Greetings and Salutations, people! - It’s the show that’s freaky like my lady pyramid! (Clip 27 – Nice, that’s nice!) This is Vertically Striped Radio. I am your slowly shrinking host, Craig Dodge, 257.5 lbs as of my 3:00 weigh in, which is still fat, but it is down exactly ten pounds from where I started October, so that’s going well. Welcome to the 80th edition of VSR. I know global warming is supposed to be this global disaster, but it’s 73 degrees outside today here in Denver, and it has yet to snow on us, so I’m enjoying it tremendously.
Today on VSR – A little sports talk as the entire sports world appears to be going insane, The Magnificent Seven will break down seven magnificent Beer Commercials, our second matchup in the Super Mario Bros Music Tourney, we will dust off a great moment in the history of Blogtalk Radio and best of all, the debut of the greatest commercial I’ve ever created will go down today.
Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1
To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com
Twitter: @socnorb777
Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
SILVERTON, Ore. (AP) -- Having a safe Halloween took on a different meaning in one Oregon neighborhood, where trick-or-treating teenagers received condoms in their goodie bags. Daniel and Kathleen Harris, of Silverton, told The Statesman Journal the free condoms were part of their effort to promote health. They also handed out toothbrushes as well as candy bars.
The father of one 14-year-old girl who received the condoms, Daniel Cote, was offended and says it was inappropriate to give them to children without parents' consent.
Kathleen Harris said giving the condoms to the 14-year-old was a mistake. She said their usual practice is to ask teens if they're 16 or older and to give them a speech on safe sex.
Surprise, ARIZONA: Surprise police said a boy pulled a knife on his mother who refused to let him go trick-or-treating as a "gay Justin Bieber," the singer and teen idol.
The 12-year-old boy had been grounded Halloween night after an argument with his mother, who said his costume idea was disrespectful, police spokesman Sgt. Mark Ortega said.
After throwing a tantrum and getting grounded from trick-or-treating, he grabbed a knife from his room and threatened to kill her, Ortega said.
The mother disarmed her son without injury and called police.
Police arrested the pre-teen on suspicion of threatening his mother with a knife.
I can’t decide which is more disturbing, the fact that he pulled a knife on his mom over his Halloween Costume, or the fact that he wanted to dress as Justin Bieber in the first place.
AND FINALLY…LANCASTER, Pa. (AP) -- A central Pennsylvania man faces shoplifting charges after police said he tried to steal a pair of shoes by wearing them out of a department store. Lancaster police said 22-year-old Kyle Eckman went into a store dressing room and put on a pair of size-10 shoes then walked out without paying. He was quickly stopped outside the store with his own shoes inside the shoebox in a shopping bag.
Police said Eckman faces felony charges because of two prior retail theft convictions. He is being held on $50,000 bail.
Police were quickly able to identify this man as a shoplifter and nab him. It wasn’t that he looked shifty, was sweating profusely, or just looked generally untrustworthy. No, the major flaw in Mr. Eckman’s theft plan was that the shoes he was trying to wear out of the store were women’s high heels…I’m Craig, and THAT is the news.
I’m Craig, and that’s the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
Bring on Face:
I have heard the cries of the people, and I am a little worried to announce that my cousin Tawni will appear on VSR.
Political Ad Game: - He Hates Children!
Randy Moss –
Not a fan of catering: How bad does free barbeque have to be before you complain about it? We’re talking BBQ chicken and ribs. How do you screw up chicken and ribs?
What exactly does Randy Moss feed his dogs if that wasn’t good enough for them?
How I can tell he his skills have diminished: If he were still good they wouldn’t have dumped him
Kevin Garnet vs. Charlie Villanueva:
-Either KG is an insensitive punk, or he is the worst trash talker in NBA history.
-You look like a Cancer Patient vs. You are cancerous to your team and our league. (Good day, sir!)
Mike Shanahan vs. Donovan McNabb:
Are we really supposed to believe that Shanny thought that Rex Grossman gave him his best chance to win?
Brett Favre:
-I almost felt sorry for him
-Was he playing it up? He looked like he had one foot in the grave as he was being carted off on Sunday
-Wow, he looks old and gray
Super Mario Bros. Tournament: (Intro Clip 70)
Last matchup:
8 seed Accordion shocks the 1 Seed, Japanese Beatboxer Hikakin, and moves on to the semi-finals
This Week:
2 Seed - Eminence Symphony Orchestra (Clip 72) – Almost 4 minutes long, but it’s good, so I’ll play it.
vs.
7 Seed - Brandon Urie (from Panic at the Disco) (Clip 77)
Magnificent Seven – Top 7 Beer Commercials:
7. Bud Light – Limo (Yes, I am!)
6. Molson Ice – Bob and Doug McKenzie with Guy LaFleur
5. Red Stripe – Hooray Beer!
4. Bud Light – Swear Jar
3. Molson Canadian – Chasing Beaver
2. Heineken – Oops – The best thing about this commercial is how all the men in the commercial act like Obi-Wan reacting to the destruction of Aalderan. They don’t know what has happened, but they feel the disturbance in the force.
The commercial begins with a guy working in a bar is trying to carry too many crates of Heineken and he drops the top case, bottles fall in slow motion with the epically sad music in the background. Cut to a boxing match where suddenly one of the boxers stops mid-fight and looks off in the distance sadly and then gets whalloped by the other guy. Cut to a swearing in ceremony where a dark skinned guy is happily being sworn in as a citizen and suddenly stops mid-oath sadly, a doctor in an operating room working suddenly stops and looks up, a punk rocker does the same and a guy standing in the street in the rain stops and starts looking around as if he is expecting to see something horrific, we then cut to two lovers lying in bed, the man is snuggling with his woman and suddenly recoils in horror to his side of the bed and when she tries to comfort him, he says “Don’t” Final cut to the beer bottles crashing to the ground and smashing.
1. Dos Equis – The Most Interesting Man in the World.
Are you uncomfortable entering Wal-Mart? We have a greeter at my local Wal-Mart who makes me super deluxe uncomfortable when I walk in.
Great Moments in the history of Blogtalk Radio: (Intro Clip 11)
-The Ed finds a special dog (Clip 25)
Salute to a crazy name: Peter Doody
I work for a fun, but somewhat nutty company:
Halloween:
Set Director
Theme Advisor
Construction Superintendent
Prop Master
Treasurer
Lighting Technician
Flag Football Game: Annual Tradition
Week in Wankery:
Yellow Card:
-Woman who almost killed me backing up in the grocery story parking lot
-The brainiac team that runs the Invesco Field Escalators
Man of the Match:
-My unknown friend in a Jeep – I was driving down Arapahoe Road on Thursday when this hero flashed his lights at me several times. I figured he may be trying to warm me of a speed trap, so I slowed down. I had been going 15 over the limit, but I slowed to the speed limit, and the motorcycle cop on the median just let me fly on by.
Red Card
Josh McDaniels
The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
Tired Pony “I Finally Love this Town” and “Dead American Writers”
Thanks to: (Whoever called)
Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
(Clip 40) Onion News story about the Hamburglar.
Magnificent 7: Top Seven McDonalds Characters
7. Birdie the Early Bird - She was the first identifiably female character, introduced in February 1980 to promote the company's new breakfast items. She is a yellow bird wearing a pink jumpsuit and flight cap and scarf. In the ads she is frequently portrayed as a poor flyer, and somewhat clumsy in general. Birdie's origin is explained in one old commercial: a giant egg falls from the night sky into McDonaldland, and Ronald McDonald decides to show the egg love.
6. Ronald McDonald – The original Ronald was actually Willard Scott.
5. Uncle O'Grimacey - He was created in 1977 and even appeared in 1986 for an advertising narrative of McDonald's both in celebration of Saint Patrick's Day and to mark the annual appearance of the Shamrock Shake. O'Grimacey is the Irish uncle of the character Grimace and is a variant of the Grimace-design in that he is green instead of purple, sports a frock coat covered with several four-leaf clovers, and carries a shillelagh. His design motif is not unlike that of a stereotypical depiction of the Irish folkloric leprechaun. O'Grimacey resides in his home country for eleven months of the year and visits his nephew Grimace in March, bringing with him his "incredibly delicious" shake. Uncle O'Grimacey is no longer used by the chain for its promotions of the shake.
4. Fry Guys - They are characters used to promote McDonald's french fries. When they first appeared in 1972, they were called Gobblins and liked to steal and gobble up the other characters' french fries. Accompanying them was the "Keep Your Eyes on Your Fries" jingle. Their name was later changed to the Fry Guys in 1983, then the Fry Kids in 1987, as female characters (the "Fry Girls") were introduced. They are differently-colored, shaggy, ball-like creatures with long legs and no arms, almost resembling a pom-pon with legs and eyes.
3. Hamburglar
2. Grimace - Grimace is a large, purple character who was first introduced in November 1971 as the "Evil Grimace". In his first two appearances, he was depicted with two pairs of arms with which to steal milkshakes and sodas. "Evil" was soon dropped from his moniker, and he was reintroduced in 1972 as one of the good guys. In 1974, he was redesigned, going from two pairs of arms to the single pair he has today. His role continued to grow, and by the mid 1970s, he was a major character in McDonaldland. Commercials and merchandise generally portray Grimace as a well-meaning simpleton whose clumsy antics provide a comic foil to Ronald McDonald.
1. Mayor McCheese - Mayor McCheese was an enormous cheeseburger who appeared from 1971–1985, he has a burger for a head, and sports a top hat, a diplomat's sash, and a pair of pince-nez spectacles. He is portrayed as a giggly, bumbling, somewhat incompetent mayor.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Show Prep 79
Greetings and Salutations, people! -
Today on VSR –
Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1
To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com
Twitter: @socnorb777
Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
OCEAN CITY, Md. (AP) -- Maryland State Police said a drunken 47-year-old Florida man wearing a diaper was arrested for shouting profanities while trick-or-treating. Police said Joseph David DiVanna of Sarasota, Fla., was arrested about 9:15 p.m. Sunday and charged with disorderly conduct.
Police said witnesses reported DiVanna cursed at adults and children in the Fox Chapel neighborhood of West Ocean City as he tried to get them to give him candy.
(Clip 40) Onion News story about the Hamburglar.
Magnificent 7: Top Seven McDonalds Characters
7. Birdie the Early Bird - She was the first identifiably female character, introduced in February 1980 to promote the company's new breakfast items. She is a yellow bird wearing a pink jumpsuit and flight cap and scarf. In the ads she is frequently portrayed as a poor flyer, and somewhat clumsy in general. Birdie's origin is explained in one old commercial: a giant egg falls from the night sky into McDonaldland, and Ronald McDonald decides to show the egg love.
6. Ronald McDonald – The original Ronald was actually Willard Scott.
5. Uncle O'Grimacey - He was created in 1977 and even appeared in 1986 for an advertising narrative of McDonald's both in celebration of Saint Patrick's Day and to mark the annual appearance of the Shamrock Shake. O'Grimacey is the Irish uncle of the character Grimace and is a variant of the Grimace-design in that he is green instead of purple, sports a frock coat covered with several four-leaf clovers, and carries a shillelagh. His design motif is not unlike that of a stereotypical depiction of the Irish folkloric leprechaun. O'Grimacey resides in his home country for eleven months of the year and visits his nephew Grimace in March, bringing with him his "incredibly delicious" shake. Uncle O'Grimacey is no longer used by the chain for its promotions of the shake.
4. Fry Guys - They are characters used to promote McDonald's french fries. When they first appeared in 1972, they were called Gobblins and liked to steal and gobble up the other characters' french fries. Accompanying them was the "Keep Your Eyes on Your Fries" jingle. Their name was later changed to the Fry Guys in 1983, then the Fry Kids in 1987, as female characters (the "Fry Girls") were introduced. They are differently-colored, shaggy, ball-like creatures with long legs and no arms, almost resembling a pom-pon with legs and eyes.
3. Hamburglar
2. Grimace - Grimace is a large, purple character who was first introduced in November 1971 as the "Evil Grimace". In his first two appearances, he was depicted with two pairs of arms with which to steal milkshakes and sodas. "Evil" was soon dropped from his moniker, and he was reintroduced in 1972 as one of the good guys. In 1974, he was redesigned, going from two pairs of arms to the single pair he has today. His role continued to grow, and by the mid 1970s, he was a major character in McDonaldland. Commercials and merchandise generally portray Grimace as a well-meaning simpleton whose clumsy antics provide a comic foil to Ronald McDonald.
1. Mayor McCheese - Mayor McCheese was an enormous cheeseburger who appeared from 1971–1985, he has a burger for a head, and sports a top hat, a diplomat's sash, and a pair of pince-nez spectacles. He is portrayed as a giggly, bumbling, somewhat incompetent mayor.
I’m Craig, and that’s the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
Bring on Face:
Are you uncomfortable entering Wal-Mart? We have a greeter at my local Wal-Mart who makes me super deluxe uncomfortable when I walk in.
Week in Wankery:
Yellow Card:
-Woman who almost killed me backing up in the grocery story parking lot
-The Eye Doctor – Bright lights while dilated for pictures were painful.
-The Woman talking at full volume on her cell phone during the first five minutes of the play I attended last night.
Man of the Match:
3 Winners this week:
-Jerry “Larry” Fairish – Hooking me up with a sweet Avs long-sleeved T-shirt.
-My cousin Tawni – Hooking me up with a ticket for the Broncos-Jets game
-My unknown friend in a Jeep – I was driving down Arapahoe Road on Thursday when this hero flashed his lights at me several times. I figured he may be trying to warm me of a speed trap, so I slowed down. I had been going 15 over the limit, but I slowed to the speed limit, and the motorcycle cop on the median just let me fly on by.
Red Card
-The Play that I went to last night. “Something Wicked this way comes” by Ray Bradbury. Ugh, it was so terrible.
-Ward M Vining – Dude who came up with the name for the Denver Broncos
The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
Cat Stevens – “Peace Train” (Clip 99)
Thanks to: (Whoever called)
Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
Patron- Does this library have any information of King Malcolm the Tenth?
Reference Librarian – You mean the King from the play, Macbeth?
P – No I mean the civil rights leader.
RL – Oh, you mean Malcolm X.
P- Do you have a videotape of Abraham Lincoln giving the Gettysburg address?
RL – No, we don’t.
P – You should get it. You have Bush on tape, and Lincoln was a greater President.
RL – Thanks for that historical analysis.
P- Do you have a good English translation of Hamlet?
RL – Yes, it’s by a man named William Shakespeare…very close to the original.
P – Who invented the time machine?
RL – H.G. Wells
P – I need information on the car BMW. How do you spell it?
RL – Go to the head of the class…you just did.
P – Why were so many Civil War battles fought in national parks?
RL – Trees provided great protection from bullets.
P – Do you have an audio tape of live dinosaur sounds?
RL – No, but you might want to try the zoo.
P – I need information on the woman named Rosetta Stone.
RL – Good luck. Let me know when you find it.
P- I need books on youth in Africa.
RL – You need books on young people in Africa?
P – No I need books about killing old people and vegetables.
RL – Oh, you have the wrong continent. That’s youth in Asia.
P – Is the correct term Swiss or Swedish?
RL – Yes.
P – I want to get the Gutenberg Bible on inter-library loan.
RL – That depends. Will you pay the shipping costs?
P – Do you have a copy of the Jerusalem newspaper on the day Jesus was born?
RL – No, but it might be on microfiche.
P- I need a book on impudence.
RL – Can you be more specific?
P – My husband can’t sustain an erection.
P – I need a cookbook for preparing dog food.
RL – You mean like kibbles and bits?
P – No for preparing a roast dachshund.
P – Is this library a government suppository?
RL – Sometimes it seems like it is.
P – I need a biography of a prehistoric man.
RL – How about Ralph the Hairy?
“The League” – 32 Teams made up of random and goofy team names for some unknown purpose
Pirates
Ninjas
Monkeys
Robots
Gorillas
Yetis
Dinosaurs
Moose
Nuts - Ed
Scary Kids - Ed
Dragons - Amiezin
Scorpions – Richie
Razor Blades - Richie
Geckos – HPG
The Blaster Girls
The Fightin' Feeny's
The Okeydokeys
The Jacuzzi Petes
The Swishy Arms
The One-Man-House-Bands
The Big Fans
Bandits – dawgpound81
Outlaws – dawgpound81
Octopi – The Whale
Gigawatts – The Whale
Turbines – The Whale
Scythes – The Whale
Bongs – The Whale
The Billy Goats – StreetDreamer83
The Trains – StreetDreamer83
The Bootleggers – StreetDreamer83
The Amigos – StreetDreamer83
(Bonaduce Sux – Aaron Young) Just a few random names that popped up:
Hillbillies
Afterburners
Sequoias/Redwoods
Jungle
Cattlemen
Pedophiles
Printmakers
Golden Cattle
Erections
Field Mice
Beastmasters
Tornadoes – The Ryan
California Chuck - Larry
Mississippi Mitch - Larry
Cardsfan:
Lemon Bars
Freudian Slips
Monte Cristos
Rapscallions
Neerdowellers
Layabouts
Loafers
Skivers
Spendthrifts
Rageaholics
Photo Dimers
Photo Bombers
Cow Pie Chuckers
Mad Hatters
Blue Quarks
The Diablos – The Ed
Mighty Turtles – The Ed
Dirty Sanchez – The Ed (Gross)
Anal Intruders – The Ed (Even more gross)
Weasels
-NSMaster56
South Carolina Traffic Violations (abbreviation SCTV)
C.H.U.D.S.
Kalamazoo Kangaroo's
Ypsilanti Yankees
Today on VSR –
Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1
To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com
Twitter: @socnorb777
Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
OCEAN CITY, Md. (AP) -- Maryland State Police said a drunken 47-year-old Florida man wearing a diaper was arrested for shouting profanities while trick-or-treating. Police said Joseph David DiVanna of Sarasota, Fla., was arrested about 9:15 p.m. Sunday and charged with disorderly conduct.
Police said witnesses reported DiVanna cursed at adults and children in the Fox Chapel neighborhood of West Ocean City as he tried to get them to give him candy.
(Clip 40) Onion News story about the Hamburglar.
Magnificent 7: Top Seven McDonalds Characters
7. Birdie the Early Bird - She was the first identifiably female character, introduced in February 1980 to promote the company's new breakfast items. She is a yellow bird wearing a pink jumpsuit and flight cap and scarf. In the ads she is frequently portrayed as a poor flyer, and somewhat clumsy in general. Birdie's origin is explained in one old commercial: a giant egg falls from the night sky into McDonaldland, and Ronald McDonald decides to show the egg love.
6. Ronald McDonald – The original Ronald was actually Willard Scott.
5. Uncle O'Grimacey - He was created in 1977 and even appeared in 1986 for an advertising narrative of McDonald's both in celebration of Saint Patrick's Day and to mark the annual appearance of the Shamrock Shake. O'Grimacey is the Irish uncle of the character Grimace and is a variant of the Grimace-design in that he is green instead of purple, sports a frock coat covered with several four-leaf clovers, and carries a shillelagh. His design motif is not unlike that of a stereotypical depiction of the Irish folkloric leprechaun. O'Grimacey resides in his home country for eleven months of the year and visits his nephew Grimace in March, bringing with him his "incredibly delicious" shake. Uncle O'Grimacey is no longer used by the chain for its promotions of the shake.
4. Fry Guys - They are characters used to promote McDonald's french fries. When they first appeared in 1972, they were called Gobblins and liked to steal and gobble up the other characters' french fries. Accompanying them was the "Keep Your Eyes on Your Fries" jingle. Their name was later changed to the Fry Guys in 1983, then the Fry Kids in 1987, as female characters (the "Fry Girls") were introduced. They are differently-colored, shaggy, ball-like creatures with long legs and no arms, almost resembling a pom-pon with legs and eyes.
3. Hamburglar
2. Grimace - Grimace is a large, purple character who was first introduced in November 1971 as the "Evil Grimace". In his first two appearances, he was depicted with two pairs of arms with which to steal milkshakes and sodas. "Evil" was soon dropped from his moniker, and he was reintroduced in 1972 as one of the good guys. In 1974, he was redesigned, going from two pairs of arms to the single pair he has today. His role continued to grow, and by the mid 1970s, he was a major character in McDonaldland. Commercials and merchandise generally portray Grimace as a well-meaning simpleton whose clumsy antics provide a comic foil to Ronald McDonald.
1. Mayor McCheese - Mayor McCheese was an enormous cheeseburger who appeared from 1971–1985, he has a burger for a head, and sports a top hat, a diplomat's sash, and a pair of pince-nez spectacles. He is portrayed as a giggly, bumbling, somewhat incompetent mayor.
I’m Craig, and that’s the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
Bring on Face:
Are you uncomfortable entering Wal-Mart? We have a greeter at my local Wal-Mart who makes me super deluxe uncomfortable when I walk in.
Week in Wankery:
Yellow Card:
-Woman who almost killed me backing up in the grocery story parking lot
-The Eye Doctor – Bright lights while dilated for pictures were painful.
-The Woman talking at full volume on her cell phone during the first five minutes of the play I attended last night.
Man of the Match:
3 Winners this week:
-Jerry “Larry” Fairish – Hooking me up with a sweet Avs long-sleeved T-shirt.
-My cousin Tawni – Hooking me up with a ticket for the Broncos-Jets game
-My unknown friend in a Jeep – I was driving down Arapahoe Road on Thursday when this hero flashed his lights at me several times. I figured he may be trying to warm me of a speed trap, so I slowed down. I had been going 15 over the limit, but I slowed to the speed limit, and the motorcycle cop on the median just let me fly on by.
Red Card
-The Play that I went to last night. “Something Wicked this way comes” by Ray Bradbury. Ugh, it was so terrible.
-Ward M Vining – Dude who came up with the name for the Denver Broncos
The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
Cat Stevens – “Peace Train” (Clip 99)
Thanks to: (Whoever called)
Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
Patron- Does this library have any information of King Malcolm the Tenth?
Reference Librarian – You mean the King from the play, Macbeth?
P – No I mean the civil rights leader.
RL – Oh, you mean Malcolm X.
P- Do you have a videotape of Abraham Lincoln giving the Gettysburg address?
RL – No, we don’t.
P – You should get it. You have Bush on tape, and Lincoln was a greater President.
RL – Thanks for that historical analysis.
P- Do you have a good English translation of Hamlet?
RL – Yes, it’s by a man named William Shakespeare…very close to the original.
P – Who invented the time machine?
RL – H.G. Wells
P – I need information on the car BMW. How do you spell it?
RL – Go to the head of the class…you just did.
P – Why were so many Civil War battles fought in national parks?
RL – Trees provided great protection from bullets.
P – Do you have an audio tape of live dinosaur sounds?
RL – No, but you might want to try the zoo.
P – I need information on the woman named Rosetta Stone.
RL – Good luck. Let me know when you find it.
P- I need books on youth in Africa.
RL – You need books on young people in Africa?
P – No I need books about killing old people and vegetables.
RL – Oh, you have the wrong continent. That’s youth in Asia.
P – Is the correct term Swiss or Swedish?
RL – Yes.
P – I want to get the Gutenberg Bible on inter-library loan.
RL – That depends. Will you pay the shipping costs?
P – Do you have a copy of the Jerusalem newspaper on the day Jesus was born?
RL – No, but it might be on microfiche.
P- I need a book on impudence.
RL – Can you be more specific?
P – My husband can’t sustain an erection.
P – I need a cookbook for preparing dog food.
RL – You mean like kibbles and bits?
P – No for preparing a roast dachshund.
P – Is this library a government suppository?
RL – Sometimes it seems like it is.
P – I need a biography of a prehistoric man.
RL – How about Ralph the Hairy?
“The League” – 32 Teams made up of random and goofy team names for some unknown purpose
Pirates
Ninjas
Monkeys
Robots
Gorillas
Yetis
Dinosaurs
Moose
Nuts - Ed
Scary Kids - Ed
Dragons - Amiezin
Scorpions – Richie
Razor Blades - Richie
Geckos – HPG
The Blaster Girls
The Fightin' Feeny's
The Okeydokeys
The Jacuzzi Petes
The Swishy Arms
The One-Man-House-Bands
The Big Fans
Bandits – dawgpound81
Outlaws – dawgpound81
Octopi – The Whale
Gigawatts – The Whale
Turbines – The Whale
Scythes – The Whale
Bongs – The Whale
The Billy Goats – StreetDreamer83
The Trains – StreetDreamer83
The Bootleggers – StreetDreamer83
The Amigos – StreetDreamer83
(Bonaduce Sux – Aaron Young) Just a few random names that popped up:
Hillbillies
Afterburners
Sequoias/Redwoods
Jungle
Cattlemen
Pedophiles
Printmakers
Golden Cattle
Erections
Field Mice
Beastmasters
Tornadoes – The Ryan
California Chuck - Larry
Mississippi Mitch - Larry
Cardsfan:
Lemon Bars
Freudian Slips
Monte Cristos
Rapscallions
Neerdowellers
Layabouts
Loafers
Skivers
Spendthrifts
Rageaholics
Photo Dimers
Photo Bombers
Cow Pie Chuckers
Mad Hatters
Blue Quarks
The Diablos – The Ed
Mighty Turtles – The Ed
Dirty Sanchez – The Ed (Gross)
Anal Intruders – The Ed (Even more gross)
Weasels
-NSMaster56
South Carolina Traffic Violations (abbreviation SCTV)
C.H.U.D.S.
Kalamazoo Kangaroo's
Ypsilanti Yankees
Show Prep 78
Greetings and Salutations, people! It’s the show that’s of the monkeys, by the monkeys, and for the monkeys. THIS is Vertically Striped Radio. I am your slowly thinning host in Dad shoes, Craig Dodge and we are set for another thrilling episode, our 78th overall, of VSR.
Today on VSR – We will be unveiling our new tournament which will unfold over the next month or so, The Magnificent Seven list will have Face and I going head to head on deciding the 7 best Major League Baseball hats of all time, We’ll take a look at the smartest and dumbest cities in America, and hopefully we’ll actually get to the Week in Wankery this week. To join in the fun, you can call…
Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1
To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com
Twitter: @socnorb777
Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
EARLY, Texas (AP) -- A message between old friends who hadn't been in touch for a while led to a drug arrest after the recipient of the "So do you smoke weed?" text turned out to be a police officer. Amanda Williams is a reserve officer with the Early Police Department. The Brownwood Bulletin reported Friday that Williams said she received the text message Tuesday asking about getting together to smoke some marijuana that the man had.
Early said she had not spoken to the man in some time and he did not know that she's a law officer.
Williams let police know that she agreed to meet the man at a park.
Early police and Texas troopers were on hand to detain the San Angelo man, who faces a marijuana possession charge.
REPUBLIC OF THE CONGO - A British pilot was among 20 people killed in a plane crash after a Crocodile went berserk aboard the flight.
The croc had been hidden in a passenger's sports bag but tore loose and ran amok, sparking panic.
A stampede of terrified passengers caused the small aircraft to lose balance and tip over in mid-air during an internal flight in the Democratic Republic of Congo.
A lone survivor from the Let 410 plane told the astonishing tale to investigators.
Ironically the crocodile also survived the crash but was later killed with a machete by rescuers sifting through the wreckage.
The plane was on a routine flight from the capital, Kinshasa, to the regional airport at Bandundu when the incident unfolded.
The plane smashed into an empty house just a few hundred meters from its destination.
"According to the inquiry report and the testimony of the only survivor, the crash happened because of a panic sparked by the escape of a crocodile hidden in a sports bag.
"One of the passengers had hidden the animal, which he planned to sell, in a big sports bag, from which the reptile escaped as the plane began its descent into Bandundu.
"The terrified air hostess hurried towards the cockpit, followed by the passengers." The plane was then sent off-balance "despite the desperate efforts of the pilot"
"The crocodile survived the crash before being cut up with a machete by people investigating the crash."
Taiwan –
Okay, so you’re a single woman living in Taiwan and facing intense financial pressure to get married and settle down. Only problem is that you don’t have a boyfriend or any prospects. So what do you do? Why, marry yourself, of course.
In an event which makes completely no sense what so ever, Taiwanese woman, Chen Wei-Yi has posed for a set of photos in a flowing white dress, enlisted a wedding planner and rented a banquet hall for a marriage celebration with 30 friends.
One small catch…there is no groom. Chen will marry herself.
Uninspired by the men she's met but facing social pressure to get married, the 30-year-old Taipei office worker will hold the reception next month in honor of just one person. Herself.
"Age thirty is a prime period for me. My work and experience are in good shape, but I haven't found a partner, so what can I do?" Chen said.
"It's not that I'm anti-marriage. I just hope that I can express a different idea within the bounds of a tradition."
Chen has now planned a $5,675 wedding for her to announce her devotion…to herself?
"I was just hoping that more people would love themselves," said Chen, who will go on a solo honeymoon to Australia.
Chen said her mother had insisted on a groom at first but later jumped aboard the solo marriage plan.
But as Chen cannot officially register a marriage to herself, if she finds a man later she will wed again. "If I had a steady boyfriend, I wouldn't do this," Chen said. "it would be offensive to him, anyway."
I’m not offended so much as confused. What is the statement you are making when you marry yourself? Why bother? And why spend almost six grand to make this statement that makes no sense?
Chen says she wants to make a different idea about marriage. To me it seems like the statement she is making sounds an awful lot like our friend T.O.
(Clip 88 - I love me some me!)
I’m Craig, and that’s the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
Bring on Face:
The Rent is too Damn High: Jimmy McMillan – Clip 90
-As a karate expert, I won’t talk bad about anyone up here.
Are you uncomfortable entering Wal-Mart? We have a greeter at my local Wal-Mart who makes me super deluxe uncomfortable when I walk in.
No Name Show – Karaoke Jam tomorrow night
Great Moments in the history of Blogtalk Radio: Ed meets a special dog
Super Mario Bros. Tournament: Intro (Clip 70)
8 Seed – The Mario Accordion (Clip 78)
Vs
1 Seed – The Japanese Beatboxer Hikakin (Clip 71)
Dishonorable Mentions:
Florida Marlins – Seriously what is that?
Blue Jays – Your team is called the Blue Jays, yet your hat is Black?
Padres – Kahki color on navy blue…they just punted this hat.
Tampa Bay Devil Rays – All hats they ever wore before dropping the Devil from their name.
Honorable Mentions
Detroit Tigers – Very cool, but deduct a few points as it’s a little too Yankee like
Astros Retro– Orange hat with blue star and a white H (Tequila sunrise jerseys)
Indians – Too Racist, but very cool anyway
Oakland A’s – Yellow Bill, Green hat
Twins – TC hat
Mariners – Cool colors and I like the logo a lot
Dodgers – Brooklyn Specifically
Giants
Expos – Blue bill, white front, red back of cap
Nationals – Red with the cool stylized W
Tampa Bay Rays
Pirates – Just the basic black with yellow P, very cool
Magnificent Seven: Top 7 Baseball Caps
7. Orioles – (Cartoon Bird)
6. Mariners retro hats – Blue with a yellow M that looks like a trident
5. Brooklyn Dodgers
4. Red Sox Alt – With the socks logo
3. Mets – Blue with orange letters
2. Brewers – MB Ball in Glove hat. Blue and Yellow
1. Yankees
CNN revealed the census bureau’s findings of the cities with the highest and lowest percentage of people with college degrees
Smartest:
1. Washington DC
2. San Francisco
3. San Jose, CA
4. Raleigh, NC
5. Boston
6. Austin, TX
7. Minneapolis, MN
8. Denver
9. Seattle
10. New York
Dumbest:
1. Riverside, CA
2. Las Vegas
3. Memphis
4. Tampa
5. San Antonio, TX
6. Louisville, KY
7. New Orleans
8. Detroit
9. Orlando
10. Cleveland
Week in Wankery:
Yellow Card:
-Woman who almost killed me backing up in the grocery story parking lot
-The Eye Doctor – Bright lights while dilated for pictures were painful.
Man of the Match:
2 Winners this week:
-My cousin Tawni – Hooking me up with a ticket for the Broncos-Jets game
-My unknown friend in a Jeep – I was driving down Arapahoe Road on Thursday when this hero flashed his lights at me several times. I figured he may be trying to warm me of a speed trap, so I slowed down. I had been going 15 over the limit, but I slowed to the speed limit, and the motorcycle cop on the median just let me fly on by.
Red Card
-The ref in the Broncos-Jets game who threw the pass interference flag.
The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
Men Without Hats – Safety Dance (Clip 89)
Minus the Bear – My Time (Clip 91)
The name "Minus the Bear" comes from an in-joke among the band members, referring to the 70's television program, B. J. and the Bear. "A friend of the band had gone on a date,” explains singer-guitarist Jake Snider, "and one of us asked him afterwards how the date went. Our friend said, 'You know that TV show from the '70s B.J. and The Bear? It was like that minus the bear.' That’s the straight truth."
Thanks to: (Whoever called)
Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
Today on VSR – We will be unveiling our new tournament which will unfold over the next month or so, The Magnificent Seven list will have Face and I going head to head on deciding the 7 best Major League Baseball hats of all time, We’ll take a look at the smartest and dumbest cities in America, and hopefully we’ll actually get to the Week in Wankery this week. To join in the fun, you can call…
Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1
To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com
Twitter: @socnorb777
Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
EARLY, Texas (AP) -- A message between old friends who hadn't been in touch for a while led to a drug arrest after the recipient of the "So do you smoke weed?" text turned out to be a police officer. Amanda Williams is a reserve officer with the Early Police Department. The Brownwood Bulletin reported Friday that Williams said she received the text message Tuesday asking about getting together to smoke some marijuana that the man had.
Early said she had not spoken to the man in some time and he did not know that she's a law officer.
Williams let police know that she agreed to meet the man at a park.
Early police and Texas troopers were on hand to detain the San Angelo man, who faces a marijuana possession charge.
REPUBLIC OF THE CONGO - A British pilot was among 20 people killed in a plane crash after a Crocodile went berserk aboard the flight.
The croc had been hidden in a passenger's sports bag but tore loose and ran amok, sparking panic.
A stampede of terrified passengers caused the small aircraft to lose balance and tip over in mid-air during an internal flight in the Democratic Republic of Congo.
A lone survivor from the Let 410 plane told the astonishing tale to investigators.
Ironically the crocodile also survived the crash but was later killed with a machete by rescuers sifting through the wreckage.
The plane was on a routine flight from the capital, Kinshasa, to the regional airport at Bandundu when the incident unfolded.
The plane smashed into an empty house just a few hundred meters from its destination.
"According to the inquiry report and the testimony of the only survivor, the crash happened because of a panic sparked by the escape of a crocodile hidden in a sports bag.
"One of the passengers had hidden the animal, which he planned to sell, in a big sports bag, from which the reptile escaped as the plane began its descent into Bandundu.
"The terrified air hostess hurried towards the cockpit, followed by the passengers." The plane was then sent off-balance "despite the desperate efforts of the pilot"
"The crocodile survived the crash before being cut up with a machete by people investigating the crash."
Taiwan –
Okay, so you’re a single woman living in Taiwan and facing intense financial pressure to get married and settle down. Only problem is that you don’t have a boyfriend or any prospects. So what do you do? Why, marry yourself, of course.
In an event which makes completely no sense what so ever, Taiwanese woman, Chen Wei-Yi has posed for a set of photos in a flowing white dress, enlisted a wedding planner and rented a banquet hall for a marriage celebration with 30 friends.
One small catch…there is no groom. Chen will marry herself.
Uninspired by the men she's met but facing social pressure to get married, the 30-year-old Taipei office worker will hold the reception next month in honor of just one person. Herself.
"Age thirty is a prime period for me. My work and experience are in good shape, but I haven't found a partner, so what can I do?" Chen said.
"It's not that I'm anti-marriage. I just hope that I can express a different idea within the bounds of a tradition."
Chen has now planned a $5,675 wedding for her to announce her devotion…to herself?
"I was just hoping that more people would love themselves," said Chen, who will go on a solo honeymoon to Australia.
Chen said her mother had insisted on a groom at first but later jumped aboard the solo marriage plan.
But as Chen cannot officially register a marriage to herself, if she finds a man later she will wed again. "If I had a steady boyfriend, I wouldn't do this," Chen said. "it would be offensive to him, anyway."
I’m not offended so much as confused. What is the statement you are making when you marry yourself? Why bother? And why spend almost six grand to make this statement that makes no sense?
Chen says she wants to make a different idea about marriage. To me it seems like the statement she is making sounds an awful lot like our friend T.O.
(Clip 88 - I love me some me!)
I’m Craig, and that’s the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
Bring on Face:
The Rent is too Damn High: Jimmy McMillan – Clip 90
-As a karate expert, I won’t talk bad about anyone up here.
Are you uncomfortable entering Wal-Mart? We have a greeter at my local Wal-Mart who makes me super deluxe uncomfortable when I walk in.
No Name Show – Karaoke Jam tomorrow night
Great Moments in the history of Blogtalk Radio: Ed meets a special dog
Super Mario Bros. Tournament: Intro (Clip 70)
8 Seed – The Mario Accordion (Clip 78)
Vs
1 Seed – The Japanese Beatboxer Hikakin (Clip 71)
Dishonorable Mentions:
Florida Marlins – Seriously what is that?
Blue Jays – Your team is called the Blue Jays, yet your hat is Black?
Padres – Kahki color on navy blue…they just punted this hat.
Tampa Bay Devil Rays – All hats they ever wore before dropping the Devil from their name.
Honorable Mentions
Detroit Tigers – Very cool, but deduct a few points as it’s a little too Yankee like
Astros Retro– Orange hat with blue star and a white H (Tequila sunrise jerseys)
Indians – Too Racist, but very cool anyway
Oakland A’s – Yellow Bill, Green hat
Twins – TC hat
Mariners – Cool colors and I like the logo a lot
Dodgers – Brooklyn Specifically
Giants
Expos – Blue bill, white front, red back of cap
Nationals – Red with the cool stylized W
Tampa Bay Rays
Pirates – Just the basic black with yellow P, very cool
Magnificent Seven: Top 7 Baseball Caps
7. Orioles – (Cartoon Bird)
6. Mariners retro hats – Blue with a yellow M that looks like a trident
5. Brooklyn Dodgers
4. Red Sox Alt – With the socks logo
3. Mets – Blue with orange letters
2. Brewers – MB Ball in Glove hat. Blue and Yellow
1. Yankees
CNN revealed the census bureau’s findings of the cities with the highest and lowest percentage of people with college degrees
Smartest:
1. Washington DC
2. San Francisco
3. San Jose, CA
4. Raleigh, NC
5. Boston
6. Austin, TX
7. Minneapolis, MN
8. Denver
9. Seattle
10. New York
Dumbest:
1. Riverside, CA
2. Las Vegas
3. Memphis
4. Tampa
5. San Antonio, TX
6. Louisville, KY
7. New Orleans
8. Detroit
9. Orlando
10. Cleveland
Week in Wankery:
Yellow Card:
-Woman who almost killed me backing up in the grocery story parking lot
-The Eye Doctor – Bright lights while dilated for pictures were painful.
Man of the Match:
2 Winners this week:
-My cousin Tawni – Hooking me up with a ticket for the Broncos-Jets game
-My unknown friend in a Jeep – I was driving down Arapahoe Road on Thursday when this hero flashed his lights at me several times. I figured he may be trying to warm me of a speed trap, so I slowed down. I had been going 15 over the limit, but I slowed to the speed limit, and the motorcycle cop on the median just let me fly on by.
Red Card
-The ref in the Broncos-Jets game who threw the pass interference flag.
The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
Men Without Hats – Safety Dance (Clip 89)
Minus the Bear – My Time (Clip 91)
The name "Minus the Bear" comes from an in-joke among the band members, referring to the 70's television program, B. J. and the Bear. "A friend of the band had gone on a date,” explains singer-guitarist Jake Snider, "and one of us asked him afterwards how the date went. Our friend said, 'You know that TV show from the '70s B.J. and The Bear? It was like that minus the bear.' That’s the straight truth."
Thanks to: (Whoever called)
Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
Show Prep 77
Greetings and Salutations, people! - It’s the only place Face Ventura goes to for news…THIS is Vertically Striped Radio. I am you mustacheless host, Craig Dodge and after a week hiatus, once again, we’re back for another episode of Vertically Striped Radio.
Today on VSR – It’s time to put some wankers in their place, it’s time to weigh in on the Chilean Miners, it’s time to try and figure out what goes through the mind of Brett Favre, and most importantly…We’ve debated weighty issues before, but today we tackle one of the most serious topics of our day. The Magnificent 7 – Top 7 Breakfast Cereals on a very special VSR.
Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1
To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com
Twitter: @socnorb777
Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
MIAMI (AP) -- A Georgia man was arrested at the Miami International Airport after he allegedly got on the baggage claim carousel and rode it into a secure area.
Authorities said 40-year-old Bradley Ray Bromelow, from Alpharetta, Ga., filmed people watching him as he moved on the conveyor belt Thursday. He faces a charge of trespassing into a secured area at the airport where signs are posted.
The Transportation Security Administration is reviewing the matter to determine if he will receive any fine.
Bromelow bonded out of jail early Friday morning.
ROCKFORD, Mich. (AP) -- A southwest Michigan couple shouldn't have too hard a time remembering their children's birthdays. After all, it's as easy as eight, nine, 10. Or more specifically, 8/8/8, 9/9/9 and 10/10/10.
Chad and Barbie Soper's three kids were born on those dates. The most recent, Cearra Nicole, was born this past Sunday.
Barbie Soper, 36, said she often is asked whether the couple manipulated the birth dates. The answer is no. Well, sort of.
The Sopers' first child, Chloe Corrin, arrived exactly on the couple's due date. But the second baby, Cameron Dane, was born with induced labor ahead of the Sept. 20 due date.
Cearra came early because Soper's physician wanted to prevent potential health complications. The original due date was Nov. 4.
"At some point, probably 20 weeks into the pregnancy, we decided it was better for her to deliver early," Dr. Andrew Van Slooten told The Grand Rapids Press. "There is this window we had. We definitely had the option to shoot for that (Oct. 10) day and did.
"But it wasn't like delivering her three weeks early just to hit that date."
Soper told the newspaper she's excited about her children's unique birth dates and that they "all get to share in it."
The big question, though, is: What are the chances of an 11/11/11 baby?
"Definitely no," Soper said. " ... We wanted three, and I'm glad we have that."
FRAMINGHAM, Mass. (AP) -- A Massachusetts man is facing an assault charge for allegedly hitting a town hall custodian on the back of the head with a roll of toilet paper because he was angry the cleaning man was whistling while he worked.
Framingham police say 55-year-old Allen Kerner was in town hall Wednesday using the bathroom. The custodian, who didn't realize anyone was in the restroom, whistled as he replenished toilet paper rolls.
The custodian told police he was in a stall when he was struck. Kerner yelled at him about whistling and fled. The custodian pursued him, and Kerner was apprehended by police outside.
Police tell The MetroWest Daily News that Kerner will be summoned to court to face an assault and battery charge.
I’m Craig, and that’s the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
Bring on Face:
Chilean Miners: (Clip 94)
-Somehow Face had no idea until the miners were being lifted out
-Part of the reason I think it was so good is because of the video feed. The video was so good, it didn’t need the talking heads…thankfully the link I was watching that didn’t have talking heads
-The Chilean President – Dude deserves some serious kudos.
-Mario Sepulveda – The 2nd dude out, jumping into the crowd to lead the Chi Chi Chi cheer, pulling out rocks to hand to the rescue workers, hugging the Chilean president.
-Yonni Barrios - the dude who’s wife and mistress met at the top.
-Sadly, both women were cows.
-Apparently, he’s insane, as he wanted both of them to show up at the top.
-His wife didn’t show at the top.
-Face and I both were hoping that his wife would be there and that she’d slap
him.
-How good would it have been if both woman HAD been at the top.
People care about the weirdest crap:
Gap changed it’s logo for about ten minutes. Apparently public outrage was so huge that they changed it back within a few days.
Brett Favre –
-Pants on the Ground – (Clip 91) It was just over a year ago that Brett Favre broke this out after a victory over the Cowboys…I’m not sure this could be funnier in light of recent events in Favre’s life.
-Favre Voicemails – (Clip 93) Is this just a mega-douche, a completely un-self aware man, a sexual predator, a creep, or what? I can’t understand what happened here, and I can’t help but think we’re missing a LOT of story here.
-Favre and Mel Gibson – (Clip 92)
-Ole Miss chose a mascot: Rather than the epic win that would have been picking Admiral Ackbar, they chose a Bear. Weak.
Baseball Playoffs: Why are we celebrating each round of the playoffs with Champaign in the locker room? It’d be like if NFL teams popped the cork after winning in the divisional round or something. So dumb.
Are you uncomfortable entering Wal-Mart? We have a greeter at my local Wal-Mart who makes me super deluxe uncomfortable when I walk in.
Magnificent Seven: Top 7 Breakfast Cereals:
Hot Cereal? I love my wife, but she just doesn’t understand. I told her we were going to do Top 7 Breakfast Cereals, and she started talking about Oatmeal and Cream of Wheat. For the record: Hot Cereal is not really cereal, and is ineligible for this list.
Malt-o-Meal – Not eligible for my list. A cereal has to have it’s own box. Homeless Cereal in a bag is just sad. At least 10% of a cereal’s value is being able to read the box.
I was amazed how many cereals used to have the word “Sugar” in their titles:
-Sugar Pops turned into Corn Pops
-Sugar Crisp turned into Golden Crisp
-Sugar Frosted Flakes dropped the Sugar and just became Frosted Flakes
-Sugar Smacks became Honey Smacks
Intriguing Cereals I came across during my research:
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Cereal
The California Raisins Cereal
Circus Fun Cereal
Crazy Cow
Dinersaurs Cereal
Donkey Kong Crunch
Donkey Kong Jr Cereal
E.T. Cereal
Flutie Flakes
Ghostbusters Cereal
Homer’s Cinnamon Donut Cereal
Ice Cream Cones Cereal
Kaboom! Cereal (With an exclamation point)
Monopoly Cereal
Mr. T Cereal
Nerds Cereal
Oreo O’s
Product 19 – Just a terrible name.
Smurf Berry Crunch
Urkel O’s
Dishonorable Mentions:
Wheaties – Tastes like you are eating straight grains of wheat – gross.
Grape Nuts – Cereal should not look and taste like gravel
Honorable Mentions:
Cupcake Pebbles
Rice Crispies
Fruit Loops
Kix
Frankenberry
The Magnificent 7:
7. Cinnamon Toast Crunch
6. Cracklin’ Oat Bran
5. Apple Jacks
4. Raisin Bran
3. Frosted Flakes
2. Cap’n Crunch with Crunchberries
1. Boo Berry
CNN revealed the census bureau’s findings of the highest and lowest percentage of people with college degrees
Smartest:
1. Washington DC
2. San Francisco
3. San Jose, CA
4. Raleigh, NC
5. Boston
6. Austin, TX
7. Minneapolis, MN
8. Denver
9. Seattle
10. New York
Dumbest:
1. Riverside, CA
2. Las Vegas
3. Memphis
4. Tampa
5. San Antonio, TX
6. Louisville, KY
7. New Orleans
8. Detroit
9. Orlando
10. Cleveland
Week in Wankery:
Yellow Card:
-Woman who almost killed me backing up in the grocery story parking lot
-The Eye Doctor – Bright lights while dilated for pictures were painful.
-The Woman talking at full volume on her cell phone during the first five minutes of the play I attended last night.
Man of the Match:
3 Winners this week:
-Jerry “Larry” Fairish – Hooking me up with a sweet Avs long-sleeved T-shirt.
-My cousin Tawni – Hooking me up with a ticket for the Broncos-Jets game
-My unknown friend in a Jeep – I was driving down Arapahoe Road on Thursday when this hero flashed his lights at me several times. I figured he may be trying to warm me of a speed trap, so I slowed down. I had been going 15 over the limit, but I slowed to the speed limit, and the motorcycle cop on the median just let me fly on by.
Red Card
-The Play that I went to last night. “Something Wicked this way comes” by Ray Bradbury. Ugh, it was so terrible.
-Ward M Vining – Dude who came up with the name for the Denver Broncos
The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
Mute Math – “Stall Out” (Clip 88)
Thanks to: (Whoever called)
Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
(Clip 40) Onion News story about the Hamburglar.
Magnificent 7: Top Seven McDonalds Characters
7. Birdie the Early Bird - She was the first identifiably female character, introduced in February 1980 to promote the company's new breakfast items. She is a yellow bird wearing a pink jumpsuit and flight cap and scarf. In the ads she is frequently portrayed as a poor flyer, and somewhat clumsy in general. Birdie's origin is explained in one old commercial: a giant egg falls from the night sky into McDonaldland, and Ronald McDonald decides to show the egg love.
6. Ronald McDonald – The original Ronald was actually Willard Scott.
5. Uncle O'Grimacey - He was created in 1977 and even appeared in 1986 for an advertising narrative of McDonald's both in celebration of Saint Patrick's Day and to mark the annual appearance of the Shamrock Shake. O'Grimacey is the Irish uncle of the character Grimace and is a variant of the Grimace-design in that he is green instead of purple, sports a frock coat covered with several four-leaf clovers, and carries a shillelagh. His design motif is not unlike that of a stereotypical depiction of the Irish folkloric leprechaun. O'Grimacey resides in his home country for eleven months of the year and visits his nephew Grimace in March, bringing with him his "incredibly delicious" shake. Uncle O'Grimacey is no longer used by the chain for its promotions of the shake.
4. Fry Guys - They are characters used to promote McDonald's french fries. When they first appeared in 1972, they were called Gobblins and liked to steal and gobble up the other characters' french fries. Accompanying them was the "Keep Your Eyes on Your Fries" jingle. Their name was later changed to the Fry Guys in 1983, then the Fry Kids in 1987, as female characters (the "Fry Girls") were introduced. They are differently-colored, shaggy, ball-like creatures with long legs and no arms, almost resembling a pom-pon with legs and eyes.
3. Hamburglar
2. Grimace - Grimace is a large, purple character who was first introduced in November 1971 as the "Evil Grimace". In his first two appearances, he was depicted with two pairs of arms with which to steal milkshakes and sodas. "Evil" was soon dropped from his moniker, and he was reintroduced in 1972 as one of the good guys. In 1974, he was redesigned, going from two pairs of arms to the single pair he has today. His role continued to grow, and by the mid 1970s, he was a major character in McDonaldland. Commercials and merchandise generally portray Grimace as a well-meaning simpleton whose clumsy antics provide a comic foil to Ronald McDonald.
1. Mayor McCheese - Mayor McCheese was an enormous cheeseburger who appeared from 1971–1985, he has a burger for a head, and sports a top hat, a diplomat's sash, and a pair of pince-nez spectacles. He is portrayed as a giggly, bumbling, somewhat incompetent mayor.
Patron- Does this library have any information of King Malcolm the Tenth?
Reference Librarian – You mean the King from the play, Macbeth?
P – No I mean the civil rights leader.
RL – Oh, you mean Malcolm X.
P- Do you have a videotape of Abraham Lincoln giving the Gettysburg address?
RL – No, we don’t.
P – You should get it. You have Bush on tape, and Lincoln was a greater President.
RL – Thanks for that historical analysis.
P- Do you have a good English translation of Hamlet?
RL – Yes, it’s by a man named William Shakespeare…very close to the original.
P – Who invented the time machine?
RL – H.G. Wells
P – I need information on the car BMW. How do you spell it?
RL – Go to the head of the class…you just did.
P – Why were so many Civil War battles fought in national parks?
RL – Trees provided great protection from bullets.
P – Do you have an audio tape of live dinosaur sounds?
RL – No, but you might want to try the zoo.
P – I need information on the woman named Rosetta Stone.
RL – Good luck. Let me know when you find it.
P- I need books on youth in Africa.
RL – You need books on young people in Africa?
P – No I need books about killing old people and vegetables.
RL – Oh, you have the wrong continent. That’s youth in Asia.
P – Is the correct term Swiss or Swedish?
RL – Yes.
P – I want to get the Gutenberg Bible on inter-library loan.
RL – That depends. Will you pay the shipping costs?
P – Do you have a copy of the Jerusalem newspaper on the day Jesus was born?
RL – No, but it might be on microfiche.
P- I need a book on impudence.
RL – Can you be more specific?
P – My husband can’t sustain an erection.
P – I need a cookbook for preparing dog food.
RL – You mean like kibbles and bits?
P – No for preparing a roast dachshund.
P – Is this library a government suppository?
RL – Sometimes it seems like it is.
P – I need a biography of a prehistoric man.
RL – How about Ralph the Hairy?
“The League” – 32 Teams made up of random and goofy team names for some unknown purpose
Pirates
Ninjas
Monkeys
Robots
Gorillas
Yetis
Dinosaurs
Moose
Nuts - Ed
Scary Kids - Ed
Dragons - Amiezin
Scorpions – Richie
Razor Blades - Richie
Geckos – HPG
The Blaster Girls
The Fightin' Feeny's
The Okeydokeys
The Jacuzzi Petes
The Swishy Arms
The One-Man-House-Bands
The Big Fans
Bandits – dawgpound81
Outlaws – dawgpound81
Octopi – The Whale
Gigawatts – The Whale
Turbines – The Whale
Scythes – The Whale
Bongs – The Whale
The Billy Goats – StreetDreamer83
The Trains – StreetDreamer83
The Bootleggers – StreetDreamer83
The Amigos – StreetDreamer83
(Bonaduce Sux – Aaron Young) Just a few random names that popped up:
Hillbillies
Afterburners
Sequoias/Redwoods
Jungle
Cattlemen
Pedophiles
Printmakers
Golden Cattle
Erections
Field Mice
Beastmasters
Tornadoes – The Ryan
California Chuck - Larry
Mississippi Mitch - Larry
Cardsfan:
Lemon Bars
Freudian Slips
Monte Cristos
Rapscallions
Neerdowellers
Layabouts
Loafers
Skivers
Spendthrifts
Rageaholics
Photo Dimers
Photo Bombers
Cow Pie Chuckers
Mad Hatters
Blue Quarks
The Diablos – The Ed
Mighty Turtles – The Ed
Dirty Sanchez – The Ed (Gross)
Anal Intruders – The Ed (Even more gross)
Weasels
-NSMaster56
South Carolina Traffic Violations (abbreviation SCTV)
C.H.U.D.S.
Kalamazoo Kangaroo's
Ypsilanti Yankees
Today on VSR – It’s time to put some wankers in their place, it’s time to weigh in on the Chilean Miners, it’s time to try and figure out what goes through the mind of Brett Favre, and most importantly…We’ve debated weighty issues before, but today we tackle one of the most serious topics of our day. The Magnificent 7 – Top 7 Breakfast Cereals on a very special VSR.
Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1
To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com
Twitter: @socnorb777
Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
MIAMI (AP) -- A Georgia man was arrested at the Miami International Airport after he allegedly got on the baggage claim carousel and rode it into a secure area.
Authorities said 40-year-old Bradley Ray Bromelow, from Alpharetta, Ga., filmed people watching him as he moved on the conveyor belt Thursday. He faces a charge of trespassing into a secured area at the airport where signs are posted.
The Transportation Security Administration is reviewing the matter to determine if he will receive any fine.
Bromelow bonded out of jail early Friday morning.
ROCKFORD, Mich. (AP) -- A southwest Michigan couple shouldn't have too hard a time remembering their children's birthdays. After all, it's as easy as eight, nine, 10. Or more specifically, 8/8/8, 9/9/9 and 10/10/10.
Chad and Barbie Soper's three kids were born on those dates. The most recent, Cearra Nicole, was born this past Sunday.
Barbie Soper, 36, said she often is asked whether the couple manipulated the birth dates. The answer is no. Well, sort of.
The Sopers' first child, Chloe Corrin, arrived exactly on the couple's due date. But the second baby, Cameron Dane, was born with induced labor ahead of the Sept. 20 due date.
Cearra came early because Soper's physician wanted to prevent potential health complications. The original due date was Nov. 4.
"At some point, probably 20 weeks into the pregnancy, we decided it was better for her to deliver early," Dr. Andrew Van Slooten told The Grand Rapids Press. "There is this window we had. We definitely had the option to shoot for that (Oct. 10) day and did.
"But it wasn't like delivering her three weeks early just to hit that date."
Soper told the newspaper she's excited about her children's unique birth dates and that they "all get to share in it."
The big question, though, is: What are the chances of an 11/11/11 baby?
"Definitely no," Soper said. " ... We wanted three, and I'm glad we have that."
FRAMINGHAM, Mass. (AP) -- A Massachusetts man is facing an assault charge for allegedly hitting a town hall custodian on the back of the head with a roll of toilet paper because he was angry the cleaning man was whistling while he worked.
Framingham police say 55-year-old Allen Kerner was in town hall Wednesday using the bathroom. The custodian, who didn't realize anyone was in the restroom, whistled as he replenished toilet paper rolls.
The custodian told police he was in a stall when he was struck. Kerner yelled at him about whistling and fled. The custodian pursued him, and Kerner was apprehended by police outside.
Police tell The MetroWest Daily News that Kerner will be summoned to court to face an assault and battery charge.
I’m Craig, and that’s the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
Bring on Face:
Chilean Miners: (Clip 94)
-Somehow Face had no idea until the miners were being lifted out
-Part of the reason I think it was so good is because of the video feed. The video was so good, it didn’t need the talking heads…thankfully the link I was watching that didn’t have talking heads
-The Chilean President – Dude deserves some serious kudos.
-Mario Sepulveda – The 2nd dude out, jumping into the crowd to lead the Chi Chi Chi cheer, pulling out rocks to hand to the rescue workers, hugging the Chilean president.
-Yonni Barrios - the dude who’s wife and mistress met at the top.
-Sadly, both women were cows.
-Apparently, he’s insane, as he wanted both of them to show up at the top.
-His wife didn’t show at the top.
-Face and I both were hoping that his wife would be there and that she’d slap
him.
-How good would it have been if both woman HAD been at the top.
People care about the weirdest crap:
Gap changed it’s logo for about ten minutes. Apparently public outrage was so huge that they changed it back within a few days.
Brett Favre –
-Pants on the Ground – (Clip 91) It was just over a year ago that Brett Favre broke this out after a victory over the Cowboys…I’m not sure this could be funnier in light of recent events in Favre’s life.
-Favre Voicemails – (Clip 93) Is this just a mega-douche, a completely un-self aware man, a sexual predator, a creep, or what? I can’t understand what happened here, and I can’t help but think we’re missing a LOT of story here.
-Favre and Mel Gibson – (Clip 92)
-Ole Miss chose a mascot: Rather than the epic win that would have been picking Admiral Ackbar, they chose a Bear. Weak.
Baseball Playoffs: Why are we celebrating each round of the playoffs with Champaign in the locker room? It’d be like if NFL teams popped the cork after winning in the divisional round or something. So dumb.
Are you uncomfortable entering Wal-Mart? We have a greeter at my local Wal-Mart who makes me super deluxe uncomfortable when I walk in.
Magnificent Seven: Top 7 Breakfast Cereals:
Hot Cereal? I love my wife, but she just doesn’t understand. I told her we were going to do Top 7 Breakfast Cereals, and she started talking about Oatmeal and Cream of Wheat. For the record: Hot Cereal is not really cereal, and is ineligible for this list.
Malt-o-Meal – Not eligible for my list. A cereal has to have it’s own box. Homeless Cereal in a bag is just sad. At least 10% of a cereal’s value is being able to read the box.
I was amazed how many cereals used to have the word “Sugar” in their titles:
-Sugar Pops turned into Corn Pops
-Sugar Crisp turned into Golden Crisp
-Sugar Frosted Flakes dropped the Sugar and just became Frosted Flakes
-Sugar Smacks became Honey Smacks
Intriguing Cereals I came across during my research:
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Cereal
The California Raisins Cereal
Circus Fun Cereal
Crazy Cow
Dinersaurs Cereal
Donkey Kong Crunch
Donkey Kong Jr Cereal
E.T. Cereal
Flutie Flakes
Ghostbusters Cereal
Homer’s Cinnamon Donut Cereal
Ice Cream Cones Cereal
Kaboom! Cereal (With an exclamation point)
Monopoly Cereal
Mr. T Cereal
Nerds Cereal
Oreo O’s
Product 19 – Just a terrible name.
Smurf Berry Crunch
Urkel O’s
Dishonorable Mentions:
Wheaties – Tastes like you are eating straight grains of wheat – gross.
Grape Nuts – Cereal should not look and taste like gravel
Honorable Mentions:
Cupcake Pebbles
Rice Crispies
Fruit Loops
Kix
Frankenberry
The Magnificent 7:
7. Cinnamon Toast Crunch
6. Cracklin’ Oat Bran
5. Apple Jacks
4. Raisin Bran
3. Frosted Flakes
2. Cap’n Crunch with Crunchberries
1. Boo Berry
CNN revealed the census bureau’s findings of the highest and lowest percentage of people with college degrees
Smartest:
1. Washington DC
2. San Francisco
3. San Jose, CA
4. Raleigh, NC
5. Boston
6. Austin, TX
7. Minneapolis, MN
8. Denver
9. Seattle
10. New York
Dumbest:
1. Riverside, CA
2. Las Vegas
3. Memphis
4. Tampa
5. San Antonio, TX
6. Louisville, KY
7. New Orleans
8. Detroit
9. Orlando
10. Cleveland
Week in Wankery:
Yellow Card:
-Woman who almost killed me backing up in the grocery story parking lot
-The Eye Doctor – Bright lights while dilated for pictures were painful.
-The Woman talking at full volume on her cell phone during the first five minutes of the play I attended last night.
Man of the Match:
3 Winners this week:
-Jerry “Larry” Fairish – Hooking me up with a sweet Avs long-sleeved T-shirt.
-My cousin Tawni – Hooking me up with a ticket for the Broncos-Jets game
-My unknown friend in a Jeep – I was driving down Arapahoe Road on Thursday when this hero flashed his lights at me several times. I figured he may be trying to warm me of a speed trap, so I slowed down. I had been going 15 over the limit, but I slowed to the speed limit, and the motorcycle cop on the median just let me fly on by.
Red Card
-The Play that I went to last night. “Something Wicked this way comes” by Ray Bradbury. Ugh, it was so terrible.
-Ward M Vining – Dude who came up with the name for the Denver Broncos
The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
Mute Math – “Stall Out” (Clip 88)
Thanks to: (Whoever called)
Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
(Clip 40) Onion News story about the Hamburglar.
Magnificent 7: Top Seven McDonalds Characters
7. Birdie the Early Bird - She was the first identifiably female character, introduced in February 1980 to promote the company's new breakfast items. She is a yellow bird wearing a pink jumpsuit and flight cap and scarf. In the ads she is frequently portrayed as a poor flyer, and somewhat clumsy in general. Birdie's origin is explained in one old commercial: a giant egg falls from the night sky into McDonaldland, and Ronald McDonald decides to show the egg love.
6. Ronald McDonald – The original Ronald was actually Willard Scott.
5. Uncle O'Grimacey - He was created in 1977 and even appeared in 1986 for an advertising narrative of McDonald's both in celebration of Saint Patrick's Day and to mark the annual appearance of the Shamrock Shake. O'Grimacey is the Irish uncle of the character Grimace and is a variant of the Grimace-design in that he is green instead of purple, sports a frock coat covered with several four-leaf clovers, and carries a shillelagh. His design motif is not unlike that of a stereotypical depiction of the Irish folkloric leprechaun. O'Grimacey resides in his home country for eleven months of the year and visits his nephew Grimace in March, bringing with him his "incredibly delicious" shake. Uncle O'Grimacey is no longer used by the chain for its promotions of the shake.
4. Fry Guys - They are characters used to promote McDonald's french fries. When they first appeared in 1972, they were called Gobblins and liked to steal and gobble up the other characters' french fries. Accompanying them was the "Keep Your Eyes on Your Fries" jingle. Their name was later changed to the Fry Guys in 1983, then the Fry Kids in 1987, as female characters (the "Fry Girls") were introduced. They are differently-colored, shaggy, ball-like creatures with long legs and no arms, almost resembling a pom-pon with legs and eyes.
3. Hamburglar
2. Grimace - Grimace is a large, purple character who was first introduced in November 1971 as the "Evil Grimace". In his first two appearances, he was depicted with two pairs of arms with which to steal milkshakes and sodas. "Evil" was soon dropped from his moniker, and he was reintroduced in 1972 as one of the good guys. In 1974, he was redesigned, going from two pairs of arms to the single pair he has today. His role continued to grow, and by the mid 1970s, he was a major character in McDonaldland. Commercials and merchandise generally portray Grimace as a well-meaning simpleton whose clumsy antics provide a comic foil to Ronald McDonald.
1. Mayor McCheese - Mayor McCheese was an enormous cheeseburger who appeared from 1971–1985, he has a burger for a head, and sports a top hat, a diplomat's sash, and a pair of pince-nez spectacles. He is portrayed as a giggly, bumbling, somewhat incompetent mayor.
Patron- Does this library have any information of King Malcolm the Tenth?
Reference Librarian – You mean the King from the play, Macbeth?
P – No I mean the civil rights leader.
RL – Oh, you mean Malcolm X.
P- Do you have a videotape of Abraham Lincoln giving the Gettysburg address?
RL – No, we don’t.
P – You should get it. You have Bush on tape, and Lincoln was a greater President.
RL – Thanks for that historical analysis.
P- Do you have a good English translation of Hamlet?
RL – Yes, it’s by a man named William Shakespeare…very close to the original.
P – Who invented the time machine?
RL – H.G. Wells
P – I need information on the car BMW. How do you spell it?
RL – Go to the head of the class…you just did.
P – Why were so many Civil War battles fought in national parks?
RL – Trees provided great protection from bullets.
P – Do you have an audio tape of live dinosaur sounds?
RL – No, but you might want to try the zoo.
P – I need information on the woman named Rosetta Stone.
RL – Good luck. Let me know when you find it.
P- I need books on youth in Africa.
RL – You need books on young people in Africa?
P – No I need books about killing old people and vegetables.
RL – Oh, you have the wrong continent. That’s youth in Asia.
P – Is the correct term Swiss or Swedish?
RL – Yes.
P – I want to get the Gutenberg Bible on inter-library loan.
RL – That depends. Will you pay the shipping costs?
P – Do you have a copy of the Jerusalem newspaper on the day Jesus was born?
RL – No, but it might be on microfiche.
P- I need a book on impudence.
RL – Can you be more specific?
P – My husband can’t sustain an erection.
P – I need a cookbook for preparing dog food.
RL – You mean like kibbles and bits?
P – No for preparing a roast dachshund.
P – Is this library a government suppository?
RL – Sometimes it seems like it is.
P – I need a biography of a prehistoric man.
RL – How about Ralph the Hairy?
“The League” – 32 Teams made up of random and goofy team names for some unknown purpose
Pirates
Ninjas
Monkeys
Robots
Gorillas
Yetis
Dinosaurs
Moose
Nuts - Ed
Scary Kids - Ed
Dragons - Amiezin
Scorpions – Richie
Razor Blades - Richie
Geckos – HPG
The Blaster Girls
The Fightin' Feeny's
The Okeydokeys
The Jacuzzi Petes
The Swishy Arms
The One-Man-House-Bands
The Big Fans
Bandits – dawgpound81
Outlaws – dawgpound81
Octopi – The Whale
Gigawatts – The Whale
Turbines – The Whale
Scythes – The Whale
Bongs – The Whale
The Billy Goats – StreetDreamer83
The Trains – StreetDreamer83
The Bootleggers – StreetDreamer83
The Amigos – StreetDreamer83
(Bonaduce Sux – Aaron Young) Just a few random names that popped up:
Hillbillies
Afterburners
Sequoias/Redwoods
Jungle
Cattlemen
Pedophiles
Printmakers
Golden Cattle
Erections
Field Mice
Beastmasters
Tornadoes – The Ryan
California Chuck - Larry
Mississippi Mitch - Larry
Cardsfan:
Lemon Bars
Freudian Slips
Monte Cristos
Rapscallions
Neerdowellers
Layabouts
Loafers
Skivers
Spendthrifts
Rageaholics
Photo Dimers
Photo Bombers
Cow Pie Chuckers
Mad Hatters
Blue Quarks
The Diablos – The Ed
Mighty Turtles – The Ed
Dirty Sanchez – The Ed (Gross)
Anal Intruders – The Ed (Even more gross)
Weasels
-NSMaster56
South Carolina Traffic Violations (abbreviation SCTV)
C.H.U.D.S.
Kalamazoo Kangaroo's
Ypsilanti Yankees
Show Prep 76
Greetings and Salutations, people! -
Today on VSR – We will begin work on creating “The League”, The major theme of the day is “Being Surprised by Music” so we will discuss a few situations where music might come as a complete surprise, I have a Power Rankings to unveil, and of course…we have some news as well. To jump into the proceedings, you can call…
Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1
To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com
Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
WATSONVILLE, California - A man was arrested Wednesday afternoon after he walked into a Watsonville bank, said he had a bomb in his backpack and demanded $2,000 so he could pay his friend's rent, police reported. But when Mark Smith, 59, allegedly tried to rob the bank, the bank manager suggested that what he actually needed to do was take out a loan, and she had him sit down while she said she was going to retrieve the loan paperwork. Instead, she called 911, according to the Assistant District Attorney.
"Quick-thinking staff kept the man calm and distracted him with some paperwork until we arrived," said Lt. Darren Thompson of the Watsonville Police.
Police arrested Smith, a Watsonville resident, on suspicion of attempted robbery, making criminal threats and making a false bomb report, according to police.
Smith didn't have a bomb or any other weapons and no injuries were reported…Smith now faces the prospect of doing some jail time, although not all is lost as he is now halfway through the paperwork for his mortgage application.
WATERBURY, Connecticut - Call it the case of the flying hippo. Connecticut police said a man stole an American flag from Waterbury's Town Plot Park and hoisted a stuffed hippopotamus toy in its place. Twenty-three-year-old Jeffrey Kovic, of Waterbury, was arrested and was being held in lieu of $100,000 bail on misdemeanor larceny, criminal mischief and conspiracy charges.
He is facing charges, but I think it would all be worth it to be able to be able to say, “I pledge allegiance to the Hippopotamus”
TONGEREN, Belgium
(Reuters) - A Belgian woman went on trial on Friday charged with the murder of a fellow skydiver and love rival who plunged to her death after her parachute was sabotaged.
Els Van Doren, 38, smashed into a back garden from some 4,500 meters (14,764 feet) in November 2006 because both her main and reserve chutes failed to open after she jumped from a plane with defendant, Els Clottemans, 26, their lover, Dutchman Marcel Somers, and another man.
Clottemans, an elementary school teacher, is accused of cutting through key parts of the parachute system the weekend before the jump to remove her rival and have Somers for herself.
Lawyers for Clottemans issued a statement expressing their firm belief that their client did not kill a woman she regarded as a friend.
Interest in the case was so great that a live television feed was laid in an overflow room in the courthouse.
Prosecuters said Clottemans was an experienced skydiver and would have known how to sabotage a parachute and that she had the opportunity to do so when she and Van Doren were with Somers a week before the fatal drop.
Van Doren's pilot chute, a small parachute deployed to pull the main chute out, was detached from that, while a line that should have connected the reserve chute to the harness was free.
Experts ruled that both items had been deliberately cut and that it could been done in just 30 seconds with scissors.
Psychiatric experts have identified signs that Clottemans suffers from a psychopathic disorder.
Clottemans' lawyers say that is no hard evidence against their client, whom they say investigators intimidated and belittled in hours of questioning.
The trial, which is likely to feature video of the fall shot from a camera on Van Doren's helmet, is expected to last four weeks…Although, I expect it to last longer due to the “gravity” of the situation.
I’m Craig, and that’s the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
Bring on Face:
“The League” – 32 Teams made up of random and goofy team names for some unknown purpose
Pirates
Ninjas
Monkeys
Robots
Gorillas
Yetis
Musical Mash-up – Van Halen “Jump” and John Lennon “Imagine” (Clip 95) – One of the main themes of today’s show is being surprised by music. This particular thing that I’m going to play is just a matter of being surprised by how well some things can mix that you would never really expect would mix well. Kind of like this old commercial..(Clip 97 – Reeces Peanut Butter Cup commercial)
Power Rankings
Also receiving votes:
Netflix (Play clips from King of Kong)
10. Carmelo Anthony trade rumors
9. Getting paid for an advertisement – 25 bucks for posting a link to nfl.pointspread.com/odds
8. Red Dwarf – BBC Sitcom that ran from 1988 to 1997. Rather than cursing, they came up with their own curse word… “Smeg”
7. Dan Lebatard – Sooey rule (Clip 94)
6. Mike Vick – Got announced as the starter for the Eagles
5. The Tooth Moose – Much cooler than the tooth fairy.
4. The Random Dude in front of me at during my commute on Friday morning: He had a giant Pentagram bumper sticker, two even larger Broncos decals on his window, and a Blue Cross Blue Shield Health insurance sticker on his tailgate. Clearly, this dude has a lot of irons in the fire.
3. Bizzaro World in the NFL – I guess we shouldn’t be surprised, as this kind of weirdness happens each year in the NFL, but the Chiefs, Bucs, and Bears are undefeated and the Cowboys, Vikings, and 49ers are winless.
2. Kenyon Martin’s Tattoo – Kenyon thought it meant “Warrior.” However Yao Ming told him that what it actually meant was “Noodles”
1. NFL Red Zone
Musical Road in Lancaster, California (Clip 96) - The Civic Musical Road was built on Avenue K in Lancaster, California, on September 5, 2008. Covering a quarter-mile stretch of road, the Musical Road used grooves cut into the asphalt to replicate part of the Finale of the William Tell Overture. It was paved over on 23 September after nearby residents complained to the city council about noise levels.
After further complaints from city residents about its removal, work began to re-create it on 15 October 2008 on Avenue G between 30th Street West and 40th Street West — this time, two miles away from any residence. This road is named after the Honda Civic. It opened two days later. The new section on Avenue G is only in the far left lane of the westbound side of the road.
Washington Metro Story – Violin in the Subway
On January 12th, 2007 Virtuoso violinist Joshua Bell in association with the Washington Post decided to do a little social experiment. Bell, a renowned musician who a mere three days prior to the experiment had packed out Boston’s Symphony Hall where merely average seats were going for one hundred dollars a piece, was going to play for free…In the subway.
The event had been described to him as a test of whether, in an unexpected context, ordinary people would recognize genius. So, on a cool January day, a rather unspectacular looking man in a Washington Nationals cap walked in to the L’Enphant Metro Station in Washington DC, and put on a world class performance for a mostly non-interested crowd.
The artist was world class, and the instrument was one of the greatest ever made. In fact, Bell rode a taxi cab to the station from his hotel…despite the fact that it was only 3 blocks, because he didn’t want his instrument to risk being damaged by an accident or by the cool weather, and when you hear a little more about the violin, you will understand why.
Bell’s violin was handcrafted in 1713 by Antonio Stradivari during the Italian master's "golden period," toward the end of his career, when he had access to the finest spruce, maple and willow, and when his technique had been refined to perfection. Bell bought it a few years ago. The price tag was reported to be around $3.5 million.
When the violinist shows his Strad to people, he holds the instrument gingerly by its neck, resting it on a knee. "He made this to perfect thickness at all parts," Bell says, pivoting it. "If you shaved off a millimeter of wood at any point, it would totally imbalance the sound." No violins sound as wonderful as Strads from the 1710s, even today.
Bell played some classic and stirring pieces for nearly 45 minutes in the L’enfant Station of the Washington DC Metro Rail. Before the experiment began, the organizers worried what would happen if Bell were to be mobbed by admirers. Turns out, that was not even close to an issue. In the three-quarters of an hour that Joshua Bell played, only seven people stopped what they were doing to hang around and take in the performance for longer than one minute. Twenty-seven people gave money, most of them on the run -- for a total of $32 and some change. 1,070 people who hurried by, oblivious, many only three feet away, few even turning to look.
An interesting observation can be made on the video. Despite the fact that the majority of people walking by almost completely ignored the talented musician, EVERY kid that passed by strained to look and had to be dragged along by the adult that they were travelling with. Almost as if kids are born with an innate ability to appreciate beauty and are still endowed with enough innocence to not realize they should be ignoring the music.
Of the seven people who stopped longer than a minute to listen, only one person recognized him. A woman named Stacey who had seen him a few weeks earlier at a concert. She arrived when there were only a few minutes remaining in the performance. She gets a giant grin on her face and plants herself 10 feet from Bell for the rest of the time Bell plays. She then introduces herself to him at the end of his set, and tosses a 20 dollar bill into Bell’s guitar case. One other person, it turns out a man who had studied violin in his younger days, listens intently and humbly tosses in a 5 at the end of the music. In an interview done by the Washington Post with the man who was watching, this man didn’t know who Bell was, but recognized the genius. Five other people stood for at least a minute listening, but other than these few people, most everyone just walked by ignoring the brilliance.
Which begs the questions:
IF A GREAT MUSICIAN PLAYS GREAT MUSIC BUT NO ONE HEARS . . . WAS HE REALLY ANY GOOD?
If we as a culture wasn’t so wrapped up in ourselves, would we have more time to recognize brilliance?
Clearly context matters, but is it the context that makes brilliance, or is the context the thing that makes brilliance noticeable?
If this were in another country besides the United States, would people have taken the time to sit and notice?
Are we in so big of a hurry in America that we are missing out on untold beauty?
Are you looking for amazing things in unexpected places?
The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
Anberlin – “Like a Rolling Stone” from the Album “Lost Songs” (Clip 93)
Thanks to: (Whoever called)
Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
Week in Wankery:
Yellow Card:
Man of the Match:
Red Card
(Clip 92) Onion News story about the Hamburglar.
Magnificent 7: Top Seven McDonalds Characters
7. Birdie the Early Bird - She was the first identifiably female character, introduced in February 1980 to promote the company's new breakfast items. She is a yellow bird wearing a pink jumpsuit and flight cap and scarf. In the ads she is frequently portrayed as a poor flyer, and somewhat clumsy in general. Birdie's origin is explained in one old commercial: a giant egg falls from the night sky into McDonaldland, and Ronald McDonald decides to show the egg love.
6. Ronald McDonald – The original Ronald was actually Willard Scott.
5. Uncle O'Grimacey - He was created in 1977 and even appeared in 1986 for an advertising narrative of McDonald's both in celebration of Saint Patrick's Day and to mark the annual appearance of the Shamrock Shake. O'Grimacey is the Irish uncle of the character Grimace and is a variant of the Grimace-design in that he is green instead of purple, sports a frock coat covered with several four-leaf clovers, and carries a shillelagh. His design motif is not unlike that of a stereotypical depiction of the Irish folkloric leprechaun. O'Grimacey resides in his home country for eleven months of the year and visits his nephew Grimace in March, bringing with him his "incredibly delicious" shake. Uncle O'Grimacey is no longer used by the chain for its promotions of the shake.
4. Fry Guys - They are characters used to promote McDonald's french fries. When they first appeared in 1972, they were called Gobblins and liked to steal and gobble up the other characters' french fries. Accompanying them was the "Keep Your Eyes on Your Fries" jingle. Their name was later changed to the Fry Guys in 1983, then the Fry Kids in 1987, as female characters (the "Fry Girls") were introduced. They are differently-colored, shaggy, ball-like creatures with long legs and no arms, almost resembling a pom-pon with legs and eyes.
3. Hamburglar
2. Grimace - Grimace is a large, purple character who was first introduced in November 1971 as the "Evil Grimace". In his first two appearances, he was depicted with two pairs of arms with which to steal milkshakes and sodas. "Evil" was soon dropped from his moniker, and he was reintroduced in 1972 as one of the good guys. In 1974, he was redesigned, going from two pairs of arms to the single pair he has today. His role continued to grow, and by the mid 1970s, he was a major character in McDonaldland. Commercials and merchandise generally portray Grimace as a well-meaning simpleton whose clumsy antics provide a comic foil to Ronald McDonald.
1. Mayor McCheese - Mayor McCheese was an enormous cheeseburger who appeared from 1971–1985, he has a burger for a head, and sports a top hat, a diplomat's sash, and a pair of pince-nez spectacles. He is portrayed as a giggly, bumbling, somewhat incompetent mayor.
Patron- Does this library have any information of King Malcolm the Tenth?
Reference Librarian – You mean the King from the play, Macbeth?
P – No I mean the civil rights leader.
RL – Oh, you mean Malcolm X.
P- Do you have a videotape of Abraham Lincoln giving the Gettysburg address?
RL – No, we don’t.
P – You should get it. You have Bush on tape, and Lincoln was a greater President.
RL – Thanks for that historical analysis.
P- Do you have a good English translation of Hamlet?
RL – Yes, it’s by a man named William Shakespeare…very close to the original.
P – Who invented the time machine?
RL – H.G. Wells
P – I need information on the car BMW. How do you spell it?
RL – Go to the head of the class…you just did.
P – Why were so many Civil War battles fought in national parks?
RL – Trees provided great protection from bullets.
P – Do you have an audio tape of live dinosaur sounds?
RL – No, but you might want to try the zoo.
P – I need information on the woman named Rosetta Stone.
RL – Good luck. Let me know when you find it.
P- I need books on youth in Africa.
RL – You need books on young people in Africa?
P – No I need books about killing old people and vegetables.
RL – Oh, you have the wrong continent. That’s youth in Asia.
P – Is the correct term Swiss or Swedish?
RL – Yes.
P – I want to get the Gutenberg Bible on inter-library loan.
RL – That depends. Will you pay the shipping costs?
P – Do you have a copy of the Jerusalem newspaper on the day Jesus was born?
RL – No, but it might be on microfiche.
P- I need a book on impudence.
RL – Can you be more specific?
P – My husband can’t sustain an erection.
P – I need a cookbook for preparing dog food.
RL – You mean like kibbles and bits?
P – No for preparing a roast dachshund.
P – Is this library a government suppository?
RL – Sometimes it seems like it is.
P – I need a biography of a prehistoric man.
RL – How about Ralph the Hairy?
Today on VSR – We will begin work on creating “The League”, The major theme of the day is “Being Surprised by Music” so we will discuss a few situations where music might come as a complete surprise, I have a Power Rankings to unveil, and of course…we have some news as well. To jump into the proceedings, you can call…
Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1
To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com
Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
WATSONVILLE, California - A man was arrested Wednesday afternoon after he walked into a Watsonville bank, said he had a bomb in his backpack and demanded $2,000 so he could pay his friend's rent, police reported. But when Mark Smith, 59, allegedly tried to rob the bank, the bank manager suggested that what he actually needed to do was take out a loan, and she had him sit down while she said she was going to retrieve the loan paperwork. Instead, she called 911, according to the Assistant District Attorney.
"Quick-thinking staff kept the man calm and distracted him with some paperwork until we arrived," said Lt. Darren Thompson of the Watsonville Police.
Police arrested Smith, a Watsonville resident, on suspicion of attempted robbery, making criminal threats and making a false bomb report, according to police.
Smith didn't have a bomb or any other weapons and no injuries were reported…Smith now faces the prospect of doing some jail time, although not all is lost as he is now halfway through the paperwork for his mortgage application.
WATERBURY, Connecticut - Call it the case of the flying hippo. Connecticut police said a man stole an American flag from Waterbury's Town Plot Park and hoisted a stuffed hippopotamus toy in its place. Twenty-three-year-old Jeffrey Kovic, of Waterbury, was arrested and was being held in lieu of $100,000 bail on misdemeanor larceny, criminal mischief and conspiracy charges.
He is facing charges, but I think it would all be worth it to be able to be able to say, “I pledge allegiance to the Hippopotamus”
TONGEREN, Belgium
(Reuters) - A Belgian woman went on trial on Friday charged with the murder of a fellow skydiver and love rival who plunged to her death after her parachute was sabotaged.
Els Van Doren, 38, smashed into a back garden from some 4,500 meters (14,764 feet) in November 2006 because both her main and reserve chutes failed to open after she jumped from a plane with defendant, Els Clottemans, 26, their lover, Dutchman Marcel Somers, and another man.
Clottemans, an elementary school teacher, is accused of cutting through key parts of the parachute system the weekend before the jump to remove her rival and have Somers for herself.
Lawyers for Clottemans issued a statement expressing their firm belief that their client did not kill a woman she regarded as a friend.
Interest in the case was so great that a live television feed was laid in an overflow room in the courthouse.
Prosecuters said Clottemans was an experienced skydiver and would have known how to sabotage a parachute and that she had the opportunity to do so when she and Van Doren were with Somers a week before the fatal drop.
Van Doren's pilot chute, a small parachute deployed to pull the main chute out, was detached from that, while a line that should have connected the reserve chute to the harness was free.
Experts ruled that both items had been deliberately cut and that it could been done in just 30 seconds with scissors.
Psychiatric experts have identified signs that Clottemans suffers from a psychopathic disorder.
Clottemans' lawyers say that is no hard evidence against their client, whom they say investigators intimidated and belittled in hours of questioning.
The trial, which is likely to feature video of the fall shot from a camera on Van Doren's helmet, is expected to last four weeks…Although, I expect it to last longer due to the “gravity” of the situation.
I’m Craig, and that’s the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
Bring on Face:
“The League” – 32 Teams made up of random and goofy team names for some unknown purpose
Pirates
Ninjas
Monkeys
Robots
Gorillas
Yetis
Musical Mash-up – Van Halen “Jump” and John Lennon “Imagine” (Clip 95) – One of the main themes of today’s show is being surprised by music. This particular thing that I’m going to play is just a matter of being surprised by how well some things can mix that you would never really expect would mix well. Kind of like this old commercial..(Clip 97 – Reeces Peanut Butter Cup commercial)
Power Rankings
Also receiving votes:
Netflix (Play clips from King of Kong)
10. Carmelo Anthony trade rumors
9. Getting paid for an advertisement – 25 bucks for posting a link to nfl.pointspread.com/odds
8. Red Dwarf – BBC Sitcom that ran from 1988 to 1997. Rather than cursing, they came up with their own curse word… “Smeg”
7. Dan Lebatard – Sooey rule (Clip 94)
6. Mike Vick – Got announced as the starter for the Eagles
5. The Tooth Moose – Much cooler than the tooth fairy.
4. The Random Dude in front of me at during my commute on Friday morning: He had a giant Pentagram bumper sticker, two even larger Broncos decals on his window, and a Blue Cross Blue Shield Health insurance sticker on his tailgate. Clearly, this dude has a lot of irons in the fire.
3. Bizzaro World in the NFL – I guess we shouldn’t be surprised, as this kind of weirdness happens each year in the NFL, but the Chiefs, Bucs, and Bears are undefeated and the Cowboys, Vikings, and 49ers are winless.
2. Kenyon Martin’s Tattoo – Kenyon thought it meant “Warrior.” However Yao Ming told him that what it actually meant was “Noodles”
1. NFL Red Zone
Musical Road in Lancaster, California (Clip 96) - The Civic Musical Road was built on Avenue K in Lancaster, California, on September 5, 2008. Covering a quarter-mile stretch of road, the Musical Road used grooves cut into the asphalt to replicate part of the Finale of the William Tell Overture. It was paved over on 23 September after nearby residents complained to the city council about noise levels.
After further complaints from city residents about its removal, work began to re-create it on 15 October 2008 on Avenue G between 30th Street West and 40th Street West — this time, two miles away from any residence. This road is named after the Honda Civic. It opened two days later. The new section on Avenue G is only in the far left lane of the westbound side of the road.
Washington Metro Story – Violin in the Subway
On January 12th, 2007 Virtuoso violinist Joshua Bell in association with the Washington Post decided to do a little social experiment. Bell, a renowned musician who a mere three days prior to the experiment had packed out Boston’s Symphony Hall where merely average seats were going for one hundred dollars a piece, was going to play for free…In the subway.
The event had been described to him as a test of whether, in an unexpected context, ordinary people would recognize genius. So, on a cool January day, a rather unspectacular looking man in a Washington Nationals cap walked in to the L’Enphant Metro Station in Washington DC, and put on a world class performance for a mostly non-interested crowd.
The artist was world class, and the instrument was one of the greatest ever made. In fact, Bell rode a taxi cab to the station from his hotel…despite the fact that it was only 3 blocks, because he didn’t want his instrument to risk being damaged by an accident or by the cool weather, and when you hear a little more about the violin, you will understand why.
Bell’s violin was handcrafted in 1713 by Antonio Stradivari during the Italian master's "golden period," toward the end of his career, when he had access to the finest spruce, maple and willow, and when his technique had been refined to perfection. Bell bought it a few years ago. The price tag was reported to be around $3.5 million.
When the violinist shows his Strad to people, he holds the instrument gingerly by its neck, resting it on a knee. "He made this to perfect thickness at all parts," Bell says, pivoting it. "If you shaved off a millimeter of wood at any point, it would totally imbalance the sound." No violins sound as wonderful as Strads from the 1710s, even today.
Bell played some classic and stirring pieces for nearly 45 minutes in the L’enfant Station of the Washington DC Metro Rail. Before the experiment began, the organizers worried what would happen if Bell were to be mobbed by admirers. Turns out, that was not even close to an issue. In the three-quarters of an hour that Joshua Bell played, only seven people stopped what they were doing to hang around and take in the performance for longer than one minute. Twenty-seven people gave money, most of them on the run -- for a total of $32 and some change. 1,070 people who hurried by, oblivious, many only three feet away, few even turning to look.
An interesting observation can be made on the video. Despite the fact that the majority of people walking by almost completely ignored the talented musician, EVERY kid that passed by strained to look and had to be dragged along by the adult that they were travelling with. Almost as if kids are born with an innate ability to appreciate beauty and are still endowed with enough innocence to not realize they should be ignoring the music.
Of the seven people who stopped longer than a minute to listen, only one person recognized him. A woman named Stacey who had seen him a few weeks earlier at a concert. She arrived when there were only a few minutes remaining in the performance. She gets a giant grin on her face and plants herself 10 feet from Bell for the rest of the time Bell plays. She then introduces herself to him at the end of his set, and tosses a 20 dollar bill into Bell’s guitar case. One other person, it turns out a man who had studied violin in his younger days, listens intently and humbly tosses in a 5 at the end of the music. In an interview done by the Washington Post with the man who was watching, this man didn’t know who Bell was, but recognized the genius. Five other people stood for at least a minute listening, but other than these few people, most everyone just walked by ignoring the brilliance.
Which begs the questions:
IF A GREAT MUSICIAN PLAYS GREAT MUSIC BUT NO ONE HEARS . . . WAS HE REALLY ANY GOOD?
If we as a culture wasn’t so wrapped up in ourselves, would we have more time to recognize brilliance?
Clearly context matters, but is it the context that makes brilliance, or is the context the thing that makes brilliance noticeable?
If this were in another country besides the United States, would people have taken the time to sit and notice?
Are we in so big of a hurry in America that we are missing out on untold beauty?
Are you looking for amazing things in unexpected places?
The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
Anberlin – “Like a Rolling Stone” from the Album “Lost Songs” (Clip 93)
Thanks to: (Whoever called)
Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
Week in Wankery:
Yellow Card:
Man of the Match:
Red Card
(Clip 92) Onion News story about the Hamburglar.
Magnificent 7: Top Seven McDonalds Characters
7. Birdie the Early Bird - She was the first identifiably female character, introduced in February 1980 to promote the company's new breakfast items. She is a yellow bird wearing a pink jumpsuit and flight cap and scarf. In the ads she is frequently portrayed as a poor flyer, and somewhat clumsy in general. Birdie's origin is explained in one old commercial: a giant egg falls from the night sky into McDonaldland, and Ronald McDonald decides to show the egg love.
6. Ronald McDonald – The original Ronald was actually Willard Scott.
5. Uncle O'Grimacey - He was created in 1977 and even appeared in 1986 for an advertising narrative of McDonald's both in celebration of Saint Patrick's Day and to mark the annual appearance of the Shamrock Shake. O'Grimacey is the Irish uncle of the character Grimace and is a variant of the Grimace-design in that he is green instead of purple, sports a frock coat covered with several four-leaf clovers, and carries a shillelagh. His design motif is not unlike that of a stereotypical depiction of the Irish folkloric leprechaun. O'Grimacey resides in his home country for eleven months of the year and visits his nephew Grimace in March, bringing with him his "incredibly delicious" shake. Uncle O'Grimacey is no longer used by the chain for its promotions of the shake.
4. Fry Guys - They are characters used to promote McDonald's french fries. When they first appeared in 1972, they were called Gobblins and liked to steal and gobble up the other characters' french fries. Accompanying them was the "Keep Your Eyes on Your Fries" jingle. Their name was later changed to the Fry Guys in 1983, then the Fry Kids in 1987, as female characters (the "Fry Girls") were introduced. They are differently-colored, shaggy, ball-like creatures with long legs and no arms, almost resembling a pom-pon with legs and eyes.
3. Hamburglar
2. Grimace - Grimace is a large, purple character who was first introduced in November 1971 as the "Evil Grimace". In his first two appearances, he was depicted with two pairs of arms with which to steal milkshakes and sodas. "Evil" was soon dropped from his moniker, and he was reintroduced in 1972 as one of the good guys. In 1974, he was redesigned, going from two pairs of arms to the single pair he has today. His role continued to grow, and by the mid 1970s, he was a major character in McDonaldland. Commercials and merchandise generally portray Grimace as a well-meaning simpleton whose clumsy antics provide a comic foil to Ronald McDonald.
1. Mayor McCheese - Mayor McCheese was an enormous cheeseburger who appeared from 1971–1985, he has a burger for a head, and sports a top hat, a diplomat's sash, and a pair of pince-nez spectacles. He is portrayed as a giggly, bumbling, somewhat incompetent mayor.
Patron- Does this library have any information of King Malcolm the Tenth?
Reference Librarian – You mean the King from the play, Macbeth?
P – No I mean the civil rights leader.
RL – Oh, you mean Malcolm X.
P- Do you have a videotape of Abraham Lincoln giving the Gettysburg address?
RL – No, we don’t.
P – You should get it. You have Bush on tape, and Lincoln was a greater President.
RL – Thanks for that historical analysis.
P- Do you have a good English translation of Hamlet?
RL – Yes, it’s by a man named William Shakespeare…very close to the original.
P – Who invented the time machine?
RL – H.G. Wells
P – I need information on the car BMW. How do you spell it?
RL – Go to the head of the class…you just did.
P – Why were so many Civil War battles fought in national parks?
RL – Trees provided great protection from bullets.
P – Do you have an audio tape of live dinosaur sounds?
RL – No, but you might want to try the zoo.
P – I need information on the woman named Rosetta Stone.
RL – Good luck. Let me know when you find it.
P- I need books on youth in Africa.
RL – You need books on young people in Africa?
P – No I need books about killing old people and vegetables.
RL – Oh, you have the wrong continent. That’s youth in Asia.
P – Is the correct term Swiss or Swedish?
RL – Yes.
P – I want to get the Gutenberg Bible on inter-library loan.
RL – That depends. Will you pay the shipping costs?
P – Do you have a copy of the Jerusalem newspaper on the day Jesus was born?
RL – No, but it might be on microfiche.
P- I need a book on impudence.
RL – Can you be more specific?
P – My husband can’t sustain an erection.
P – I need a cookbook for preparing dog food.
RL – You mean like kibbles and bits?
P – No for preparing a roast dachshund.
P – Is this library a government suppository?
RL – Sometimes it seems like it is.
P – I need a biography of a prehistoric man.
RL – How about Ralph the Hairy?
Show Prep 74
Greetings and Salutations, people! -
Today on VSR – We will begin work on creating “The League”, The major theme of the day is “Being Surprised by Music” so we will discuss a few situations where music might come as a complete surprise, I have a Power Rankings to unveil, and of course…we have some news as well. To jump into the proceedings, you can call…
Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1
To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com
Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
WATSONVILLE, California - A man was arrested Wednesday afternoon after he walked into a Watsonville bank, said he had a bomb in his backpack and demanded $2,000 so he could pay his friend's rent, police reported. But when Mark Smith, 59, allegedly tried to rob the bank, the bank manager suggested that what he actually needed to do was take out a loan, and she had him sit down while she said she was going to retrieve the loan paperwork. Instead, she called 911, according to the Assistant District Attorney.
"Quick-thinking staff kept the man calm and distracted him with some paperwork until we arrived," said Lt. Darren Thompson of the Watsonville Police.
Police arrested Smith, a Watsonville resident, on suspicion of attempted robbery, making criminal threats and making a false bomb report, according to police.
Smith didn't have a bomb or any other weapons and no injuries were reported…Smith now faces the prospect of doing some jail time, although not all is lost as he is now halfway through the paperwork for his mortgage application.
WATERBURY, Connecticut - Call it the case of the flying hippo. Connecticut police said a man stole an American flag from Waterbury's Town Plot Park and hoisted a stuffed hippopotamus toy in its place. Twenty-three-year-old Jeffrey Kovic, of Waterbury, was arrested and was being held in lieu of $100,000 bail on misdemeanor larceny, criminal mischief and conspiracy charges.
He is facing charges, but I think it would all be worth it to be able to be able to say, “I pledge allegiance to the Hippopotamus”
TONGEREN, Belgium
(Reuters) - A Belgian woman went on trial on Friday charged with the murder of a fellow skydiver and love rival who plunged to her death after her parachute was sabotaged.
Els Van Doren, 38, smashed into a back garden from some 4,500 meters (14,764 feet) in November 2006 because both her main and reserve chutes failed to open after she jumped from a plane with defendant, Els Clottemans, 26, their lover, Dutchman Marcel Somers, and another man.
Clottemans, an elementary school teacher, is accused of cutting through key parts of the parachute system the weekend before the jump to remove her rival and have Somers for herself.
Lawyers for Clottemans issued a statement expressing their firm belief that their client did not kill a woman she regarded as a friend.
Interest in the case was so great that a live television feed was laid in an overflow room in the courthouse.
Prosecuters said Clottemans was an experienced skydiver and would have known how to sabotage a parachute and that she had the opportunity to do so when she and Van Doren were with Somers a week before the fatal drop.
Van Doren's pilot chute, a small parachute deployed to pull the main chute out, was detached from that, while a line that should have connected the reserve chute to the harness was free.
Experts ruled that both items had been deliberately cut and that it could been done in just 30 seconds with scissors.
Psychiatric experts have identified signs that Clottemans suffers from a psychopathic disorder.
Clottemans' lawyers say that is no hard evidence against their client, whom they say investigators intimidated and belittled in hours of questioning.
The trial, which is likely to feature video of the fall shot from a camera on Van Doren's helmet, is expected to last four weeks…Although, I expect it to last longer due to the “gravity” of the situation.
I’m Craig, and that’s the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
Bring on Face:
“The League” – 32 Teams made up of random and goofy team names for some unknown purpose
Pirates
Ninjas
Monkeys
Robots
Gorillas
Yetis
Musical Mash-up – Van Halen “Jump” and John Lennon “Imagine” (Clip 95) – One of the main themes of today’s show is being surprised by music. This particular thing that I’m going to play is just a matter of being surprised by how well some things can mix that you would never really expect would mix well. Kind of like this old commercial..(Clip 97 – Reeces Peanut Butter Cup commercial)
Power Rankings
Also receiving votes:
Netflix (Play clips from King of Kong)
10. Carmelo Anthony trade rumors
9. Getting paid for an advertisement – 25 bucks for posting a link to nfl.pointspread.com/odds
8. Red Dwarf – BBC Sitcom that ran from 1988 to 1997. Rather than cursing, they came up with their own curse word… “Smeg”
7. Dan Lebatard – Sooey rule (Clip 94)
6. Mike Vick – Got announced as the starter for the Eagles
5. The Tooth Moose – Much cooler than the tooth fairy.
4. The Random Dude in front of me at during my commute on Friday morning: He had a giant Pentagram bumper sticker, two even larger Broncos decals on his window, and a Blue Cross Blue Shield Health insurance sticker on his tailgate. Clearly, this dude has a lot of irons in the fire.
3. Bizzaro World in the NFL – I guess we shouldn’t be surprised, as this kind of weirdness happens each year in the NFL, but the Chiefs, Bucs, and Bears are undefeated and the Cowboys, Vikings, and 49ers are winless.
2. Kenyon Martin’s Tattoo – Kenyon thought it meant “Warrior.” However Yao Ming told him that what it actually meant was “Noodles”
1. NFL Red Zone
Musical Road in Lancaster, California (Clip 96) - The Civic Musical Road was built on Avenue K in Lancaster, California, on September 5, 2008. Covering a quarter-mile stretch of road, the Musical Road used grooves cut into the asphalt to replicate part of the Finale of the William Tell Overture. It was paved over on 23 September after nearby residents complained to the city council about noise levels.
After further complaints from city residents about its removal, work began to re-create it on 15 October 2008 on Avenue G between 30th Street West and 40th Street West — this time, two miles away from any residence. This road is named after the Honda Civic. It opened two days later. The new section on Avenue G is only in the far left lane of the westbound side of the road.
Washington Metro Story – Violin in the Subway
On January 12th, 2007 Virtuoso violinist Joshua Bell in association with the Washington Post decided to do a little social experiment. Bell, a renowned musician who a mere three days prior to the experiment had packed out Boston’s Symphony Hall where merely average seats were going for one hundred dollars a piece, was going to play for free…In the subway.
The event had been described to him as a test of whether, in an unexpected context, ordinary people would recognize genius. So, on a cool January day, a rather unspectacular looking man in a Washington Nationals cap walked in to the L’Enphant Metro Station in Washington DC, and put on a world class performance for a mostly non-interested crowd.
The artist was world class, and the instrument was one of the greatest ever made. In fact, Bell rode a taxi cab to the station from his hotel…despite the fact that it was only 3 blocks, because he didn’t want his instrument to risk being damaged by an accident or by the cool weather, and when you hear a little more about the violin, you will understand why.
Bell’s violin was handcrafted in 1713 by Antonio Stradivari during the Italian master's "golden period," toward the end of his career, when he had access to the finest spruce, maple and willow, and when his technique had been refined to perfection. Bell bought it a few years ago. The price tag was reported to be around $3.5 million.
When the violinist shows his Strad to people, he holds the instrument gingerly by its neck, resting it on a knee. "He made this to perfect thickness at all parts," Bell says, pivoting it. "If you shaved off a millimeter of wood at any point, it would totally imbalance the sound." No violins sound as wonderful as Strads from the 1710s, even today.
Bell played some classic and stirring pieces for nearly 45 minutes in the L’enfant Station of the Washington DC Metro Rail. Before the experiment began, the organizers worried what would happen if Bell were to be mobbed by admirers. Turns out, that was not even close to an issue. In the three-quarters of an hour that Joshua Bell played, only seven people stopped what they were doing to hang around and take in the performance for longer than one minute. Twenty-seven people gave money, most of them on the run -- for a total of $32 and some change. 1,070 people who hurried by, oblivious, many only three feet away, few even turning to look.
An interesting observation can be made on the video. Despite the fact that the majority of people walking by almost completely ignored the talented musician, EVERY kid that passed by strained to look and had to be dragged along by the adult that they were travelling with. Almost as if kids are born with an innate ability to appreciate beauty and are still endowed with enough innocence to not realize they should be ignoring the music.
Of the seven people who stopped longer than a minute to listen, only one person recognized him. A woman named Stacey who had seen him a few weeks earlier at a concert. She arrived when there were only a few minutes remaining in the performance. She gets a giant grin on her face and plants herself 10 feet from Bell for the rest of the time Bell plays. She then introduces herself to him at the end of his set, and tosses a 20 dollar bill into Bell’s guitar case. One other person, it turns out a man who had studied violin in his younger days, listens intently and humbly tosses in a 5 at the end of the music. In an interview done by the Washington Post with the man who was watching, this man didn’t know who Bell was, but recognized the genius. Five other people stood for at least a minute listening, but other than these few people, most everyone just walked by ignoring the brilliance.
Which begs the questions:
IF A GREAT MUSICIAN PLAYS GREAT MUSIC BUT NO ONE HEARS . . . WAS HE REALLY ANY GOOD?
If we as a culture wasn’t so wrapped up in ourselves, would we have more time to recognize brilliance?
Clearly context matters, but is it the context that makes brilliance, or is the context the thing that makes brilliance noticeable?
If this were in another country besides the United States, would people have taken the time to sit and notice?
Are we in so big of a hurry in America that we are missing out on untold beauty?
Are you looking for amazing things in unexpected places?
The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
Anberlin – “Like a Rolling Stone” from the Album “Lost Songs” (Clip 93)
Thanks to: (Whoever called)
Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
Week in Wankery:
Yellow Card:
Man of the Match:
Red Card
(Clip 92) Onion News story about the Hamburglar.
Magnificent 7: Top Seven McDonalds Characters
7. Birdie the Early Bird - She was the first identifiably female character, introduced in February 1980 to promote the company's new breakfast items. She is a yellow bird wearing a pink jumpsuit and flight cap and scarf. In the ads she is frequently portrayed as a poor flyer, and somewhat clumsy in general. Birdie's origin is explained in one old commercial: a giant egg falls from the night sky into McDonaldland, and Ronald McDonald decides to show the egg love.
6. Ronald McDonald – The original Ronald was actually Willard Scott.
5. Uncle O'Grimacey - He was created in 1977 and even appeared in 1986 for an advertising narrative of McDonald's both in celebration of Saint Patrick's Day and to mark the annual appearance of the Shamrock Shake. O'Grimacey is the Irish uncle of the character Grimace and is a variant of the Grimace-design in that he is green instead of purple, sports a frock coat covered with several four-leaf clovers, and carries a shillelagh. His design motif is not unlike that of a stereotypical depiction of the Irish folkloric leprechaun. O'Grimacey resides in his home country for eleven months of the year and visits his nephew Grimace in March, bringing with him his "incredibly delicious" shake. Uncle O'Grimacey is no longer used by the chain for its promotions of the shake.
4. Fry Guys - They are characters used to promote McDonald's french fries. When they first appeared in 1972, they were called Gobblins and liked to steal and gobble up the other characters' french fries. Accompanying them was the "Keep Your Eyes on Your Fries" jingle. Their name was later changed to the Fry Guys in 1983, then the Fry Kids in 1987, as female characters (the "Fry Girls") were introduced. They are differently-colored, shaggy, ball-like creatures with long legs and no arms, almost resembling a pom-pon with legs and eyes.
3. Hamburglar
2. Grimace - Grimace is a large, purple character who was first introduced in November 1971 as the "Evil Grimace". In his first two appearances, he was depicted with two pairs of arms with which to steal milkshakes and sodas. "Evil" was soon dropped from his moniker, and he was reintroduced in 1972 as one of the good guys. In 1974, he was redesigned, going from two pairs of arms to the single pair he has today. His role continued to grow, and by the mid 1970s, he was a major character in McDonaldland. Commercials and merchandise generally portray Grimace as a well-meaning simpleton whose clumsy antics provide a comic foil to Ronald McDonald.
1. Mayor McCheese - Mayor McCheese was an enormous cheeseburger who appeared from 1971–1985, he has a burger for a head, and sports a top hat, a diplomat's sash, and a pair of pince-nez spectacles. He is portrayed as a giggly, bumbling, somewhat incompetent mayor.
Patron- Does this library have any information of King Malcolm the Tenth?
Reference Librarian – You mean the King from the play, Macbeth?
P – No I mean the civil rights leader.
RL – Oh, you mean Malcolm X.
P- Do you have a videotape of Abraham Lincoln giving the Gettysburg address?
RL – No, we don’t.
P – You should get it. You have Bush on tape, and Lincoln was a greater President.
RL – Thanks for that historical analysis.
P- Do you have a good English translation of Hamlet?
RL – Yes, it’s by a man named William Shakespeare…very close to the original.
P – Who invented the time machine?
RL – H.G. Wells
P – I need information on the car BMW. How do you spell it?
RL – Go to the head of the class…you just did.
P – Why were so many Civil War battles fought in national parks?
RL – Trees provided great protection from bullets.
P – Do you have an audio tape of live dinosaur sounds?
RL – No, but you might want to try the zoo.
P – I need information on the woman named Rosetta Stone.
RL – Good luck. Let me know when you find it.
P- I need books on youth in Africa.
RL – You need books on young people in Africa?
P – No I need books about killing old people and vegetables.
RL – Oh, you have the wrong continent. That’s youth in Asia.
P – Is the correct term Swiss or Swedish?
RL – Yes.
P – I want to get the Gutenberg Bible on inter-library loan.
RL – That depends. Will you pay the shipping costs?
P – Do you have a copy of the Jerusalem newspaper on the day Jesus was born?
RL – No, but it might be on microfiche.
P- I need a book on impudence.
RL – Can you be more specific?
P – My husband can’t sustain an erection.
P – I need a cookbook for preparing dog food.
RL – You mean like kibbles and bits?
P – No for preparing a roast dachshund.
P – Is this library a government suppository?
RL – Sometimes it seems like it is.
P – I need a biography of a prehistoric man.
RL – How about Ralph the Hairy?
Today on VSR – We will begin work on creating “The League”, The major theme of the day is “Being Surprised by Music” so we will discuss a few situations where music might come as a complete surprise, I have a Power Rankings to unveil, and of course…we have some news as well. To jump into the proceedings, you can call…
Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1
To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com
Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
WATSONVILLE, California - A man was arrested Wednesday afternoon after he walked into a Watsonville bank, said he had a bomb in his backpack and demanded $2,000 so he could pay his friend's rent, police reported. But when Mark Smith, 59, allegedly tried to rob the bank, the bank manager suggested that what he actually needed to do was take out a loan, and she had him sit down while she said she was going to retrieve the loan paperwork. Instead, she called 911, according to the Assistant District Attorney.
"Quick-thinking staff kept the man calm and distracted him with some paperwork until we arrived," said Lt. Darren Thompson of the Watsonville Police.
Police arrested Smith, a Watsonville resident, on suspicion of attempted robbery, making criminal threats and making a false bomb report, according to police.
Smith didn't have a bomb or any other weapons and no injuries were reported…Smith now faces the prospect of doing some jail time, although not all is lost as he is now halfway through the paperwork for his mortgage application.
WATERBURY, Connecticut - Call it the case of the flying hippo. Connecticut police said a man stole an American flag from Waterbury's Town Plot Park and hoisted a stuffed hippopotamus toy in its place. Twenty-three-year-old Jeffrey Kovic, of Waterbury, was arrested and was being held in lieu of $100,000 bail on misdemeanor larceny, criminal mischief and conspiracy charges.
He is facing charges, but I think it would all be worth it to be able to be able to say, “I pledge allegiance to the Hippopotamus”
TONGEREN, Belgium
(Reuters) - A Belgian woman went on trial on Friday charged with the murder of a fellow skydiver and love rival who plunged to her death after her parachute was sabotaged.
Els Van Doren, 38, smashed into a back garden from some 4,500 meters (14,764 feet) in November 2006 because both her main and reserve chutes failed to open after she jumped from a plane with defendant, Els Clottemans, 26, their lover, Dutchman Marcel Somers, and another man.
Clottemans, an elementary school teacher, is accused of cutting through key parts of the parachute system the weekend before the jump to remove her rival and have Somers for herself.
Lawyers for Clottemans issued a statement expressing their firm belief that their client did not kill a woman she regarded as a friend.
Interest in the case was so great that a live television feed was laid in an overflow room in the courthouse.
Prosecuters said Clottemans was an experienced skydiver and would have known how to sabotage a parachute and that she had the opportunity to do so when she and Van Doren were with Somers a week before the fatal drop.
Van Doren's pilot chute, a small parachute deployed to pull the main chute out, was detached from that, while a line that should have connected the reserve chute to the harness was free.
Experts ruled that both items had been deliberately cut and that it could been done in just 30 seconds with scissors.
Psychiatric experts have identified signs that Clottemans suffers from a psychopathic disorder.
Clottemans' lawyers say that is no hard evidence against their client, whom they say investigators intimidated and belittled in hours of questioning.
The trial, which is likely to feature video of the fall shot from a camera on Van Doren's helmet, is expected to last four weeks…Although, I expect it to last longer due to the “gravity” of the situation.
I’m Craig, and that’s the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
Bring on Face:
“The League” – 32 Teams made up of random and goofy team names for some unknown purpose
Pirates
Ninjas
Monkeys
Robots
Gorillas
Yetis
Musical Mash-up – Van Halen “Jump” and John Lennon “Imagine” (Clip 95) – One of the main themes of today’s show is being surprised by music. This particular thing that I’m going to play is just a matter of being surprised by how well some things can mix that you would never really expect would mix well. Kind of like this old commercial..(Clip 97 – Reeces Peanut Butter Cup commercial)
Power Rankings
Also receiving votes:
Netflix (Play clips from King of Kong)
10. Carmelo Anthony trade rumors
9. Getting paid for an advertisement – 25 bucks for posting a link to nfl.pointspread.com/odds
8. Red Dwarf – BBC Sitcom that ran from 1988 to 1997. Rather than cursing, they came up with their own curse word… “Smeg”
7. Dan Lebatard – Sooey rule (Clip 94)
6. Mike Vick – Got announced as the starter for the Eagles
5. The Tooth Moose – Much cooler than the tooth fairy.
4. The Random Dude in front of me at during my commute on Friday morning: He had a giant Pentagram bumper sticker, two even larger Broncos decals on his window, and a Blue Cross Blue Shield Health insurance sticker on his tailgate. Clearly, this dude has a lot of irons in the fire.
3. Bizzaro World in the NFL – I guess we shouldn’t be surprised, as this kind of weirdness happens each year in the NFL, but the Chiefs, Bucs, and Bears are undefeated and the Cowboys, Vikings, and 49ers are winless.
2. Kenyon Martin’s Tattoo – Kenyon thought it meant “Warrior.” However Yao Ming told him that what it actually meant was “Noodles”
1. NFL Red Zone
Musical Road in Lancaster, California (Clip 96) - The Civic Musical Road was built on Avenue K in Lancaster, California, on September 5, 2008. Covering a quarter-mile stretch of road, the Musical Road used grooves cut into the asphalt to replicate part of the Finale of the William Tell Overture. It was paved over on 23 September after nearby residents complained to the city council about noise levels.
After further complaints from city residents about its removal, work began to re-create it on 15 October 2008 on Avenue G between 30th Street West and 40th Street West — this time, two miles away from any residence. This road is named after the Honda Civic. It opened two days later. The new section on Avenue G is only in the far left lane of the westbound side of the road.
Washington Metro Story – Violin in the Subway
On January 12th, 2007 Virtuoso violinist Joshua Bell in association with the Washington Post decided to do a little social experiment. Bell, a renowned musician who a mere three days prior to the experiment had packed out Boston’s Symphony Hall where merely average seats were going for one hundred dollars a piece, was going to play for free…In the subway.
The event had been described to him as a test of whether, in an unexpected context, ordinary people would recognize genius. So, on a cool January day, a rather unspectacular looking man in a Washington Nationals cap walked in to the L’Enphant Metro Station in Washington DC, and put on a world class performance for a mostly non-interested crowd.
The artist was world class, and the instrument was one of the greatest ever made. In fact, Bell rode a taxi cab to the station from his hotel…despite the fact that it was only 3 blocks, because he didn’t want his instrument to risk being damaged by an accident or by the cool weather, and when you hear a little more about the violin, you will understand why.
Bell’s violin was handcrafted in 1713 by Antonio Stradivari during the Italian master's "golden period," toward the end of his career, when he had access to the finest spruce, maple and willow, and when his technique had been refined to perfection. Bell bought it a few years ago. The price tag was reported to be around $3.5 million.
When the violinist shows his Strad to people, he holds the instrument gingerly by its neck, resting it on a knee. "He made this to perfect thickness at all parts," Bell says, pivoting it. "If you shaved off a millimeter of wood at any point, it would totally imbalance the sound." No violins sound as wonderful as Strads from the 1710s, even today.
Bell played some classic and stirring pieces for nearly 45 minutes in the L’enfant Station of the Washington DC Metro Rail. Before the experiment began, the organizers worried what would happen if Bell were to be mobbed by admirers. Turns out, that was not even close to an issue. In the three-quarters of an hour that Joshua Bell played, only seven people stopped what they were doing to hang around and take in the performance for longer than one minute. Twenty-seven people gave money, most of them on the run -- for a total of $32 and some change. 1,070 people who hurried by, oblivious, many only three feet away, few even turning to look.
An interesting observation can be made on the video. Despite the fact that the majority of people walking by almost completely ignored the talented musician, EVERY kid that passed by strained to look and had to be dragged along by the adult that they were travelling with. Almost as if kids are born with an innate ability to appreciate beauty and are still endowed with enough innocence to not realize they should be ignoring the music.
Of the seven people who stopped longer than a minute to listen, only one person recognized him. A woman named Stacey who had seen him a few weeks earlier at a concert. She arrived when there were only a few minutes remaining in the performance. She gets a giant grin on her face and plants herself 10 feet from Bell for the rest of the time Bell plays. She then introduces herself to him at the end of his set, and tosses a 20 dollar bill into Bell’s guitar case. One other person, it turns out a man who had studied violin in his younger days, listens intently and humbly tosses in a 5 at the end of the music. In an interview done by the Washington Post with the man who was watching, this man didn’t know who Bell was, but recognized the genius. Five other people stood for at least a minute listening, but other than these few people, most everyone just walked by ignoring the brilliance.
Which begs the questions:
IF A GREAT MUSICIAN PLAYS GREAT MUSIC BUT NO ONE HEARS . . . WAS HE REALLY ANY GOOD?
If we as a culture wasn’t so wrapped up in ourselves, would we have more time to recognize brilliance?
Clearly context matters, but is it the context that makes brilliance, or is the context the thing that makes brilliance noticeable?
If this were in another country besides the United States, would people have taken the time to sit and notice?
Are we in so big of a hurry in America that we are missing out on untold beauty?
Are you looking for amazing things in unexpected places?
The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
Anberlin – “Like a Rolling Stone” from the Album “Lost Songs” (Clip 93)
Thanks to: (Whoever called)
Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
Week in Wankery:
Yellow Card:
Man of the Match:
Red Card
(Clip 92) Onion News story about the Hamburglar.
Magnificent 7: Top Seven McDonalds Characters
7. Birdie the Early Bird - She was the first identifiably female character, introduced in February 1980 to promote the company's new breakfast items. She is a yellow bird wearing a pink jumpsuit and flight cap and scarf. In the ads she is frequently portrayed as a poor flyer, and somewhat clumsy in general. Birdie's origin is explained in one old commercial: a giant egg falls from the night sky into McDonaldland, and Ronald McDonald decides to show the egg love.
6. Ronald McDonald – The original Ronald was actually Willard Scott.
5. Uncle O'Grimacey - He was created in 1977 and even appeared in 1986 for an advertising narrative of McDonald's both in celebration of Saint Patrick's Day and to mark the annual appearance of the Shamrock Shake. O'Grimacey is the Irish uncle of the character Grimace and is a variant of the Grimace-design in that he is green instead of purple, sports a frock coat covered with several four-leaf clovers, and carries a shillelagh. His design motif is not unlike that of a stereotypical depiction of the Irish folkloric leprechaun. O'Grimacey resides in his home country for eleven months of the year and visits his nephew Grimace in March, bringing with him his "incredibly delicious" shake. Uncle O'Grimacey is no longer used by the chain for its promotions of the shake.
4. Fry Guys - They are characters used to promote McDonald's french fries. When they first appeared in 1972, they were called Gobblins and liked to steal and gobble up the other characters' french fries. Accompanying them was the "Keep Your Eyes on Your Fries" jingle. Their name was later changed to the Fry Guys in 1983, then the Fry Kids in 1987, as female characters (the "Fry Girls") were introduced. They are differently-colored, shaggy, ball-like creatures with long legs and no arms, almost resembling a pom-pon with legs and eyes.
3. Hamburglar
2. Grimace - Grimace is a large, purple character who was first introduced in November 1971 as the "Evil Grimace". In his first two appearances, he was depicted with two pairs of arms with which to steal milkshakes and sodas. "Evil" was soon dropped from his moniker, and he was reintroduced in 1972 as one of the good guys. In 1974, he was redesigned, going from two pairs of arms to the single pair he has today. His role continued to grow, and by the mid 1970s, he was a major character in McDonaldland. Commercials and merchandise generally portray Grimace as a well-meaning simpleton whose clumsy antics provide a comic foil to Ronald McDonald.
1. Mayor McCheese - Mayor McCheese was an enormous cheeseburger who appeared from 1971–1985, he has a burger for a head, and sports a top hat, a diplomat's sash, and a pair of pince-nez spectacles. He is portrayed as a giggly, bumbling, somewhat incompetent mayor.
Patron- Does this library have any information of King Malcolm the Tenth?
Reference Librarian – You mean the King from the play, Macbeth?
P – No I mean the civil rights leader.
RL – Oh, you mean Malcolm X.
P- Do you have a videotape of Abraham Lincoln giving the Gettysburg address?
RL – No, we don’t.
P – You should get it. You have Bush on tape, and Lincoln was a greater President.
RL – Thanks for that historical analysis.
P- Do you have a good English translation of Hamlet?
RL – Yes, it’s by a man named William Shakespeare…very close to the original.
P – Who invented the time machine?
RL – H.G. Wells
P – I need information on the car BMW. How do you spell it?
RL – Go to the head of the class…you just did.
P – Why were so many Civil War battles fought in national parks?
RL – Trees provided great protection from bullets.
P – Do you have an audio tape of live dinosaur sounds?
RL – No, but you might want to try the zoo.
P – I need information on the woman named Rosetta Stone.
RL – Good luck. Let me know when you find it.
P- I need books on youth in Africa.
RL – You need books on young people in Africa?
P – No I need books about killing old people and vegetables.
RL – Oh, you have the wrong continent. That’s youth in Asia.
P – Is the correct term Swiss or Swedish?
RL – Yes.
P – I want to get the Gutenberg Bible on inter-library loan.
RL – That depends. Will you pay the shipping costs?
P – Do you have a copy of the Jerusalem newspaper on the day Jesus was born?
RL – No, but it might be on microfiche.
P- I need a book on impudence.
RL – Can you be more specific?
P – My husband can’t sustain an erection.
P – I need a cookbook for preparing dog food.
RL – You mean like kibbles and bits?
P – No for preparing a roast dachshund.
P – Is this library a government suppository?
RL – Sometimes it seems like it is.
P – I need a biography of a prehistoric man.
RL – How about Ralph the Hairy?
Show Prep 73
Greetings and Salutations, people! - Or rather should I say, Ahoy and Avast, ye mateys! Ya see, Today be the eve of Talk Like a Pirate day, and if any of ye bilge rats feel we shouldn’t be celebratin’ this joyous occasion, you’ll be facin the business end of me cutlass, I’ll keel-haul ya or worse yet, send ya to Davey Jones’ locker! So let us weigh anchor, hoist the main sail, fly the Jolly Rodger for today, VSR is TRULY, Pirate Radio! Arrrgh!!!
Okay, that’s probably enough of that, although, I am pleased to have a chance to celebrate Talk Like a Pirate day here on Vertically Striped Radio, there is a whole bunch of pirate themed items on the agenda thanks to two visionaries: John Baur and Mark Summers.
These two are the creators of Talk Like a Pirate Day, which began as any good holiday should…on the racquetball court. Back in 1995, these two were playing a game of racquetball and started throwing out pirate vernacular. They decided to turn it into a whole new holiday, and decided on September 19th, as it was Mark’s ex-wife’s birthday. Dave Barry, columnist for the Miami Herald wrote about their holiday back in 2002, and thanks to the ambition of these two and the help of the internet, the holiday continues to grow each year…to the point that my company even gave us TLAP day gifts yesterday at my office.
It is truly a blessed holiday…
Today on VSR – Pirate stuff abouds…We’ll play some pirate songs, We have a double dip Magnificent Seven: With the Top 7 Pirates of all time along with the Top 7 Pirates phrases being named. Also, since the Broncos play the Seahawks Sunday, I checked in and made a friendly wager with Seahawk fan Aaron Young of the No Name show who lives in Washington, so we’ll hear the details of that wager as well. All in all, it figures to be a solid day of Vertically Striped Radio, so let’s Swab the Decks, ye scurvy dogs. It be Talk Like a Pirate Day…Eve…
[Clip 52 – 15 Men on a Dead Man’s Chest (Yo Ho Ho, and a Bottle of Rum) 3:54]
Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1
To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com
Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
NAPERVILLE, Ill. (AP) -- Dog owners, beware: If you live in suburban Chicago and don't pick up after your pet, you might get tossed an unpleasant reminder. Police in Naperville said a woman who stepped in dog feces outside her apartment appears to have retaliated by heaving it at the door of her neighbor who owns a dog.
Susan Miller was charged with disorderly conduct after her bizarre protest Wednesday.
The Naperville Sun reported that police say Miller also uprooted a sign telling residents to pick up dog waste and placed it on the neighbor's patio. Miller was arrested after the neighbor called police.
An unapologetic Miller said that if she can pick up the poop from her 80-pound dog, her neighbor can pick up after a 20-pound dog.
EVERETT, Wash. (AP) -- Prosecutors in Washington state say an 18-year-old woman stabbed a 19-year-old man for teasing her that her feet smelled. The Herald of Everett reported the man was found by police with a steak knife sticking out of his back, buried a few inches in. His lung had collapsed. Officials said he'll recover.
Charging papers said trouble started when Dallas Amber Smith was drinking and hanging out with friends and was challenged to do a back flip. When she took off her shoes to do the back flip, the teasing started.
Smith had no criminal history. She faces charges of second-degree assault with a deadly weapon.
(Sept. 10) -- Six years ago, GoldenPalace.com, an online casino, made headlines when it won an eBay auction and paid $28,000 for a half-eaten, 10-year-old grilled cheese sandwich that bore a striking resemblance to the Virgin Mary. The sandwich was a miracle, some said. Now, though, anyone can make one.
A Vermont man named Galen P. Dively III has introduced a toaster that sears the image of Christ on each and every slice it toasts.
Call it a miracle! Or just call it the Jesus Toaster.
Retailing for $39.95, the revelatory toaster uses patented radiated heat technology to toast the face of Christ on any variety of daily bread, from plain white to whole grain.
Shroud of Turin, meet Slice of Wonder.
Thanks to the new Jesus Toaster, you can have the body of Christ with your daily bread.
The Jesus Toaster went on sale Wednesday at Dively's website, jesustoasters.com Dively has deep faith in Jesus Toasters. He's ordered an initial run of 3,000 units from a factory in China and believes the toasters will be a big hit with church and school groups. His company, Burnt Impressions, also has plans to create Virgin Mary and Star of David toasters.
The Jesus Toaster isn't the only toaster to burn images on slices of bread. Sports fans can get ProToast toasters, from Pangea Brands, which offer up the logos of NFL, MLB and NBA teams.
Dively originally looked into manufacturing team logo toasters, but he found the licensing fees to be prohibitive -- which is why he turned to Jesus.
"There are no licensing fees with Jesus," Dively explained. "He loves everybody!"
As Dively spreads the word about his toaster, his work, he believes is serving a higher purpose.
"I consider it cheap PR for the Lord," he said.
I’m Craig, and that’s the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
(Last Saskatchewan Pirate – Arrogant Worms Clip 53)
Bring on Face:
Have you forgiven Alex Barron?
Jets and the Mexican Reporter
Clinton Portis makes comments
Magnificent Seven: Top 7 Pirate phrases AND Top 7 Pirates:
7. Lubber / Land-Lubber – A non-sailor
6. Piece of Eight/Doubloon – Either way, it sounds cool – It was a Spanish Gold
Coin.
5. Me Hearties – The way a pirate captain would address his crew.
4. Avast! - "Hey!" Could be used as "Stop that!" or "Who goes there?" Works best with “Ye Matey!” attached.
3. Keelhaul -- Punishment by dragging under the ship, from one side to the other. The victim of a keelhauling would be half-drowned, or worse, and lacerated by the barnacles that grew beneath the ship.
2. Davey Jones’ locker – The bottom of the sea (Surprisingly, NOT the locker of the Colorado Avalanche’s right winger)
1. Arrrrgh!!
Pirate Music: Traighli Bay – Tanglefoot – (Clip 51) – 5:25
A sailor meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The sailor notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The sailor asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"
Top 7 Pirates of All time:
Honorable Mention:
Captain Morgan
The Flying Dutchman
Patchy the Pirate
Smee
Errol Flynn
The Top Seven:
7. Al Davis (Clip 67) – It’s important to remember that although they are romanticized now, Pirates were generally despicable usually insane and ALWAYS lowlifes…Al Davis fits in perfectly with all that! Plus, Al is old enough that there is a chance he actually sailed in the days of the pirates.
6. The Dog in the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland
5. Roberto Clemente
4. Jack Sparrow – (Clip 64)
3. Bucco Bruce – (The Buccaneer’s old logo)
2. Cap’n Crunch – (Marty B – Cap’n Crunch rap – Clip 62)
1. Captain Hook – (Clip 61)
Phone Call with Aaron Young – (Clip 60)
The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
A Pirate Looks at Forty 3:52(Clip 54) – Jimmy Buffet
Thanks to: (Whoever called)
Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
Week in Wankery:
Yellow Card:
Man of the Match:
Red Card
(Clip 92) Onion News story about the Hamburglar.
Magnificent 7: Top Seven McDonalds Characters
7. Birdie the Early Bird - She was the first identifiably female character, introduced in February 1980 to promote the company's new breakfast items. She is a yellow bird wearing a pink jumpsuit and flight cap and scarf. In the ads she is frequently portrayed as a poor flyer, and somewhat clumsy in general. Birdie's origin is explained in one old commercial: a giant egg falls from the night sky into McDonaldland, and Ronald McDonald decides to show the egg love.
6. Ronald McDonald – The original Ronald was actually Willard Scott.
5. Uncle O'Grimacey - He was created in 1977 and even appeared in 1986 for an advertising narrative of McDonald's both in celebration of Saint Patrick's Day and to mark the annual appearance of the Shamrock Shake. O'Grimacey is the Irish uncle of the character Grimace and is a variant of the Grimace-design in that he is green instead of purple, sports a frock coat covered with several four-leaf clovers, and carries a shillelagh. His design motif is not unlike that of a stereotypical depiction of the Irish folkloric leprechaun. O'Grimacey resides in his home country for eleven months of the year and visits his nephew Grimace in March, bringing with him his "incredibly delicious" shake. Uncle O'Grimacey is no longer used by the chain for its promotions of the shake.
4. Fry Guys - They are characters used to promote McDonald's french fries. When they first appeared in 1972, they were called Gobblins and liked to steal and gobble up the other characters' french fries. Accompanying them was the "Keep Your Eyes on Your Fries" jingle. Their name was later changed to the Fry Guys in 1983, then the Fry Kids in 1987, as female characters (the "Fry Girls") were introduced. They are differently-colored, shaggy, ball-like creatures with long legs and no arms, almost resembling a pom-pon with legs and eyes.
3. Hamburglar
2. Grimace - Grimace is a large, purple character who was first introduced in November 1971 as the "Evil Grimace". In his first two appearances, he was depicted with two pairs of arms with which to steal milkshakes and sodas. "Evil" was soon dropped from his moniker, and he was reintroduced in 1972 as one of the good guys. In 1974, he was redesigned, going from two pairs of arms to the single pair he has today. His role continued to grow, and by the mid 1970s, he was a major character in McDonaldland. Commercials and merchandise generally portray Grimace as a well-meaning simpleton whose clumsy antics provide a comic foil to Ronald McDonald.
1. Mayor McCheese - Mayor McCheese was an enormous cheeseburger who appeared from 1971–1985, he has a burger for a head, and sports a top hat, a diplomat's sash, and a pair of pince-nez spectacles. He is portrayed as a giggly, bumbling, somewhat incompetent mayor.
Patron- Does this library have any information of King Malcolm the Tenth?
Reference Librarian – You mean the King from the play, Macbeth?
P – No I mean the civil rights leader.
RL – Oh, you mean Malcolm X.
P- Do you have a videotape of Abraham Lincoln giving the Gettysburg address?
RL – No, we don’t.
P – You should get it. You have Bush on tape, and Lincoln was a greater President.
RL – Thanks for that historical analysis.
P- Do you have a good English translation of Hamlet?
RL – Yes, it’s by a man named William Shakespeare…very close to the original.
P – Who invented the time machine?
RL – H.G. Wells
P – I need information on the car BMW. How do you spell it?
RL – Go to the head of the class…you just did.
P – Why were so many Civil War battles fought in national parks?
RL – Trees provided great protection from bullets.
P – Do you have an audio tape of live dinosaur sounds?
RL – No, but you might want to try the zoo.
P – I need information on the woman named Rosetta Stone.
RL – Good luck. Let me know when you find it.
P- I need books on youth in Africa.
RL – You need books on young people in Africa?
P – No I need books about killing old people and vegetables.
RL – Oh, you have the wrong continent. That’s youth in Asia.
P – Is the correct term Swiss or Swedish?
RL – Yes.
P – I want to get the Gutenberg Bible on inter-library loan.
RL – That depends. Will you pay the shipping costs?
P – Do you have a copy of the Jerusalem newspaper on the day Jesus was born?
RL – No, but it might be on microfiche.
P- I need a book on impudence.
RL – Can you be more specific?
P – My husband can’t sustain an erection.
P – I need a cookbook for preparing dog food.
RL – You mean like kibbles and bits?
P – No for preparing a roast dachshund.
P – Is this library a government suppository?
RL – Sometimes it seems like it is.
P – I need a biography of a prehistoric man.
RL – How about Ralph the Hairy?
Okay, that’s probably enough of that, although, I am pleased to have a chance to celebrate Talk Like a Pirate day here on Vertically Striped Radio, there is a whole bunch of pirate themed items on the agenda thanks to two visionaries: John Baur and Mark Summers.
These two are the creators of Talk Like a Pirate Day, which began as any good holiday should…on the racquetball court. Back in 1995, these two were playing a game of racquetball and started throwing out pirate vernacular. They decided to turn it into a whole new holiday, and decided on September 19th, as it was Mark’s ex-wife’s birthday. Dave Barry, columnist for the Miami Herald wrote about their holiday back in 2002, and thanks to the ambition of these two and the help of the internet, the holiday continues to grow each year…to the point that my company even gave us TLAP day gifts yesterday at my office.
It is truly a blessed holiday…
Today on VSR – Pirate stuff abouds…We’ll play some pirate songs, We have a double dip Magnificent Seven: With the Top 7 Pirates of all time along with the Top 7 Pirates phrases being named. Also, since the Broncos play the Seahawks Sunday, I checked in and made a friendly wager with Seahawk fan Aaron Young of the No Name show who lives in Washington, so we’ll hear the details of that wager as well. All in all, it figures to be a solid day of Vertically Striped Radio, so let’s Swab the Decks, ye scurvy dogs. It be Talk Like a Pirate Day…Eve…
[Clip 52 – 15 Men on a Dead Man’s Chest (Yo Ho Ho, and a Bottle of Rum) 3:54]
Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1
To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com
Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
NAPERVILLE, Ill. (AP) -- Dog owners, beware: If you live in suburban Chicago and don't pick up after your pet, you might get tossed an unpleasant reminder. Police in Naperville said a woman who stepped in dog feces outside her apartment appears to have retaliated by heaving it at the door of her neighbor who owns a dog.
Susan Miller was charged with disorderly conduct after her bizarre protest Wednesday.
The Naperville Sun reported that police say Miller also uprooted a sign telling residents to pick up dog waste and placed it on the neighbor's patio. Miller was arrested after the neighbor called police.
An unapologetic Miller said that if she can pick up the poop from her 80-pound dog, her neighbor can pick up after a 20-pound dog.
EVERETT, Wash. (AP) -- Prosecutors in Washington state say an 18-year-old woman stabbed a 19-year-old man for teasing her that her feet smelled. The Herald of Everett reported the man was found by police with a steak knife sticking out of his back, buried a few inches in. His lung had collapsed. Officials said he'll recover.
Charging papers said trouble started when Dallas Amber Smith was drinking and hanging out with friends and was challenged to do a back flip. When she took off her shoes to do the back flip, the teasing started.
Smith had no criminal history. She faces charges of second-degree assault with a deadly weapon.
(Sept. 10) -- Six years ago, GoldenPalace.com, an online casino, made headlines when it won an eBay auction and paid $28,000 for a half-eaten, 10-year-old grilled cheese sandwich that bore a striking resemblance to the Virgin Mary. The sandwich was a miracle, some said. Now, though, anyone can make one.
A Vermont man named Galen P. Dively III has introduced a toaster that sears the image of Christ on each and every slice it toasts.
Call it a miracle! Or just call it the Jesus Toaster.
Retailing for $39.95, the revelatory toaster uses patented radiated heat technology to toast the face of Christ on any variety of daily bread, from plain white to whole grain.
Shroud of Turin, meet Slice of Wonder.
Thanks to the new Jesus Toaster, you can have the body of Christ with your daily bread.
The Jesus Toaster went on sale Wednesday at Dively's website, jesustoasters.com Dively has deep faith in Jesus Toasters. He's ordered an initial run of 3,000 units from a factory in China and believes the toasters will be a big hit with church and school groups. His company, Burnt Impressions, also has plans to create Virgin Mary and Star of David toasters.
The Jesus Toaster isn't the only toaster to burn images on slices of bread. Sports fans can get ProToast toasters, from Pangea Brands, which offer up the logos of NFL, MLB and NBA teams.
Dively originally looked into manufacturing team logo toasters, but he found the licensing fees to be prohibitive -- which is why he turned to Jesus.
"There are no licensing fees with Jesus," Dively explained. "He loves everybody!"
As Dively spreads the word about his toaster, his work, he believes is serving a higher purpose.
"I consider it cheap PR for the Lord," he said.
I’m Craig, and that’s the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
(Last Saskatchewan Pirate – Arrogant Worms Clip 53)
Bring on Face:
Have you forgiven Alex Barron?
Jets and the Mexican Reporter
Clinton Portis makes comments
Magnificent Seven: Top 7 Pirate phrases AND Top 7 Pirates:
7. Lubber / Land-Lubber – A non-sailor
6. Piece of Eight/Doubloon – Either way, it sounds cool – It was a Spanish Gold
Coin.
5. Me Hearties – The way a pirate captain would address his crew.
4. Avast! - "Hey!" Could be used as "Stop that!" or "Who goes there?" Works best with “Ye Matey!” attached.
3. Keelhaul -- Punishment by dragging under the ship, from one side to the other. The victim of a keelhauling would be half-drowned, or worse, and lacerated by the barnacles that grew beneath the ship.
2. Davey Jones’ locker – The bottom of the sea (Surprisingly, NOT the locker of the Colorado Avalanche’s right winger)
1. Arrrrgh!!
Pirate Music: Traighli Bay – Tanglefoot – (Clip 51) – 5:25
A sailor meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The sailor notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The sailor asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"
Top 7 Pirates of All time:
Honorable Mention:
Captain Morgan
The Flying Dutchman
Patchy the Pirate
Smee
Errol Flynn
The Top Seven:
7. Al Davis (Clip 67) – It’s important to remember that although they are romanticized now, Pirates were generally despicable usually insane and ALWAYS lowlifes…Al Davis fits in perfectly with all that! Plus, Al is old enough that there is a chance he actually sailed in the days of the pirates.
6. The Dog in the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland
5. Roberto Clemente
4. Jack Sparrow – (Clip 64)
3. Bucco Bruce – (The Buccaneer’s old logo)
2. Cap’n Crunch – (Marty B – Cap’n Crunch rap – Clip 62)
1. Captain Hook – (Clip 61)
Phone Call with Aaron Young – (Clip 60)
The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
A Pirate Looks at Forty 3:52(Clip 54) – Jimmy Buffet
Thanks to: (Whoever called)
Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
Week in Wankery:
Yellow Card:
Man of the Match:
Red Card
(Clip 92) Onion News story about the Hamburglar.
Magnificent 7: Top Seven McDonalds Characters
7. Birdie the Early Bird - She was the first identifiably female character, introduced in February 1980 to promote the company's new breakfast items. She is a yellow bird wearing a pink jumpsuit and flight cap and scarf. In the ads she is frequently portrayed as a poor flyer, and somewhat clumsy in general. Birdie's origin is explained in one old commercial: a giant egg falls from the night sky into McDonaldland, and Ronald McDonald decides to show the egg love.
6. Ronald McDonald – The original Ronald was actually Willard Scott.
5. Uncle O'Grimacey - He was created in 1977 and even appeared in 1986 for an advertising narrative of McDonald's both in celebration of Saint Patrick's Day and to mark the annual appearance of the Shamrock Shake. O'Grimacey is the Irish uncle of the character Grimace and is a variant of the Grimace-design in that he is green instead of purple, sports a frock coat covered with several four-leaf clovers, and carries a shillelagh. His design motif is not unlike that of a stereotypical depiction of the Irish folkloric leprechaun. O'Grimacey resides in his home country for eleven months of the year and visits his nephew Grimace in March, bringing with him his "incredibly delicious" shake. Uncle O'Grimacey is no longer used by the chain for its promotions of the shake.
4. Fry Guys - They are characters used to promote McDonald's french fries. When they first appeared in 1972, they were called Gobblins and liked to steal and gobble up the other characters' french fries. Accompanying them was the "Keep Your Eyes on Your Fries" jingle. Their name was later changed to the Fry Guys in 1983, then the Fry Kids in 1987, as female characters (the "Fry Girls") were introduced. They are differently-colored, shaggy, ball-like creatures with long legs and no arms, almost resembling a pom-pon with legs and eyes.
3. Hamburglar
2. Grimace - Grimace is a large, purple character who was first introduced in November 1971 as the "Evil Grimace". In his first two appearances, he was depicted with two pairs of arms with which to steal milkshakes and sodas. "Evil" was soon dropped from his moniker, and he was reintroduced in 1972 as one of the good guys. In 1974, he was redesigned, going from two pairs of arms to the single pair he has today. His role continued to grow, and by the mid 1970s, he was a major character in McDonaldland. Commercials and merchandise generally portray Grimace as a well-meaning simpleton whose clumsy antics provide a comic foil to Ronald McDonald.
1. Mayor McCheese - Mayor McCheese was an enormous cheeseburger who appeared from 1971–1985, he has a burger for a head, and sports a top hat, a diplomat's sash, and a pair of pince-nez spectacles. He is portrayed as a giggly, bumbling, somewhat incompetent mayor.
Patron- Does this library have any information of King Malcolm the Tenth?
Reference Librarian – You mean the King from the play, Macbeth?
P – No I mean the civil rights leader.
RL – Oh, you mean Malcolm X.
P- Do you have a videotape of Abraham Lincoln giving the Gettysburg address?
RL – No, we don’t.
P – You should get it. You have Bush on tape, and Lincoln was a greater President.
RL – Thanks for that historical analysis.
P- Do you have a good English translation of Hamlet?
RL – Yes, it’s by a man named William Shakespeare…very close to the original.
P – Who invented the time machine?
RL – H.G. Wells
P – I need information on the car BMW. How do you spell it?
RL – Go to the head of the class…you just did.
P – Why were so many Civil War battles fought in national parks?
RL – Trees provided great protection from bullets.
P – Do you have an audio tape of live dinosaur sounds?
RL – No, but you might want to try the zoo.
P – I need information on the woman named Rosetta Stone.
RL – Good luck. Let me know when you find it.
P- I need books on youth in Africa.
RL – You need books on young people in Africa?
P – No I need books about killing old people and vegetables.
RL – Oh, you have the wrong continent. That’s youth in Asia.
P – Is the correct term Swiss or Swedish?
RL – Yes.
P – I want to get the Gutenberg Bible on inter-library loan.
RL – That depends. Will you pay the shipping costs?
P – Do you have a copy of the Jerusalem newspaper on the day Jesus was born?
RL – No, but it might be on microfiche.
P- I need a book on impudence.
RL – Can you be more specific?
P – My husband can’t sustain an erection.
P – I need a cookbook for preparing dog food.
RL – You mean like kibbles and bits?
P – No for preparing a roast dachshund.
P – Is this library a government suppository?
RL – Sometimes it seems like it is.
P – I need a biography of a prehistoric man.
RL – How about Ralph the Hairy?
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