Greetings and Salutations, people! - It’s the only place Face Ventura goes to for news…THIS is Vertically Striped Radio. I am you mustacheless host, Craig Dodge and after a week hiatus, once again, we’re back for another episode of Vertically Striped Radio.
Today on VSR – It’s time to put some wankers in their place, it’s time to weigh in on the Chilean Miners, it’s time to try and figure out what goes through the mind of Brett Favre, and most importantly…We’ve debated weighty issues before, but today we tackle one of the most serious topics of our day. The Magnificent 7 – Top 7 Breakfast Cereals on a very special VSR.
Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1
To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com
Twitter: @socnorb777
Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
MIAMI (AP) -- A Georgia man was arrested at the Miami International Airport after he allegedly got on the baggage claim carousel and rode it into a secure area.
Authorities said 40-year-old Bradley Ray Bromelow, from Alpharetta, Ga., filmed people watching him as he moved on the conveyor belt Thursday. He faces a charge of trespassing into a secured area at the airport where signs are posted.
The Transportation Security Administration is reviewing the matter to determine if he will receive any fine.
Bromelow bonded out of jail early Friday morning.
ROCKFORD, Mich. (AP) -- A southwest Michigan couple shouldn't have too hard a time remembering their children's birthdays. After all, it's as easy as eight, nine, 10. Or more specifically, 8/8/8, 9/9/9 and 10/10/10.
Chad and Barbie Soper's three kids were born on those dates. The most recent, Cearra Nicole, was born this past Sunday.
Barbie Soper, 36, said she often is asked whether the couple manipulated the birth dates. The answer is no. Well, sort of.
The Sopers' first child, Chloe Corrin, arrived exactly on the couple's due date. But the second baby, Cameron Dane, was born with induced labor ahead of the Sept. 20 due date.
Cearra came early because Soper's physician wanted to prevent potential health complications. The original due date was Nov. 4.
"At some point, probably 20 weeks into the pregnancy, we decided it was better for her to deliver early," Dr. Andrew Van Slooten told The Grand Rapids Press. "There is this window we had. We definitely had the option to shoot for that (Oct. 10) day and did.
"But it wasn't like delivering her three weeks early just to hit that date."
Soper told the newspaper she's excited about her children's unique birth dates and that they "all get to share in it."
The big question, though, is: What are the chances of an 11/11/11 baby?
"Definitely no," Soper said. " ... We wanted three, and I'm glad we have that."
FRAMINGHAM, Mass. (AP) -- A Massachusetts man is facing an assault charge for allegedly hitting a town hall custodian on the back of the head with a roll of toilet paper because he was angry the cleaning man was whistling while he worked.
Framingham police say 55-year-old Allen Kerner was in town hall Wednesday using the bathroom. The custodian, who didn't realize anyone was in the restroom, whistled as he replenished toilet paper rolls.
The custodian told police he was in a stall when he was struck. Kerner yelled at him about whistling and fled. The custodian pursued him, and Kerner was apprehended by police outside.
Police tell The MetroWest Daily News that Kerner will be summoned to court to face an assault and battery charge.
I’m Craig, and that’s the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
Bring on Face:
Chilean Miners: (Clip 94)
-Somehow Face had no idea until the miners were being lifted out
-Part of the reason I think it was so good is because of the video feed. The video was so good, it didn’t need the talking heads…thankfully the link I was watching that didn’t have talking heads
-The Chilean President – Dude deserves some serious kudos.
-Mario Sepulveda – The 2nd dude out, jumping into the crowd to lead the Chi Chi Chi cheer, pulling out rocks to hand to the rescue workers, hugging the Chilean president.
-Yonni Barrios - the dude who’s wife and mistress met at the top.
-Sadly, both women were cows.
-Apparently, he’s insane, as he wanted both of them to show up at the top.
-His wife didn’t show at the top.
-Face and I both were hoping that his wife would be there and that she’d slap
him.
-How good would it have been if both woman HAD been at the top.
People care about the weirdest crap:
Gap changed it’s logo for about ten minutes. Apparently public outrage was so huge that they changed it back within a few days.
Brett Favre –
-Pants on the Ground – (Clip 91) It was just over a year ago that Brett Favre broke this out after a victory over the Cowboys…I’m not sure this could be funnier in light of recent events in Favre’s life.
-Favre Voicemails – (Clip 93) Is this just a mega-douche, a completely un-self aware man, a sexual predator, a creep, or what? I can’t understand what happened here, and I can’t help but think we’re missing a LOT of story here.
-Favre and Mel Gibson – (Clip 92)
-Ole Miss chose a mascot: Rather than the epic win that would have been picking Admiral Ackbar, they chose a Bear. Weak.
Baseball Playoffs: Why are we celebrating each round of the playoffs with Champaign in the locker room? It’d be like if NFL teams popped the cork after winning in the divisional round or something. So dumb.
Are you uncomfortable entering Wal-Mart? We have a greeter at my local Wal-Mart who makes me super deluxe uncomfortable when I walk in.
Magnificent Seven: Top 7 Breakfast Cereals:
Hot Cereal? I love my wife, but she just doesn’t understand. I told her we were going to do Top 7 Breakfast Cereals, and she started talking about Oatmeal and Cream of Wheat. For the record: Hot Cereal is not really cereal, and is ineligible for this list.
Malt-o-Meal – Not eligible for my list. A cereal has to have it’s own box. Homeless Cereal in a bag is just sad. At least 10% of a cereal’s value is being able to read the box.
I was amazed how many cereals used to have the word “Sugar” in their titles:
-Sugar Pops turned into Corn Pops
-Sugar Crisp turned into Golden Crisp
-Sugar Frosted Flakes dropped the Sugar and just became Frosted Flakes
-Sugar Smacks became Honey Smacks
Intriguing Cereals I came across during my research:
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Cereal
The California Raisins Cereal
Circus Fun Cereal
Crazy Cow
Dinersaurs Cereal
Donkey Kong Crunch
Donkey Kong Jr Cereal
E.T. Cereal
Flutie Flakes
Ghostbusters Cereal
Homer’s Cinnamon Donut Cereal
Ice Cream Cones Cereal
Kaboom! Cereal (With an exclamation point)
Monopoly Cereal
Mr. T Cereal
Nerds Cereal
Oreo O’s
Product 19 – Just a terrible name.
Smurf Berry Crunch
Urkel O’s
Dishonorable Mentions:
Wheaties – Tastes like you are eating straight grains of wheat – gross.
Grape Nuts – Cereal should not look and taste like gravel
Honorable Mentions:
Cupcake Pebbles
Rice Crispies
Fruit Loops
Kix
Frankenberry
The Magnificent 7:
7. Cinnamon Toast Crunch
6. Cracklin’ Oat Bran
5. Apple Jacks
4. Raisin Bran
3. Frosted Flakes
2. Cap’n Crunch with Crunchberries
1. Boo Berry
CNN revealed the census bureau’s findings of the highest and lowest percentage of people with college degrees
Smartest:
1. Washington DC
2. San Francisco
3. San Jose, CA
4. Raleigh, NC
5. Boston
6. Austin, TX
7. Minneapolis, MN
8. Denver
9. Seattle
10. New York
Dumbest:
1. Riverside, CA
2. Las Vegas
3. Memphis
4. Tampa
5. San Antonio, TX
6. Louisville, KY
7. New Orleans
8. Detroit
9. Orlando
10. Cleveland
Week in Wankery:
Yellow Card:
-Woman who almost killed me backing up in the grocery story parking lot
-The Eye Doctor – Bright lights while dilated for pictures were painful.
-The Woman talking at full volume on her cell phone during the first five minutes of the play I attended last night.
Man of the Match:
3 Winners this week:
-Jerry “Larry” Fairish – Hooking me up with a sweet Avs long-sleeved T-shirt.
-My cousin Tawni – Hooking me up with a ticket for the Broncos-Jets game
-My unknown friend in a Jeep – I was driving down Arapahoe Road on Thursday when this hero flashed his lights at me several times. I figured he may be trying to warm me of a speed trap, so I slowed down. I had been going 15 over the limit, but I slowed to the speed limit, and the motorcycle cop on the median just let me fly on by.
Red Card
-The Play that I went to last night. “Something Wicked this way comes” by Ray Bradbury. Ugh, it was so terrible.
-Ward M Vining – Dude who came up with the name for the Denver Broncos
The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
Mute Math – “Stall Out” (Clip 88)
Thanks to: (Whoever called)
Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
(Clip 40) Onion News story about the Hamburglar.
Magnificent 7: Top Seven McDonalds Characters
7. Birdie the Early Bird - She was the first identifiably female character, introduced in February 1980 to promote the company's new breakfast items. She is a yellow bird wearing a pink jumpsuit and flight cap and scarf. In the ads she is frequently portrayed as a poor flyer, and somewhat clumsy in general. Birdie's origin is explained in one old commercial: a giant egg falls from the night sky into McDonaldland, and Ronald McDonald decides to show the egg love.
6. Ronald McDonald – The original Ronald was actually Willard Scott.
5. Uncle O'Grimacey - He was created in 1977 and even appeared in 1986 for an advertising narrative of McDonald's both in celebration of Saint Patrick's Day and to mark the annual appearance of the Shamrock Shake. O'Grimacey is the Irish uncle of the character Grimace and is a variant of the Grimace-design in that he is green instead of purple, sports a frock coat covered with several four-leaf clovers, and carries a shillelagh. His design motif is not unlike that of a stereotypical depiction of the Irish folkloric leprechaun. O'Grimacey resides in his home country for eleven months of the year and visits his nephew Grimace in March, bringing with him his "incredibly delicious" shake. Uncle O'Grimacey is no longer used by the chain for its promotions of the shake.
4. Fry Guys - They are characters used to promote McDonald's french fries. When they first appeared in 1972, they were called Gobblins and liked to steal and gobble up the other characters' french fries. Accompanying them was the "Keep Your Eyes on Your Fries" jingle. Their name was later changed to the Fry Guys in 1983, then the Fry Kids in 1987, as female characters (the "Fry Girls") were introduced. They are differently-colored, shaggy, ball-like creatures with long legs and no arms, almost resembling a pom-pon with legs and eyes.
3. Hamburglar
2. Grimace - Grimace is a large, purple character who was first introduced in November 1971 as the "Evil Grimace". In his first two appearances, he was depicted with two pairs of arms with which to steal milkshakes and sodas. "Evil" was soon dropped from his moniker, and he was reintroduced in 1972 as one of the good guys. In 1974, he was redesigned, going from two pairs of arms to the single pair he has today. His role continued to grow, and by the mid 1970s, he was a major character in McDonaldland. Commercials and merchandise generally portray Grimace as a well-meaning simpleton whose clumsy antics provide a comic foil to Ronald McDonald.
1. Mayor McCheese - Mayor McCheese was an enormous cheeseburger who appeared from 1971–1985, he has a burger for a head, and sports a top hat, a diplomat's sash, and a pair of pince-nez spectacles. He is portrayed as a giggly, bumbling, somewhat incompetent mayor.
Patron- Does this library have any information of King Malcolm the Tenth?
Reference Librarian – You mean the King from the play, Macbeth?
P – No I mean the civil rights leader.
RL – Oh, you mean Malcolm X.
P- Do you have a videotape of Abraham Lincoln giving the Gettysburg address?
RL – No, we don’t.
P – You should get it. You have Bush on tape, and Lincoln was a greater President.
RL – Thanks for that historical analysis.
P- Do you have a good English translation of Hamlet?
RL – Yes, it’s by a man named William Shakespeare…very close to the original.
P – Who invented the time machine?
RL – H.G. Wells
P – I need information on the car BMW. How do you spell it?
RL – Go to the head of the class…you just did.
P – Why were so many Civil War battles fought in national parks?
RL – Trees provided great protection from bullets.
P – Do you have an audio tape of live dinosaur sounds?
RL – No, but you might want to try the zoo.
P – I need information on the woman named Rosetta Stone.
RL – Good luck. Let me know when you find it.
P- I need books on youth in Africa.
RL – You need books on young people in Africa?
P – No I need books about killing old people and vegetables.
RL – Oh, you have the wrong continent. That’s youth in Asia.
P – Is the correct term Swiss or Swedish?
RL – Yes.
P – I want to get the Gutenberg Bible on inter-library loan.
RL – That depends. Will you pay the shipping costs?
P – Do you have a copy of the Jerusalem newspaper on the day Jesus was born?
RL – No, but it might be on microfiche.
P- I need a book on impudence.
RL – Can you be more specific?
P – My husband can’t sustain an erection.
P – I need a cookbook for preparing dog food.
RL – You mean like kibbles and bits?
P – No for preparing a roast dachshund.
P – Is this library a government suppository?
RL – Sometimes it seems like it is.
P – I need a biography of a prehistoric man.
RL – How about Ralph the Hairy?
“The League” – 32 Teams made up of random and goofy team names for some unknown purpose
Pirates
Ninjas
Monkeys
Robots
Gorillas
Yetis
Dinosaurs
Moose
Nuts - Ed
Scary Kids - Ed
Dragons - Amiezin
Scorpions – Richie
Razor Blades - Richie
Geckos – HPG
The Blaster Girls
The Fightin' Feeny's
The Okeydokeys
The Jacuzzi Petes
The Swishy Arms
The One-Man-House-Bands
The Big Fans
Bandits – dawgpound81
Outlaws – dawgpound81
Octopi – The Whale
Gigawatts – The Whale
Turbines – The Whale
Scythes – The Whale
Bongs – The Whale
The Billy Goats – StreetDreamer83
The Trains – StreetDreamer83
The Bootleggers – StreetDreamer83
The Amigos – StreetDreamer83
(Bonaduce Sux – Aaron Young) Just a few random names that popped up:
Hillbillies
Afterburners
Sequoias/Redwoods
Jungle
Cattlemen
Pedophiles
Printmakers
Golden Cattle
Erections
Field Mice
Beastmasters
Tornadoes – The Ryan
California Chuck - Larry
Mississippi Mitch - Larry
Cardsfan:
Lemon Bars
Freudian Slips
Monte Cristos
Rapscallions
Neerdowellers
Layabouts
Loafers
Skivers
Spendthrifts
Rageaholics
Photo Dimers
Photo Bombers
Cow Pie Chuckers
Mad Hatters
Blue Quarks
The Diablos – The Ed
Mighty Turtles – The Ed
Dirty Sanchez – The Ed (Gross)
Anal Intruders – The Ed (Even more gross)
Weasels
-NSMaster56
South Carolina Traffic Violations (abbreviation SCTV)
C.H.U.D.S.
Kalamazoo Kangaroo's
Ypsilanti Yankees
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