Show Prep 146

Greetings and Salutations, People: It’s the Egg McMuffin of Fake Radio! This is Vertically Striped Radio. Brought to you by the Amazon link on VerticallyStripedSocks.com. If you’re shopping Amazon anyway, go to Vertically Striped Socks dot Com and click the Amazon link first. It costs you nothing, and your support helps keep Vertically Striped Radio on the air.

Rice Pudding

Tweet of the Week:  

Lauren Ashley Bishop @sbellelauren

Really want to get drunk with the Muppets.

Today on VSR –  Attention entrepreneurs, pay close attention to the show today, as you may listen your way to wealth. Take your pick of tons of great money making ideas today! We also have a reader submitted Craigslist Missed Connection that is too good to NOT share, the AFC and NFC Championship games go down tomorrow, and we’ll finally delve into a new “Something to Think About.”

If you’d like to join in the fun - (646) 716-7522 OR OHMS-1-MRLAB

To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com

Voice Mail – 720-CUB-1-ACE (720-282-1223)

Twitter: @socnorb777

(Bring on Face) –

Question: What company is the biggest toy distributor in the world?

Answer: McDonalds

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03) 

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

TOPEKA, Kan. – A judge has dismissed a lawsuit filed by a Colorado man who held a Kansas couple hostage then sued them for breach of contract for turning him in.

Jesse Dimmick of Denver contended he had a legally binding oral contract with Jared and Lindsay Rowley that they'd hide him from police in return for money.

Dimmick was a fugitive facing a murder charge when he burst into the Rowleys' home in September 2009 and confronted them at knifepoint. The Rowleys escaped when he fell asleep.

Dimmick was later convicted of kidnapping and other charges and the Rowleys sued him for more than $75,000 in damages. Dimmick counter-sued, seeking $160,000 for hospital bills and $75,000 for pain and suffering. Thankfully, the judge on the case has dismissed Dimmick’s suit.

SALZBURG, Austria – An Austrian high school principal narrowly escaped legal action after going after potential exam cheaters with a high-tech — but illegal — idea.

Gerhard Klampfer reportedly bought and mounted a jamming device strong enough to prevent graduating classes from doing Internet research on their smartphones during final exams last summer.

State broadcaster ORF said on its website Monday that the move was effective enough to arouse the attention of a phone service provider. The company alerted authorities in charge of monitoring radio traffic after noticing lack of service.

They then notified legal officials who threatened Klampfer with a misdemeanor. Under Austrian law only police, the military and others in charge of security can jam signals.

Klampfer says he didn't know he was breaking the law. He was let off with a warning, instead of a fine.

OAK PARK, Ill. – A suburban Chicago man thought the errant nail that discharged from the gun he was working with had whizzed by his head. Instead, it was lodged in his brain.

Dante Autullo was in his workshop using the nail gun Tuesday when it recoiled near his head.

He felt what he thought was the point of the gun hit his head. But what really happened was that when the gun came in contact with his head, the sensor recognized a flat surface and fired.

"I looked at it when he got home, and it just looked like his head was cut open," his fiancée Gail Glaenzer said. He thought the nail had just whizzed by his ear, and nothing indicated that wasn’t the case, so she simply cleaned the wound with peroxide.

While there are pain-sensitive nerves on a person's skull, there aren't any within the brain itself. That's why he would have felt the nail strike the skull, but he wouldn't have felt it penetrate the brain.

Neither Dante nor Gail thought much about it, and he went on with his day, even plowing a bit of snow. But the next day when he awoke from a nap nausea and a monster headache, Glaenzer sensed something was wrong and suggested they go to the hospital. At first Autullo refused, but he relented after the two picked up their son at school Wednesday evening.

A couple hours later an X-ray was taken, and there in the middle of his brain was a nail. Doctors told Autullo and Glaenzer that the nail came within millimeters from the part of the brain that controls motor function. He was rushed by ambulance to the other hospital for more specialized care.

Here is my favorite part of the story: In the ambulance on the way to the more specialized hospital, Dante posted a photo of the X-Ray to Facebook. After a successful four hour surgery, Dante has lost no movement in his limbs, he’s talking normal, he remembers everything, basically he is showing no ill effects from the experience. His fiancée calls it a miracle. As for the nail, well, Dante wants to make a necklace out of it.

I’m Craig, and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Bring in the Whale:

We’ll get to the band name of the week via a new edition of Craigslist Missed Connections:

Craigslist Missed Connections: (Submitted by Mario Speedwagon)

Hello sir,

My name is Ben and at about 8pm tonight (1/17/12) you ran directly into me with your electric wheelchair in front of the Giant in Columbia Heights, DC.

Allow me to illustrate what exactly happened that was so be-fuddling and anger inducing that it would inspire me to create a "missed connection" post on Craigslist.

After a long day at work, I entered the aforementioned Giant in our wonderful nation's capital. All I needed were paper towels. I purchased said paper towels and was on my merry way home only to be caught in a pedestrian traffic jam of sorts at the entrance of the grocery store. After avoiding disaster and taking a sigh of relief, my eyes were suddenly affixed upon an middle-aged gentleman about four to five feet away from me in an electric wheelchair hellbent on taking me out. That gentleman was you, sir. Not only did you run directly into me, but I consequently fell directly onto you, and then off your wheelchair, and then onto the ground.

Now, what for lack of better words "pisses me the f*ck off" is the fact that you threw up your hands like you were just attacked by a pack of rabid penguins. What "pisses me the f*ck off" even more is the fact that all the on-lookers immediately ran to your side to see if you were "okay." Don't mind me. It's all gravy. Getting hit by people in electric wheelchairs is apparently a normally occurring thing in everyday life. Moreover, I get that you are handicapped for whatever reason and need an electric wheelchair to do whatever it is you do, but in my years of living I've gathered that by now electric wheelchairs have the ability to stop as well as go.

One more thing. I have a broken toe on my right foot. You managed to not only run over that, but my left foot as well, which now feels like it was just hit by an inconsiderate handicapped guy in an electric wheelchair in front of a Giant in Washington, DC (see what I did there?). Anyway, I am currently working as a day manager and head bartender at a bar/nightclub. This job requires me to constantly be quick on my feet and run up and down stairs daily to make sure things run smoothly. Now pardon my language sir, but how the f*ck am I going to explain to my bosses and fellow employees that I cannot perform up to expectations because I got "hit by a guy in an electric wheelchair." These kinds of things not only sound made-up, but make me look like a straight up punk b*tch, and I sir, am not a punk b*tch.

I WILL NOT ACCEPT YOUR GUFF AND DOUCHE-BAGGERY, AND CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL.

Judging by the shape of your legs (literally and figuratively), we cannot engage in a cage fight, and sadly duels to the death are no longer considered "legal." The only fair compromise is that I buy an electric wheelchair myself and we joust. If you accept these terms, I demand we meet in front of the same Giant at the date of your choosing, preferably at sunrise so I can still make it to work after I f*ck your shit up.

I do not care if I miss rent next month, or my cell phone gets cut off. I will use all the money I make to make this happen in order to make things right in this already sad world. The gauntlet has been thrown.

Consider your couch f*cked,

Ben

P.S. - I hate you.

Band name of the week:

Electric Wheelchair Duel

NBA

Nuggets (11-5) at Knicks (5-9)

NFL Final Four:

Ravens at Patriots

Giants at 49ers

Million Dollar Ideas! (Clip 14 - Intro)

Max Johnson @Maxxxjohn

You know those crystal light to-go packets you mix in water bottles? Yeah well the should make beer to-go packets. #milliondollaridea

Bryan @Bryanvinyl6h

I never understood why Einstein's Bros. Bagels's closes at 3 PM. Terrible. #MillionDollarIdea - 24 Hour Einsteins.

Steve Grenier @SteveGrenier15 Jan

A paper shredder that looks and sounds like cookie monster.#MillionDollarIdea

Wesley Yendrys @WYendrys13 Jan

how has no one invented a battery-powered shovel where the shovel part is scolding hot? #milliondollaridea

Awkward When Sober @AwkwrdWhenSober11 Jan

I'm going to create a service that sits on hold for you, then forwards you the call when someone answers. #milliondollaridea

danielle venticinque @danielleventt10 Jan

I'm going to invent impossible to tangle up headphones#milliondollaridea

Elizabeth Chaffin @_liztomania15 Jan

I wish crayola would team up with camel cigarette company so that smoking could be in rainbow format #milliondollaridea @Kaaay_T

Mike Verminski @MVerminski15 Jan

Going to invent flavored sticky parts on envelopes #milliondollaridea

J. Preston @Mr_Preston14 Jan

Someone needs to open a liquor store that delivers.#MillionDollarIdea

Andru Bergdahl @AndruMonster14 Jan

Still in bed.  #lazy #DontCare #WantBacon#NeedBaconDeliveryService #MillionDollarIdea

Samuel Chao @Sammy_Rocket12 Jan

#MillionDollarIdea frosted flakes flavored milk.

mack @got2keepitfunny12 Jan

A hedgeshop that also delivers pizza. Kills two birds with one stone.. Food and herbalife. #milliondollaridea

Greg Loizou @GregLoizou5h

#MillionDollarIdea: Sesame Streetfighter.

Zoltan Spitzer @ZoltanMS12 Jan

Wish they'd invent dog food that makes dogs crap golf balls so I could trade in the scooper for a 5 iron. #milliondollaridea

Jeremy Gallant @RemyAroundTown12 Jan

Toothpaste tube of peanut butter for driving. #MillionDollarIdea

Ryan Bachner @Bach_Nasty12 Jan

An air freshner that smells like buffalo chicken. #MillionDollarIdea

D Garland @RedHeadDG12 Jan

I'm going to start a bakery where people can get cakes that say things like "Happy Birthday Douchebag!" on them. #millionDollarIdea

Martin Cobb @Hughhh_11 Jan

Trampoline floors #milliondollaridea

Richard 'Gun @makeitrich11 Jan

#milliondollaridea A keyboard with a removable crumb tray like a toaster

Matt Flannigan @pron_tron11 Jan

I want to male a fake pregnancy test that always shows positive, so guys to play hilarious tricks on a girlfriends. #milliondollaridea

Nicholas Catania @ncatania110 Jan

Someone needs to invent tooth paste that doesn't ruin orange juice.#milliondollaridea

Overheard on Cambus @CambusStories

Idea for a new social network: upon creating an account, a grammar test is administered. Your/you're, etc. #MillionDollarIdea

cayden ledford @cayden_ledford13h

I'm shocked that not one dairy farmer from Israel has thought to call his company "Cheeses Of Nazereth!" #MillionDollarIdea

Big Hop @whoisBigHop19 Jan

U know how they have those cat eye contacts for humans? I'm gonna make human eye contacts for cats... #SuperHigh #MillionDollarIdea

Adam Sachs @sachsmo19 Jan

Solar-powered suntanning beds. Go! #milliondollaridea

Flula – Why the Miami Heat are not great. (Clip 84)

Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:

Givers – “Saw you first” Album: In Light

Shalom and Good Evening to you all!

Show Prep 145

Jimmy Fallon – Tebowie Intro

Greetings and Salutations, People: Vertically Striped Radio: What NBC Nightly News would be if Brian Williams had little to no resources, limited interest in the outside world, and was obsessed with The Denver Broncos and Muppets. This IS Vertically Striped Radio, and I am your host, Craig Dodge

Walked into the women’s restroom last night after two glasses of wine. The party was good, Asia, Mexico, Italy, France, and New York Nightclub stations. 5 dollar sodas, booze flowed freely.

Tweet of the Week:  

Shane! @batsly

Football: obtain brown thing. Once you have brown thing, run away from other men, lest they hug you.

Today on VSR –  The fun of live scoring updates on a podcast from a football game for which 98% of the listeners already know the final outcome! I’ve got a new segment which I found on “My” List, We’ll do something I said we’d do last week with a review of our preseason NFL division winner picks, I’ve got a new “Something to think about” and we’ll probably end up talking a tiny bit of Tebow, as the dude has dominated Denver’s news scene this week.

If you’d like to join in the fun - (646) 716-7522 OR OHMS-1-MRLAB

To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com

Voice Mail – 720-CUB-1-ACE (720-282-1223)

Twitter: @socnorb777

(Bring on Face) –

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03) 

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

STOCKHOLM (Reuters) – So, if you’re pirating music, did you know that you can now avoid prosecution in Sweden on grounds of religious freedom?

Sweden dealt a symbolic blow to the global fight against digital music and film piracy by officially recognizing the Church of Kopimism, a group that promotes file-sharing across the Internet, as a religion.

Kopimism's name is derived from the words "copy me" and as its website makes clear it strongly supports all forms of downloading and uploading files and sees copyright laws as violating freedom of information.

"We believe that information is holy," said Isak Gerson, who calls himself the "spiritual leader" of a church whose key symbols are "Ctrl C" and "Ctrl V," the keyboard short cuts for copy and paste.

"We do not think that copying is stealing or can ever be stealing," Gerson, 20, added to Reuters.

Graves County, KENTUCKY - A group of Amish men are scheduled to spend 10 days behind bars for a very odd reason. It seems they are in trouble with the law for refusing to put safety triangles on their buggies 

The bearded men belong to an ultra-conservative religious offshoot that believes the orange signs are flashy and conflict with their pledge to live low-key and pious lives.

Ananias Byler was the first of 10 Amish men sentenced to 10 days' jail for not paying $489 in fines incurred for failing to attach the orange signs to the back of their horse drawn buggies.

In court the Amish men refused to pay outstanding traffic fines

The men belong to a century-old conservative breakaway group of Amish known as Swartzentruber who live without electricity, plumbing or appliances.

They have been living in breach of the law in recent years for refusing to use the safety triangles on their buggies.

"We're just not going to pay," Jacob Gingerich, a farmer and father-of-12, said before the court appearance.

Gingerich and two other Amish men have sued over the state highway law, saying it infringes on their religious freedom.

The Kentucky Supreme Court has agreed to hear the case later this year after the state appeals court rejected the men's argument.

State politicians are also considering changes to the highway code to allow the Amish to use grey reflective tape instead of orange triangles.

AMSTERDAM, The Netherlands – Apparently the Dutch are serious about fighting crime, but this may be a bit much. Local police requested a military jeep to chase a suspect over soggy terrain that their police cruisers wouldn’t be able to traverse.

At that very moment 2 F-16 fighter jets were about to leave Volkel airbase on a training mission, so the pilots volunteered to help in the chase using their infrared cameras.

The suspect was in a car with stolen license plates that sped away when police tried to pull it over. After an exchange of gunfire, the car crashed into a canal and the man ran away across a field.

In the end, a tip from a suspicious neighbor, and not a high-tech jet, led police to the suspect, but that would have to be intimidating if you’re speeding away in a Jeep after exchanging shots with police in a stolen vehicle, and suddenly you’re being hunted by F-16’s.

I’m Craig, and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Bring in the Whale:

Band name of the week: Gorbachev’s Birthmark (or Gorbachev’s Head Splotch)

Tim Tebow’s fire – Clip 51

Missed Connections: (Intro - Clip 10)

Rose:
I've told you once I've told you a thousand times, you were nothing more than a fling - a sexual fling.
Just because you left your husband, don't think that I am planning to leave my wife.
I suggest you keep seeing that guy (Jay, Jack, John - whatever his name was that I saw at your town-house when I stopped by the other month)

Please stop posting here, I'm not coming back 

You work at home depot in arvada. You got me a paint sample, brown teepee and some glitter paint. I thought you were soo cute! I wish I had the guts to say something.. 

M- I like you. I really like you. I'm not sure if your interested in me. I know I'm older than you and I come with baggage. I really enjoy our kissing, but I would gladly do more. Your the last man standing on my field and maybe I'm done playing. If you see this reply with the beers we drank last night and lets move things to the bedroom. I worry that you and I are simply headed for a missed connection, let's not miss, let's bump ~ A 

A- I plan to call you. I don't want to hurt you, but I'm just not into you. As discussed I can't lead you on to nothing. I'm sorry. Can we go back to drinking and throwing sharp objects? ~ M

We met in February years ago. One late night I drove you home and the snow was falling softly on the windshield. I was full of hope and excitement. We became very strange and unlikely friends for a few years.

I feel stupid writing this. One of those broken-hearted fools. Maybe all of us are looking backwards at the things that couldn't be. I'm not really broken hearted though. I got married and oddly enough I'm happily married. He's not you and he's very compassionate, sweet, generous. You were a mess. I loved the mess too but a choice had to be made. You told me to go to him. I did. And then I told you we couldn't be friends because I would always love you and that jeopardized my future with him. Catch 22.

I remember you used to be plagued by dreams of her. You hurt so badly. Now I have a hole in my heart because of you. I dream of you.

This is for catharsis only. My friend who claims to be psychic said she saw that you were happy and moved on. You were getting married or having a baby? Or some shit like that.
But I know that you think of me as much as I think of you though. You are my soul-mate. We came from the same hopeless piece of stardust in the universe and we're stuck together even when we are apart.

On days like this, when it rains, when the moon is full and bright, when you see ducks, when there isn't much to do and you go out driving alone listening to the Killers. You are thinking of me and loving me and missing me, the way I miss you. And there just isn't a fucking thing either of us can do about it.

When you're living your life, well, that's the price you pay
Whenever I breathe out, you're breathing it in
Whenever I breathe out, you take it in again
I'm feeling this positive/negative, positive/negative

Week in Wankery: (Intro: Clip 8)

Girl wearing Patriots shirt working at King Soopers

Cop stalking the School Zone

Me walking into the women’s restroom

Me escaping the women’s restroom without being detected.

Ben Roethlisberger and his terrible Hat

 

AFC:

AFC East – Jets, Dolphins, Patriots, Bills

Craig - Patriots

Face - Patriots

Dice - Jets

Luke - Jets

AFC North – Steelers, Ravens, Browns, Bengals

Craig - Ravens

Face - Ravens

Dice - Bengals

Luke - Bengals

AFC South – Jaguars, Texans, Colts, Titans

Craig - Colts

Face - Colts

Dice - Titans

Luke - Titans

AFC West – Broncos, Chargers, Chiefs, Raiders

Craig - Chargers

Face - Chargers

Dice - Chargers

Luke - Broncos

NFC:

NFC East – Eagles, Redskins, Giants, Cowboys

Craig - Eagles

Face - Giants

Dice - Cowboys

Luke - Redskins

NFC North – Bears, Packers, Lions, Vikings

Craig - Packers

Face - Packers

Dice - Lions

Luke - Bears

NFC South – Saints, Buccaneers, Falcons, Panthers

Craig - Saints

Face - Falcons

Dice – Buccaneers

Luke - Buccaneers

NFC West – 49ers, Rams, Seahawks, Cardinals

Craig - Rams

Face – Rams

Dice – 49ers

Luke - Cardinals

Craig – 4

Face – 4

Dice – 1

Luke - 1

...And Craig and Face's preseason Super Bowl predictions

Super Bowl:

Face - Falcons vs Ravens - Falcons win Super Bowl

Craig - Eagles vs Colts - Colts win Super Bowl

Beth Stelling – Feeding Raccoons Story from “The Moth” (Clip 81)

Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:

Blind Pilot – One Red Thread – From their 2008 Album “3 Rounds and a Sound”

Shalom and Good Evening to you all!