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thesulk Alec Sulkin
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You can tell a lot about a person by the way you judge them.
Today on VSR –
A controversial EDition of the week in Wankery. Lawsuits gone wild. Planning my funeral, and the long awaited 2nd edition of “Would you rather.”
Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1
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Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
MARBLEHEAD, Mass. – After months of enduring a leaking pipe that buckled its floors and sagged its ceilings, an empty Massachusetts house somehow called police for help.
The Salem News reports the 911 call went out to police from a house in Marblehead on Wednesday after water short-circuited the phone system, apparently sparking the emergency call.
Officers were sent to the address after the call was recorded as a hang up and a return call got static.
Inside, they found the wreckage, including potentially toxic mold, from a pipe that apparently burst during the winter.
Town officials say the interior may have to be gutted.
Police couldn't immediately locate owner James Cowen. His cousin, William Cowen, said he's not worried. He says James was left financially secure by his father and often travels.
NORTH ROYALTON, Ohio – Police in Ohio say a woman insisted on picking up some fast food before she allowed an officer to charge her with drunken driving.
The Plain Dealer newspaper of Cleveland reports police in suburban North Royalton got a call about a
car weaving and going off a road at a little after 1 a.m. earlier this month. A patrolman tracked the vehicle to the drive-thru of a Taco Bell restaurant and pulled up alongside.
The police report says the driver had sunglasses on and her speech was slurred. She was ordered to get out of the line, but first she proceeded to the second window to grab her order.
Police say the woman's blood-alcohol level tested at nearly twice the legal limit.
UPPER DARBY, Pa. – Police say an elderly Pennsylvania couple was the unintended recipient of a very seedy delivery: a five-pound brick of marijuana.
Police in Upper Darby, just outside Philadelphia, say the couple paid little attention to the package when
it was delivered last week. Not recognizing the name, they left it on their porch, expecting it to be picked up.
When nobody claimed the package, the couple opened it to find what police say was $10,000 in high-grade marijuana.
Police Superintendent Michael Chitwood tells the Delaware County Daily Times the couple gave the package to police, who determined the return address in Tollison, Ariz., was fake.
Chitwood says the department sees about a half-dozen similar deliveries a year and can sometimes track down the sender.
I’m Craig, and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
Bring on Face and The Whale:
May 21st, 2011 – The End of the World.
Would you Rather??? (Theme music – Clip 6)
-Go about your normal day naked or fall asleep for a year
-Be 3 feet tall or 8 feet tall?
-Give up your computer or your television forever.
-Always lose or never play?
-Would you rather live forever or live a normal life and die?
-Rich and ugly or poor and good looking?
-Be the most popular person alive or the smartest person alive?
-Forget who you are but remember who everyone else is or Forget who everyone else is and remember who you are?
-Only be able to whisper or only be able to shout
-Would you rather have to spend the next year repeating the fourth grade (at your current age), or spend a month in jail for a crime you did not commit?
-Would you rather date a girl who is a perfect 10, but 7’6 tall, or a 6 or a 7, but who was two inches shorter than you?
Planning your own funeral:
Call Bruce:
Talk about this week, and my grandmother’s passing
Saddened, but not devastated
Enjoyed 3 days off paid
Not a huge fan of the typical funeral
MY funeral:
No ties allowed – Cut them off Traildust steakhouse style
Better music – Always look on the bright side of life
Opening comedian to warm up the crowd.
Party atmosphere, if we’re going to celebrate my life, let’s make it feel like a celebration already.
Balloons and cake are a must.
Race Car Coffin
Whoopie Cushions scattered throughout the auditorium.
Perhaps release a bag of poisonous snakes – Snakes on a Plane meets a funeral?
Week in Wankery:
1. Lakers – Recaps always have what stars were in attendance
2. Texas Road House – Chef who can’t cook a steak
3. People who upload videos to YouTube that are just them videotaping their own TV
4. 8 year olds at the zoo.
5. My Co-workers – Inviting me to a “Royal Wedding” party.
Mark Tarbell – Dude who opened Tarbell’s – Formerly on Iron Chef America – Best Cheeseburger of my life.
The Ed – The Colorado Sports Attraction
-Dave Logan – Not the Browns play-by-play guy…he’s been doing the Broncos games since the days of Elway.
-Denver – The sixth cleanest city in America per Reader’s Digest study
-Brady Quinn should start for the Broncos– Yeech.
-Ed said it was cold in Denver on Wednesday night – It had been in the 80’s that day – Quite hot
-Everyone wearing Orange? Well, he’s not COMPLETELY wrong
-Carmelo in the intro?!?
-It’s disorienting and disturbing to hear Ed call the Broncos “We”.
-Denver vs. Salt Lake City – If that WAS a war, Denver would definitely win.
-Said the Rockies were terrible while their record at the time was 16-7
-That Bald Man Jimenez and Tulo is on Steroids.
-Doesn’t think the Avs won 2 Stanley Cups
-Claims that Patrick Roy eats Quiznos
-They’re going to be voting on Abortion at the Rockies game
-Abortion Fetus Bobbleheads
-Ed whines that Norm McDonald stole his bit, and then he rips apart Cleveland Sports…EXACTLY like how VSR did it on Episode 65 – July 24, 2010.
Dumb Lawsuit Roundup:
A Manhattan mom is suing a pricey preschool for dumping her "very smart" 4-year-old with tykes half her age and boring her with lessons about shapes and colors.
In court papers, Nicole Imprescia suggests York Avenue Preschool jeopardized little Lucia's chances of getting into an elite private school or, one day, the Ivy League.
She's demanding a refund of the $19,000 tuition and class-action status for other toddlers who weren't properly prepped for the standardized test that can mean the difference between Dalton and - gasp! - public school.
A Wheeling, Illinois woman claiming her new Adidas shoes were made of materials that stuck together, causing her to fall, filed a lawsuit Tuesday against the shoe company.
Anna Bourtseva claims she was injured during a June 12, 2010, fall because her new Adidas Midiru shoes stuck together, according to a suit filed in Cook County Circuit Court.
Bourtseva claims she purchased the shoes June 6, 2010, from an Adidas Outlet Store not knowing the shoe’s materials would cause them to stick together. The suit claims she fell forward and suffered serious internal and external injuries, including bruises, contusions and lacerations.
Bourtseva claims Adidas North America Inc. manufactured, assembled, constructed and designed shoes made of materials that had a tendency to stick together when they came into contact with each other. She also claims the shoes posed a tripping hazard that Adidas failed to warn her about.
The two-count suit seeks more than $50,000 plus the cost of the suit.
An Indiana woman is suing Carnival Cruise Lines after alleging a ship she was on was “going too fast.” Doris Beard says the immense speed of the vessel caused her to become sick.
According to the court document, Beard said, quote, “due to the speed of the ship I became very sick, my body swayed terrible on the ship I had bleeding, which I had not has in three years. The ship was moving so fast everyone on board became sick, even the workers.”
She filed her claim in August 2009, but the amount she’s seeking was not specified. It also wasn’t specified which ship she was on, but most of Carnival’s fleet max out at 25 to 28 miles per hour.
Carnival hasn’t commented on the case, except to request that the suit be filed in the state of Florida, where the company is based, instead of Indiana. They also say the woman’s claim wasn’t filed within the one-year statute of limitations specified in the cruise contract.
This woman thinks she suffered? Maybe she needs to watch Speed 2: Cruise Control. THOSE people suffered. Not the cruise passengers. The people who went to see the movie.
Crestwood, MISSOURI - The Starbucks coffee shop here should have known it was inviting trouble by placing a tip jar on an open counter, according to a wrongful-death lawsuit filed by the estate of a customer who died defending it.
The suit, filed Monday in St. Louis County Circuit Court, seeks unspecified damages from the Starbucks Corp. on behalf of the estate of Roger Kreutz and his father, Edward Kreutz Sr.
Roger Kreutz, 54, of Crestwood, was a customer at the Starbucks, 9590 Watson Road, on March 3, 2008, when he saw a teenager snatch the jar. Kreutz gave chase on foot.
Rushing to escape, Aaron Poisson, then 19, struggled with his pursuer over a car door and backed his Ford out of a parking space, knocking Kreutz to the pavement. He died two days later of head injuries.
Poisson, of Cumming, Ga., drove off and was captured later in St. Louis. He eventually pleaded guilty of involuntary manslaughter and was sentenced to one year in jail.
The tip jar contained less than $5.
Poisson was a reluctant attendee at an unusual reunion at the store last year, in which two of Kreutz's brothers and other relatives rewarded Poisson with forgiveness, saying they knew he intended no harm. They hugged and cried together and planted a memorial tree.
Poisson was not named in the suit.
It alleges that Starbucks "did not employ security to prevent the perpetration of such crimes" and that it "invited the act of perpetration of said crime" by having a tip jar.
As a "direct and proximate" result of this, Kreutz was killed after he was hit by the car, the filing claims.
It says Starbucks had a duty to "exercise reasonable care" to protect Kreutz or give him adequate warning against harm.
An NBA referee has called a technical foul against an Associated Press writer.
Referee Bill Spooner has filed a lawsuit against AP writer Jon Krawczynski for posting a message on Twitter over an alleged conversation Spooner had with Minnesota Timberwolves head coach Kurt Rambis, according to the Minneapolis-St. Paul Business Journal.
The incident took place during a Jan. 24 game between the Timberwolves and the Houston Rockets.
The suit claims Rambis became upset over a called foul on one of his players. Spooner says he would look at the call at half time, while Rambis asked him how his team would get the points back.
The lawsuit claims the 22-year NBA referee didn't answer Rambis' question, but that's when the AP writer's Tweet happened.
"Ref Bill Spooner told Rambis he'd 'get it back' after a bad call. Then he made an even worse call on Rockets. That's NBA officiating folks," Krawczynski's Tweet said.
Spooner is seeking more than $75,000 in damages, saying the Tweet was a defamatory accusation of game fixing. He also wants the message to be unpublished and a retraction, according to the paper.
The Associated Press is standing by its writer.
"We believe all of the facts we reported from the game in question were accurate," Dave Tomlin, AP associate general counsel, said in a statement to the paper.
The organization has yet to receive the lawsuit that was filed Monday in Minneapolis' U.S. District Court.
The Rockets won the game 129-125.
Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
Hang On – Dr. Dog
Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
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