Show Prep #63

Greetings and Salutations, people. It’s the radio version of Comic Sans Font, this is Vertically Striped Radio. My name is Craig Dodge, and dear friends, only rarely in the course of human events is a piece of literature produced that is INSTANTLY able to be considered a classic masterpiece.

We were fortunate enough this week that a wonderful piece of American literature has just been produced. And while many terrible things can be stated about me, to say that I am uncultured can simply not be said. It is my continuing mission to advance high culture in all it’s forms to my listeners, nay, to you my friends; and it is in my devotion to that mission that today I proudly provide a dramatic reading of an instant American classic: (Read Dan Gilbert’s Letter dramatically)

I hope you are all able to enjoy this, and I hope that my meager performance does justice to the source material, although that may prove impossible. Regarless, Without any further ado, Vertically Striped Radio proudly presents… “The Letter”

Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;

As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.

This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his "decision" unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.

Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.

The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.

There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.

You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.

You have given so much and deserve so much more.

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:

"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE"

You can take it to the bank.

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

Sorry, but that's simply not how it works.

This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown "chosen one" sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And "who" we would want them to grow-up to become.

But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called "curse" on Cleveland, Ohio.

The self-declared former "King" will be taking the "curse" with him down south. And until he does "right" by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch.

Sleep well, Cleveland.

Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day....

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue....



Dan Gilbert
Majority Owner
Cleveland Cavaliers


Thank you, I know we’re all a little bit overcome after hearing such a powerful piece as this…I believe I need a moment.

Thank you!

Anyway, Welcome to a slightly abbreviated version of Vertically Striped Radio, I’m going to the Rockies game tonight, and some friends are going to be gathering at my house to meet before the game, so we’ll only go an hour today, but oh, what an hour it shall be!

Today on VSR – We have the Week in Wankery, I have the 3rd installment of Doug on Demand, we’ll have a bit of Lebron talk, the World Cup Final goes down on Sunday, and I even have the Andy Griffith Show theme with lyrics sung by Andy himself on tap, so it’s shaping up to be a good hour.

Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1

To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com








Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

CLEVELAND, Ohio - Dan Gilbert’s choice of Comic Sans in LeBron letter was not accidental

Oh Comic Sans, you are generally reserved for older ladies sending out chain emails about kittens or preteens flirting on MSN Messenger circa 2002. But apparently, you are also the choice of one owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers.
Dan Gilbert was unspeakably angry that star LeBron James had decided to ditch the team for the Miami Heat on Thursday, so he wrote a letter to the fans to express his disgust.
The letter was scathing, the words filled with outrage, but the font was more like something you would see on a homemade birthday card made by an eight-year-old girl.
The use of the font is coming close to overshadowing the angry message. So was his choice purely an accident? A by-product of rushing to get the letter to the fans? Apparently, this is nothing new.
A Cavaliers spokesman told the Wall Street Journal, “Dan has used the Comic Sans font for years and years in all of his communications.”


LOS ANGELES (AP) -- Southern California commuters can now say they've seen it all, including a naked man in the middle of Interstate 405. California Highway Patrol Officer Monica Posada said the first call came at the height of rush-hour Thursday - a man with no clothes was in the center divide of the freeway. Then came a rush of calls reporting the man in the buff.
Long Beach police detained the 21-year-old man and gave him a mental health evaluation.
Police said he was taken into custody and will be charged with misdemeanor indecent exposure.
In the man’s defense, in a state that elects Arnold Swartzneggar to be governor, how was he supposed to know that standing nude in traffic was against the law?







Which animal is the world’s greatest prognosticator? The Octopus or the Parakeet? The World will come to find out this Sunday.

SINGAPORE (AP) -- A crowd of soccer fans leans forward as Mani, Singapore's World Cup-forecasting parakeet, creeps out of his small wooden cage and chooses between two white cards - one hiding the flag of the Netherlands, the other Spain.

If the bird's many new believers are right, Holland will win its first World Cup championship Sunday. Mani grabbed a card in his beak Friday and flipped it over to reveal the Dutch flag.

The 13-year-old parakeet has become a local celebrity after its owner, M. Muniyappan, claimed Mani accurately forecast the World Cup's four quarterfinal games and Spain's semifinal victory over Germany.

"He's a special bird," Muniyappan said.

Mani joins Paul the octopus, who has correctly predicted the winner of every World Cup match played by Germany, as overnight stars as interest in soccer's biggest tournament peaks and gamblers look for any edge to pick winners.

Muniyappan, an 80-year-old fortuneteller, said Mani has helped him predict the future for five years at a table in front of a restaurant in the Little India neighborhood, but this year's World Cup is the first time the parakeet has attempted to forecast the outcome of sports competitions.

"People usually want help picking the lottery numbers, or when to get married," said Muniyappan, who was born in India and moved to Singapore in 1953. "Then gamblers started asking about the World Cup."

Muniyappan said about 30 people a day now pay for his psychic powers, up from about 10 a day before Mani shot to fame.

Singapore's ethnic Chinese, Malay and Indian populations, especially the older generations, often seek out fortunetellers for advice about health or their children's marriage and job prospects.

For 10 Singapore dollars ($7), Muniyappan and Mani can see into your future. Ali, a 31-year-old customer, said he was having financial problems and wanted to know when his luck would improve. After burning incense under pictures of Hindu gods, Muniyappan said Ali's fortunes would turn in 14 days.

"I've come to him before to know when my luck will change," Ali said. "I believe in him and the bird."

Not all onlookers were happy with Mani's World Cup pick.

"I'm disappointed because I want Spain to win," said Jimmy Wong, a 20-year-old student. "Now I'm not sure which team to bet on."

As if the World Cup title were not high enough stakes in this Sunday’s Final…now the ancient rivalry between Parakeet and Octopus will finally be settled once and for all on the pitch.

I’m Craig, and that’s the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Bring on the boys…

The Duel – Rainbow Enthusiasm (Clip 76) versus Rainbow Conspiracy (Clip 77)

(McDonalds from the 1970’s vs. Wet Pets)


Andy Griffith Show Theme (The Fishin’ Hole) with Lyrics…Sung by Andy himself even! (Clip 74)


Week in Wankery:

Yellow Card:
-Ebay person from England who bid on my item even though it said “United States” only.
-Girl behind me consumed by lacrosse.
-Sweet Tomatoes Restaurant – Expensive, Food is just okay, Depressing nature of eating at a buffet, At one point in our meal, my brother pointed at something on my plate and asked what it was, and I just replied by saying, “It’s Green”

Red Card:
-Lebron


Doug on Demand – (Clip 71) – This starts in the middle of our conversation as we are deciding where we want to sit for a Rockies game we are going to attend later this month…then it jumps around a lot, as my conversations with him tend to do, and yes, there is a little bit of discussion about legos.








Deaths:
John Wooden
Gary Coleman
Dennis Hopper
Rue McClannahan

Puritans – Not so nice to the dead all the time. (Talk about the burial ground)

Who’s death would cause the biggest world wide sadness?



Pooping in public: No shame, or hide your feet? (Clip 81 – MM’s rap)


Craig’s Embarrassing Confessions:

-Late this Tuesday morning because my alarm didn’t go off…Flew to work, and went to the 2nd floor instead of the 3rd, and made it all the way to where my desk should be before I realized what I had done. I noticed the different paintings, and was surprised they had redecorated overnight.

-I have fallen in love with eating kids meals (Wacky Packs) at Sonic for lunch. This Tuesday, I ordered it, and after I was done, was treated to “Would you like anything for yourself?” from the lady working the drive in box.

The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:

Thanks to: (Whoever called)


Shalom and Good Evening to you all!

Top 7 Bad Euphamisms:

-Friendly Fire
-Flight Attendant
-To Pass Away
-Putting a dog to sleep
-Gentleman’s Club
-For Mature Audiences
-Big Boned
-Full Figured
-In a Family Way
-Laid Off