Show Prep #46

Greetings and Salutations, people. Welcome to radio show for dumb guys who like adverbs very very very very much. This is Vertically Striped Radio. I am your dumb guy trying to play a gag, and I will hopefully be going overboard with adverbs shortly…

I am struggling today, stayed up until 3 last night, helped my buddy move stuff into storage, I’m zapped, so if I sound sleepy, it’s only because I am.


Today on Vertically Striped Radio 4th and 26 is supposed to be making his DAMN radio debut, so we’ll see if he shows up. I’ve got a magnificent 7 list of Seven things that people around me need to STOP doing.

Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1

To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

LONDON (Reuters) – A British university is to hold a conference on Vampires in an effort to counterbalance the "Americanization" of the fictional genre.

Delegates to the University of Hertfordshire's "Open Graves, Open Minds: Vampires and the Undead in Modern Culture" conference to be held on April 16-17 will have their food served to them out of coffins as part of a mission to encourage students of all ages to study literature.

English lecturer Sam George, who has just launched a Master of Arts degree in vampire fiction at Hertfordshire, said the most famous vampire narrative of all, Dracula, was written by Irishman Bram Stoker and set in London and Whitby in Yorkshire, but that now with the "Twilight" saga and "True Blood," modern vampires have become Americanized.

"It's amazing how many British actors have played Dracula on screen," George said in a statement on the university's website. "I aim to put the British vampire back on the map."

George said she is particularly interested in the new teen vampire narratives which act as a useful metaphor for wider teen anxieties about their bodies and the first stirrings of desire.

"The new breed of vampires are far from monstrous, they are glamorous and sexy and have an emotional side," she said. "Their (teenagers') attraction to vampire figures provides a safe way for them to acknowledge these desires."
Conference lectures will be delivered by academics and author Marcus Sedgwick, who writes young adult fiction with a vampire twist.

Panel topics during the two-day event will include "Dracula Lives," "Appetites of the Undead," "Undead Victorians," "Undead Teens," "Politics of the Undead," "UndeadRomance," "The Gay Undead," "Undead TV," "Undead in the New Media," "Identity, Legality and the Undead" and "Gendering the Undead."



LONDON (Reuters) – Two women were arrested at a British airport on suspicion of trying to smuggle a dead relative onto a flight bound for Germany, police said on Tuesday.
The 91-year-old deceased man was pushed in a wheelchair through Liverpool's John Lennon airport wearing sunglasses before check-in staff became suspicious and he was prevented from boarding the plane.
He was believed to have been driven about 35 miles to the airport by taxi from Oldham, Greater Manchester, police added.
The women were arrested on suspicion of failing to give notification of a death and were released on bail.
"At 11 a.m. on Saturday 3 April 2010, police at Liverpool John Lennon airport were alerted to the death of a 91-year-old man in the terminal building," police said in a statement.
"Two women aged 41 and 66 were arrested on suspicion of failing to give notification of death."
The cause of death is not known.

Onion News – Demographer Demographic (Clip 27)
 

COPENHAGEN (Reuters) – A few hundred warehouse workers and drivers at Danish brewer Carlsberg halted work for a second day on Thursday to protest a company decision to limit beer drinking at work to lunch breaks.
The strike in Denmark followed the company's April 1 decision to introduce new rules for employees on beer drinking at work, said Jens Bekke, spokesman at the world no.4 brewer.
"There has been free beer, water and soft drinks everywhere," he said. "Yesterday, beers were removed from all refrigerators. The only place you can get a beer in future is in the canteen, at lunch."
Bekke said drivers retained an old right to three beers per day outside lunch hours, and warehouse workers claimed the same right.
"Because of that, the warehouse staff went on strike yesterday, with other staff striking in sympathy," he said.
Bekke said as many as 800 had walked out on Wednesday, with 250 still on strike on Thursday, and the Confederation of Danish Industry and trade union 3F had agreed to look into the dispute.
He said there would be no shipments from Copenhagen on Thursday, and delays in the rest of the country, but said he expected the financial effect of the strike to be minor.
He added that Carlsberg's trucks have alcohol locks so drivers would not be able to drink too much and drive.


I’m Craig, and that’s the news…(Play News Music – Clip 03)
MAIN TOPIC:



Magnificent 7: Seven things people driving around me need to stop doing.

1. Stopping at a flashing yellow.
2. Stopping at a continuous turn lane.
3. Driving the speed limit or slower in the left lane.
4. Getting over into my lane directly in front of me and then slowing down.
5. Three Words: No turn signal
6. Braking for no logical reason
7. Not pulling into the intersection to turn left when the light is green but you don’t have a green arrow.






Sports Topics:
-NFL OT rule change.
-NCAA Championship Game – Best moment ever if Butler’s half court shot goes in?
-Baseball has started
-Roller Derby Report
-Tiger Woods return –
1. Commercial with his dad. (Clip 23)
2. How great would it be if they did a Masters preview and didn’t ever MENTION Tiger?
-Avalanche are in the playoffs
-Carmelo Anthony collapsed on the court for a minute or so in OKC


The Week in Wankery: (Clip 24)

-Carolla Message Board member omgtifb
-Non-existent bugs in Ellie’s bed (Yellow Card) (Thanks to Grandma saying Sleep tight don’t let the bedbugs bite. However she babysits for free, so she is not eligible for the Yellow Card.)
-The guy in my office who plays this… (Clip 22) “Forever Young” by Alphaville 18 times a day. (Yellow Card)
-Spike Jonze – Where the Wild Things are? TERRIBLE (Yellow Card)
-The NCAA (Red Card)

Wanker of the Week – The people who broke into my parents house this week and stole their stuff.


The guy who scheduled the K-State game at the same time as the birthday party I had committed to. (Red Card)
In case you hadn’t noticed…this is a very special Sunday edition of the show. Why Sunday? Because I am up for father of the year. Or maybe not. The jury is still out. (Tell story of the birthday party, K-State game, listening to the game and then finally running out to the car to get the laptop.)

Man of the Week: Solongo Bars (Random person I email with a cool name.)


Pooping in public: No shame, or hide your feet? (Clip 30 – MM’s rap)

Go Gator! – Corrine Brown (Clip 25)

-Corch
-She has a degree in Public Speaking from the University of Florida
-BS, BCS Championship
-Go Gator
-But also the Athletic School
-Corch Irvin Myers (Urban Meyer)
-Percy Harvey
-She looked like she was ready for a title fight with her bright orange silk robe
-It is clear that the Gators are superb to any other schools with the conferences that we play in.
 

The Rest of the Story
This food belongs to the same animal group as both the spider and the common bug. They were initially thought of as giant hassles that got in the way when people were trying to catch other animals for food in the same region where these animals live
This food is something people used to give to their indentured servants to eat. People were so averse to eating it that they ground it up and used it as fertilizer, instead. Being seen as someone who had to eat this type of food was something you generally didn't tell anyone until at least the third date.
British POWs during the Revolutionary War supposedly revolted over being fed too much of this food, after having apparently developed culinary Stockholm Syndrome from British food. Some states actually had laws against feeding this food to inmates more than a few times a week, on the grounds that it was cruel and unusual punishment, as it was seen as the equivalent of eating rats.
So what is this food? Lobster!
Then How Did it Get So Fancy?
Somebody went and invented the railroad. Soon, rich people from the middle of the country--who were painfully unaware of what was cool--were tricked into buying the sea insects. But after tasting them, they realized that they must have discovered the long lost gatekeeper for butter.
Ironically, lobster is now a commonly requested food for prisoners receiving a last meal before execution, where as back in the day who knows how many last meal requests were something to the effect of, "Anything but more freakin' lobster, ya cruel bastards!"











Movie talk:

-Where the Wild Things Are
-Alice in Wonderland
-How to Train Your Dragon
-Zombieland
-Avatar
-The Road
-The Princess and the Frog
-Julie and Julia
-District 9
-Whip It

Defend Movies:
-Almost Famous
-The Shawshank Redemption
-Fight Club





The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
Andrew Bird – Song: Sovay Album: “Weather Systems”
(Clip 29)

Thanks to: (Whoever called)


Shalom and Good Evening to you all!