Show Prep #31

Grinch Intro (Clip 18) – Arsenic sauce…

Greetings and Salutations, people. This is the big Vertically Striped Radio program, and my name is Craig Dodge. Let me be the first to wish you and yours a very merry Boxing day. Yup, it’s the day after Christmas, and Vertically Striped Radio is here to help you with your Boxing Day celebration. If I had any clue how to celebrate Boxing Day, I’d probably be more helpful in your celebrations. I mean, if it’s Festivus, you put up your aluminum Festivus Pole and have an airing of grievances, if it’s Christmas Eve, you search the skies for Santa and fall asleep with visions of Sugar Plums dancing in your head, if it’s Christmas day, you open presents, but the only thing I know about Boxing Day is that they Celebrate it in Canada. So I guess put on your Maple Leaf adorned clothing, and let’s get this Boxing Day party started!

Of course, Vertically Striped Radio is brought to you by VerticallyStripedSocks.com, your headquarters for Christmas this year. No seriously! On the website this week I’ve had the Grinch song, I’ve had some Emmet Otter Christmas stuff, I’ve posted Linus telling you the real meaning of Christmas, and the coup de gras, of course…I posted the entire 1978 Star Wars holiday special from 1978. Yes, that's right. Star Wars Holiday Special. Apparently in 1978 Star Wars was so popular that they thought it would be a good idea to make a holiday special staring the Star Wars characters.

Don’t get me wrong, the Star Wars Holiday special is so bad that it's terrible. It includes Carrie Fisher (a.k.a. Princess Leia) singing to Wookies as Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill, and assorted droids look on. It is centered around Chewbacca’s family it has his wife named Mala, His uncle Itchy and his son Lumpy. There is a scene where Bea Arthur plays a bartender who gets hit on by a weird old guy that drinks out of the top of his head and then she sings everyone out of the bar because the Empire shut it down. There is a random Star Wars cartoon that is some of the worst animation ever. There are several bizarre songs, and Uncle Itchy is given a present by a friend which can best be described as Wookie porn. Seriously, it’s a black chick dressed up in a fuzzy outfit talking about how she was created to please him. It’s more than a little creepy.

Oh, and there is a Jefferson Starship music video. I don't even know how to describe how horrible this is. There is a very real possibility that this is the dumbest and worst thing ever broadcast on television. And yet, you need to watch it just so you can partake of it's crappiness. It's broken up by the occasional 1978 commercial, and these commercials are possibly more entertaining than the show.

This is maybe the goofiest moment in the history of television, and I mean, what better way to celebrate Christmas and Star Wars than to put them together and mix in a little Jefferson Starship and Bea Arthur. Someone was clearly on some copious amounts of drugs here. This is just as goofy and corny as it sounds, actually it's probably even worse...Yet, you really need to see it for yourself. It’s insane.




Today on Vertically Striped Radio: I’ll try to pick up the pieces of the broken Denver Broncos season after they did just what Ed predicted that they would do, that is…lose to the Raiders. Sigh. Although if there is a bright side to last weekend’s football action, it’s that I defeated Jerry Fairish in fantasy football and not only got to keep my avatar on Dameshek.com, but I got to change his to one featuring “Larry the LCS Guy.” Part of me feels bad for Jerry, but the other part of me laughs hysterically when I see Larry the Cable Guy. Hang in there, LCS Guy…it’s only a few weeks until January 9th! Also on the show today… In honor of Christmas, I’ve got a Magnificent Seven list of the 7 best Christmas songs and I will also explain why I am pro Christmas, but Anti-Santa. Plus, I have a story about a man who has married a game, no really. I’ve also got a ton more stuff which we may or may not get to, but rest assured, I’m ready to roll on the big show today! If you want to join in the program, you can do so by dialing…


Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com



Let’s get to the news…

(Play News Music – Clip 03)

St. Charles Parish, La. – A 44-year-old woman was booked with second-degree battery after allegedly pouring a pot of boiling grits onto her sleeping boyfriend. St. Charles Parish sheriff's deputies said Carolyn Brown caused second-degree burns on the man's face and arms. The man told deputies that he came home from work on Nov. 7, got into an argument with Brown, told her that he was breaking up with her, then went to bed.
The Times-Picayune reported Brown was arrested Wednesday and booked into the Nelson Coleman Correctional Facility.

BEIJING (Reuters) – A man who killed and ate what may have been the last wild Indochinese tiger in China was sentenced to 12 years in jail, local media reported on Tuesday.
Kang Wannian, a villager from Mengla, Yunnan Province, met the tiger in February while gathering freshwater clams in a nature reserve near China's border with Laos. He claimed to have killed it in self-defense.
The only known wild Indochinese tiger in China, photographed in 2007 at the same reserve, has not been seen since Kang's meal, the Yunnan-based newspaper Life News reported earlier this month.
The paper quoted the provincial Forestry Bureau as saying there was no evidence the tiger was the last one in China.
A local court sentenced Kang to 10 years for killing a rare animal plus two years for illegal possession of firearms. Prosecutors said Kang did not need a gun to gather clams.
Four villagers who helped Kang dismember the tiger and ate its meat were also sentenced from three to four years for "covering up and concealing criminal gains," the report said.
Kang was also fined 480,000 yuan ($70,000).
The Indochinese tiger is on the brink of extinction, with fewer than 1,000 left in the forests of Laos, Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand and Myanmar.








TOKYO (Reuters) – A Japanese man has married a character in a popular video game, taking her -- and his handheld game console -- on an overseas honeymoon.
The man, who prefers to use his online moniker SAL9000, met character Nene Anegasaki while playing dating simulation game "Love Plus."
They got married a few weeks ago, broadcasting their ceremony live on Japan's version of video-sharing website Youtube.
SAL9000, who did not want to reveal his real name for fear of being misunderstood, admits to be an "otaku," a breed of Japanese youth obsessed with video games, computers and fantasy worlds.
"In the Japanese otaku or nerd culture, there's a tradition of calling characters my wife, and I sort of thought of Nene as my wife. Since I was calling her that, I thought we'd just have to get married then," he told Reuters Television.
"If more people were to find ways of expressing themselves like this, I think it would make society a bit more interesting."
The newlyweds, who went on a honeymoon to Guam, now go on dates around Tokyo, with SAL9000 taking pictures of Nene, installed in his Nintendo DS, in front of famous landmarks and then posting them on social networking sites.
As the game "Love Plus" has voice recognition software, SAL9000 says it's possible to have a sort of conversation with Nene or even play simple games such as rock, paper, scissors.
He also has vowed to have and to hold, for better and for worse, even if another, updated version of the game is released.
"I think I'll probably continue playing Love Plus. I won't cheat," SAL9000 said.


I’m Craig, and that’s the news…(Play News Music – Clip 03)


MAIN TOPIC:

Broncos v Raiders – Good Lord, that was a weird game. The Broncos lost despite giving up only 102 passing yards. The Broncos had a 7 yard punt (Thanks Mitch). The Broncos ran an illegal screen pass to their ineligible left tackle Ryan Clady, on 2nd and 4 the Broncos ran to the line of scrimmage and ran a hurry up quarterback sneak that gained a yard, The Raiders played Charlie Frye, JaMarcus Russell, and even JP Losman in the game, and weirdest of all…JaMarcus Russell had a clutch 4th quarter drive (albeit one that was aided by a BS pass interference call) and freaking JaMarcus Russell had a game winning 4th quarter drive. JAMARCUS RUSSELL!




(Check the phone lines to see if you have any calls)


Magnificent Seven: 7 Best Christmas Songs

All I want for Christmas is You – Mariah Carey
Christmas at Ground Zero – Weird Al

7. Christmas is a-coming – Bing Crosby (Clip 23)
6. The Night Santa Went Crazy – Weird Al – We’ll close with this one. (Clip 22)
5. Feliz Navidad – Jose Feliciano (Clip 19)
4. White Christmas – Bing Crosby (Clip 24)
3. You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch – Boris Karloff (Played as the intro, of course)
2. Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas – Frank Sinatra (Clip 25)
1. O Holy Night – Cartman (Clip 26)




The case against Santa Claus – Yes, he’s universally loved, but here is why I’m giving Santa a lump of coal.

1. I’m opposed to lying to children
2. I want credit for the stuff I give my kids
3. Allowing people to believe that Santa is going to come into your house lets down awareness making a break in to your house more likely on the evening of December 24th.
4. Mall Santas? You really want your kid sitting on a stranger’s lap who is working at the mall making minimum wage in a Santa suit?
4. Seriously, if a dude in a bright red suit with enormous identity masking facial hair breaks into your house with a big bad, you’re OKAY with this? Odds are much greater that he’s going to be filling that bag with your stuff rather than leaving you gifts.
5. Flying Reindeer are a gateway animal. Sure, it starts out innocently enough with flying animals with glowing red noses, but soon you’re licking frogs, riding ponies, and doing God knows what to sheep. Bad times, my friend, and it all starts with a supposedly harmless belief in flying reindeer. Not on my watch, fella.


Dan LeBatard hates ties – (Clip 20) If you spend any time around me at all, you’ll know that I hate tradition for tradition sake. I hate it when people do something just because it’s the way it’s always been done. Also, I hate dressing up…which is why I found so much to enjoy in this rant from Dan LeBatard on his show this week…

Great Moments in the history of Blog Talk Radio: Clip 21 – Mike Dell in the Summer of 2008 discussing why there is no way the Red Wings can possibly get back to the Stanley Cup Finals again…which sadly they did, although thankfully they did not win the Cup.

NEW YORK (Reuters) – The "Peanuts" comic strip character Snoopy was named the top dog in pop culture by the American Kennel Club on Tuesday as part of its 125th anniversary celebration, beating out a college sports mascot.
Nearly 76,000 online voters chose their favorites from a list of pop culture dogs drawn from television, film, literature, sports and art, the kennel club said.

Snoopy was the pensive dog whose best friend was a bird and who seemed to be smarter than his human master in the comic strip created by the late Charles Schulz, who died in 2000.

"Peanuts," which for close to five decades served as a mirror for the baby boom generation, appeared in 2,600 newspapers in 21 languages. Its daily readership was believed to be the most of any comic strip in history.
Second place went to Texas A&M University's mascot Reveille, followed by Scooby Doo, the television cartoon character.

The top 10:

1. Snoopy
2. Texas A&M's Reveille
3. Scooby Doo
4. Eddie from the TV show "Frasier"
5. Pound Puppy toys
6. Painting "Dogs Playing Poker"
7. Song "How Much is that Doggie in the Window"
8. Georgetown's Jack the Bulldog
9. The song "Who Let the Dogs Out"
10. Brian Griffin from the animated TV show Family Guy










Ashley Revell - (born 1972) is a London resident who briefly achieved fame for selling all his possessions (including all his clothes) and gambling US$135,300 on a single spin of a roulette wheel in Las Vegas, Nevada in 2004.
Revell won his bet (on Red; the result was 7 Red) and left with $270,600. The event was filmed by Sky One as a reality mini-series. Ashley used his winnings to set up his own online poker company called POKER UTD.

Anti-Math at the Grocery Store – I’ve got a beef with grocery stores. I’m not sure why they need to make everything so annoyingly confusing. Perhaps not all grocers do this, but the store I frequent has taken to pricing everything in a manner that requires me to do complicated mental math if I want to know how much I’m paying per item. 17 yogurts for $6.75? Great, how much for just one yogurt? I’m not buying 17 of them. I don’t care how much it costs to buy 5 rolls of paper towels, I’m only buying 1. When I become King of all the World…I’m pretty sure that’s about to happen, by the way, I will decree that all stores across the land will be forced to list prices per 1 item. I don’t want to do math when I go to the grocery store.



Movie reviews: “The Road” and “The Princess and The Frog”




(Check the phone lines to see if you have any calls)


The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
On Hiatus this week, as I’m going to play us out with “The Night Santa went Crazy”

I’d like to thank (mention any callers here)

Best Stories of the Year – I’ll do the magnificent seven of the best seven stories of 2009 next week.

Shalom and Good Evening to you all! (Clip 22 – The Night Santa went Crazy)