing is, if this doesn’t work, you can always just get a new
card and it’s only 5 bucks a year.”
-Job Interview
– “We can’t pay as much, but we can offer you a lot of hours so you can make
the same amount of money.”
1. I feel the
desire to make a shoebox diorama.
2. A tomato
is NOT a fruit.
3. What is
the worst thing about losing power?
4. Aren’t all
Helen Keller poetry readings “Deaf Poetry Jams” by default?
5. It’s not
that long ago that we had to send film away to get processed.
6. Would
carrying around a “Get out of Jail Free” card help you get out of a ticket?
7. Oregon or
OreGONE?
8. How is
landing on the moon still our pinnacle of human achievement? It happened 43
years ago!
9. Turn a
regular golf course into a miniature golf course with giant windmills.
10. A coffin
might make a really cool toy.
Voice Mail –
720-CUB-1-ACE (720-282-1223)
Twitter:
@socnorb777
OFFICIAL
WHITE HOUSE RESPONSE TO
Secure
resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016.
This Isn't
the Petition Response You're Looking For
By Paul
Shawcross
The
Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national
defense, but a Death Star isn't on the horizon. Here are a few reasons:
The
construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than
$850,000,000,000,000,000. We're working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand
it.
The
Administration does not support blowing up planets.
Why would we
spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that
can be exploited by a one-man starship?
However, look
carefully (here's how) and you'll notice something already floating in the sky
-- that's no Moon, it's a Space Station! Yes, we already have a giant, football
field-sized International Space Station in orbit around the Earth that's
helping us learn how humans can live and thrive in space for long durations.
The Space Station has six astronauts -- American, Russian, and Canadian --
living in it right now, conducting research, learning how to live and work in
space over long periods of time, routinely welcoming visiting spacecraft and
repairing onboard garbage mashers, etc. We've also got two robot science labs
-- one wielding a laser -- roving around Mars, looking at whether life ever
existed on the Red Planet.
Keep in mind,
space is no longer just government-only. Private American companies, through
NASA's Commercial Crew and Cargo Program Office (C3PO), are ferrying cargo --
and soon, crew -- to space for NASA, and are pursuing human missions to the
Moon this decade.
Even though
the United States doesn't have anything that can do the Kessel Run in less than
12 parsecs, we've got two spacecraft leaving the Solar System and we're
building a probe that will fly to the exterior layers of the Sun. We are
discovering hundreds of new planets in other star systems and building a much
more powerful successor to the Hubble Space Telescope that will see back to the
early days of the universe.
We don't have
a Death Star, but we do have floating robot assistants on the Space Station, a
President who knows his way around a light saber and advanced (marshmallow)
cannon, and the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, which is supporting
research on building Luke's arm, floating droids, and quadruped walkers.
We are living
in the future! Enjoy it. Or better yet, help build it by pursuing a career in a
science, technology, engineering or math-related field. The President has held
the first-ever White House science fairs and Astronomy Night on the South Lawn
because he knows these domains are critical to our country's future, and to
ensuring the United States continues leading the world in doing big things.
If you do
pursue a career in a science, technology, engineering or math-related field,
the Force will be with us! Remember, the Death Star's power to destroy a
planet, or even a whole star system, is insignificant next to the power of the
Force.
Paul
Shawcross is Chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House Office of
Management and Budget
Vertically Striped Music
Recommendation:
Denver Broncos Anthem – Interstate Ike
USELESS FACTS:
*We shed 40
pounds of skin in a lifetime.
*Like
fingerprints, everyones tongueprint is different.
*Right handed
people live on average 9 years longer than left handed people
*A person
uses approximately fifty-seven sheets of toilet paper each day
*In
Singapore, it is illegal to sell or own chewing gum
*"Dreamt"
is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
*A
"jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
*Coca-Cola
would be green if coloring weren’t added to it.
*The
manufacturing documentation for a Jumbo Jet weighs more than a Jumbo Jet.
*Ketchup was
sold in the 1830’s as medicine.
*A raisin
dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and
down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
*If
electrodes are inserted at opposite ends of a pickle, and electricity is passed
through, the pickle will glow.
*Mel Blanc,
the voice of Bugs Bunny, was allergic to carrots.
*40% of cases
a pizza will arrive sooner than an ambulance.
*Most toilets
flush in E-flat.
*It is
believed that Shakespeare was 46 around the time that the King James Version of
the Bible was written. In Psalms 46, the 46th word from the first word is shake
and the 46th word from the last word is spear.
*The sound of
E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in jelly.
*In the
average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator.
*A
hummingbird weighs less than a penny.
*The longest
one-syllable word is "screeched."
*Frowning
burns more calories than smiling.
*1/4 of the
bones in your body are in your feet.
*The average
woman consumes 6 pounds of lipstick in her lifetime.
*The bullfrog
is the only animal that never sleeps.
*If you keep
a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white.
*A ball of
glass will bounce higher that a ball of rubber.
*Children
grow faster in the spring.
*On average,
a human being will spend up to 2 weeks kissing in his/her lifetime.
*If you have
three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the
largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a
dollar.
*Mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.
*A sneeze
travels out of your mouth at over 100 miles per hour.
*Some ribbon
worms will eat themselves if they can’t find any food.
*The average
person has a total of 6 pounds of skin.
*On average,
12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
*On average,
100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.
*Red is the
most commonly colored vehical involved in accidents each year.
*The swastika
was originally a symbol of peace and honor and is still used by Buddhists
today.
*Peanuts are
one of the ingredients of dynamite.
*Shakespeare
invented the words "assassination" and "bump."
*In most
advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
*American
Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served
in first-class.
*The electric
chair was invented by a dentist.
BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. (AP) -- A Los Angeles restaurant is
offering a deal to customers who agree to look at their fellow diners instead
of their phone screens.
Eva Restaurant is giving a 5 percent discount to
customers who will leave their cellphones with staff when they are seated.
Owner Mark Gold told says that the policy isn't about
other diners who might be annoyed by cellphone chatter or the glow of
smartphone screens, but an attempt to create an environment where diners
connect to each other instead of to technology.
Servers make the offer to diners when they introduce
themselves. Gold says nearly half take advantage of the discount, and many
express gratitude at the opportunity to let go of their devices for a while.
Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
Top 7 Worst Jobs:
Telemarketer
NBA Referee
Mall Santa
Mickey Mouse
at Disneyland
Garbage Man
Preschool
Teacher
