Show Prep 114

Greetings and Salutations, people!  Well, 113 Episodes of this show haven’t killed me…let’s see if it’s 114 that does the trick. It’s the most dangerous show on Fake Radio, THIS is Vertically Striped Radio. The Surgeon General recommends you consult a doctor before listening, but you’re just going to be stubborn and listen anyway, aren’t you? My name is Craig Dodge, the Artful Dodger at your service…It’s 3:30 on a lovely Saturday in the Mountain Pine Cone which means VSR is once again ready to roll.

Tweet of the Week:

3rdTriumvirate The3rdTriumvirate 

I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I would love to be a crime fighting BEAR OF BAD NEWS!!!!

Today on VSR – The winds of change were blowing through sports, we’ll talk about some of the changes that took place. We’ve got another edition of “Something to Think About”. We’ll ticket a few wankers, I’ve got a double dose of news if we need it, and I have a new segment to debut with some incredible voice actors…

If you’d like to join in the fun - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1

(Bring on Face)

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

FLORENCE, Ky. – The zombie menace has once again found its way onto a highway sign.

After pranksters switched the message on an electronic road sign, motorists in northern Kentucky were warned this week to watch for zombies along the Interstate 71-75 corridor.

The usual message about upcoming roadwork was changed to: "Nightly lane closures, zombies ahead."

Kentucky Transportation Cabinet spokeswoman Nancy Wood said the Transportation Cabinet learned about the new message midmorning Thursday and turned it off until it can be fixed. Wood said officials are not amused by the prank.

BOULDER, Colo. – Police in Colorado have arrested a 30-year-old man accused of hiding in the tank of a portable toilet at a yoga festival last week.

Kim Kobel of the Boulder police department says Luke Chrisco was arrested during an unrelated panhandling investigation Thursday. Police say an officer noticed his resemblance to the toilet suspect, and Chrisco was taken into custody after he was interviewed by a Boulder detective.

Police believe he was the man discovered in the toilet at the yoga festival in Boulder by a woman who lifted the lid. A man who checked said he saw someone covered in a tarp inside.

A festival security officer says he chased a man who eventually emerged, but the suspect slipped away. The man was covered in human waste.

Chrisco faces misdemeanor charges of unlawful sexual contact and criminal invasion of privacy.

BUFFALO, N.Y. – State police say a man's effort to ditch some drugs from a moving car in western New York didn't exactly go as planned.

Troopers with the state police say 20-year-old Sean Schmidt was standing with his upper body sticking out the sunroof of a vehicle traveling on Interstate 190 in Buffalo late Monday night.

When a trooper following in a state police cruiser activated the car lights to pull the vehicle over, Schmidt tossed a small bag of marijuana out the window to avoid a potential possession charge. Unfortunately for Schmidt, it landed on the hood of the trooper's car.

Troopers say Schmidt was ticketed for marijuana possession and not wearing a seatbelt.

I’m Craig, and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

The Winds of Change: (Clip 19)

Big time sports changes this week: Bills, Predators, and (Hooray) Winnipeg Jets Ron Artest is changing his name to Metta World Peace (Ron Artest has officially lost his mind.)

The text-to-speech players:

A Few Good Men (Clip 42)

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (Clip 43)

The Empire Strikes Back (Clip 44)

Bull Durham (Clip 45)

Jack White 6^th Anniversary/Divorce Party:

I’ve heard of amicable divorces, but this is taking it to a whole new level.

One Day after Mike Dell did Part II of the LCS White Stripes Tribute, Jack White pulled this…

Karen Elson and Jack White kindly request the presence of GUEST at a party to celebrate their 6^th Anniversary, and their upcoming divorce with a positive swing bang hum dinger. The Party will include dancing, photos, memories, and drinks with alcohol in them. This is only for close personal friends and family so please no plus ones or dead beats. Please help us celebrate together this anniversary of the making and breaking of the sacred union of marriage with our best friends and animals.

Something to Think About!

1. I want whoever does PR for ladybugs to talk me up. That is good marketing right there.

2. Whoever invented the box for Uno cards needs to be scolded.

3. Enough with Octopuses predicting things. (Paula the Octopus – Women’s World Cup.)

4. I am a sports sexist

5. In-N-Out may be expanding! Allegedly they are opening a new regional office in Dallas

6. I have a new addiction: Lego Mini-Figurines – Like baseball cards

7. Who is your spirit Muppet?

Mike Dell and Larry Fairish – Stadler and Waldorf

Craig Dodge – Either Kermit the Frog or Fozzie Bear

Face – Rowlf the Dog

The Ed – The Swedish Chef

The Ryan – Lew Zeland (The guy who throws the boomerang fish)

Amiezin – Sam the Eagle

4^th and 26 – Scooter

Jim Iovino – Zoot

99% Invisible – Sounds of the Art (Clip 38)

The Week in Wankery

Tarbells closing

Whole Foods – Compost, Trash, and Recycle bins. Garbage should not be a multiple choice quiz.

Work Air Conditioning – Welcome to Ice Station Zebra

Amazon.com customers

Mystery Neighbor who wrote a letter about our dogs

Sharp Dressed Man (Intro-Clip 19) - (The Whale’s Voicemail) (Clip 46)

Voice Mail – 720-CUB-1-ACE (720-282-1223)

"Hey ... well calling ... a long drive here the festival rockville maryland and I'm looking at a stick your old man riding a John gear riding on where I live here in the background ... he's wearing our insured short cad vendor roddie this riding up on our it's going about the C. V. S. ... Rina at dr Steven hoping that would walk sorry also is coming up so and a blue Cap hey he's ... really Cut the that's a pretty ... Gap or Clark here ... having the store it's about the size of to basketball courts next to each other it's pretty good size and I'll tell you about it got it ... call back 90 degrees outside not"

MORE NEWS!!!

Clip 39 – BS News Report

To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com

Voice Mail – 720-CUB-1-ACE (720-282-1223)

Twitter: @socnorb777

Remember – Next week we will be discussing “The Parking Lot Movie”

Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:

Hellogoodbye – Would it kill you? (Clip 90)

Shalom and Good Evening to you all!

(Clip 98 – Info Outro)

Show Prep 113

Greetings and Salutations, people!  This is the radio show equivalent of Mike Tyson’s face tattoo, you are listening to Vertically Striped Radio.

Tweet of the Week:

robdelaney rob delaney 

"You smell better in person than I expected." - I get this a lot

Today on VSR – A crazy woman or perhaps just a good performance artist, a bedtime story fit for the Ed to read, and a Magnificent Seven list of our Top 7 Favorite Movie Characters.

Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1

(Bring on Face)

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

SAN FRANCISCO – A University of New Mexico football player's saggy pants led to his arrest and removal from an airplane at San Francisco International Airport, authorities said Thursday.

Deshon Marman, 20, was boarding a flight Wednesday to Albuquerque, N.M., when a U.S. Airways employee noticed his pants were below his buttocks, and his boxer shorts were showing, Sgt. Michael Rodriguez of the San Francisco Police Department told the San Francisco Chronicle.

Marman refused the employee's request to pull up his pants and failed to immediately comply when she asked him to get off the plane, Rodriguez said, adding Marman injured a police officer when he was being arrested.

The football player was arrested on suspicion of trespassing, battery of a police officer and obstruction of a police investigation, Rodriguez told The Associated Press.

Marman's mother, Donna Doyle, told the newspaper her son was emotionally fragile after attending the funeral of his close friend, who died 11 days after being shot.

Marman was being held in San Mateo County Jail while prosecutors determine whether to file charges, Rodriguez said.

US Airways spokeswoman Valerie Wunder said the airline's dress code forbids indecent exposure or inappropriate attire.

KUALA LUMPUR (Reuters) – A handshake wasn't enough for two Malaysian neighbors embroiled in a lengthy and bitter feud sparked by complaints over barking dogs -- the two actually signed a peace treaty.

The three-year battle began when one of the men complained to the police in Malaysia's southern Johor state, where they lived, about his neighbor's noisy dogs, the Star newspaper reported.

The dog owner retaliated by playing loud music at night, throwing cans of paint into his neighbor's house and driving his car into the gate. His neighbor filed a counter complaint about the music.

When both men decided to end the feud recently, they opted for a signed peace deal or "Memorandum of Understanding" to keep each other in check.

One of the main points in the peace deal, brokered by a public complaints bureau, is that the dog owner has to find a way to minimize barking at night.

"If either of the two men decides to break the Memorandum of Understanding, the other can bring this document and present it either to the police or in court," said mediator Michael Tay.

"I hope both men can live in peace with each other."

KABUL, Afganistan (Reuters) – Afghanistan's booming car sales industry has been thrown into chaos by a growing aversion to the number "39," which almost overnight has become an unlikely synonym for pimp and a mark of shame in this deeply conservative country.

Drivers of cars with number plates containing 39, bought before the once-harmless double digits took on their new meaning, are mocked and taunted across Kabul.

"Now even little kids say 'look, there goes the 39'. This car is a bad luck, I can't take my family out in it," said Mohammad Ashraf who works for a United Nations project.

Other "39" owners flew into a rage or refused to speak when asked whether their car was a burden.

No one is quite sure why the number became so contaminated so fast, but Kabul gossip blames a pimp in neighboring Iran, which shares a common language with much of Afghanistan.

His flashy car had a 39 in its number plate, the story goes, so he was nicknamed "39" and the tag spread.

The shunning of 39 comes just weeks after drivers raced to remove rainbow decorations that were spotted on imported cars and became fashionable until conservative Afghans learnt they were also gay pride symbols.

Dealers say thousands of dollars of stock is now sitting unwanted in their yards, with even a prime condition vehicle almost unsaleable if its plates bear the now-hated numerals.

Salesman Mohammad Jawed's concerns about a "39" Toyota corolla he bought months ago for $10,000 are typical.

"No one wants to buy this car anymore, even though I would sell it now for $6,000 now," he said despairingly.

COINCIDENCE OR GREED "39?"

The head of the union of car dealers in Kabul, Najibullah Amiri, blames corrupt police officers for fanning the trend.

The issue has gained prominence just as number plates for Afghan cars -- which carry five digits -- rolled over from the series that starts with 38, to a new series that starts with 39.

Amiri said officials at the police traffic department charge buyers between $200 and $500 to change a "39" number plate for a new car to something less offensive.

"It is a scheme by the police traffic department to earn money from buyers," he told Reuters in his office in a dusty car sales lot in the western outskirts of Kabul.

Akbar Khan, deputy chief executive of Kabul's Traffic Police rejects the charge of corruption and blames the capital's residents for taking something unimportant too seriously.

"This was stirred up by the residents of Herat and passed on to Kabul. I think it's nonsense," Khan told Reuters. Herat is a bustling city near the Iranian border, and an auto import hub.

He admitted however that the aversion to 39 has affected the registration of new cars, mandatory before imported vehicles can take to the crowded streets of Kabul.

"Before the 39 (series began), we issued 70 to 80 registration plates to customers each day, but nowadays there are only two or three coming in," Khan said.

I’m Craig, and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Bring on The Whale:

Mark Cuban may not get rings: (Clip 40) Can’t decide if this is stupid or genius.

E-Harmony Video – Gotta be a Fake, or else this chick REALLY loves cats. I hear a snicker in the clip towards the end which makes me think this is totally a gag, but it’s either a completely insane woman or else good performance art. (Clip 39)

Magnificent Seven: Our 7 Favorite Movie Characters

Indiana Jones – Indiana Jones

Han Solo – Star Wars

Clark Griswald – Vacation

Rocky – Rocky

Keyser Soze – The Usual Suspects

Peter Venkman – Ghostbusters

Red – The Shawshank Redemption

Hannibal Lector – Silence of the Lambs

The Dude – The Big Lebowski

Maximus Decimus Meridius – Gladiator

Darth Vader – Star Wars

Col. Nathan Jessup – A Few Good Men

Rick Blaine – Casablanca

The Joker – The Dark Knight

Teddy KGB - Rounders

7. Cameron Frye – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off – Alan Ruck

6. Anton Chigurh – No Country For Old Men – Javier Bardem

5. Willy Wonka – Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory – Gene Wilder

4. Irwin M Fletcher – Fletch – Chevy Chase

3. Stanley Spadowski – UHF – Michael Richards

2. Walter Sobchak – The Big Lebowski – John Goodman

1. Cool Hand Luke – Cool Hand Luke – Paul Newman

I have found the bedtime story Ed must read to the baby, performed by Samuel L Jackson, naturally – (Clip  37 – Go the F to sleep)

To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com

Voice Mail – 720-CUB-1-ACE

Twitter: @socnorb777

Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:

Jay J Matott and the Arctic – Wolf’s Blood (Clip 91)

Shalom and Good Evening to you all!

Show Prep 112

Greetings and Salutations, people!  Welcome to the first ever “explicit” rated show in the history of VSR. I am your host Craig Dodge, and this is an emotional day here in the VSR radio dojo. It’s our Feelings episode. You’ll see what I mean when I say that soon enough…but first, let’s get on with the normal proceedings.

Tweet of the Week:

3rdTriumvirate The3rdTriumvirate 

If i had to be stuck on a desert island with three people. I'd probably choose two homosexual shipbuilders and Scarlett Johansson.

Today on VSR – As stated before, this is the “Feelings” episode, and items on the agenda include:  My exclusive interview with Fourth and 26 and his girlfriend, nay, FIANCEE. The most explicit thing I have ever played on the fake radio airwaves…but which I wanted to include because it was the best example for “anger” that also still made me laugh. And the show will finish up with quite possibly the saddest story I have ever heard.

Before all that, a salute to my beautiful bride, we celebrated 11 years together last night with a dinner at a place called Mataam Fez, a Moroccan restaurant in Denver. Quite the experience. Sitting on pillows, table that was 18 inches off the ground, no silverware, blankets draped from the ceiling and fancy rugs EVERYWHERE. Felt like you were a Persian king eating in an old time tent from the Biblical times. They spritzed rosewater on you at the end and poored a pitcher of water over your hands to clean them when you first arrive. At the very beginning of the meal they give you a towel to place over your left shoulder. It’s a weird, but fun dining experience.

Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1

I’m going to try something new, because I think it’d be good to get Face’s input on the news…especially one story today.

(Bring on Face)

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

WELLINGTON (AFP) – New Zealand prisoners are reportedly being offered carrot sticks to help them overcome nicotine cravings as jails prepare to go smoke-free next month.

A leaked internal memo from Invercargill Prison said prisoners were being supplied with two carrot sticks a day in an effort to make them quit smoking before the total ban comes into force on July 1, the Southland Times reported.

The memo said one jumbo-sized carrot could yield 16 carrot sticks if cut into uniform size "to the best of our ability", the newspaper reported on Tuesday.

Corrections Association of New Zealand president Beven Hanlon said when he first heard about the scheme he thought it was a joke.

"I don't think it is one of the best ideas but it is worth a try," he told the newspaper.

Hanlon, whose union represents prison wardens, said the carrot sticks were intended to take prisoners' minds off smoking and they were a healthier alternative to other options, such as hard-boiled sweets.

"It's the whole oral thing... if they have got something in their mouth, they won't be looking for a cigarette to put in it," he said.

KANSAS CITY, Mo (Reuters Life!) – Police in a suburb in the state of Missouri recently encountered one tough alligator -- or so they thought.

Officers in Independence, a Kansas City suburb, responded to a call on a Saturday evening about a large alligator lurking on the embankment of a pond, police spokesman Tom Gentry said Thursday.

An officer called a state conservation agent, who advised him to shoot the alligator because there was little that conservation officials could do at that time, Gentry said.

As instructed an officer shot the alligator, not once but twice, but both times the bullets bounced off -- because the alligator was made of cement.

The property owner told police later that he placed the ornamental gator by the pond to keep children away. But residents had little to fear.

"There are no alligators around here, we are too far north, it's too cold," said Bill Graham, spokesman for the Missouri Department of Conservation.

Gentry acknowledged the incident is drawing a lot of attention.

"In hindsight, it's humorous," he said. "But we have to take every call seriously."

You never know what you might find in New Mexico. If you smell something terrible, it could LITERALLY be just about anything.

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. – New Mexico authorities are making a stink after an odor wafting from a New Mexico property lead them to a foul discovery — dozens of dead animals, including the remains of a rhino named Sally.

Authorities plan to cite, Ruben Saavedra, (Suh-Ved-Dra)

with illegally stockpiling animal carcasses after finding two dozen sheep, three horses, and the rhinoceros on the Albuquerque property.

Ruben, who operates an animal disposal service, said Thursday that personal problems caused him to get behind on his work.

"So I know I did wrong, but we're remedying the problem," he said.

Ruben says he took the carcasses to an animal interment site — where Sally, a 44-year-old zoo rhino euthanized in December, was laid to rest — and that authorities watched.

Saavedra faces a fine and jail time.

So if you live in New Mexico, and you smell a terrible smell…it could quite possibly a decomposing rhinoceros.

I’m Craig, and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Bring on The Whale:

Happiness: (Clip 37 – Josh and Holly)

Fear: (Clip 38 – Story about the woman hiking in the Colorado mountains and gets a photo of herself sleeping)

Boredom: Face and the 30 team fantasy league

Embarrassment: (Clip 39)

Anger: (Perhaps Disgust or Stupidity)  (Clip 40 – Spurrier/Georgia Fan)

Anger: (Clip 41) – Insubordinate – “Die” (Word of warning about the content.)

Sharp Dressed Man (woman)

(Clip 19)

Light pink stretchy too tight shirt which was working it’s hardest to cover over far too much woman with blubbery bits bubbling out from the bottom and spilling over the top of tight white cloth shorts that were much too short. The pink Crocs were a nice touch. She was leading a large fluffy dog that looked like a cross between a cotton ball, a Labrador and a stick of butter. The piece de resistance was the cigarette that she was sucking on like a lollipop as she held the leash with two hands and tried to issue commands to her dog with her mouth closed as she was dragged down the street by her bloated cotton puff of a dog.

To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com

Voice Mail – 720-CUB-1-ACE

Twitter: @socnorb777

Programming note: No show next Saturday. I’m taking the wife for a weekend away with just the two of us.

Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:

The Gaslight Anthem – Film Noir (Clip 95)

Sadness: (Clip 42)

Shalom and Good Evening to you all!