Greetings and Salutations, People:
1 Woman 1 Kid
- 14.50; 4 Adults 2 Kids - 12.00 - Yogurt
Dieting
Success – Down to 237 from 283 – BMI dropped from 35.4 to 29.6
Tweet of the Week:
There's
nothing scarier than a squirrel who's not afraid of you.
Today on VSR –
We say a sorrowful goodbye to some friends who have made life more interesting
lately, we will ticket some wankers, and we’ll give you something to think
about.
If you’d like
to join in the fun - (646) 716-7522 OR OHMS-1-MRLAB
Voice Mail –
720-CUB-1-ACE (720-282-1223)
Twitter:
@socnorb777
(Bring on
Face) –
Let’s get to
the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
Let’s get to
the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
CHICAGO (AP) — A joke by the satirical newspaper The
Onion appears to have gotten lost in translation.
An Iranian news agency has picked up as fact a story from
the paper about a supposed survey showing a majority of white Americans would
rather vote for Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (ah-muh-DEE'-neh-zhahd)
than President Barack Obama. The only trouble is it was made up, like
everything in the just-for-laughs newspaper, which is headquartered in the
comedic capital Chicago.
The English-language service of Iran's semiofficial Fars
news agency republished the story Friday, several days after it appeared in The
Onion.
The Iranian version is copied word-for-word from the
original. It leaves out only The Onion's description of Ahmadinejad as "a
man who has repeatedly denied the Holocaust and has had numerous political
prisoners executed."
STOCKHOLM (AP) — A man convicted of smuggling in Sweden
outwitted his jailers by sneaking in a friend to serve most of his yearlong
sentence, prison officials said Friday.
The identity of the false convict was discovered only
when he'd been released on probation after serving about two-thirds of his
friend's sentence "sometime in 2008 or 2009," Elisabeth Lager of
Sweden's Prison and Probation Service said.
Lager said the in-lieu convict came to serve the sentence
with a false ID — a driving license in the name of the smuggler friend but with
his photograph. She declined to name either man or give more details about the
switch.
An international arrest warrant was issued for the real
convict earlier this year, Lager said, but declined to comment on why it took
police more than three years after the switch was discovered to issue the
warrant. It was not clear if the smuggler's friend would be punished for
misleading prison authorities and assuming a false identity.
The convict, who never served his term, was sentenced for
a series of smuggling offences in southwestern Sweden in 2008. Several media
reports said he had fled to Asia and had paid his friend for his
"prison-sitting" service.
RACINE — It’s all fun and games until the trash talk
surrounding one game of "Madden NFL" leads to numerous 911 calls and
two brothers in jail, charged with domestic abuse.
Michael Mayweather, 21, and Abrey Mayweather, 19, were
playing a game of "Madden NFL" on Monday afternoon in Abrey’s
apartment at 2000 Washington Ave. when Michael allegedly began to take the loss
and his brother’s name calling personally, according to a criminal complaint.
The dispute then became physical when Abrey got up to
allegedly fight with his brother outside, at which point Michael tried locking
his brother out of the apartment. The two then reportedly jostled with one
another, eventually ripping the door off its hinges and forcing the developing
brawl into the hallway.
According to the complaint, one witness told police the
brothers as “really rolling,” and explained that Michael had his little brother
secured in a headlock.
Abrey allegedly told police that Michael was choking him
and had punched him in the face.
Dispatch reportedly received at least four or five
emergency calls to the building during the scuffle.
In the complaint, police describe finding the metal
doorway bent and twisted away from the wall and numerous pieces of broken wood
furniture throughout the apartment.
Before the fight, Michael was reportedly spending at
least four nights a week at Abrey’s apartment because it is much more
convenient for him because it is closer to his probation officer and anger
management class.
JACKSONVILLE, FLA (WJXT/CNN) - A late night drive and a
few beers landed a pet squirrel in trouble with its owner, and the pet's owner
in trouble with the law.
Warren Michael had a few beers before he got behind the
wheel with his pet squirrel and went for a drive. A police officer pulled
Michael over for almost hitting other cars and pedestrians. But when he walked
up to the car, he also saw a squirrel.
The officer says that Michael "had a squirrel eating
him" and then he "pulled out a small squirrel he had wrapped under
his shirt."
But Michael says the extremely friendly squirrel wasn't
eating him - it was just nibbling at him and resting on his shirt.
After Michael was taken to jail, his girlfriend came to
pick up the squirrel.
The couple also gave their squirrel a new name: DUI
(Dew-ee).
Although the experience was strange, Michael says he
learned a valuable lesson.
"Do not drink and drive," he said.
I’m Craig,
and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
Bring in the
Whale:
Band name of the week:
Johnny Nemo
and The Amazing Live Sea Monkeys
Magnificent 7: Top Seven Replacement
Referee Moments…in honor of the accuracy of the replacements, our Magnificent
Seven list has 13 items on it.
13. Redskins-Saints
- The Redskins started this drive on the 20 after a touchback, meaning the
first-down marker was exactly at the 30. On third down, with the ball spotted
at the 24, Griffin threw an incomplete pass. The Saints committed a five-yard
penalty on the ensuing punt. Somehow, 24 plus 5 got Washington the first down.
12. Bills-Redskins
preseason game. Ball is caught by the punting Bills at the 4 yard line, it is
ruled a touchback and only reversed because the Redskins used a challenge on
it.
11. Titans
get an extra 12 yards on a penalty against the Lions due to the refs counting
off a penalty from the wrong 44 yard line.
10. Broncos
recover their own fumble, somehow the Falcons get the ball.
9. 49ers were
allowed 2 challenges despite having zero timeouts vs. the Vikings
8. Green Bay
called for illegal block in the back…as the punting team
7. Nearly a
full minute ran off the clock in the fourth quarter of the Broncos-Steelers
Sunday Night Football game and the error was never fixed effectively making the
game technically only 59 minutes long.
6. First Down
– Red: Ref at the Broncos-Falcons MNF game.
5. Kevin
Ogletree slips on replacement ref’s hat in the end zone vs. Bucs
4. A
replacement ref told LeSean McCoy in the 3rd quarter of the Eagles-Ravens game that
McCoy needed to pick it up because he was on the ref’s fantasy team.
3. John
Harbaugh gets a penalty for trying to call timeout vs the Patriots
2. A referee
that has photos on his Facebook page wearing Saints gear almost refs a Saints
game.
1. Seahawks
touchdown?
The Week in
Wankery:
“Old” co-worker is actually almost a full year
younger than I am.
Predominantly Orange Blog – Broncos vs. Raiders
tickets
Presidential Candidates close I-25 for 5 hours this
Wednesday.
From Drew
Magary of Deadspin’s Funbag:
Question from Tyler:
What if you had the option of having one giant 15-minute
fart once per year, and no other farts that year? Would you do it? You don't
get to pick when you have this massive fart, so it could come at any time.
Also, it would match the decibel level of your loudest fart of the year and the
stench of your smelliest fart of that year. Do you unleash Hell for a few
minutes of the year, or do you keep your current, more balanced fart schedule?
Drew’s response:
If you're not allowed to know when the fart is coming,
you have no choice but to keep to your normal farting schedule because the idea
of that fart coming during a funeral or a date or a job interview is just too
terrifying. Imagine the concentrated stench derived from an entire year's worth
of flatulence. You're talking about creating an environment around you that is
literally toxic. As impressed as I would be with myself in that scenario, it
wouldn't be worth the genuine anger that fart would bring on. Everyone, at some
point in life, has crossed that Fart Line, the line between someone saying,
"Oh you farted! And it stinks! You kooky bastard!" and someone saying,
"Seriously, cut it the f*** out. I hate you now." It's never fun when
your loved ones announce that Fart Playtime is over. Once word of the giant
fart spread around, no one will want to hang out with you until they know the
Fart Threat has subsided for the year. It would be a lonely, difficult
existence, and it would rob you of the everyday pleasures of small-batch
farting. A day without farting is like a day without air! Noxious,
methane-filled air.
Weirdest Blog Comment
Ever!
Aakash Gupta
August 7, 2012 3:44 AM
Warm Greetings!
Today, I visit your website and after reading your blog i
realize that it is very informative. I'm highly impressed to see the
comprehensive resources being offered by your site.
Thanks and Regards
-napkin making machine
Vertically Striped Music
Recommendation:
Mumford and
Sons – Broken Crown and Below My Feet (from album Babel)
Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
