Show Prep 73

Greetings and Salutations, people! - Or rather should I say, Ahoy and Avast, ye mateys! Ya see, Today be the eve of Talk Like a Pirate day, and if any of ye bilge rats feel we shouldn’t be celebratin’ this joyous occasion, you’ll be facin the business end of me cutlass, I’ll keel-haul ya or worse yet, send ya to Davey Jones’ locker! So let us weigh anchor, hoist the main sail, fly the Jolly Rodger for today, VSR is TRULY, Pirate Radio! Arrrgh!!!

Okay, that’s probably enough of that, although, I am pleased to have a chance to celebrate Talk Like a Pirate day here on Vertically Striped Radio, there is a whole bunch of pirate themed items on the agenda thanks to two visionaries: John Baur and Mark Summers.

These two are the creators of Talk Like a Pirate Day, which began as any good holiday should…on the racquetball court. Back in 1995, these two were playing a game of racquetball and started throwing out pirate vernacular. They decided to turn it into a whole new holiday, and decided on September 19th, as it was Mark’s ex-wife’s birthday. Dave Barry, columnist for the Miami Herald wrote about their holiday back in 2002, and thanks to the ambition of these two and the help of the internet, the holiday continues to grow each year…to the point that my company even gave us TLAP day gifts yesterday at my office.

It is truly a blessed holiday…

Today on VSR – Pirate stuff abouds…We’ll play some pirate songs, We have a double dip Magnificent Seven: With the Top 7 Pirates of all time along with the Top 7 Pirates phrases being named. Also, since the Broncos play the Seahawks Sunday, I checked in and made a friendly wager with Seahawk fan Aaron Young of the No Name show who lives in Washington, so we’ll hear the details of that wager as well. All in all, it figures to be a solid day of Vertically Striped Radio, so let’s Swab the Decks, ye scurvy dogs. It be Talk Like a Pirate Day…Eve…

[Clip 52 – 15 Men on a Dead Man’s Chest (Yo Ho Ho, and a Bottle of Rum) 3:54]

Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1

To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com
 

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

NAPERVILLE, Ill. (AP) -- Dog owners, beware: If you live in suburban Chicago and don't pick up after your pet, you might get tossed an unpleasant reminder. Police in Naperville said a woman who stepped in dog feces outside her apartment appears to have retaliated by heaving it at the door of her neighbor who owns a dog.

Susan Miller was charged with disorderly conduct after her bizarre protest Wednesday.

The Naperville Sun reported that police say Miller also uprooted a sign telling residents to pick up dog waste and placed it on the neighbor's patio. Miller was arrested after the neighbor called police.

An unapologetic Miller said that if she can pick up the poop from her 80-pound dog, her neighbor can pick up after a 20-pound dog.

EVERETT, Wash. (AP) -- Prosecutors in Washington state say an 18-year-old woman stabbed a 19-year-old man for teasing her that her feet smelled. The Herald of Everett reported the man was found by police with a steak knife sticking out of his back, buried a few inches in. His lung had collapsed. Officials said he'll recover.

Charging papers said trouble started when Dallas Amber Smith was drinking and hanging out with friends and was challenged to do a back flip. When she took off her shoes to do the back flip, the teasing started.

Smith had no criminal history. She faces charges of second-degree assault with a deadly weapon.

 
(Sept. 10) -- Six years ago, GoldenPalace.com, an online casino, made headlines when it won an eBay auction and paid $28,000 for a half-eaten, 10-year-old grilled cheese sandwich that bore a striking resemblance to the Virgin Mary. The sandwich was a miracle, some said. Now, though, anyone can make one.

A Vermont man named Galen P. Dively III has introduced a toaster that sears the image of Christ on each and every slice it toasts.

Call it a miracle! Or just call it the Jesus Toaster.

Retailing for $39.95, the revelatory toaster uses patented radiated heat technology to toast the face of Christ on any variety of daily bread, from plain white to whole grain.

Shroud of Turin, meet Slice of Wonder.

Thanks to the new Jesus Toaster, you can have the body of Christ with your daily bread.

The Jesus Toaster went on sale Wednesday at Dively's website, jesustoasters.com Dively has deep faith in Jesus Toasters. He's ordered an initial run of 3,000 units from a factory in China and believes the toasters will be a big hit with church and school groups. His company, Burnt Impressions, also has plans to create Virgin Mary and Star of David toasters.

The Jesus Toaster isn't the only toaster to burn images on slices of bread. Sports fans can get ProToast toasters, from Pangea Brands, which offer up the logos of NFL, MLB and NBA teams.

Dively originally looked into manufacturing team logo toasters, but he found the licensing fees to be prohibitive -- which is why he turned to Jesus.

"There are no licensing fees with Jesus," Dively explained. "He loves everybody!"

As Dively spreads the word about his toaster, his work, he believes is serving a higher purpose.

"I consider it cheap PR for the Lord," he said.



I’m Craig, and that’s the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

(Last Saskatchewan Pirate – Arrogant Worms Clip 53)

Bring on Face:

Have you forgiven Alex Barron?
Jets and the Mexican Reporter
Clinton Portis makes comments



Magnificent Seven: Top 7 Pirate phrases AND Top 7 Pirates:

7. Lubber / Land-Lubber – A non-sailor

6. Piece of Eight/Doubloon – Either way, it sounds cool – It was a Spanish Gold
Coin.

5. Me Hearties – The way a pirate captain would address his crew.

4. Avast! - "Hey!" Could be used as "Stop that!" or "Who goes there?" Works best with “Ye Matey!” attached.

3. Keelhaul -- Punishment by dragging under the ship, from one side to the other. The victim of a keelhauling would be half-drowned, or worse, and lacerated by the barnacles that grew beneath the ship.

2. Davey Jones’ locker – The bottom of the sea (Surprisingly, NOT the locker of the Colorado Avalanche’s right winger)

1. Arrrrgh!!

Pirate Music: Traighli Bay – Tanglefoot – (Clip 51) – 5:25

A sailor meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The sailor notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.

The sailor asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."

"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."

"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"

Top 7 Pirates of All time:

Honorable Mention:
Captain Morgan
The Flying Dutchman
Patchy the Pirate
Smee
Errol Flynn

The Top Seven:
7. Al Davis (Clip 67) – It’s important to remember that although they are romanticized now, Pirates were generally despicable usually insane and ALWAYS lowlifes…Al Davis fits in perfectly with all that! Plus, Al is old enough that there is a chance he actually sailed in the days of the pirates.
6. The Dog in the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland
5. Roberto Clemente
4. Jack Sparrow – (Clip 64)
3. Bucco Bruce – (The Buccaneer’s old logo)
2. Cap’n Crunch – (Marty B – Cap’n Crunch rap – Clip 62)
1. Captain Hook – (Clip 61)


Phone Call with Aaron Young – (Clip 60)


The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
A Pirate Looks at Forty 3:52(Clip 54) – Jimmy Buffet

Thanks to: (Whoever called)


Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
 


Week in Wankery:

Yellow Card:


Man of the Match:


Red Card



(Clip 92) Onion News story about the Hamburglar.

Magnificent 7: Top Seven McDonalds Characters
7. Birdie the Early Bird - She was the first identifiably female character, introduced in February 1980 to promote the company's new breakfast items. She is a yellow bird wearing a pink jumpsuit and flight cap and scarf. In the ads she is frequently portrayed as a poor flyer, and somewhat clumsy in general. Birdie's origin is explained in one old commercial: a giant egg falls from the night sky into McDonaldland, and Ronald McDonald decides to show the egg love.

6. Ronald McDonald – The original Ronald was actually Willard Scott.

5. Uncle O'Grimacey - He was created in 1977 and even appeared in 1986 for an advertising narrative of McDonald's both in celebration of Saint Patrick's Day and to mark the annual appearance of the Shamrock Shake. O'Grimacey is the Irish uncle of the character Grimace and is a variant of the Grimace-design in that he is green instead of purple, sports a frock coat covered with several four-leaf clovers, and carries a shillelagh. His design motif is not unlike that of a stereotypical depiction of the Irish folkloric leprechaun. O'Grimacey resides in his home country for eleven months of the year and visits his nephew Grimace in March, bringing with him his "incredibly delicious" shake. Uncle O'Grimacey is no longer used by the chain for its promotions of the shake.

4. Fry Guys - They are characters used to promote McDonald's french fries. When they first appeared in 1972, they were called Gobblins and liked to steal and gobble up the other characters' french fries. Accompanying them was the "Keep Your Eyes on Your Fries" jingle. Their name was later changed to the Fry Guys in 1983, then the Fry Kids in 1987, as female characters (the "Fry Girls") were introduced. They are differently-colored, shaggy, ball-like creatures with long legs and no arms, almost resembling a pom-pon with legs and eyes.

3. Hamburglar

2. Grimace - Grimace is a large, purple character who was first introduced in November 1971 as the "Evil Grimace". In his first two appearances, he was depicted with two pairs of arms with which to steal milkshakes and sodas. "Evil" was soon dropped from his moniker, and he was reintroduced in 1972 as one of the good guys. In 1974, he was redesigned, going from two pairs of arms to the single pair he has today. His role continued to grow, and by the mid 1970s, he was a major character in McDonaldland. Commercials and merchandise generally portray Grimace as a well-meaning simpleton whose clumsy antics provide a comic foil to Ronald McDonald.

1. Mayor McCheese - Mayor McCheese was an enormous cheeseburger who appeared from 1971–1985, he has a burger for a head, and sports a top hat, a diplomat's sash, and a pair of pince-nez spectacles. He is portrayed as a giggly, bumbling, somewhat incompetent mayor.



Patron- Does this library have any information of King Malcolm the Tenth?
Reference Librarian – You mean the King from the play, Macbeth?
P – No I mean the civil rights leader.
RL – Oh, you mean Malcolm X.

P- Do you have a videotape of Abraham Lincoln giving the Gettysburg address?
RL – No, we don’t.
P – You should get it. You have Bush on tape, and Lincoln was a greater President.
RL – Thanks for that historical analysis.

P- Do you have a good English translation of Hamlet?
RL – Yes, it’s by a man named William Shakespeare…very close to the original.

P – Who invented the time machine?
RL – H.G. Wells

P – I need information on the car BMW. How do you spell it?
RL – Go to the head of the class…you just did.

P – Why were so many Civil War battles fought in national parks?
RL – Trees provided great protection from bullets.

P – Do you have an audio tape of live dinosaur sounds?
RL – No, but you might want to try the zoo.

P – I need information on the woman named Rosetta Stone.
RL – Good luck. Let me know when you find it.

P- I need books on youth in Africa.
RL – You need books on young people in Africa?
P – No I need books about killing old people and vegetables.
RL – Oh, you have the wrong continent. That’s youth in Asia.

P – Is the correct term Swiss or Swedish?
RL – Yes.

P – I want to get the Gutenberg Bible on inter-library loan.
RL – That depends. Will you pay the shipping costs?

P – Do you have a copy of the Jerusalem newspaper on the day Jesus was born?
RL – No, but it might be on microfiche.

P- I need a book on impudence.
RL – Can you be more specific?
P – My husband can’t sustain an erection.

P – I need a cookbook for preparing dog food.
RL – You mean like kibbles and bits?
P – No for preparing a roast dachshund.

P – Is this library a government suppository?
RL – Sometimes it seems like it is.

P – I need a biography of a prehistoric man.
RL – How about Ralph the Hairy?