Greetings and Salutations, people. It’s the Radio Show that Stares at Goats, this isI, It’s Vertically Striped Radio. I am your host and jedi warrior, Craig Dodge fresh from a fun evening last night where I waited in line for an hour or so with my buddy Scott in order to be able to spend about 28 seconds with the Sports Guy Bill Simmons at the Tattered Cover Book store, then I saw The Men who Stare at Goats. All in all a good evening. This boys night out was a result of the fact that my wife and my sister in law went out to see New Moon. I opted out of that trainwreck, as I maintain a strict policy that maintains that vampires should not be romantic.
Also going down Today on Vertically Striped Radio, We’ll discuss the over-the-top sports movie pitches that were submitted for the show on Dameshek.com. Aaron Young of the no name show has declared that if he doesn’t get lost in the woods he’ll be stopping by for a visit, I’ll discuss why I am quickly losing faith in my Broncos…Chris Simms. Ugh!, Ireland gets screwed over MAJORLY!, and Mike Shanahan isn’t SERIOUSLY considering the Bills, is he?
To take part in the big show today:
Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com
Follow me on Twitter @socnorb777
Let’s get to the news…
(Play News Music – Clip 03)
RALEIGH, N.C. – A North Carolina doctor could lose his medical license after a patient complained he made cutting criticisms, including telling her she was fat. The News & Observer of Raleigh reported the North Carolina Medical Board will decide if Dr. Earl Sunderhaus of Asheville overstepped the bounds of professional decency.
The eye doctor's patient complained Sunderhaus poked her thigh and told her she is fat, and also scolded her as irresponsible for being unemployed and relying on taxpayers to pay for another pregnancy.
Sunderhaus admitted he told the patient that her thick thighs and diabetes could cause her to go blind.
LIMA (Reuters) – Peruvian police said on Thursday they had broken up a gang that allegedly killed dozens of people and sold their fat to buyers who used it to make cosmetics.
Four Peruvians were arrested on suspicion of kidnapping, murder and trafficking in human fat.
The group stored the fat it collected in used soda and water bottles, which police showed reporters.
"We have people detained who have declared and stated how they murdered people with the aim being to extract their fat in rudimentary labs and sell it," said Police Commander Angel Toldeo.
In addition to those taken into custody, police said they were searching for others who bought fat from the gang or might have worked with it.
Remains from some of the victims were found at a rural house in the region of Huanuco where the group worked, according police video.
Police said they were investigating 60 disappearances in the area that might be linked to the gang.
The investigation started this month after police heard about a shipment of fat that arrived in Lima by bus from Peru's mountains.
LOS ANGELES – Federal officials say they arrested a man who strapped 15 live lizards to his chest to get through customs at Los Angeles International Airport.
The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service said Friday that 40-year-old Michael Plank of Lomita, Calif., was returning from Australia when U.S. Customs agents found 11 skinks, two geckos and two monitor lizards fastened to his body Tuesday.
Plank has been released on $10,000 bond and will be arraigned in federal court on Dec. 21.
Authorities say the lizards' value totals more than $8,500. All Australian reptiles are strictly regulated and Plank did not have a permit for them.
I’m Craig, and that’s the news…(Play News Music – Clip 03)
MAIN TOPIC: Over the Top Movie Pitches!
Craig’s Pitch:
It's the 60's and a group of three charismatic black Doo Wop singers are looking for mainstream acceptance in the racially divided Canadian town in which they live. The local junior hockey team has been the pride of the area, winning multiple junior championships over the past several years. Their bus ends up going into a ditch and blowing up killing almost the entire team except for the head coach and the team captain and a star player.
The season was just about to start, but now the best players in town have all been killed, and they may have to cancel the season. The town is devastated, and the Doo Wop group sees an opportunity to gain acceptance by helping to put together a group of misfits to fill out the team roster.
They speak with a bunch of kids from the town who play hockey and get the spirit of the town behind them, and they learn to play the game themselves and become adored by the town when their ragtag group pulls together and wins the championship over their evil and racially bigoted rivals and in the process they help heal the racial divide in the town. The name of the film? "The Chubby Checkers", of course.
Aaron Young’s Movie Poster:
Aaron Young’s pitch:
Johnny Rogers was a star high school quarterback. He had it all: nice house, loads of cash, a great car, and dated the cheerleading squad; not certain members of the squad, the whole squad. Life was good . . . until that night. After leading his team to the state championship for the 6th year in a row, Johnny Rogers is killed in a horrific automobile accident.
20 years later, his now aged parents revive his cryogenically frozen body. After a 32 hour operation, Johnny is brought back to life. However, during the operation his legs have to be amputated. Johnny is alive, but he will never be able to play football again . . . or will he?
Fredrick Furgenmeister is a German scientist who was disbarred for his experiments on humans in Africa during the 70s. Johnny's parents hire him to build a rocket powered wheelchair for their re-animated son. Using his new wheels and a loophole in the law, Johnny is allowed one more year of high school eligibility.
He makes he most of his second chance, leading the team to another state title and banging the daughters of all his former girlfriends. However, all is not well. Johnny is having visions from the past; nightmarish images of the day he died and the 20 years he spent in hell.
The day he signs to play quarterback for the University of Texas, he attends a big party to celebrate. As he is driving home that night . . . (get ready for it) . . . he is killed in a horrible automobile accident!!!!
"The Rocket" coming soon to a theater near you (based on a true story). This movie has not yet been rated.
Andrew Tobey’s (Major Minority) Pitch:
Because im typing his from my cell phone, and it's a pain, I'll give you the beginning, with the nd being obvious:
The movie begins with a mother to be holding her stomach, in visable discomfort. "Wow, the twins are really kicking today!" She exclaims, as the father is nearby watching the world cup, rooting for the USA.
In the final seconds, team USA loses, and the father becomes enraged, kicking the remote clean through the drywall.
Credits followed by a montage of two fraternal twins being born (1 boy, 1 girl), then them at 8 playing soccer, where she's clearly better than him, b ut they're both still having fun, then to them in high school where she's being carried off the soccer field (the men's team, no less, and the back of their jerseys reveal that their last name is Bul) while he's sitting on the bench, to them in college...
We learn that the boy is named Terry Bul and he's bitter that he never turned out to be the soccer player dad wanted him to be. He's resentful of his sister, and finds out she's being recruited to play for the upcoming World Cup. Strong legs run in the family, but he always had too many hand penalties. He could kick the ball a mile, but didn't have the mental fortitude to keep his hands down.
His sister is adored by the father. He's overprotective of her and even named her Mom Bul because he figured it would be a turn off for male suitors. After all, who would want to bed Mom? She's going to be the 1st ever woman to play for the men's team in the World Cup, bringing her a whirlwind of fame.
She's scheduled to play her 1st game in Brazil, when a some fanatical Brazilian fans decide to kidnap her, asking for a million dollars as ransom. If they tell the authorities, they'll chop her legs off. The family doesn't know what to do, but they have 2 weeks to get them the money. They only have 250k.
Secretly, Terry has been playing in a kickball league, where he's the star. He's the best offensive player, but also the best defensive player, because his hands are an asset. He never told dad because kickball isn't a real sport in his dad's eyes. He even once told his son that the hardest part about playing kickball will be admitting he's a gay. However, right before the kidnapping, he was going to enter into the world series of kickball where the top prize was 10 million to be divided by the team 10 ways (9 players, 1 bench guy.) Only problem was, the entry fee was 250k.... now all of their faith and money are on Terry.
The rest writes itself.
I'll call it "The Ball Kickers."
Jerry Fairish’s pitch:
A middle-aged black man whose dreams of college football superstardom were dashed by a tragic injury. The man now tries to fill the emptiness by betting heavily on sports and collecting action figures of his favorite players.
Along the way, he meets a 30-something undernourished guy who lives across the country and the two form an unbreakable bond.
The catch? The black guy, who we'll call Ned, is now aging backwards and aided with the help of "Stickboy", the two formulate a plan to capture the glory that has so long eluded him.
So in preparation on his enrollment into Indiana University, Ned and Stickboy begin a disciplined regimen of push-ups, usually 9 at a click, and rolling around in the grass. Not to mention a steady diet of double cheeseburgers, Coca-Cola and Oreos.
Picture the exact opposite of "The Karate Kid" except now the older student mocks the younger mentor with taunts about his vegetarianism and his frail, sickly body and questions his sexuality by asking him if he's, "a gay" repeatedly.
Stickboy endures the ridicule and manages to get Ned into playing shape over the years. Ned is now physically ready to play college ball and using the fact that he's been shunned out of years of prizes by a local radio host, he has all the mental drive he needs.
Ned applies to IU and is widely accepted by the school after they're impressed with his many online degrees, including his newly achieved, "Human Language" Bachelors.
Cut to opening day. IU is taking on Texas Tech. Ned is pumped. He's made the team as starting tailback. I mean it's IU, they're not that good. Back on the field after 30 years, Ned is ready to run this team to a national title. Stickboy, now in his 60's, watches from the stands with a hearty bowl of Tofu and an icy glass of soy milk.
IU wins the flip, they elect to receive. 1st and ten. They call Ned's number. A right side toss. Ball is hiked and Ned grabs onto the pigskin lookin' for a hole to bust through. He bolts to the outside and knows if he can just get around the line, he'll be solid gone to the end zone. As he turns the corner, he slips on the field and blows out his knee. Again. In the blink of an eye, Ned's college career is over. Again. Stickboy, stuffed from his 3 bites of food, rushes to Ned's side to console him.
Devastated, Ned has no idea what to do now. Ned feels his life is over. And at being 24-years old now, it almost is.
But Ned and Stickboy stand side by side for the rest of their lives. An unbreakable friendship. Stickboy gets older and Ned is im-maturing. Sadly, Stickboy passes away from dysentery. The soybean will have that effect on the digestive system. Ned's unable to comprehend the loss of his friend because at this point he's only 4-years old.
And sadly, Ned passes away at the age of zero, but not before becoming the greatest champion known to man in the now thriving Super Deluxe Baby Fighting League.
The title, "Lose-iers" or "The Un-Curios Case of Nedjamin Button" or "The Shortest Yard".
(Check the phone lines to see if you have any calls)
Great Moments in the History of BlogTalkRadio.com – Clip 19 (15,000 Pieces of cheese)
Topics:
-Meeting the Sports Guy
-The men who stare at goats:
-Ireland screwed, France advancing to the World Cup thanks to Thierry Henry’s double handball. – HUGE STORY!
-Mike Shanahan – To the Bills? Why would he do this?
-Scribblenauts – Interesting video game
-I’m opposed to the hat trick celebration. Under no circumstance am I throwing a 20 to 30 dollar item onto the ice.
-LeBron James is changing his number to 6 – Wants to retire 23 across the NBA to honor MJ.
-Chad Ochocinco and the $1 bribe: Hilarious!
-Returning to the cereal well, Have you seen Breakfast Blitz cereal in your town?
(Check the phone lines to see if you have any calls)
The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
Jars of Clay by Jars of Clay (1995)
Worlds Apart – Clip 18
Fun show, we talked a ton about the Redskins for some reason, and then discussed how Ireland got screwed by the refs against France which turned into a philosophical discussion about questioning authority. Weird first half hour, to be sure.
Then Face Ventura, Steve from Alabama, and The Whale and I broke down the four outlandish movie pitches that were submitted on the Dameshek.com message board. We had some great ideas, and I think movie executives would be foolish to avoid our ideas.
Finally, I reviewed the movie, "The Men Who Stare at Goats" which I gave a 7 out of 10. I shared a bit about meeting the sports guy and having him sign my copy of his book.
Finally, the Vertically Striped Music Recommendation was the self titled album by Jars of Clay from 1995, one of my favorite albums of all time.
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