Show Prep 196

Greetings and Salutations, People: We are UNITED IN ORANGE! And by we, I mean my city…Denver, Colorado…I realize that a large portion of the listening audience is likely rooting against the Broncos today…and to you I say, “Go Spit.” Today is about the Broncos, and I could not possibly be more excited.

To those of you who might try to call me a bandwagon jumper, I direct you to the following clip from the March 19^th, 2012 episode of VSR…Let’s just say when it comes to Peyton Manning enthusiasm, I was an early adopter…(Clip 51)

So, during the offseason, while a large number of people were questioning John Elway jettisoning Tebow and claiming that signing a quarterback coming off four neck surgeries was foolhardy, I chose to believe in the positive possibilities, and Manning has led my favorite football team to heights even I thought were unlikely. 13-3 and the top seed in the AFC Playoffs. And today, the Baltimore Ravens come into Sports Authority Field at Mile High to open up the divisional round of the NFL playoffs this afternoon, and all I can think is that when the game ends, the stadium sound system will sound a lot like this… (Clip 52)

I feel that way because 11 wins in a row tends to spoil you. However, I cannot be completely comfortable today, because I carry Post Traumatic Stress Disorder wounds from January 4^th, 1997. When the Jacksonville Jaguars strolled into Mile High Stadium as 14.5 point underdogs and walked off the field 30-27 victors. That loss haunts me to this day, and the fact that it was a 13-3 team, wearing orange jerseys in the early Saturday game in Denver against a big underdog is shudderingly familiar to today. Even more eerie…Do you know what the second playoff game of that day was? The Packers vs. the 49ers. It’s spooky, isn’t it.

So, while I am fairly confident in a Broncos victory today, in the back of my mind I think back to when I was a 21 year old sitting in the East Stands of Mile High sitting in disbelief as a glorious season went up in smoke, and I worry about today. Especially with so many odd coincidences in common with that sad cold day in 1997.

So, while I am nervous, and getting more and more and moreso with each passing minute, I choose to believe like I did when we first signed Manning. I believe that this is our time, and we’re going to send that purple wearing, squirrel dancing, murder rap evading nutcase of a linebacker off to retirement with a Dan Marino-like finale…For those who don’t remember, Danny boy walked off the field for the final time on the wrong end of a 62-7 score in a Dolphin playoff game against the Jaguars, and for the love of all that is holy, I pray that we can send that ridiculous Ray Lewis off to the announcer booth with a similar sendoff.

Roll Broncos!

Peyton Manning Style (Clip 53)

VSR is brought to you by the Amazon.com link on VerticallyStripedSocks.com.

Tweet of the Week:  

@DannyZuker
If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet it would explain a lot.

Things I liked this week:

Taking my daughter to the Nuggets game last night.

The Nuggets have won 4 straight while the Lakers have lost 6 straight

Honey Nut Cheerios

Today on VSR –

If you’d like to join in the fun - (646) 716-7522 OR OHMS-1-MRLAB

(Bring on Face) –

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03) 

STOCKHOLM (Reuters) - A Swedish man has designed a coffin with built-in speakers linked to a music playlist that can be updated by the living.

Music and video equipment store owner Fredrik Hjelmquist said his hi-fi coffin would entertain the dead and provide solace for grieving friends and relatives by making it possible for them to alter the deceased's playlist online.

"We don't know, right? But then people believe in different ways in different parts of the world," Hjelmquist told Reuters television when he was asked whether a belief in life after death was what would lead someone to buy his coffin.

"In Sweden perhaps we don't believe in it, but in many parts of the world people believe in a different way," he said.

He planned to be buried in such a coffin, he added, and would choose opera for his long sleep. He has not sold any of his coffins, but there have been many enquiries, he added.

The price tag is a hefty 199,000 Swedish crowns ($30,700).

"We've had an unbelievable amount of inquiries, not so much in Sweden, but many from the United States and Canada, also from Taiwan," he said.

"Ozzy Osbourne should buy one I think or Keith Richards. Somebody ought to do it because this is really rock n' roll I think...but at the same time beautiful," he said.

A dog shaved to look like a lion prompted someone to call police in Norfolk, Va., earlier this week.

On Tuesday morning, a 911 caller reported seeing a baby lion "walking down Colley Avenue, possibly looking for food," according to the Virginian-Pilot. Police then called the Virginia Zoo, which reported both of its lions (Mramba and Zola) were accounted for.

Police officials say it's not the first time Charles, a 3-year-old labradoodle, has been mistaken for a baby lion.

The dog's owner, Daniel Painter, said Charles was groomed to look like the mascot for Norfolk's Old Dominion University. Charles is known to neighbors, who often see the friendly pooch at University Pizza. He even has a Facebook page.

Nonetheless:

Painter said police have told him several times that his dog has been mistaken for a lion. He said he's taken his dog from his Riverview home to Lafayette Park near the zoo and seen people run to their cars in shock.

"I tell people he's a Lab-a-lion," Painter told the paper. "And half the people believe that."

A New York musician who had his iPhone stolen on New Year's Eve created a fake dating profile and arranged a romantic rendezvous with the thief.

 trombonist trombonist trombonist TromNadav Nirenberg, 27, accidentally left his phone in the back of a taxi while on his way to a gig in Brooklyn. But despite repeatedly calling the phone and leaving messages offering a reward, he heard nothing.

He then discovered the person who had his phone had logged in to his OKCupid dating account and was sending "weird" messages from his profile to girls on the site.

"Not only had he stolen my phone, he was creepy and disturbing," said Mr Nirenberg. "So I created another OKCupid account as 'Jennifer Gonzalez' a ficticious 24-year-old girl who just moved to Brooklyn. Then I chatted him up".

 Mr Nirenberg confronted the thief with $20 and a hammer (pic: Glasspiegel)

'U wanna meet?' the thief said in a message posted on the site.

'Yeah I kinda do,' Mr Nirenberg wrote back, suggesting that they meet at 'Jennifer's' place that night.

A few hours later the thief was on his way while Mr Nirenberg armed himself with a hammer and waited.

"Little did he know that on his way up the stairs I would pop out behind him, calmly give him $20 for my phone and tell him the cops were on the way," he said.

"I saw through the peephole that he was a small Indian dude. When he realised what had happened the look of shame on his face was priceless. He must have felt like an idiot. He was all dressed up, he was carrying a bottle of wine and he stank of cologne.

"I had the hammer in case he was insane or huge. I was scared but I never threatened him in any way.

"The $20 was because I wanted to lead with a peace offering instead of a confrontation. I could easily have kept the $20, his wine and probably his wallet, but I wanted it to be over as quickly as possible".

Mr Nirenberg has little sympathy for the thief, whom he believes was the taxi driver in whose cab he left his phone.

"The dude thought that a 24-year-old girl who lives alone would invite a complete stranger over for wine. He also believed 'Jennifer' wouldn't care about the message she received from him: 'Hay the pic u see on my profile it not my pic it my friend pic'.

'Jennifer' got messages from 30 men on OKCupid in the five hours she existed. "My apologies to the girl whose picture I used," said Mr Nirenberg.

I’m Craig, and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Bring on the Whale

Band name of the week:

Squishy Baff – Clip 81

Sports:

Broncos-Ravens - Broncos

49ers-Packers - Packers

Seahawks-Falcons - Seahawks

Patriots-Texans - Patriots

Wildcard Weekend:

Bengals vs. Texans - Texans

Vikings vs. Packers - Packers

Seahawks vs. Redskins - Seahawks

Colts vs. Ravens - Ravens

Nonsensical Attempts to comfort from stupid people:

-Guy at Lids – “Well the good thing is, if this doesn’t work, you can always just get a new card and it’s only 5 bucks a year.”

-Job Interview – “We can’t pay as much, but we can offer you a lot of hours so you can make the same amount of money.”

1. I feel the desire to make a shoebox diorama.

2. A tomato is NOT a fruit.

3. What is the worst thing about losing power?

4. Aren’t all Helen Keller poetry readings “Deaf Poetry Jams” by default?

5. It’s not that long ago that we had to send film away to get processed.

6. Would carrying around a “Get out of Jail Free” card help you get out of a ticket?

7. Oregon or OreGONE?

8. How is landing on the moon still our pinnacle of human achievement? It happened 43 years ago!

9. Turn a regular golf course into a miniature golf course with giant windmills.

10. A coffin might make a really cool toy.

To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com

Voice Mail – 720-CUB-1-ACE (720-282-1223)

Twitter: @socnorb777

OFFICIAL WHITE HOUSE RESPONSE TO

Secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016.

This Isn't the Petition Response You're Looking For

By Paul Shawcross

The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn't on the horizon. Here are a few reasons:

The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We're working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.

The Administration does not support blowing up planets.

Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?

However, look carefully (here's how) and you'll notice something already floating in the sky -- that's no Moon, it's a Space Station! Yes, we already have a giant, football field-sized International Space Station in orbit around the Earth that's helping us learn how humans can live and thrive in space for long durations. The Space Station has six astronauts -- American, Russian, and Canadian -- living in it right now, conducting research, learning how to live and work in space over long periods of time, routinely welcoming visiting spacecraft and repairing onboard garbage mashers, etc. We've also got two robot science labs -- one wielding a laser -- roving around Mars, looking at whether life ever existed on the Red Planet.

Keep in mind, space is no longer just government-only. Private American companies, through NASA's Commercial Crew and Cargo Program Office (C3PO), are ferrying cargo -- and soon, crew -- to space for NASA, and are pursuing human missions to the Moon this decade.

Even though the United States doesn't have anything that can do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs, we've got two spacecraft leaving the Solar System and we're building a probe that will fly to the exterior layers of the Sun. We are discovering hundreds of new planets in other star systems and building a much more powerful successor to the Hubble Space Telescope that will see back to the early days of the universe.

We don't have a Death Star, but we do have floating robot assistants on the Space Station, a President who knows his way around a light saber and advanced (marshmallow) cannon, and the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, which is supporting research on building Luke's arm, floating droids, and quadruped walkers.

We are living in the future! Enjoy it. Or better yet, help build it by pursuing a career in a science, technology, engineering or math-related field. The President has held the first-ever White House science fairs and Astronomy Night on the South Lawn because he knows these domains are critical to our country's future, and to ensuring the United States continues leading the world in doing big things.

If you do pursue a career in a science, technology, engineering or math-related field, the Force will be with us! Remember, the Death Star's power to destroy a planet, or even a whole star system, is insignificant next to the power of the Force.

Paul Shawcross is Chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House Office of Management and Budget

Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:

Denver Broncos Anthem – Interstate Ike

USELESS FACTS:

*We shed 40 pounds of skin in a lifetime.

*Like fingerprints, everyones tongueprint is different.

*Right handed people live on average 9 years longer than left handed people

*A person uses approximately fifty-seven sheets of toilet paper each day

*In Singapore, it is illegal to sell or own chewing gum

*"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

*A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

*Coca-Cola would be green if coloring weren’t added to it.

*The manufacturing documentation for a Jumbo Jet weighs more than a Jumbo Jet.

*Ketchup was sold in the 1830’s as medicine.

*A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and
down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top. 

*If electrodes are inserted at opposite ends of a pickle, and electricity is passed through, the pickle will glow.

*Mel Blanc, the voice of Bugs Bunny, was allergic to carrots.

*40% of cases a pizza will arrive sooner than an ambulance.

*Most toilets flush in E-flat.

*It is believed that Shakespeare was 46 around the time that the King James Version of the Bible was written. In Psalms 46, the 46th word from the first word is shake and the 46th word from the last word is spear.

*The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in jelly.

*In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator.

*A hummingbird weighs less than a penny.

*The longest one-syllable word is "screeched."

*Frowning burns more calories than smiling.

*1/4 of the bones in your body are in your feet.

*The average woman consumes 6 pounds of lipstick in her lifetime.

*The bullfrog is the only animal that never sleeps.

*If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white.

*A ball of glass will bounce higher that a ball of rubber.

*Children grow faster in the spring.

*On average, a human being will spend up to 2 weeks kissing in his/her lifetime.

*If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
*Mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.

*A sneeze travels out of your mouth at over 100 miles per hour.

*Some ribbon worms will eat themselves if they can’t find any food.

*The average person has a total of 6 pounds of skin.

*On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.

*On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.

*Red is the most commonly colored vehical involved in accidents each year.

*The swastika was originally a symbol of peace and honor and is still used by Buddhists today.

*Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.

*Shakespeare invented the words "assassination" and "bump."

*In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.

*American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.

*The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. (AP) -- A Los Angeles restaurant is offering a deal to customers who agree to look at their fellow diners instead of their phone screens.

Eva Restaurant is giving a 5 percent discount to customers who will leave their cellphones with staff when they are seated.

Owner Mark Gold told says that the policy isn't about other diners who might be annoyed by cellphone chatter or the glow of smartphone screens, but an attempt to create an environment where diners connect to each other instead of to technology.

Servers make the offer to diners when they introduce themselves. Gold says nearly half take advantage of the discount, and many express gratitude at the opportunity to let go of their devices for a while.

Shalom and Good Evening to you all!

Top 7 Worst Jobs:

Telemarketer

NBA Referee

Mall Santa

Mickey Mouse at Disneyland

Garbage Man

Preschool Teacher