Greetings and Salutations, people. It’s the show that is slowly turning me into a vampire…or at the very least nocturnal, this is VSR. I am your host Craig Dodge, and I’m a little nervous. Redsox33 is back! Sorry to bum anyone out who that means something to, but it’s true.
Today on Vertically Striped Radio:
-The Best calls in sports announcer history will be announced in the Magnificent 7.
-Doug on Demand
-Potentially a little sports polygamy talk.
-We’ll bid adieu to the Olympics
-Gold medal hockey game tomorrow is set up nicely
-We’ll welcome your calls in to the show as well…
Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com
Twitter: @socnorb777
Chatroom: DAMNradio.blogspot.com
Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
BERLIN (Reuters) – A German robber held up the same bank in Hamburg twice within 24 hours just a week after being released from jail -- for the same crime.
A police spokesman said on Friday the 50-year-old man went into a savings bank in the center of the northern port city and flashed a pistol, saying: "I was here yesterday, and I want money again today!"
The repeat offender made off with 450 euros ($600) but with the help of video surveillance cameras, police were able to detain him three hours later. They said he had been in jail for robbing banks in Hamburg in 2002 and 2004.
NEW DELHI (Reuters) – A Bollywood filmmaker has issued a lucrative challenge to horror movie fans: a $10,000 reward for anyone who can watch his latest supernatural thriller, alone, in a cinema until the closing credits.
Ram Gopal Varma's "Phoonk 2," a sequel to his 2008 film of the same name, is about an evil spirit that traumatizes a family. "Anyone who says the movie cannot scare him is going to be put in a theater by himself," Varma told reporters in Mumbai at an event to promote the movie.
Varma said the film fan who steps up to the challenge will be wired up to a heart monitoring machine as well as a camera that ensures they keep their eyes open during the whole movie.
Readings from the machines will be shown live on a screen outside the cinema, Varma said, and if the contestant succeeds, they will win 500,000 rupees (approximately $10,850).
Varma issued a similar challenge ahead of the release of the original "Phoonk" but the promotional contest was withdrawn after allegations the selection process was rigged.
Varma said the contest winner ran out 30 minutes after the film started, but newspaper reports said a film fan in the southern Indian city of Bangalore booked an entire cinema to prove the director wrong and watched the film alone with a doctor on call and security personnel stationed outside.
Onion Radio News – New Syntax Rules (Clip 19) – Throw it to Doyle Redland
MOSCOW (Reuters) – A Russian chimpanzee has been sent to rehab by zookeepers to cure the smoking and beer-drinking habits he has picked up, a local paper reported on Friday. An ex-performer, Zhora became aggressive at his circus and was transferred to a zoo in the southern Russian city of Rostov, where he fathered several baby chimps, learned to draw with markers and picked up his two vices.
"The beer and cigarettes were ruining him. He would pester passers-by for booze," the Komsomolskaya Pravda paper said.
It added he has now been transferred to the city of Kazan, about 500 miles east of Moscow, for rehabilitation treatment.
I’m Craig, and that’s the news…(Play News Music – Clip 03)
MAIN TOPICS:
Doug on Demand: (Clip 21)
Magnificent 7: (Play Magnificent 7 Music – Clip 7)
Top Sports calls of all time:
7. Russ Hodges - Bobby Thompson HR – The shot heard round the world. 1951 NL Playoff 3 game series
The tiebreaker was not a playoff in the current postseason sense, but an extension of the regular season – game statistics counted in the season records (several one-game tiebreakers have been played under the same circumstances). It had to be played because both the Giants and the crosstown rival Dodgers finished the regular season with identical 96-58 records.
On August 11, Brooklyn had held a 13½-game lead on the Giants, but the Giants turned around and won their next 16 games. While Brooklyn finished the season on a 26–22 clip, the Giants put together a streak almost unequalled in baseball history, winning 37 of the last 44 games, including the last seven in a row. Only a 14-inning victory over the Philadelphia Phillies, the previous year's league champions, on the last day of the regular season enabled the Dodgers to force the best-of-three-games showdown.
Brooklyn won the coin toss to decide home-field advantage in the series. Controversially, manager Charlie Dressen opted to play only the first game at home, rather than the last two; he reasoned that if the Dodgers won their only home game, they would need to win only one out of two on the road.
6. Dave Logan – Broncos winning Super Bowl 32
5. Howard Cosell – Frazier vs. Foreman 1973 – The Sunshine Showdown “Down Goes Frazier”
4. Marv Albert – 1991 NBA Finals Game 1 – A Spectacular move by Michael Jordan
3. Al Michaels – 1980 USA Hockey defeats USSR – Do you believe in miracles?
2. Jack Buck – 1988 World Series Game 1 – Gibson Home Run – “I don’t believe what I just saw!”
1. Joe Starkey - Stanford-Cal 1982 – The Band is on the field!
Olympics:
Hockey Tournament – Gold Medal Game tomorrow – We got what we wanted! USA-Canada!!!
Curling – Why has this year’s Olympics curling gained so much attention? I was into curling before curling was cool. Anyway to assist your curling knowledge (Curling song – Clip 20)
Olympic burnout – Hardly watched any of it this week
NHL coming back soon. Yay!
Sports Bigamy – “The Dude” on Dameshek.com says that he is an Eagles AND Jaguars fan.
NHL ’94 Tournament – Tourney Check in - Finals
-Standings on DAMNradio.blogspot.com
Movie reviews: “Avatar”, “The Road” and “The Princess and The Frog”
-Avatar
-The Road
-The Princess and the Frog
Defend Movies:
-Almost Famous
-The Shawshank Redemption
-Fight Club
The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
The Trampolines – “The Trampolines” (2005)
1963
Thanks to: (Whoever called)
Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
Extra or future stuff:
Ashley Revell - (born 1972) is a London resident who briefly achieved fame for selling all his possessions (including all his clothes) and gambling US$135,300 on a single spin of a roulette wheel in Las Vegas, Nevada in 2004.
Revell won his bet (on Red; the result was 7 Red) and left with $270,600. The event was filmed by Sky One as a reality mini-series. Ashley used his winnings to set up his own online poker company called POKER UTD.
Who is the best opponent in Mike Tyson’s punchout?
2011- Apocalypse is coming? NFL and NBA may both have work stoppages.
Imelda Marcos:
Who says pot ah to? I’d call the whole thing off too, but just because I wouldn’t want to marry a moron.
Pants on the Ground
Magnificent 7: Seven things people driving around me need to stop doing.
1. Stopping at a flashing yellow.
2. Stopping at a continuous turn lane.
3. Driving the speed limit or slower in the left lane.
4. Getting over into my lane directly in front of me and then slowing down.
5. Three Words: No turn signal
6. Braking for no logical reason
7. Not pulling into the intersection to turn left when the light is green but you don’t have a green arrow.
Magnificent 7: NFL Rules to change:
1. You can’t advance a muff.
2. The Tuck Rule
3. You can’t return a blocked extra point for two points
4. You need 2 feet in bounds for it to be a catch.
5. Overtime – First score wins. (Don’t go to college style. Either make it a full 10 or 15 minutes, make it where you have to score 6, or both teams get a possession.)
6. You only get 2 challenges unless you get them both right
7. Pass interference is a spot foul
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Show Prep #39
Greetings and Salutations, people. It’s the radio show that’s lower in Sodium than other Blog-talk shows…This is Vertically Striped Radio. I am your host, Craig Dodge, and here is a random fact…Bluebirds cannot see the color blue. Strange, but true.
It’s 3:30 Mountain time on a Saturday, which must mean that I am in the Vertically Striped Studios, ready to roll…and what do you know, I am!
Faith restored in why I watch sports – Nuggets-Cavaliers game on Thursday night.
Guessmyage.net – Jerks – 50?
Bus Bloodbath Mortal Kombat – Epic Beard Man
Google-Proof Trivia: Seattle Seahawks, Milwaukee Brewers and Toronto Maple Leafs have what in common?
Today on Vertically Striped Radio: With football over, and me still in mourning, it’s nice to have the Olympics going to ease the sting. We’ll talk a bit about the Games going down in Vancouver, I will finally and truly get to the magnificent 7 that I’ve been promising for the past few weeks, Is it okay to be a sports bigamist? We’ll discuss. The playoffs are underway in the NHL 94 tourney. My very first co-host will likely take part in today’s show…only he doesn’t know it. And for the second straight week, we have a long distance dedication…sort of. All that and more, and possibly less. We’ll see… I’m not always good at delivering everything I say I’m going to get to. If you want to take part…
Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com
Twitter: @socnorb777
Chatroom: DAMNradio.blogspot.com
Go to news:
Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
ATLANTA, GEORGIA - An Atlanta highway turned into a circus Thursday afternoon when an escaped zebra galloped along a busy section of interstate with police in hot pursuit.
The 12-year-old animal, named Lima, was exercising outside a downtown arena in preparation for an evening show when something spooked him. The zebra broke away from his trainers and bumped up against a fence, then wriggled through an opening.
"We're not sure what it was that startled him, but we're looking into that," said Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus spokeswoman Crystal Drake.
Department of Transportation officials spotted the zebra in downtown Atlanta around 4:30 in the afternoon, right at the beginning of rush hour.
Daniel Nance, a bystander at the scene, was quoted as saying, "All of a sudden a freaking zebra comes running down the street like a car. Five or six police cars were in hot pursuit, and a bunch of officers on foot. But then I got scared, thinking ... what else is loose?"
Lima led his trainers and police on a 40-minute chase through downtown Atlanta, covering well over a mile along the way. Police cruisers blocked off all southbound lanes of Interstate 75 and were able to herd the zebra over to the right shoulder and off an entrance ramp, where his trainer was on hand to capture and soothe him…Excited, but otherwise in good shape, he was calmed by his handler.
The animal suffered cuts on his hooves from his long run and the circus’s vet was examining him, before deciding Lima would perform as scheduled.
Lima's flight snarled Atlanta's already notorious rush hour traffic.
"It wasn't on the highway very long," Georgia Department of Transportation spokeswoman Monica Luck said. "But it was an inconvenient time for this to happen because the downtown traffic usually gets backed up on its own, that time of day."
An Italian television chef has been suspended after he horrified animal lovers and TV station managers by praising the delights of cat meat during a show.
Beppe Bigazzi enraged animal rights experts around the country when he gave advice on preparing ''tender, white cat meat'' in a portion of the program usually reserved for advice about nutrition.
The 77-year-old is a co-host on Italian show “Ready Steady Cook.”
During the show Mr Bigazzi said he had often eaten cat meat and found it ''tastier than other animals'', adding: ''I can assure you it's a delicacy, now I am going to get lots of letters.'' His remarks resulted in a deluge of calls to the switchboard of RAI TV's HQ in Rome, with thousands also complaining on websites and in letters.
Comments described him as ''completely mad'' and some demanded that he be fired for saying ''such a stupid thing'' on the popular lunchtime show. Animal campaigners as well as politicians also reacted angrily.
Italy's health under-secretary and vocal animal rights activist Francesca Martini slammed Mr Bigazzi's comments as ''offensive to the growing number of people who care about the way we treat animals".
She added that it was ''shameful'' for a state television employee to recommend a notion as ''despicable'' as eating cats on national TV and that killing and cooking cats was illegal under a 1991 law and punishable by up to 18 months in jail.
RAI TV deputy director Gianvito Lomaglio said he was suspending Mr Bigazzi until further notice and that he had also launched an investigation into the episode. Mr Bigazzi, who has been on the show for more than ten years, said it had all been a ''misunderstanding'' and that he would be more than happy to explain to TV bosses what had happened. He said: ''It's all a big mix-up. Once they see the video they will see that there is nothing untoward.”
Bigazzi defended himself saying,''I was just trying to explain a saying from where I come from about the eating of cats. In the 30s and 40s they were very popular.''
Italy's Cats Protection League welcomed the fact that Mr Bigazzi was suspended ahead of Thursday’s World Cat Day
SOUTH CAROLINA - South Carolina has enacted a law that charges a five-dollar registration fee for persons planning to overthrow the US government.
Per a new law in the highly enlightened state of South Carolina, Terrorists who endeavor to overthrow the US government now have to register with South Carolina's office of the Secretary of State declaring their intentions, the name of any organization they work for, and all the members of that organization. Should they fail to do so, they could face a $25,000 fine, and up to 10 years in prison.
The "Subversive Activities Registration Act," which was passed a year ago, and has now actually gone into effect, orders that every member of a subversive organization, or an organization subject to foreign control, every foreign agent and every person who advocates, teaches, advises or practices the duty, necessity or propriety of controlling, conducting, seizing or overthrowing the government of the United States ... shall register with the Secretary of State."
Luckily, the filing fee is low, just $5 per organization.
In defining "subversive organization," South Carolina now claims that "every corporation, society, association, camp, group, political party, assembly, body or organization, composed of two or more persons, which directly or indirectly advocates, advises, teaches or practices the duty, necessity or propriety of controlling, conducting, seizing or overthrowing the government of the United States [or] of this State." can be regarded as a terrorist organization.
South Carolina also has a law on the books that requires that drug dealers declare their illegal earnings, or face stiff fines, and additional jail time.
I’m Craig, and that’s the news…(Play News Music – Clip 03)
MAIN TOPICS:
Last week, 4th and 26 had a long distance dedication from his girl which was very sweet and nice. Apparently nothing sweet and nice can go unpunished on VSR, so once again this week, another listener sent in a long distance dedication for 4th and 26. This listener took it upon himself to make this song due to the NFL rooting allegiances of Mr. and 26, a devout Eagles fan. The dedication this week for 4th? It comes from Andrew Tobey…a.k.a. Major Minority…a devout Giants fan. Drew wanted to make sure that Holly knows this is in no way a slight of her or their relationship, merely his way of ripping of 4th and his team. So without further ado, I present our long distance dedication…Major Minorities song entitled, “Holly’s Folly”
Schadenfrude File – (Clip 12) Jonny Weir
Sports Bigamy – “The Dude” on Dameshek.com says that he is an Eagles AND Jaguars fan. (See if the dude wants to come on to talk)
Olympics: (Olympic Music – Clip 18)
-Hockey (Not quite as prestigious as the NHL 94 tourney)
-Article this week: Probably the final Olympics for Peter Forsberg
-The Olympics – Sports for women.
-NBC Sucks – they have ruined the Olympics (Wanker of the Week)
-Is it okay to watch figure skating?
-Johnny Weir – Exhibit 1 of what is wrong with “mens” figure skating
-Is it weird that we go four years not caring about skiing, speed skating, luge or cross country skiing at all, and then we suddenly do care?
-Lindsey Jacobellis – Knocked out of bounds and DQ’d – Makes me sad.
-Did you see the German woman skier who fell like three steps into her race?
-Ice Dancing – No thank you.
-Lindsey Vonn – Is she faking this whole shin injury to make her look more impressive?
A German luger, who won a silver medal at the 2010 Winter Olympic Games in Vancouver, broke his tooth after reporters asked him to bite his medal, Moscow-based radio Business FM reported.
"The photographers wanted us to bite into our medals at the presentation ceremony. And a corner of my front tooth broke off," David Moeller, 28, told the German newspaper Bild.
Moeller said he did not feel any pain but went to see a dentist anyway as he wanted to look good in photographs.
Something to think about:
Bronze is better than Silver?
Finishing first is what matters at the Winter Olympics, but scientists believe that coming home third is often better than being second best.
It's all to do with a tongue-twisting phenomenon called "counterfactual thinking" or "what might have been", said Victoria Medvec, a psychologist and university professor.
"On average, bronze medalists are happier than silver medalists," she told the Globe and Mail newspaper, explaining that third-place winners have upward thoughts ("at least I won") that increase satisfaction.
In stark contrast, those who come in second tend to have downward "if only" thoughts that decrease happiness.
The most telling study involving athletes used footage from medal ceremonies at the 1992 Summer Olympics in Barcelona.
Researchers including Medvec from the Northwestern University's School of Management in Illinois, asked subjects to rate the satisfaction of bronze and silver medal winners based on their facial expressions.
The study revealed a discrepancy between performance and satisfaction, said Medvec.
"Those who perform objectively better can actually feel worse than those who they outperformed."
Expectations from sponsors, teammates and fans can contribute to an athlete's sense of disappointment, according to Saul Miller, a Vancouver-based psychologist.
Olympic slogans emphasize participation over winning, Miller pointed out, but "that's a bit of BS these days."
It’s amazing what a little beep can do to a Muppet. Perhaps you are familiar with “The Count” from Sesame Street…a little beep can make all the difference
(Clip 19)
Magnificent 7: (Play Magnificent 7 Music – Clip 7) Every few months I get this email sent to me:
From time to time, members of the news media may attempt to contact you directly to obtain information on “The Corporation’s” operations, a recently announced acquisition, joint venture, new product, pending litigation, or other matter. We would like to remind you that our company policy states:
"In the event of contact from the media, it is imperative that you refer all questions and concerns in regard to a response from “The Corporation” to Corporate Communications at (Phone number redacted). Employees, managers, and supervisors should not respond to the press. Failure to comply with this policy could result in disciplinary action.
In addition, if you speak at public events, it is possible that reporters could be in attendance looking for comments to incorporate into their stories. Please keep this in mind and exercise caution when preparing your remarks or answering questions in a public forum."
Your assistance in directing media calls to our public relations department or emailing us at (email redacted) is much appreciated.
Thank you,
Corporate Communications
Seven emails that my company could distribute to it’s workers that would be weirder than not asking me to grant media requests. (Get “You’ve got mail” Clip)
7. You may from time to time receive requests to participate in Wrestlemania tag team events. We ask that you decline any request to participate in a steel cage match, even if the promotion promises that you will be paired with the Hulkster himself. The Corporation also asks that you refrain from screaming, “Oh Yeah!” (Find Randy Macho Man Savage Clip) during normal business hours.
6. You may from time to time be asked to participate in large game hunts. If you are asked to participate in such activities, we ask that be sure to consult the attached endangered species list. It is YOUR responsibility to make sure that no species goes extinct as a result of your business activities. Any action which results in the death of a White Rhino is grounds for immediate termination.
5. If you receive a request to run a 100 meter match race with Usain Bolt, management requests that you first gain permission from your direct supervisor to participate before agreeing to the race, as the corporation would like to make sure that your Olympic style running will not interfere with regularly schedule duties nor bring undue embarrassment to the Corporation.
4. From time to time, satanic cults may request to use your cubicle for a ritual human sacrifice. The corporation has a strict non-cultic murder stance, and all requests to use company resources in schemes to serve Lucifer’s armies must be immediately denied and we request that you immediately make your supervisor aware so that appropriate action can be taken against the offending parties.
3. The Corporation would like to remind you that its policies forbid you from impersonating Bob Ross in your work environment. Any reference made to co-workers suggesting that their work would benefit from more “Happy Trees” is cause for suspension and potential termination. Outrageous fuzzy afro haircuts are not forbidden, but are strongly discouraged.
2. The Corporation reminds you that at no time are you allowed to secede from the United States and declare your work area as it’s own sovereign state. In the past when this was allowed, it caused severe diplomatic strain on the Corporations relations with the Federal government. The Corporation wants to avoid a repeat of the bloody war that was waged in 1996 with Cubicle-i-stan.
1. The Corporation would like you to note that you are not a wombat. Australian Marsupial type behavior will not be tolerated. All workers are expected to carry themselves and represent the Corporation in a human manner at all times.
NHL ’94 Tournament – Tourney Check in (NHL Music – Clip 14)
-Standings on DAMNradio.blogspot.com
Movie reviews: “Avatar”, “The Road” and “The Princess and The Frog”
-Avatar
-The Road
-The Princess and the Frog
Defend Movies:
-Almost Famous
-The Shawshank Redemption
-Fight Club
The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
“Rhythm of the Pridelands” Music inspired by the Lion King (1995)
(Clip - One by One)
Thanks to: (Whoever called)
Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
Extra or future stuff:
Ashley Revell - (born 1972) is a London resident who briefly achieved fame for selling all his possessions (including all his clothes) and gambling US$135,300 on a single spin of a roulette wheel in Las Vegas, Nevada in 2004.
Revell won his bet (on Red; the result was 7 Red) and left with $270,600. The event was filmed by Sky One as a reality mini-series. Ashley used his winnings to set up his own online poker company called POKER UTD.
Who is the best opponent in Mike Tyson’s punchout?
Imelda Marcos:
Who says pot ah to? I’d call the whole thing off too, but just because I wouldn’t want to marry a moron.
Pants on the Ground
Magnificent 7: Seven things people driving around me need to stop doing.
1. Stopping at a flashing yellow.
2. Stopping at a continuous turn lane.
3. Driving the speed limit or slower in the left lane.
4. Getting over into my lane directly in front of me and then slowing down.
5. Three Words: No turn signal
6. Braking for no logical reason
7. Not pulling into the intersection to turn left when the light is green but you don’t have a green arrow.
Magnificent 7: NFL Rules to change:
1. You can’t advance a muff.
2. The Tuck Rule
3. You can’t return a blocked extra point for two points
4. You need 2 feet in bounds for it to be a catch.
5. Overtime – First score wins. (Don’t go to college. Either make it a full 10 or 15 minutes, make it where you have to score 6, or both teams get a possession.)
6. You only get 2 challenges unless you get them both right
7. Pass interference is a spot foul
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Show Prep #38
Greetings and Salutations, people. This is the radio show that has been described by The Ed as a better Howard Cosell mixed with Rosie O’Donnell and the radio home of the future NHL 94 tournament champion, this is Vertically Striped Radio and I’d just like to take this moment to say, “Thanks Joe!” Anyhow, My name is Craig Dodge and before I go any further today, I really need to do this: (Play Clip 18 – Luke/U2 Saints)
What it do! Man, that felt good. I haven’t enjoyed a Super Bowl result that much since the Buccaneers thumped the Raiders and started Oakland on its long decline into crapulence. It’s not that I have anything against the Colts, I find Peyton Manning and company to be somewhat likable, it’s just that I really was happy for Drew Brees and his cute little son (seriously, how cute was that little kid?), and I really like Sean Payton as a coach, and I’m happy that the Favre vanquishers were able to go on to a championship, and it was fun to see the whole city of New Orleans exuberantly happy, and it just was a fun game with a surprising result where the underdog flexed it’s muscle and won. Great game, although I feel bad for Peyton Manning as the whole ESPN machine is now questioning how good he is, which is ridiculous. Manning is still among the best to ever play the position. Let’s not get silly with this stuff. However, he is not the champ. That honor falls to Drew Brees and his band of Saints. I’m sad that it wasn’t the Broncos, naturally…especially since that Super Bowl logo would have been PERFECT with the Broncos uniforms, but if it couldn’t be my boys, I’m glad it was New Orleans. I salute you, Saints.
The Super Bowl may have gone my way, but not all is well in my Vertically Striped world. This week was my first week in the new office building, which isn’t that big a deal except that it is a much longer walk from the train to my new office than it was to the old office, so that’s something I can complain about. Plus my cubical is both much smaller, and much nearer to the restrooms. Actually, that hasn’t been too big of a problem either, except for the fact that on Monday I was so discombobulated that as I was entering the Men’s room, I held the door open for a co-worker to enter first…the only problem is that this co-worker was very much female. She gave me a goofy look and laughed at me, and I sheepishly entered to do my business without her entering first. Yup, I’m an idiot. Oh well, at least I’m a polite idiot, right?
Anywho, I’m sad to report that I’m still coming to you live from my desktop which is currently the only computer in my house at the moment. The laptop is at my brother’s house to be fixed. In fact, He is somewhat of a computer genius, although if he is as reliable a computer repair man as he is a co-host, I may never see my laptop again. Ah well, can’t beat his price of free. (Quick aside here…Biggest Loser – You are what you watch) Since the laptop is on the fritz, and most of my best sound clips are on it, I had to put a little more effort into producing the show today. I’m sure you’re going to notice the extra TLC!
Anyway, Today on the prestigious Vertically Striped Radio program: I will crown the Vertically Striped Super Bowl Commercial Champion. We’ve got a big surprise for a very specific listener in store which coincides with a look back at a famous broadcaster from the past, we’ll check in to see how the NHL 94 tourney is developing. We’ll hopefully get to the weird Magnificent 7 list that I promised last week but never got to because Ed was on a roll, and of course our usual grab bag of news and comment and music recommendations are also on tap. If you’d like to participate on the big show today, you can do so…
Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com
Twitter: @socnorb777
Chatroom: DAMNradio.blogspot.com
Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
NEW CASTLE, Del. – Police responding to a report of a suspicious man carrying a gun instead found two legs sticking out of a homemade igloo. New Castle County police said the legs belong to Delaware teen who was arrested Wednesday after he was found to be carrying a survival knife, a hammer, 7.5 grams of marijuana and two bongs.
County police spokesman Senior Cpl. Trinidad Navarro said the teen was released to his parents. Police said he was charged with carrying a concealed deadly weapon, carrying a concealed deadly instrument, possession of drug paraphernalia and possession of marijuana.
EL PASO, Texas – The U.S. Border Patrol says agents found a stash of marijuana coming across the border in El Paso in an unusual spot: tucked behind a framed portrait of Jesus. A Border Patrol statement issued Wednesday said the bust was made just before 3 p.m. Tuesday at the Bridge of the Americas in El Paso. A 22-year-old Mexican woman arrived at the port of entry from Ciudad Juarez, Mexico, in a sport-utility vehicle. According to the statement, she told agents that she had nothing to declare but some framed art.
Cesar the drug-sniffing dog found otherwise. He was drawn to three framed pictures of Jesus Christ in the SUV. Agents found 30 bundles totalling about 31 pounds behind the backing of the three pictures.
LILBURN, Ga. – Police in Georgia say a 23-year-old man grabbed a baseball bat inside of a Wal-Mart and smashed 29 flat-screen televisions. Police in Lilburn near Atlanta have charged Westley Strellis with 29 counts of criminal damage to property in the second degree. Witnesses tell police he grabbed a metal baseball bat from the sporting goods section Wednesday, walked to the electronics department and destroyed the TVs on display.
He was arrested not long after that.
Police say the televisions are valued at over $22,000. Police say they do not know whether Strellis has an attorney. (However, the guy makes contact, so the Pirates are said to be interested.)
NEW YORK – A Brooklyn woman said a mugger stole a doggie coat right off the back of her mild-mannered terrier. Donna McPherson said she tied up Lexie, her 10-year-old Westie, outside a Park Slope supermarket "for two minutes" while she bought milk. She heard a "funny bark." When McPherson went outside, she found the little white dog shivering. His green wool coat, with leather trim and belt, were nowhere in sight.
McPherson said the dog coat was worth $25. She said that, fortunately, Lexie wasn't wearing his pricier Burberry.
I’m Craig, and that’s the news…(Play News Music – Clip 03)
Before we start with our main topic, we have a special long distance dedication.
Casey Kasem –For the audience that doesn’t remember Casey. (Clip of Casey Kasem discussing the tech breakthrough that is the CD player.– Clip 20)
Long Distance Dedication (Clip 21 of him saying Long Distance Dedication)
(Holly’s song for Josh – Clip 19)
MAIN TOPICS:
Super Bowl Commercials:
-Motorola: Megan Fox in a tub (thumb double)
-Coke – Simpsons commercial (Didn’t work because what makes The Simpsons great is cynicism, and the Coke commercial was a feel good one.)
-Bridgestone – Whale in car bachelor party – STUPID and Ineffective
-Doritos – Dumb but effective – Kid smacks the guy who is there for his momma, The guy at the Gym who acts like a Doritos Ninja and the Casket guy
-Punxsutawney Polamalu - Creepy
-Etrade – If the 1st baby is too old, so is your campaign. Time for something new.
-Snickers – You’re playing like Betty White
-Budweiser Bridge
-(3rd best commercial) Letterman, Oprah and Leno – Tonight show
-(2nd best commercial) Dodge Charger – (Clip 22)
-(Best commercial) Google – Great commercial – All about France – Guy finds a park, meets a French girl, they like each other, he thinks about doing a long distance relationship with her, but instead finds a job in Paris, he finds a church for their wedding, and the final search is how to put together a crib. GREAT commercial and the only visuals are the Google box along with a few sound effects and some piano music. Not sure why Google needs to advertise, but that commercial was amazing.
Olympics:
-Hockey (Not quite as prestigious as the NHL 94 tourney)
-NBC Sucks – they have ruined the Olympics
-My Curling story
-How great is the medal stand ceremony?
-Is it okay to watch figure skating?
-Is it weird that we go four years not caring about skiing at all, and then we suddenly do care?
Sports Bigamy – “The Dude” on Dameshek.com says that he is an Eagles AND Jaguars fan. (See if the dude wants to come on to talk)
Magnificent 7: (Play Clip 7 - Magnificent 7 Music) Every few months I get this email sent to me:
From time to time, members of the news media may attempt to contact you directly to obtain information on “The Corporation’s” operations, a recently announced acquisition, joint venture, new product, pending litigation, or other matter. We would like to remind you that our company policy states:
"In the event of contact from the media, it is imperative that you refer all questions and concerns in regard to a response from “The Corporation” to Corporate Communications at (Phone number redacted). Employees, managers, and supervisors should not respond to the press. Failure to comply with this policy could result in disciplinary action.
In addition, if you speak at public events, it is possible that reporters could be in attendance looking for comments to incorporate into their stories. Please keep this in mind and exercise caution when preparing your remarks or answering questions in a public forum."
Your assistance in directing media calls to our public relations department or emailing us at (email redacted) is much appreciated.
Thank you,
Corporate Communications
Seven emails that my company could distribute to it’s workers that would be weirder than not asking me to grant media requests. (Get “You’ve got mail” Clip)
7. You may from time to time receive requests to participate in Wrestlemania tag team events. We ask that you decline any request to participate in a steel cage match, even if the promotion promises that you will be paired with the Hulkster himself. The Corporation also asks that you refrain from screaming, “Oh Yeah!” (Find Randy Macho Man Savage Clip) during normal business hours.
6. You may from time to time be asked to participate in large game hunts. If you are asked to participate in such activities, we ask that be sure to consult the attached endangered species list. It is YOUR responsibility to make sure that no species goes extinct as a result of your business activities. Any action which results in the death of a White Rhino is grounds for immediate termination.
5. If you receive a request to run a 100 meter match race with Usain Bolt, management requests that you first gain permission from your direct supervisor to participate before agreeing to the race, as the corporation would like to make sure that your Olympic style running will not interfere with regularly schedule duties nor bring undue embarrassment to the Corporation.
4. From time to time, satanic cults may request to use your cubicle for a ritual human sacrifice. The corporation has a strict non-cultic murder stance, and all requests to use company resources in schemes to serve Lucifer’s armies must be immediately denied and we request that you immediately make your supervisor aware so that appropriate action can be taken against the offending parties.
3. The Corporation would like to remind you that its policies forbid you from impersonating Bob Ross in your work environment. Any reference made to co-workers suggesting that their work would benefit from more “Happy Trees” is cause for suspension and potential termination. Outrageous fuzzy afro haircuts are not forbidden, but are strongly discouraged.
2. The Corporation reminds you that at no time are you allowed to secede from the United States and declare your work area as it’s own sovereign state. In the past when this was allowed, it caused severe diplomatic strain on the Corporations relations with the Federal government. The Corporation wants to avoid a repeat of the bloody war that was waged in 1996 with Cubicle-i-stan.
1. The Corporation would like you to note that you are not a wombat. Australian Marsupial type behavior will not be tolerated. All workers are expected to carry themselves and represent the Corporation in a human manner at all times.
NHL ’94 Tournament – Tourney Check in
-Standings on DAMNradio.blogspot.com
The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
The Samples Album – “No Room” - Song – “Did you ever look so nice” (1992) (Clip 23)
Thanks to: (Whoever called, and to Joe, Thanks Joe.)
Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
Extra or future stuff:
Ashley Revell - (born 1972) is a London resident who briefly achieved fame for selling all his possessions (including all his clothes) and gambling US$135,300 on a single spin of a roulette wheel in Las Vegas, Nevada in 2004.
Revell won his bet (on Red; the result was 7 Red) and left with $270,600. The event was filmed by Sky One as a reality mini-series. Ashley used his winnings to set up his own online poker company called POKER UTD.
Who is the best opponent in Mike Tyson’s punchout?
Imelda Marcos:
Who says pot ah to? I’d call the whole thing off too, but just because I wouldn’t want to marry a moron.
Pants on the Ground
Movie reviews: “Avatar”, “The Road” and “The Princess and The Frog”
-Avatar
-The Road
-The Princess and the Frog
Defend Movies:
-Almost Famous
-The Shawshank Redemption
-Fight Club
Magnificent 7: Seven things people driving around me need to stop doing.
1. Stopping at a flashing yellow.
2. Stopping at a continuous turn lane.
3. Driving the speed limit or slower in the left lane.
4. Getting over into my lane directly in front of me and then slowing down.
5. Three Words: No turn signal
6. Braking for no logical reason
7. Not pulling into the intersection to turn left when the light is green but you don’t have a green arrow.
Magnificent 7: NFL Rules to change:
1. You can’t advance a muff.
2. The Tuck Rule
3. You can’t return a blocked extra point for two points
4. You need 2 feet in bounds for it to be a catch.
5. Overtime – First score wins. (Don’t go to college. Either make it a full 10 or 15 minutes, make it where you have to score 6, or both teams get a possession.)
6. You only get 2 challenges unless you get them both right
7. Pass interference is a spot foul
What it do! Man, that felt good. I haven’t enjoyed a Super Bowl result that much since the Buccaneers thumped the Raiders and started Oakland on its long decline into crapulence. It’s not that I have anything against the Colts, I find Peyton Manning and company to be somewhat likable, it’s just that I really was happy for Drew Brees and his cute little son (seriously, how cute was that little kid?), and I really like Sean Payton as a coach, and I’m happy that the Favre vanquishers were able to go on to a championship, and it was fun to see the whole city of New Orleans exuberantly happy, and it just was a fun game with a surprising result where the underdog flexed it’s muscle and won. Great game, although I feel bad for Peyton Manning as the whole ESPN machine is now questioning how good he is, which is ridiculous. Manning is still among the best to ever play the position. Let’s not get silly with this stuff. However, he is not the champ. That honor falls to Drew Brees and his band of Saints. I’m sad that it wasn’t the Broncos, naturally…especially since that Super Bowl logo would have been PERFECT with the Broncos uniforms, but if it couldn’t be my boys, I’m glad it was New Orleans. I salute you, Saints.
The Super Bowl may have gone my way, but not all is well in my Vertically Striped world. This week was my first week in the new office building, which isn’t that big a deal except that it is a much longer walk from the train to my new office than it was to the old office, so that’s something I can complain about. Plus my cubical is both much smaller, and much nearer to the restrooms. Actually, that hasn’t been too big of a problem either, except for the fact that on Monday I was so discombobulated that as I was entering the Men’s room, I held the door open for a co-worker to enter first…the only problem is that this co-worker was very much female. She gave me a goofy look and laughed at me, and I sheepishly entered to do my business without her entering first. Yup, I’m an idiot. Oh well, at least I’m a polite idiot, right?
Anywho, I’m sad to report that I’m still coming to you live from my desktop which is currently the only computer in my house at the moment. The laptop is at my brother’s house to be fixed. In fact, He is somewhat of a computer genius, although if he is as reliable a computer repair man as he is a co-host, I may never see my laptop again. Ah well, can’t beat his price of free. (Quick aside here…Biggest Loser – You are what you watch) Since the laptop is on the fritz, and most of my best sound clips are on it, I had to put a little more effort into producing the show today. I’m sure you’re going to notice the extra TLC!
Anyway, Today on the prestigious Vertically Striped Radio program: I will crown the Vertically Striped Super Bowl Commercial Champion. We’ve got a big surprise for a very specific listener in store which coincides with a look back at a famous broadcaster from the past, we’ll check in to see how the NHL 94 tourney is developing. We’ll hopefully get to the weird Magnificent 7 list that I promised last week but never got to because Ed was on a roll, and of course our usual grab bag of news and comment and music recommendations are also on tap. If you’d like to participate on the big show today, you can do so…
Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com
Twitter: @socnorb777
Chatroom: DAMNradio.blogspot.com
Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)
NEW CASTLE, Del. – Police responding to a report of a suspicious man carrying a gun instead found two legs sticking out of a homemade igloo. New Castle County police said the legs belong to Delaware teen who was arrested Wednesday after he was found to be carrying a survival knife, a hammer, 7.5 grams of marijuana and two bongs.
County police spokesman Senior Cpl. Trinidad Navarro said the teen was released to his parents. Police said he was charged with carrying a concealed deadly weapon, carrying a concealed deadly instrument, possession of drug paraphernalia and possession of marijuana.
EL PASO, Texas – The U.S. Border Patrol says agents found a stash of marijuana coming across the border in El Paso in an unusual spot: tucked behind a framed portrait of Jesus. A Border Patrol statement issued Wednesday said the bust was made just before 3 p.m. Tuesday at the Bridge of the Americas in El Paso. A 22-year-old Mexican woman arrived at the port of entry from Ciudad Juarez, Mexico, in a sport-utility vehicle. According to the statement, she told agents that she had nothing to declare but some framed art.
Cesar the drug-sniffing dog found otherwise. He was drawn to three framed pictures of Jesus Christ in the SUV. Agents found 30 bundles totalling about 31 pounds behind the backing of the three pictures.
LILBURN, Ga. – Police in Georgia say a 23-year-old man grabbed a baseball bat inside of a Wal-Mart and smashed 29 flat-screen televisions. Police in Lilburn near Atlanta have charged Westley Strellis with 29 counts of criminal damage to property in the second degree. Witnesses tell police he grabbed a metal baseball bat from the sporting goods section Wednesday, walked to the electronics department and destroyed the TVs on display.
He was arrested not long after that.
Police say the televisions are valued at over $22,000. Police say they do not know whether Strellis has an attorney. (However, the guy makes contact, so the Pirates are said to be interested.)
NEW YORK – A Brooklyn woman said a mugger stole a doggie coat right off the back of her mild-mannered terrier. Donna McPherson said she tied up Lexie, her 10-year-old Westie, outside a Park Slope supermarket "for two minutes" while she bought milk. She heard a "funny bark." When McPherson went outside, she found the little white dog shivering. His green wool coat, with leather trim and belt, were nowhere in sight.
McPherson said the dog coat was worth $25. She said that, fortunately, Lexie wasn't wearing his pricier Burberry.
I’m Craig, and that’s the news…(Play News Music – Clip 03)
Before we start with our main topic, we have a special long distance dedication.
Casey Kasem –For the audience that doesn’t remember Casey. (Clip of Casey Kasem discussing the tech breakthrough that is the CD player.– Clip 20)
Long Distance Dedication (Clip 21 of him saying Long Distance Dedication)
(Holly’s song for Josh – Clip 19)
MAIN TOPICS:
Super Bowl Commercials:
-Motorola: Megan Fox in a tub (thumb double)
-Coke – Simpsons commercial (Didn’t work because what makes The Simpsons great is cynicism, and the Coke commercial was a feel good one.)
-Bridgestone – Whale in car bachelor party – STUPID and Ineffective
-Doritos – Dumb but effective – Kid smacks the guy who is there for his momma, The guy at the Gym who acts like a Doritos Ninja and the Casket guy
-Punxsutawney Polamalu - Creepy
-Etrade – If the 1st baby is too old, so is your campaign. Time for something new.
-Snickers – You’re playing like Betty White
-Budweiser Bridge
-(3rd best commercial) Letterman, Oprah and Leno – Tonight show
-(2nd best commercial) Dodge Charger – (Clip 22)
-(Best commercial) Google – Great commercial – All about France – Guy finds a park, meets a French girl, they like each other, he thinks about doing a long distance relationship with her, but instead finds a job in Paris, he finds a church for their wedding, and the final search is how to put together a crib. GREAT commercial and the only visuals are the Google box along with a few sound effects and some piano music. Not sure why Google needs to advertise, but that commercial was amazing.
Olympics:
-Hockey (Not quite as prestigious as the NHL 94 tourney)
-NBC Sucks – they have ruined the Olympics
-My Curling story
-How great is the medal stand ceremony?
-Is it okay to watch figure skating?
-Is it weird that we go four years not caring about skiing at all, and then we suddenly do care?
Sports Bigamy – “The Dude” on Dameshek.com says that he is an Eagles AND Jaguars fan. (See if the dude wants to come on to talk)
Magnificent 7: (Play Clip 7 - Magnificent 7 Music) Every few months I get this email sent to me:
From time to time, members of the news media may attempt to contact you directly to obtain information on “The Corporation’s” operations, a recently announced acquisition, joint venture, new product, pending litigation, or other matter. We would like to remind you that our company policy states:
"In the event of contact from the media, it is imperative that you refer all questions and concerns in regard to a response from “The Corporation” to Corporate Communications at (Phone number redacted). Employees, managers, and supervisors should not respond to the press. Failure to comply with this policy could result in disciplinary action.
In addition, if you speak at public events, it is possible that reporters could be in attendance looking for comments to incorporate into their stories. Please keep this in mind and exercise caution when preparing your remarks or answering questions in a public forum."
Your assistance in directing media calls to our public relations department or emailing us at (email redacted) is much appreciated.
Thank you,
Corporate Communications
Seven emails that my company could distribute to it’s workers that would be weirder than not asking me to grant media requests. (Get “You’ve got mail” Clip)
7. You may from time to time receive requests to participate in Wrestlemania tag team events. We ask that you decline any request to participate in a steel cage match, even if the promotion promises that you will be paired with the Hulkster himself. The Corporation also asks that you refrain from screaming, “Oh Yeah!” (Find Randy Macho Man Savage Clip) during normal business hours.
6. You may from time to time be asked to participate in large game hunts. If you are asked to participate in such activities, we ask that be sure to consult the attached endangered species list. It is YOUR responsibility to make sure that no species goes extinct as a result of your business activities. Any action which results in the death of a White Rhino is grounds for immediate termination.
5. If you receive a request to run a 100 meter match race with Usain Bolt, management requests that you first gain permission from your direct supervisor to participate before agreeing to the race, as the corporation would like to make sure that your Olympic style running will not interfere with regularly schedule duties nor bring undue embarrassment to the Corporation.
4. From time to time, satanic cults may request to use your cubicle for a ritual human sacrifice. The corporation has a strict non-cultic murder stance, and all requests to use company resources in schemes to serve Lucifer’s armies must be immediately denied and we request that you immediately make your supervisor aware so that appropriate action can be taken against the offending parties.
3. The Corporation would like to remind you that its policies forbid you from impersonating Bob Ross in your work environment. Any reference made to co-workers suggesting that their work would benefit from more “Happy Trees” is cause for suspension and potential termination. Outrageous fuzzy afro haircuts are not forbidden, but are strongly discouraged.
2. The Corporation reminds you that at no time are you allowed to secede from the United States and declare your work area as it’s own sovereign state. In the past when this was allowed, it caused severe diplomatic strain on the Corporations relations with the Federal government. The Corporation wants to avoid a repeat of the bloody war that was waged in 1996 with Cubicle-i-stan.
1. The Corporation would like you to note that you are not a wombat. Australian Marsupial type behavior will not be tolerated. All workers are expected to carry themselves and represent the Corporation in a human manner at all times.
NHL ’94 Tournament – Tourney Check in
-Standings on DAMNradio.blogspot.com
The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
The Samples Album – “No Room” - Song – “Did you ever look so nice” (1992) (Clip 23)
Thanks to: (Whoever called, and to Joe, Thanks Joe.)
Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
Extra or future stuff:
Ashley Revell - (born 1972) is a London resident who briefly achieved fame for selling all his possessions (including all his clothes) and gambling US$135,300 on a single spin of a roulette wheel in Las Vegas, Nevada in 2004.
Revell won his bet (on Red; the result was 7 Red) and left with $270,600. The event was filmed by Sky One as a reality mini-series. Ashley used his winnings to set up his own online poker company called POKER UTD.
Who is the best opponent in Mike Tyson’s punchout?
Imelda Marcos:
Who says pot ah to? I’d call the whole thing off too, but just because I wouldn’t want to marry a moron.
Pants on the Ground
Movie reviews: “Avatar”, “The Road” and “The Princess and The Frog”
-Avatar
-The Road
-The Princess and the Frog
Defend Movies:
-Almost Famous
-The Shawshank Redemption
-Fight Club
Magnificent 7: Seven things people driving around me need to stop doing.
1. Stopping at a flashing yellow.
2. Stopping at a continuous turn lane.
3. Driving the speed limit or slower in the left lane.
4. Getting over into my lane directly in front of me and then slowing down.
5. Three Words: No turn signal
6. Braking for no logical reason
7. Not pulling into the intersection to turn left when the light is green but you don’t have a green arrow.
Magnificent 7: NFL Rules to change:
1. You can’t advance a muff.
2. The Tuck Rule
3. You can’t return a blocked extra point for two points
4. You need 2 feet in bounds for it to be a catch.
5. Overtime – First score wins. (Don’t go to college. Either make it a full 10 or 15 minutes, make it where you have to score 6, or both teams get a possession.)
6. You only get 2 challenges unless you get them both right
7. Pass interference is a spot foul
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Show Prep #37
Greetings and Salutations, people. It’s the radio show that’s taking the Colts and giving the points…This is Vertically Striped Radio. I am your host Craig “The Hedgehog” Dodge
It’s the week of things falling apart.
Nasty ATT lady
Today on Vertically Striped Radio: We’ll try to make it a happy Super Bowl Eve, we’ll try to discuss, but not overdiscuss, the big game with roman numerals. The Dameshek.com NHL 94 tournament is just getting underway, we’ll see how that’s going… Our friend Trace Smith will be dropping in to chat. I have a great edition of “Great Moments in the history of BlogTalkRadio as we will relive one of the more amusing moments in the history of the LCS show. One Nine and Larry reenact a moment from the Dave Dameshek Sports Contraption with Larry playing Dave and Mike Dell doing his very best Ed impersonation. This comes from the days before the LCS boys knew The Ed…it’s some seriously good stuff. We have an odd Magnificent 7 to roll out, and of course we’ll open with some news and close with some music as is our custom.
If you’d like to join in on the fun, you can of course do so. You can join in the discussion over in the chatroom at DAMNradio.blogspot.com. You can shoot me an email if you have a thought to share, or you can even call in and get on the program If you like. The number to call in is:
Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com
Twitter: @socnorb777
Chatroom: DAMNradio.blogspot.com
Let’s get to the news…
(Play News Music – Clip 03)
JOHANNESBURG (Reuters) – A South African minibus taxi driver five times over the legal blood alcohol limit at breakfast time was arrested on Wednesday for transporting 49 children in a 16-seat vehicle.
The 26-year-old man was pulled over at a routine check-point in KwaZulu-Natal province, where traffic officials found the children, aged between three and 13, crammed on top of each other for the morning ride to school.
"The man is now behind bars," Colin Govender of the Road Traffic Inspectorate said. The driver is due to appear in court on Thursday.
With the soccer World Cup just months away, police are cracking down on rogue taxi operators in the hope that foreign visitors will use minibuses to get around the country.
Millions of mostly black South Africans use minibus taxis to travel between townships and cities, although many of the vehicles are barely roadworthy and fatal accidents are common.
NEW YORK – A New York City fourth-grader was sent to the principal's office and nearly suspended for bringing a lego toy gun to school.
Nine-year-old Patrick Timoney Jr. and a friend were playing with Legos in the cafeteria at Public School 52 in Staten Island on Tuesday when Patrick produced the tiny plastic machine gun and put it in the hands of a plastic police officer.
After Patrick's mother got a call from the school, his parents met with the principal and persuaded her not to discipline him if he agreed to leave the toy gun at home.
The boy's father, Patrick Timoney Sr., says principal Evelyn Mastroianni "went overboard."
SHANGHAI (Reuters) – A Chinese woman is seeking extensive plastic surgery to look like U.S. actress Jessica Alba, mainly because she hopes to win back her boyfriend who she said always wished she looked more like the Hollywood star.
The 21-year-old, who would only give her name as Xiaoqing, said she was devastated after she broke up with her lover, an ardent fan of the actress who has starred in hit movies such as "Fantastic Four" and "Into the Blue."
Xiaoqing, who works at an Internet firm in Shanghai, said that during their 18-month-long relationship, her 28-year-old boyfriend had been obsessed with Alba, adorning their apartment with her photographs and talking about her constantly.
She said that while her boyfriend had not forced her to look like Alba, he always hinted that the wanted her to resemble his favorite star and even bought her a blonde wig to wear.
A month ago, Xiaoqing left her boyfriend, whom she did not name, because his Alba obsession became too much for her. But now she says she can't get over the break-up and wants him back.
"When I broke up with my boyfriend, I was very sad," she told Reuters at the Shanghai Time Plastic Surgery Hospital which has agreed to help her fulfill her wish.
"My friends... kept consoling me but it did not work, so they suggested I do plastic surgery to look like her (Jessica Alba)."
The hospital said Xiaoqing would need multiple surgeries to alter her eyes and nose so that they would resemble Alba's. They also agreed to do it for free to showcase their surgery skills.
Hospital director Jiang Shan said he had personally spoken to Xiaoqing and advised her to think seriously about the procedure.
"If she wants to look much better than she does now, for example if she wants her skin to look smoother and her overall facial facade to look more beautiful, I think we are able to help her fulfill her wishes," Jiang said.
"But if she wants to totally look like Jessica Alba, I would think she is still not confident of herself and that she needs to solve this problem psychologically."
Shortly after the break-up, Xiaoqing posted a comment on a local web forum asking for help to win her boyfriend back.
She said that despite the many bloggers who advised her against having cosmetic surgery, she was keen on it.
"As a member of the younger generation in this country, I have a choice to decide what I want in life," she said.
"I have never been able to let him go. If in the end he still does not accept me after I undergo the plastic surgeries, I will give up. I will then choose to let go, start afresh and live life by myself," she added.
Xiaoqing said she would speak to her mother, who lives in Hubei province, while visiting home during the annual lunar new year holiday before making a final decision.
The hospital said it was not unusual for young women such as Xiaoqing to undergo cosmetic surgery to look like celebrities.
The government estimates billions of yuan are spent each year by Chinese on plastic surgery, which is seen by many as a way to boost job or marriage prospects in a highly competitive society.
I’m Craig, and that’s the news…(Play News Music – Clip 03)
MAIN TOPIC:
NFL Talk:
Super Bowl: Saints and Colts
-Luke’s prediction: Clip 22
-Dwight Freeney – Will he play?
-Tony Dungy – Thinks the Colts win big and said as much.
-Can the Broncos get Tony Dungy for a season or two, so that we can win the Super Bowl the season after he retires?
-Archie Manning – Do you think he ever would have believed that the very first time that the Saints made the Super Bowl that he would be rooting against them?
-My heart definitely wants the Saints, but my head says Colts win relatively easily.
-We have had two straight amazing Super Bowls…I feel like we’re due for a letdown.
-What are your Super Bowl plans? Discuss the brilliance of the unparty.
Prediction: Colts 31 Saints 20
Other football news:
Kurt Warner: Retired after 12 years
Pete Carroll leaving USC for the Seahawks. Is this a move because he wanted the challenge of an NFL gig, or is it rats fleeing the Titanic?
Brandon Marshall: He’s going to behave and perhaps will stay on the Broncos?
Magnificent 7: Seven emails that my company could distribute to it’s workers that would be weirder than not asking me to grant media requests. (Get “You’ve got mail” Clip)
7. You may from time to time receive requests to participate in Wrestlemania tag team events. We ask that you decline any request to participate in a steel cage match, even if the promotion promises that you will be paired with the Hulkster himself. The Corporation also asks that you refrain from screaming, “Oh Yeah!” (Find Randy Macho Man Savage Clip) during normal business hours.
6. You may from time to time be asked to participate in large game hunts. If you are asked to participate in such activities, we ask that be sure to consult the attached endangered species list. It is YOUR responsibility to make sure that no species goes extinct as a result of your business activities. Any action which results in the death of a White Rhino is grounds for immediate termination.
5. If you receive a request to run a 100 meter match race with Usain Bolt, management requests that you first gain permission from your direct supervisor to participate before agreeing to the race, as the corporation would like to make sure that your Olympic style running will not interfere with regularly schedule duties nor bring undue embarrassment to the Corporation.
4. From time to time, Satanic cults may request to use your cubicle for a ritual human sacrifice. The corporation has a strict non-cultic murder stance, and all requests to use company resources in schemes to serve Lucifer’s armies must be immediately denied and we request that you immediately make your supervisor aware so that appropriate action can be taken against the offending parties.
3. The Corporation would like to remind you that its policies forbid you from impersonating Bob Ross in your work environment. Any reference made to co-workers suggesting that their work would benefit from more “Happy Trees” is cause for suspension and potential termination. Outrageous fuzzy afro haircuts are not forbidden, but are strongly discouraged.
2. The Corporation reminds you that at no time are you allowed to secede from the United States and declare your work area as it’s own sovereign state. In the past when this was allowed, it caused severe diplomatic strain on the Corporations relations with the Federal government. The Corporation wants to avoid a repeat of the bloody war that was waged in 1996 with Cubicle-i-stan.
1. The Corporation would like you to note that you are not a wombat. Australian Marsupial type behavior will not be tolerated. All workers are expected to carry themselves and represent the Corporation in a human manner at all times.
Irving officials make Kraft Macaroni & Cheese official sponsor of Texas Stadium demolition
IRVING – Texas Stadium will come down this spring in a "Cheddar Explosion."
That's the name that Kraft Foods has given to its promotional campaign for the implosion of the iconic structure.
In its last act of 2009, the Irving City Council on Thursday unanimously approved Kraft Foods as the official sponsor for the demolition.
"It's a good deal for us and a good deal for them," council member Rose Cannaday said during the 15-minute special meeting.
As part of the deal, Kraft will pay Irving a $75,000 sponsorship fee prior to the demolition for charities selected by the city. The company will also provide $75,000 worth of Kraft products for local charities of its choice.
Next week, Kraft will launch a national essay contest for children as part of its promotional campaign, said Maura Gast, executive director of the Irving Convention and Visitors Bureau. The winner will get to trigger the detonation at the public demolition.
"Kraft Macaroni & Cheese is thrilled to have received the Irving City Council's approval and we are looking forward to celebrating the historical significance and explosion of Texas Stadium. We will be sharing our full plans in the coming days," Joanne Freed of Hunter Public Relations said in a written statement on behalf of the company.
Because asbestos is still being removed from the stadium, officials have not set a date for the demolition, said Laurie Kunke, Irving's director of communications.
However, the sponsorship agreement stipulates that the implosion must occur between March 14 and April 18 or the contract will terminate and Irving must refund the sponsorship fee.
The Irving City Council is expected to set a date for the event at its Jan. 13 work session, said Kunke. The implosion will probably be held on a Sunday morning when traffic around the stadium is lighter, she said.
The implosion, which will cost the city $5.8 million, will be captured by webcams set up around the stadium where the Cowboys played from 1971 to 2008.
Irving is expected to gain about $1 million worth of public exposure through the food company's national advertising campaign.
When the structure is reduced to rubble, the city intends to redevelop the site as a mixed-use development along the DART line.
Great Moments in Blog Talk History: (Intro: Clip 8) (Clip 21 of Mike Dell and Jerry Fairish reenacting Ed moments on the Sports Contraption. 16:00)
Movie reviews: “Avatar”, “The Road” and “The Princess and The Frog”
-Avatar
-The Road
-The Princess and the Frog
Defend Movies:
-Almost Famous
-The Shawshank Redemption
-Fight Club
NHL ’94 Tournament –
The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
“Apollo Sunshine” by Apollo Sunshine (2005)
Today is the day (18)
Eyes (19)
Thanks to: (Whoever called)
Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
Extra or future stuff:
Ashley Revell - (born 1972) is a London resident who briefly achieved fame for selling all his possessions (including all his clothes) and gambling US$135,300 on a single spin of a roulette wheel in Las Vegas, Nevada in 2004.
Revell won his bet (on Red; the result was 7 Red) and left with $270,600. The event was filmed by Sky One as a reality mini-series. Ashley used his winnings to set up his own online poker company called POKER UTD.
Who is the best opponent in Mike Tyson’s punchout?
Imelda Marcos:
Pants on the Ground
Magnificent 7: Seven things people driving around me need to stop doing.
1. Stopping at a flashing yellow.
2. Stopping at a continuous turn lane.
3. Driving the speed limit or slower in the left lane.
4. Getting over into my lane directly in front of me and then slowing down.
5. Three Words: No turn signal
6. Braking for no logical reason
7. Not pulling into the intersection to turn left when the light is green but you don’t have a green arrow.
It’s the week of things falling apart.
Nasty ATT lady
Today on Vertically Striped Radio: We’ll try to make it a happy Super Bowl Eve, we’ll try to discuss, but not overdiscuss, the big game with roman numerals. The Dameshek.com NHL 94 tournament is just getting underway, we’ll see how that’s going… Our friend Trace Smith will be dropping in to chat. I have a great edition of “Great Moments in the history of BlogTalkRadio as we will relive one of the more amusing moments in the history of the LCS show. One Nine and Larry reenact a moment from the Dave Dameshek Sports Contraption with Larry playing Dave and Mike Dell doing his very best Ed impersonation. This comes from the days before the LCS boys knew The Ed…it’s some seriously good stuff. We have an odd Magnificent 7 to roll out, and of course we’ll open with some news and close with some music as is our custom.
If you’d like to join in on the fun, you can of course do so. You can join in the discussion over in the chatroom at DAMNradio.blogspot.com. You can shoot me an email if you have a thought to share, or you can even call in and get on the program If you like. The number to call in is:
Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com
Twitter: @socnorb777
Chatroom: DAMNradio.blogspot.com
Let’s get to the news…
(Play News Music – Clip 03)
JOHANNESBURG (Reuters) – A South African minibus taxi driver five times over the legal blood alcohol limit at breakfast time was arrested on Wednesday for transporting 49 children in a 16-seat vehicle.
The 26-year-old man was pulled over at a routine check-point in KwaZulu-Natal province, where traffic officials found the children, aged between three and 13, crammed on top of each other for the morning ride to school.
"The man is now behind bars," Colin Govender of the Road Traffic Inspectorate said. The driver is due to appear in court on Thursday.
With the soccer World Cup just months away, police are cracking down on rogue taxi operators in the hope that foreign visitors will use minibuses to get around the country.
Millions of mostly black South Africans use minibus taxis to travel between townships and cities, although many of the vehicles are barely roadworthy and fatal accidents are common.
NEW YORK – A New York City fourth-grader was sent to the principal's office and nearly suspended for bringing a lego toy gun to school.
Nine-year-old Patrick Timoney Jr. and a friend were playing with Legos in the cafeteria at Public School 52 in Staten Island on Tuesday when Patrick produced the tiny plastic machine gun and put it in the hands of a plastic police officer.
After Patrick's mother got a call from the school, his parents met with the principal and persuaded her not to discipline him if he agreed to leave the toy gun at home.
The boy's father, Patrick Timoney Sr., says principal Evelyn Mastroianni "went overboard."
SHANGHAI (Reuters) – A Chinese woman is seeking extensive plastic surgery to look like U.S. actress Jessica Alba, mainly because she hopes to win back her boyfriend who she said always wished she looked more like the Hollywood star.
The 21-year-old, who would only give her name as Xiaoqing, said she was devastated after she broke up with her lover, an ardent fan of the actress who has starred in hit movies such as "Fantastic Four" and "Into the Blue."
Xiaoqing, who works at an Internet firm in Shanghai, said that during their 18-month-long relationship, her 28-year-old boyfriend had been obsessed with Alba, adorning their apartment with her photographs and talking about her constantly.
She said that while her boyfriend had not forced her to look like Alba, he always hinted that the wanted her to resemble his favorite star and even bought her a blonde wig to wear.
A month ago, Xiaoqing left her boyfriend, whom she did not name, because his Alba obsession became too much for her. But now she says she can't get over the break-up and wants him back.
"When I broke up with my boyfriend, I was very sad," she told Reuters at the Shanghai Time Plastic Surgery Hospital which has agreed to help her fulfill her wish.
"My friends... kept consoling me but it did not work, so they suggested I do plastic surgery to look like her (Jessica Alba)."
The hospital said Xiaoqing would need multiple surgeries to alter her eyes and nose so that they would resemble Alba's. They also agreed to do it for free to showcase their surgery skills.
Hospital director Jiang Shan said he had personally spoken to Xiaoqing and advised her to think seriously about the procedure.
"If she wants to look much better than she does now, for example if she wants her skin to look smoother and her overall facial facade to look more beautiful, I think we are able to help her fulfill her wishes," Jiang said.
"But if she wants to totally look like Jessica Alba, I would think she is still not confident of herself and that she needs to solve this problem psychologically."
Shortly after the break-up, Xiaoqing posted a comment on a local web forum asking for help to win her boyfriend back.
She said that despite the many bloggers who advised her against having cosmetic surgery, she was keen on it.
"As a member of the younger generation in this country, I have a choice to decide what I want in life," she said.
"I have never been able to let him go. If in the end he still does not accept me after I undergo the plastic surgeries, I will give up. I will then choose to let go, start afresh and live life by myself," she added.
Xiaoqing said she would speak to her mother, who lives in Hubei province, while visiting home during the annual lunar new year holiday before making a final decision.
The hospital said it was not unusual for young women such as Xiaoqing to undergo cosmetic surgery to look like celebrities.
The government estimates billions of yuan are spent each year by Chinese on plastic surgery, which is seen by many as a way to boost job or marriage prospects in a highly competitive society.
I’m Craig, and that’s the news…(Play News Music – Clip 03)
MAIN TOPIC:
NFL Talk:
Super Bowl: Saints and Colts
-Luke’s prediction: Clip 22
-Dwight Freeney – Will he play?
-Tony Dungy – Thinks the Colts win big and said as much.
-Can the Broncos get Tony Dungy for a season or two, so that we can win the Super Bowl the season after he retires?
-Archie Manning – Do you think he ever would have believed that the very first time that the Saints made the Super Bowl that he would be rooting against them?
-My heart definitely wants the Saints, but my head says Colts win relatively easily.
-We have had two straight amazing Super Bowls…I feel like we’re due for a letdown.
-What are your Super Bowl plans? Discuss the brilliance of the unparty.
Prediction: Colts 31 Saints 20
Other football news:
Kurt Warner: Retired after 12 years
Pete Carroll leaving USC for the Seahawks. Is this a move because he wanted the challenge of an NFL gig, or is it rats fleeing the Titanic?
Brandon Marshall: He’s going to behave and perhaps will stay on the Broncos?
Magnificent 7: Seven emails that my company could distribute to it’s workers that would be weirder than not asking me to grant media requests. (Get “You’ve got mail” Clip)
7. You may from time to time receive requests to participate in Wrestlemania tag team events. We ask that you decline any request to participate in a steel cage match, even if the promotion promises that you will be paired with the Hulkster himself. The Corporation also asks that you refrain from screaming, “Oh Yeah!” (Find Randy Macho Man Savage Clip) during normal business hours.
6. You may from time to time be asked to participate in large game hunts. If you are asked to participate in such activities, we ask that be sure to consult the attached endangered species list. It is YOUR responsibility to make sure that no species goes extinct as a result of your business activities. Any action which results in the death of a White Rhino is grounds for immediate termination.
5. If you receive a request to run a 100 meter match race with Usain Bolt, management requests that you first gain permission from your direct supervisor to participate before agreeing to the race, as the corporation would like to make sure that your Olympic style running will not interfere with regularly schedule duties nor bring undue embarrassment to the Corporation.
4. From time to time, Satanic cults may request to use your cubicle for a ritual human sacrifice. The corporation has a strict non-cultic murder stance, and all requests to use company resources in schemes to serve Lucifer’s armies must be immediately denied and we request that you immediately make your supervisor aware so that appropriate action can be taken against the offending parties.
3. The Corporation would like to remind you that its policies forbid you from impersonating Bob Ross in your work environment. Any reference made to co-workers suggesting that their work would benefit from more “Happy Trees” is cause for suspension and potential termination. Outrageous fuzzy afro haircuts are not forbidden, but are strongly discouraged.
2. The Corporation reminds you that at no time are you allowed to secede from the United States and declare your work area as it’s own sovereign state. In the past when this was allowed, it caused severe diplomatic strain on the Corporations relations with the Federal government. The Corporation wants to avoid a repeat of the bloody war that was waged in 1996 with Cubicle-i-stan.
1. The Corporation would like you to note that you are not a wombat. Australian Marsupial type behavior will not be tolerated. All workers are expected to carry themselves and represent the Corporation in a human manner at all times.
Irving officials make Kraft Macaroni & Cheese official sponsor of Texas Stadium demolition
IRVING – Texas Stadium will come down this spring in a "Cheddar Explosion."
That's the name that Kraft Foods has given to its promotional campaign for the implosion of the iconic structure.
In its last act of 2009, the Irving City Council on Thursday unanimously approved Kraft Foods as the official sponsor for the demolition.
"It's a good deal for us and a good deal for them," council member Rose Cannaday said during the 15-minute special meeting.
As part of the deal, Kraft will pay Irving a $75,000 sponsorship fee prior to the demolition for charities selected by the city. The company will also provide $75,000 worth of Kraft products for local charities of its choice.
Next week, Kraft will launch a national essay contest for children as part of its promotional campaign, said Maura Gast, executive director of the Irving Convention and Visitors Bureau. The winner will get to trigger the detonation at the public demolition.
"Kraft Macaroni & Cheese is thrilled to have received the Irving City Council's approval and we are looking forward to celebrating the historical significance and explosion of Texas Stadium. We will be sharing our full plans in the coming days," Joanne Freed of Hunter Public Relations said in a written statement on behalf of the company.
Because asbestos is still being removed from the stadium, officials have not set a date for the demolition, said Laurie Kunke, Irving's director of communications.
However, the sponsorship agreement stipulates that the implosion must occur between March 14 and April 18 or the contract will terminate and Irving must refund the sponsorship fee.
The Irving City Council is expected to set a date for the event at its Jan. 13 work session, said Kunke. The implosion will probably be held on a Sunday morning when traffic around the stadium is lighter, she said.
The implosion, which will cost the city $5.8 million, will be captured by webcams set up around the stadium where the Cowboys played from 1971 to 2008.
Irving is expected to gain about $1 million worth of public exposure through the food company's national advertising campaign.
When the structure is reduced to rubble, the city intends to redevelop the site as a mixed-use development along the DART line.
Great Moments in Blog Talk History: (Intro: Clip 8) (Clip 21 of Mike Dell and Jerry Fairish reenacting Ed moments on the Sports Contraption. 16:00)
Movie reviews: “Avatar”, “The Road” and “The Princess and The Frog”
-Avatar
-The Road
-The Princess and the Frog
Defend Movies:
-Almost Famous
-The Shawshank Redemption
-Fight Club
NHL ’94 Tournament –
The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
“Apollo Sunshine” by Apollo Sunshine (2005)
Today is the day (18)
Eyes (19)
Thanks to: (Whoever called)
Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
Extra or future stuff:
Ashley Revell - (born 1972) is a London resident who briefly achieved fame for selling all his possessions (including all his clothes) and gambling US$135,300 on a single spin of a roulette wheel in Las Vegas, Nevada in 2004.
Revell won his bet (on Red; the result was 7 Red) and left with $270,600. The event was filmed by Sky One as a reality mini-series. Ashley used his winnings to set up his own online poker company called POKER UTD.
Who is the best opponent in Mike Tyson’s punchout?
Imelda Marcos:
Pants on the Ground
Magnificent 7: Seven things people driving around me need to stop doing.
1. Stopping at a flashing yellow.
2. Stopping at a continuous turn lane.
3. Driving the speed limit or slower in the left lane.
4. Getting over into my lane directly in front of me and then slowing down.
5. Three Words: No turn signal
6. Braking for no logical reason
7. Not pulling into the intersection to turn left when the light is green but you don’t have a green arrow.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Show Prep #36
Greetings and Salutations, people. Direct from beautiful Centennial, Colorado. It’s the radio show that’s better than getting your eye poked with a sharp stick, this is Vertically Striped Radio…and we’re only guessing about being better than the sharp stick to the eye bit, it hasn’t been scientifically proven that this show is better than that… we’re just going with the anecdotal evidence, your results may vary. My name is Craig Dodge, and we are ready to roll with another edition of Vertically Striped Radio.
Today on Vertically Striped Radio: We will talk some NFL football as we move into the Final week of the season with the Super Bowl fast approaching. We will have the initial edition of the Schadenfreude File, a new feature here on VSR. We may talk a little bit of movies and definitely talk about the upcoming NHL 94 tournament taking place over at Dameshek.com
Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com
Twitter: @socnorb777
Chatroom: DAMNradio.blogspot.com
Let’s get to the news…
(Play News Music – Clip 03)
BERLIN (Reuters) – A 76-year-old German man trying to thaw out his car incinerated it instead when he decided to speed things up by putting a blow heater under the hood.
"He burned the vehicle out completely," said a spokesman for police in the western city of Hildesheim. Police said the man left the heater on next to the frozen windshield washer tank and returned indoors. Shortly afterwards he heard two explosions and returned to find the car ablaze.
He alerted fire services, who arrived in time to prevent the flames from destroying his house. Including charring of the building, total damages were estimated at 40,000 euros ($56,240).
BUENOS AIRES (Reuters) – Argentina's president recommended pork as an alternative to Viagra Wednesday, saying she spent a satisfying weekend with her husband after eating barbecued pork.
"I've just been told something I didn't know; that eating pork improves your sex life ... I'd say it's a lot nicer to eat a bit of grilled pork than take Viagra," President Cristina Fernandez said to leaders of the pig farming industry.
She said she recently ate pork and "things went very well that weekend, so it could well be true."
Argentines are the world's biggest per capita consumers of beef, but the government has sought to promote pork as an alternative in recent years due to rising steak prices and as a way to diversify the meat industry.
"Trying it doesn't cost anything, so let's give it a go," Fernandez said in the televised speech.
ISLAMABAD (Reuters) – Pakistani President Asif Ali Zardari has a black goat slaughtered at his house almost every day to ward off "evil eyes" and protect him from "black magic," a newspaper reported Wednesday.
A spokesman for the president told the Dawn newspaper the goats were slaughtered as an act of Sadaqah -- meaning "voluntary charity" in Islam whereby one gives out money or the meat of a slaughtered animal to the poor to win Allah's blessing and stave off misfortune.
"It has been an old practice of Mr Zardari to offer Sadaqah. He has been doing this for a long time," the spokesman, Farhatullah Babar, told the paper.
Pakistan is a predominantly Muslim country where many of the well-off offer Sadaqah. Though Muslim, many people also follow certain superstitious practices.
Hundreds of goats had been sacrificed at Zardari's house since he was sworn in September 2008, the Dawn newspaper reported.
It said Zardari's detractors would see in his "new-found religiosity" a sign of nervousness in the face of growing woes.
Zardari, who rose to power after the assassination of his wife, former prime minister Benazir Bhutto, in late 2007, has become increasingly unpopular and faces a range of problems from Islamist militancy to a stagnant economy and political rivalry.
A Supreme Court ruling last month throwing out an amnesty for Zardari, several top aides and thousands of political activists and government figures triggered a political storm and expectation that Zardari was on his way out.
ROME (Reuters) – An Italian man who argued with his son over Sony PlayStation tactics was recovering in hospital on Monday after the teenager stabbed him in the neck with a 15-inch kitchen knife, police and hospital officials said.
The man, identified as Fabrizio R., suffered a deep cut to the throat after his 16-year-old son, Mario, attacked him during an argument on Sunday over the soccer video game FIFA 2009.
Police said the argument broke out when the 46-year-old storekeeper offered his son advice on tactics to improve his play, and then turned the television off in response to his son's behavior.
Fetching a knife from the kitchen, Mario stabbed his father in the neck before returning to clean the weapon at the kitchen sink in front of his mother and leaving it to dry on the draining-board. Forty-six year-old housewife Monica B,. told Italian daily Il Corriere della Sera that she had no idea what had happened until her husband stumbled into the room, clutching his throat.
"I saw Mario come back into the room, he seemed calm, he went to the sink and I noticed him washing a knife," Monica told the newspaper. "Then my husband came into the room with a hand round his neck, dripping blood."
The teenager shut himself in his bedroom after the attack and made no attempt to resist arrest, police said.
The game had been given to Mario a few days earlier, as a birthday present.
"Mario is obsessed. He's forever playing on his PlayStation, and we bought him FIFA 2009 because we didn't want him playing violent games," his mother told Il Corriere.
I’m Craig, and that’s the news…(Play News Music – Clip 03)
MAIN TOPIC:
NFL Talk:
Schadenfreude Files: (Clip 16) Debut edition with Brett Favre. (Clip of Minnesota Radio Broadcast and then One Shining Moment. – Clip 20)
Super Bowl: Saints and Colts
-Colts going to wear blue. (Teams wearing white have won five straight.)
43 – Steelers 27 Cardinals 23
42 – Giants 17 Patriots 14
41 – Colts 29 Bears 17
40 – Steelers 21 Seahawks 10
39 – Patriots 24 Eagles 21
38 – Patriots 32 Panthers 29 (Last time non-white team won the Super Bowl)
Media Day: Is this still fun, or has it outlived it’s usefulness?
Look back at NFL Playoffs:
Jets-Colts: Colts 30 Jets 17 (My guess Colts 33 Jets 13)
Vikings-Saints: Saints 31 Vikings 28 (My guess was exactly right)
Pro-Bowl: This game is weak. (List players who should be all-stars playing in Pro Bowl.
Other football news:
Broncos to play 49ers in London next year: All around London folks were saying, (Play Clip 19)
Pete Carroll leaving USC for the Seahawks. Is this a move because he wanted the challenge of an NFL gig, or is it rats fleeing the Titanic?
Is the Rooney Rule a good idea?
NHL ’94 Tournament – Talk about how it’s going to work, and what needs to be done.
Joe – Canucks
StreetDreamer83 – Sabres
face ventura – Nordiques
socnorb777 – Bruins
#1 Sploser – Mighty Ducks
Amiezin – Rangers
PhillyBillyRules – Penguins
#19 – Whalers
Richie – Kings
Fourthand26 – Canadiens
Mjmartin78 – Red Wings
Microserf – Stars
Coming up soon on the DAMN Radio Network:
-Larry vs. Beer
-The Major Minority Report
Movie reviews: “Avatar”, “The Road” and “The Princess and The Frog”
-Avatar
-The Road
-The Princess and the Frog
Defend Movies:
-Almost Famous
-The Shawshank Redemption
-Fight Club
Magnificent 7: Seven things people driving around me need to stop doing.
1. Stopping at a flashing yellow.
2. Stopping at a continuous turn lane.
3. Driving the speed limit or slower in the left lane.
4. Getting over into my lane directly in front of me and then slowing down.
5. Three Words: No turn signal
6. Braking for no logical reason
7. Not pulling into the intersection to turn left when the light is green but you don’t have a green arrow.
The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
MGMT – Kids (Clip 18)
Thanks to: (Whoever called)
Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
Extra or future stuff:
Ashley Revell - (born 1972) is a London resident who briefly achieved fame for selling all his possessions (including all his clothes) and gambling US$135,300 on a single spin of a roulette wheel in Las Vegas, Nevada in 2004.
Revell won his bet (on Red; the result was 7 Red) and left with $270,600. The event was filmed by Sky One as a reality mini-series. Ashley used his winnings to set up his own online poker company called POKER UTD.
Who is the best opponent in Mike Tyson’s punchout?
Imelda Marcos:
Pants on the Ground
Great Moments in Blog Talk History: (Find Clip of Mike Dell and Jerry Fairish reenacting Ed moments on the Sports Contraption.)
Today on Vertically Striped Radio: We will talk some NFL football as we move into the Final week of the season with the Super Bowl fast approaching. We will have the initial edition of the Schadenfreude File, a new feature here on VSR. We may talk a little bit of movies and definitely talk about the upcoming NHL 94 tournament taking place over at Dameshek.com
Give out the phone number - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com
Twitter: @socnorb777
Chatroom: DAMNradio.blogspot.com
Let’s get to the news…
(Play News Music – Clip 03)
BERLIN (Reuters) – A 76-year-old German man trying to thaw out his car incinerated it instead when he decided to speed things up by putting a blow heater under the hood.
"He burned the vehicle out completely," said a spokesman for police in the western city of Hildesheim. Police said the man left the heater on next to the frozen windshield washer tank and returned indoors. Shortly afterwards he heard two explosions and returned to find the car ablaze.
He alerted fire services, who arrived in time to prevent the flames from destroying his house. Including charring of the building, total damages were estimated at 40,000 euros ($56,240).
BUENOS AIRES (Reuters) – Argentina's president recommended pork as an alternative to Viagra Wednesday, saying she spent a satisfying weekend with her husband after eating barbecued pork.
"I've just been told something I didn't know; that eating pork improves your sex life ... I'd say it's a lot nicer to eat a bit of grilled pork than take Viagra," President Cristina Fernandez said to leaders of the pig farming industry.
She said she recently ate pork and "things went very well that weekend, so it could well be true."
Argentines are the world's biggest per capita consumers of beef, but the government has sought to promote pork as an alternative in recent years due to rising steak prices and as a way to diversify the meat industry.
"Trying it doesn't cost anything, so let's give it a go," Fernandez said in the televised speech.
ISLAMABAD (Reuters) – Pakistani President Asif Ali Zardari has a black goat slaughtered at his house almost every day to ward off "evil eyes" and protect him from "black magic," a newspaper reported Wednesday.
A spokesman for the president told the Dawn newspaper the goats were slaughtered as an act of Sadaqah -- meaning "voluntary charity" in Islam whereby one gives out money or the meat of a slaughtered animal to the poor to win Allah's blessing and stave off misfortune.
"It has been an old practice of Mr Zardari to offer Sadaqah. He has been doing this for a long time," the spokesman, Farhatullah Babar, told the paper.
Pakistan is a predominantly Muslim country where many of the well-off offer Sadaqah. Though Muslim, many people also follow certain superstitious practices.
Hundreds of goats had been sacrificed at Zardari's house since he was sworn in September 2008, the Dawn newspaper reported.
It said Zardari's detractors would see in his "new-found religiosity" a sign of nervousness in the face of growing woes.
Zardari, who rose to power after the assassination of his wife, former prime minister Benazir Bhutto, in late 2007, has become increasingly unpopular and faces a range of problems from Islamist militancy to a stagnant economy and political rivalry.
A Supreme Court ruling last month throwing out an amnesty for Zardari, several top aides and thousands of political activists and government figures triggered a political storm and expectation that Zardari was on his way out.
ROME (Reuters) – An Italian man who argued with his son over Sony PlayStation tactics was recovering in hospital on Monday after the teenager stabbed him in the neck with a 15-inch kitchen knife, police and hospital officials said.
The man, identified as Fabrizio R., suffered a deep cut to the throat after his 16-year-old son, Mario, attacked him during an argument on Sunday over the soccer video game FIFA 2009.
Police said the argument broke out when the 46-year-old storekeeper offered his son advice on tactics to improve his play, and then turned the television off in response to his son's behavior.
Fetching a knife from the kitchen, Mario stabbed his father in the neck before returning to clean the weapon at the kitchen sink in front of his mother and leaving it to dry on the draining-board. Forty-six year-old housewife Monica B,. told Italian daily Il Corriere della Sera that she had no idea what had happened until her husband stumbled into the room, clutching his throat.
"I saw Mario come back into the room, he seemed calm, he went to the sink and I noticed him washing a knife," Monica told the newspaper. "Then my husband came into the room with a hand round his neck, dripping blood."
The teenager shut himself in his bedroom after the attack and made no attempt to resist arrest, police said.
The game had been given to Mario a few days earlier, as a birthday present.
"Mario is obsessed. He's forever playing on his PlayStation, and we bought him FIFA 2009 because we didn't want him playing violent games," his mother told Il Corriere.
I’m Craig, and that’s the news…(Play News Music – Clip 03)
MAIN TOPIC:
NFL Talk:
Schadenfreude Files: (Clip 16) Debut edition with Brett Favre. (Clip of Minnesota Radio Broadcast and then One Shining Moment. – Clip 20)
Super Bowl: Saints and Colts
-Colts going to wear blue. (Teams wearing white have won five straight.)
43 – Steelers 27 Cardinals 23
42 – Giants 17 Patriots 14
41 – Colts 29 Bears 17
40 – Steelers 21 Seahawks 10
39 – Patriots 24 Eagles 21
38 – Patriots 32 Panthers 29 (Last time non-white team won the Super Bowl)
Media Day: Is this still fun, or has it outlived it’s usefulness?
Look back at NFL Playoffs:
Jets-Colts: Colts 30 Jets 17 (My guess Colts 33 Jets 13)
Vikings-Saints: Saints 31 Vikings 28 (My guess was exactly right)
Pro-Bowl: This game is weak. (List players who should be all-stars playing in Pro Bowl.
Other football news:
Broncos to play 49ers in London next year: All around London folks were saying, (Play Clip 19)
Pete Carroll leaving USC for the Seahawks. Is this a move because he wanted the challenge of an NFL gig, or is it rats fleeing the Titanic?
Is the Rooney Rule a good idea?
NHL ’94 Tournament – Talk about how it’s going to work, and what needs to be done.
Joe – Canucks
StreetDreamer83 – Sabres
face ventura – Nordiques
socnorb777 – Bruins
#1 Sploser – Mighty Ducks
Amiezin – Rangers
PhillyBillyRules – Penguins
#19 – Whalers
Richie – Kings
Fourthand26 – Canadiens
Mjmartin78 – Red Wings
Microserf – Stars
Coming up soon on the DAMN Radio Network:
-Larry vs. Beer
-The Major Minority Report
Movie reviews: “Avatar”, “The Road” and “The Princess and The Frog”
-Avatar
-The Road
-The Princess and the Frog
Defend Movies:
-Almost Famous
-The Shawshank Redemption
-Fight Club
Magnificent 7: Seven things people driving around me need to stop doing.
1. Stopping at a flashing yellow.
2. Stopping at a continuous turn lane.
3. Driving the speed limit or slower in the left lane.
4. Getting over into my lane directly in front of me and then slowing down.
5. Three Words: No turn signal
6. Braking for no logical reason
7. Not pulling into the intersection to turn left when the light is green but you don’t have a green arrow.
The Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:
MGMT – Kids (Clip 18)
Thanks to: (Whoever called)
Shalom and Good Evening to you all!
Extra or future stuff:
Ashley Revell - (born 1972) is a London resident who briefly achieved fame for selling all his possessions (including all his clothes) and gambling US$135,300 on a single spin of a roulette wheel in Las Vegas, Nevada in 2004.
Revell won his bet (on Red; the result was 7 Red) and left with $270,600. The event was filmed by Sky One as a reality mini-series. Ashley used his winnings to set up his own online poker company called POKER UTD.
Who is the best opponent in Mike Tyson’s punchout?
Imelda Marcos:
Pants on the Ground
Great Moments in Blog Talk History: (Find Clip of Mike Dell and Jerry Fairish reenacting Ed moments on the Sports Contraption.)
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
The Ed
Sometimes there's a man, I won't say a hero, cause what's a hero? But sometimes there's a man. And I'm talkin' about The Ed here--sometimes there's a man who, well, he's the man for his time and place, he fits right in there--and that's The Ed, in Las Vegas. Sometimes there's a man, sometimes there's a man who--Well, I lost my train of thought here, but aw hell, I've done introduced him enough...
Okay, so I haven't posted any new Edisms in awhile, but I've saved up quite a bit of them, and figured that in these dark and troubled times as the NFL season is just about over and the specter of a long horible offseason is before us, well, I figured we could use a little Ed wisdom.
The last time Vertically Striped Socks did a story on Ed (or "The Ed" as he is often known) was back in May of 2009. If you missed that story, and need a little bit of background on this interesting man from Vegas, you can read that story here:
http://www.verticallystripedsocks.com/2009/05/one-only-ed.html
If you're up to speed on The Ed, then you know what you're in for. So without further ado, I present to you another batch of Edisms, fresh and piping hot from the oven for all you kids...
This one pretty much sums up The Ed's philosophy on life:
"As long as I know what I’m sayin’, It don’t matter what I’m talkin’ about. "
The Ed is a huge Colts fan, here are some of his recent Indianapolis related thoughts...
"The Colts gonna win it all, man. Listen. It’s a forgiven conclusion."
"The Colts defense is a lot better now that we got rid of that god dang devil, Tony Dungy, trying to run it."
"You gotta feel sad for the Colts cause for some unknown reason these people still think that Tom Brady is better than the Peyton Manning. And we all know that's a fabrication of elushinations. "
Craig Dodge: "How much longer is Peyton Manning going to play?"
Ed: "He'll play 'til he's 57, probably."
"The destiny is that Peyton Manning is the greatest quarterback of all time, and people, he got to get at least two to verify it. Three will superfy it. And the fourth one he gets will triple dipple try it. And that’s all I’m sayin’. "
Yeah, it's safe to say that Ed is convinced that the Colts are going to beat the Saints in Super Bowl XLIV and win it all. He's not even worried about it. Another thing he doesn't even worry about is talking about other people...Here are some more Ed quotes where Ed let's people know the situation in America when it comes to his friends and acquaintances on the Dameshek.com message board.
"First of all, you’re a Veginarian, you don’t even eat no food! You’re always sick, you always got problems, you always busy. I’ve never seen somebody who don’t eat meat who’s busy and always sick. That’s three unbelievable combinations, that’s like a combination platter at Taco Bell, it don’t even make sense. "
"This guy makes rhymes that don't even rhyme. I've never seen a poem kid who don't even know how to make nothing rhyme. "
"He had no competition, every entry form we sent back had his name on it. It was a unonimous selection."
"It take me 9 hours a day to update this stuff (FYI, "this stuff" is a wide array of games which Ed runs for the kids on Dameshek.com), and then don’t no one even care about it. They just sign up like God dang munchkins, man."
"You’re like a god dang Canadian Football field. Too many yards, man."
"You cry all the time, man. You’re like 2nd down and 36."
"Him and his Dad went to a Father-Son picnic, and his Dad took a stuffed animal."
"The (message) board is chalk full of haters, all these kids from Haiti."
"Look, this kid knows what he's talking about, Face Ventura. (Ed says as he reads a message from a message boarder with the screen name Face Ventura congratulating Ed for the Colts winning) "Congrats Ed." Now see, that kid knows what he's talkin about, that kid is always on time for school. He'll make sure people got lunches, he'll make sure that people got their clothes ironed and pressed. Every. Single. Time. He don't fool around."
"He afraid to call in, cause he don't even know how to dial a phone, he's so scared. "
"These guys always got, like a, conspiracy theory, Like Number 1-9, when he lose his shoelaces in the mall. He think the guy who's the security guard took em, and I'm like, 'No, he didn't do nothing.' "
"Man, this kid, The Whale (A message boarder with a screen name of The Whale, not an actual whale.), he does a lot of things for that kinda species, you know. He goes out and feeds fishes, and he goes out and buys fish tanks for other cities that don't got em."
"Why do you like hockey so much, what, you got a winter coat of somethin’?" (Ed doesn't understand the appeal of hockey as a sport.)
As much fun as it is to hear Ed talk about other people, some of his best lines come when he's talking about himself:
"This guy has a vendella against me, He’s got to, there’s no other choice about it. I don’t know if it’s somebody that’s jealous of me and my good looks or me and things that happen in America that go down when people got on sweaters."
"I just found a nickel right here on the ground! Ah, I found two of em. Heh, A quarter, A quarter and a nickel. That’s 44 cents!"
"It was a long Stupedulous altitude of different arrays of things for me to do."
"I don’t wanna hear no gripin, no cryin, no airplane flyin."
"The people talk all kinds of stuff about me and say, “Aw, man, you got pillows on both sides of your bed.” And all this stuff like that."
"Santa Claus got Rudolph and Donner and Blitzen and Mary Jo, all the reindeer. I don’t got those."
"They afraid to say it to my face, that’s why they don’t call in. They probably think they’ll catch a cold when they talk to me, cuz I’m sick, but I’m not gonna contagious em."
"These guys always get mad when I'm right, and they know that I'm always right. I'm usually right over 100% of the time."
Then of course, there are the times when I have no idea what Ed is talking about...sometimes those are some of The Ed's best moments:
Ed: "I’m super deluxe mad at this point."
Mike Dell: "Why are you so mad, though, The Ed? It’s just competition, you know, what’s wrong?"
Ed: "No No No No, there’s no competition when I’m the champ. Listen, They already know that I’ve set, I’ve set the pattern for this whole rotation of the earth and then they go around and act like that they run a Taco Bell or some stuff like that, you know? They act like light sockets don’t even got switches on em, you know? That’s how they act, sometimes."
"You don't know what the heck go on in the Philippines, I don't, You don't, People who run airlines, and people who make stop signs don't."
"No one knows what can happen, you know, it's like going down a one-way street three different directions. It's uncharted territory."
"Sometimes if you get a black pen and you try to write in blue ink, it don’t always work."
"It's all in the scheme of things, man, in America. When you look in the sky and you turn it to the degrees of the what you want it to be, that's what happens."
Yup, The Ed Abides. I don't know about you, but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there, the Ed, takin' 'er easy for all us sinners.
Okay, so I haven't posted any new Edisms in awhile, but I've saved up quite a bit of them, and figured that in these dark and troubled times as the NFL season is just about over and the specter of a long horible offseason is before us, well, I figured we could use a little Ed wisdom.
The last time Vertically Striped Socks did a story on Ed (or "The Ed" as he is often known) was back in May of 2009. If you missed that story, and need a little bit of background on this interesting man from Vegas, you can read that story here:
http://www.verticallystripedsocks.com/2009/05/one-only-ed.html
If you're up to speed on The Ed, then you know what you're in for. So without further ado, I present to you another batch of Edisms, fresh and piping hot from the oven for all you kids...
This one pretty much sums up The Ed's philosophy on life:
"As long as I know what I’m sayin’, It don’t matter what I’m talkin’ about. "
The Ed is a huge Colts fan, here are some of his recent Indianapolis related thoughts...
"The Colts gonna win it all, man. Listen. It’s a forgiven conclusion."
"The Colts defense is a lot better now that we got rid of that god dang devil, Tony Dungy, trying to run it."
"You gotta feel sad for the Colts cause for some unknown reason these people still think that Tom Brady is better than the Peyton Manning. And we all know that's a fabrication of elushinations. "
Craig Dodge: "How much longer is Peyton Manning going to play?"
Ed: "He'll play 'til he's 57, probably."
"The destiny is that Peyton Manning is the greatest quarterback of all time, and people, he got to get at least two to verify it. Three will superfy it. And the fourth one he gets will triple dipple try it. And that’s all I’m sayin’. "
Yeah, it's safe to say that Ed is convinced that the Colts are going to beat the Saints in Super Bowl XLIV and win it all. He's not even worried about it. Another thing he doesn't even worry about is talking about other people...Here are some more Ed quotes where Ed let's people know the situation in America when it comes to his friends and acquaintances on the Dameshek.com message board.
"First of all, you’re a Veginarian, you don’t even eat no food! You’re always sick, you always got problems, you always busy. I’ve never seen somebody who don’t eat meat who’s busy and always sick. That’s three unbelievable combinations, that’s like a combination platter at Taco Bell, it don’t even make sense. "
"This guy makes rhymes that don't even rhyme. I've never seen a poem kid who don't even know how to make nothing rhyme. "
"He had no competition, every entry form we sent back had his name on it. It was a unonimous selection."
"It take me 9 hours a day to update this stuff (FYI, "this stuff" is a wide array of games which Ed runs for the kids on Dameshek.com), and then don’t no one even care about it. They just sign up like God dang munchkins, man."
"You’re like a god dang Canadian Football field. Too many yards, man."
"You cry all the time, man. You’re like 2nd down and 36."
"Him and his Dad went to a Father-Son picnic, and his Dad took a stuffed animal."
"The (message) board is chalk full of haters, all these kids from Haiti."
"Look, this kid knows what he's talking about, Face Ventura. (Ed says as he reads a message from a message boarder with the screen name Face Ventura congratulating Ed for the Colts winning) "Congrats Ed." Now see, that kid knows what he's talkin about, that kid is always on time for school. He'll make sure people got lunches, he'll make sure that people got their clothes ironed and pressed. Every. Single. Time. He don't fool around."
"He afraid to call in, cause he don't even know how to dial a phone, he's so scared. "
"These guys always got, like a, conspiracy theory, Like Number 1-9, when he lose his shoelaces in the mall. He think the guy who's the security guard took em, and I'm like, 'No, he didn't do nothing.' "
"Man, this kid, The Whale (A message boarder with a screen name of The Whale, not an actual whale.), he does a lot of things for that kinda species, you know. He goes out and feeds fishes, and he goes out and buys fish tanks for other cities that don't got em."
"Why do you like hockey so much, what, you got a winter coat of somethin’?" (Ed doesn't understand the appeal of hockey as a sport.)
As much fun as it is to hear Ed talk about other people, some of his best lines come when he's talking about himself:
"This guy has a vendella against me, He’s got to, there’s no other choice about it. I don’t know if it’s somebody that’s jealous of me and my good looks or me and things that happen in America that go down when people got on sweaters."
"I just found a nickel right here on the ground! Ah, I found two of em. Heh, A quarter, A quarter and a nickel. That’s 44 cents!"
"It was a long Stupedulous altitude of different arrays of things for me to do."
"I don’t wanna hear no gripin, no cryin, no airplane flyin."
"The people talk all kinds of stuff about me and say, “Aw, man, you got pillows on both sides of your bed.” And all this stuff like that."
"Santa Claus got Rudolph and Donner and Blitzen and Mary Jo, all the reindeer. I don’t got those."
"They afraid to say it to my face, that’s why they don’t call in. They probably think they’ll catch a cold when they talk to me, cuz I’m sick, but I’m not gonna contagious em."
"These guys always get mad when I'm right, and they know that I'm always right. I'm usually right over 100% of the time."
Then of course, there are the times when I have no idea what Ed is talking about...sometimes those are some of The Ed's best moments:
Ed: "I’m super deluxe mad at this point."
Mike Dell: "Why are you so mad, though, The Ed? It’s just competition, you know, what’s wrong?"
Ed: "No No No No, there’s no competition when I’m the champ. Listen, They already know that I’ve set, I’ve set the pattern for this whole rotation of the earth and then they go around and act like that they run a Taco Bell or some stuff like that, you know? They act like light sockets don’t even got switches on em, you know? That’s how they act, sometimes."
"You don't know what the heck go on in the Philippines, I don't, You don't, People who run airlines, and people who make stop signs don't."
"No one knows what can happen, you know, it's like going down a one-way street three different directions. It's uncharted territory."
"Sometimes if you get a black pen and you try to write in blue ink, it don’t always work."
"It's all in the scheme of things, man, in America. When you look in the sky and you turn it to the degrees of the what you want it to be, that's what happens."
Yup, The Ed Abides. I don't know about you, but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there, the Ed, takin' 'er easy for all us sinners.
The Ed Abides
These kids is like pirates who eat sunshine. It don't make no sense!
Originally uploaded by socnorb777
Okay, so I haven't posted any new Edisms in awhile, but I've saved up quite a bit of them, and figured that in these dark and troubled times as the NFL season is just about over and the specter of a long horible offseason is before us, well, I figured we could use a little Ed wisdom.
The last time Vertically Striped Socks did a story on Ed (or "The Ed" as he is often known) was back in May of 2009. If you missed that story, and need a little bit of background on this interesting man from Vegas, you can read that story here:
http://www.verticallystripedsocks.com/2009/05/one-only-ed.html
If you're up to speed on The Ed, then you know what you're in for. So without further ado, I present to you another batch of Edisms, fresh and piping hot from the oven for all you kids...
This one pretty much sums up The Ed's philosophy on life:
"As long as I know what I’m sayin’, It don’t matter what I’m talkin’ about. "
The Ed is a huge Colts fan, here are some of his recent Indianapolis related thoughts...
"The Colts gonna win it all, man. Listen. It’s a forgiven conclusion."
"The Colts defense is a lot better now that we got rid of that god dang devil, Tony Dungy, trying to run it."
"You gotta feel sad for the Colts cause for some unknown reason these people still think that Tom Brady is better than the Peyton Manning. And we all know that's a fabrication of elushinations. "
Craig Dodge: "How much longer is Peyton Manning going to play?"
Ed: "He'll play 'til he's 57, probably."
"The destiny is that Peyton Manning is the greatest quarterback of all time, and people, he got to get at least two to verify it. Three will superfy it. And the fourth one he gets will triple dipple try it. And that’s all I’m sayin’. "
Yeah, it's safe to say that Ed is convinced that the Colts are going to beat the Saints in Super Bowl XLIV and win it all. He's not even worried about it. Another thing he doesn't even worry about is talking about other people...Here are some more Ed quotes where Ed let's people know the situation in America when it comes to his friends and acquaintances on the Dameshek.com message board.
"First of all, you’re a Veginarian, you don’t even eat no food! You’re always sick, you always got problems, you always busy. I’ve never seen somebody who don’t eat meat who’s busy and always sick. That’s three unbelievable combinations, that’s like a combination platter at Taco Bell, it don’t even make sense. "
"This guy makes rhymes that don't even rhyme. I've never seen a poem kid who don't even know how to make nothing rhyme. "
"He had no competition, every entry form we sent back had his name on it. It was a unonimous selection."
"It take me 9 hours a day to update this stuff (FYI, "this stuff" is a wide array of games which Ed runs for the kids on Dameshek.com), and then don’t no one even care about it. They just sign up like God dang munchkins, man."
"You’re like a god dang Canadian Football field. Too many yards, man."
"You cry all the time, man. You’re like 2nd down and 36."
"Him and his Dad went to a Father-Son picnic, and his Dad took a stuffed animal."
"The (message) board is chalk full of haters, all these kids from Haiti."
"Look, this kid knows what he's talking about, Face Ventura. (Ed says as he reads a message from a message boarder with the screen name Face Ventura congratulating Ed for the Colts winning) "Congrats Ed." Now see, that kid knows what he's talkin about, that kid is always on time for school. He'll make sure people got lunches, he'll make sure that people got their clothes ironed and pressed. Every. Single. Time. He don't fool around."
"He afraid to call in, cause he don't even know how to dial a phone, he's so scared. "
"These guys always got, like a, conspiracy theory, Like Number 1-9, when he lose his shoelaces in the mall. He think the guy who's the security guard took em, and I'm like, 'No, he didn't do nothing.' "
"Man, this kid, The Whale (A message boarder with a screen name of The Whale, not an actual whale.), he does a lot of things for that kinda species, you know. He goes out and feeds fishes, and he goes out and buys fish tanks for other cities that don't got em."
"Why do you like hockey so much, what, you got a winter coat of somethin’?" (Ed doesn't understand the appeal of hockey as a sport.)
As much fun as it is to hear Ed talk about other people, some of his best lines come when he's talking about himself:
"This guy has a vendella against me, He’s got to, there’s no other choice about it. I don’t know if it’s somebody that’s jealous of me and my good looks or me and things that happen in America that go down when people got on sweaters."
"I just found a nickel right here on the ground! Ah, I found two of em. Heh, A quarter, A quarter and a nickel. That’s 44 cents!"
"It was a long Stupedulous altitude of different arrays of things for me to do."
"I don’t wanna hear no gripin, no cryin, no airplane flyin."
"The people talk all kinds of stuff about me and say, “Aw, man, you got pillows on both sides of your bed.” And all this stuff like that."
"Santa Claus got Rudolph and Donner and Blitzen and Mary Jo, all the reindeer. I don’t got those."
"They afraid to say it to my face, that’s why they don’t call in. They probably think they’ll catch a cold when they talk to me, cuz I’m sick, but I’m not gonna contagious em."
"These guys always get mad when I'm right, and they know that I'm always right. I'm usually right over 100% of the time."
Then of course, there are the times when I have no idea what Ed is talking about...sometimes those are some of The Ed's best moments:
Ed: "I’m super deluxe mad at this point."
Mike Dell: "Why are you so mad, though, The Ed? It’s just competition, you know, what’s wrong?"
Ed: "No No No No, there’s no competition when I’m the champ. Listen, They already know that I’ve set, I’ve set the pattern for this whole rotation of the earth and then they go around and act like that they run a Taco Bell or some stuff like that, you know? They act like light sockets don’t even got switches on em, you know? That’s how they act, sometimes."
"You don't know what the heck go on in the Philippines, I don't, You don't, People who run airlines, and people who make stop signs don't."
"No one knows what can happen, you know, it's like going down a one-way street three different directions. It's uncharted territory."
"Sometimes if you get a black pen and you try to write in blue ink, it don’t always work."
"It's all in the scheme of things, man, in America. When you look in the sky and you turn it to the degrees of the what you want it to be, that's what happens."
Yup, The Ed Abides. I don't know about you, but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there, the Ed, takin' 'er easy for all us sinners.
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