Show Prep 211

Greetings and Salutations, People:

Tweet of the Week:  

@themorris23
I cant believe Whoopi Goldberg hasn't legally changed her last name to "Cushion." I mean, why even be a celebrity??

VSR is brought to you by the Amazon.com link on VerticallyStripedSocks.com.

Things I liked this week:

Names of players the Broncos have drafted thus far:

Sylvester Williams, Montee Ball, Kayvon Webster, Quanterus Smith, Tavarrres King, and Vinston Painter.

Broncos sign Shaun Phillips – Didn’t like him, but I can learn.

Watching Nuggets-Warriors series (Although I haven’t enjoyed the results as much.)

Today on VSR – A discussion of the greatest security camera video in the history of man, The Magnificent Seven – Top 7 jobs I’d never want, and perhaps if there is time...We’ll let Face answer the VSR James Lipton questions.

If you’d like to join in the fun - (646) 716-7522 OR OHMS-1-MRLAB

(Bring on Face) –

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03) 

Petropolis, BRAZIL - A Brazilian man has somehow avoided any brain damage after shooting himself through the eye with a six-inch harpoon.

Bruno Coutinho was cleaning his harpoon gun at his home in Petropolis when he accidentally triggered the apparatus, sending the harpoon through his left eye and into his cranium.

X-rays showed the harpoon speared through his eye straight through to the back of his skull.

It took doctors four hours to successfully remove the metal harpoon.

A neighbour said: "There were people who saw it and got frightened. A thing like this you only see in a movie."

After the accident, Mr Coutinho was able to call for help before he was taken to Santa Teresa hospital.

Surgeons carried out two operations to remove the harpoon, which had been stuck inside his head for more than 10 hours.

Dr Orlando Maria, chief of neurosurgery at the hospital, said the harpoon came within millimetres of piercing a major artery in Mr Coutinho's head.

He said: "The object, it seems, took a path where it didn't damage any vital structures, any vascular structures and was taken out."

Amazingly, Mr Coutinho has not suffered any brain damage, although he has lost the sight in his left eye.

He has remained in intensive care, but is expected to be released in the next few days.

Betty’s Bay, SOUTH AFRICA – If you live in an area with a heavy baboon population and you’re getting ready to leave home on vacation…it’s probably a good idea to not leave windows propped open which would allow the baboons to infest your house. Baboons are NOT good house guests.

However, one Betty’s Bay family did leave their windows open and took off. The whole home was locked except for an open top-floor window. Sure enough, the primates hopped in through the one open window. Enter Howard Fyvie and a few of his pals, the guys called the police and the owner of the house, and then hurried over on their own to try to help. They climbed inside via a ladder and found the wild animals—plus a giant mess.

The baboons were everywhere—in the kitchen, where they raided the refrigerator, in the bathroom, hanging out on furniture, you name it. They had ripped stuff up, defecated in various spots, and appeared to be thoroughly enjoying themselves.

Undaunted, Fyvie and company grabbed a video camera and a ladder, climbed through the open window and the guys videotaped themselves chasing the apes out of the house.

While things worked out OK, yelling and swinging brooms at territorial primates isn't the wisest plan. Of course, neither is leaving a window open with baboons within raiding distance.

Fyvie said that when he returned to his apartment and told his roommate about his adventures his roomie told him it was a stupid thing to do because one baboon has the strength of seven grown men.

Fyvie invoked the spirit of Han Solo and playfully told his roommate, "Never tell me the odds."

The Baboons are out of the home, the video can be found on YouTube, and Fyvie is now my new hero.

Wisconsin Rapids, WISCONSIN - Sure, cats aren’t for everyone, but rare is the instance where their behavior is egregious enough that the cops get involved. Now, I’m not saying that everyone in Wisconsin Rapids, Wisconsin may be a little uptight, but the woman who dialed 911 to report two kittens “having sex” in her front yard…I think she qualifies.

I’m Craig, and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Bring on the Whale

Band name of the week:

Hello Mister Box

Pleasing taste, some Monsterism.

World’s worst burglar.

Magnificent Seven - Jobs I’d never want:

7. Shoe Return Guy at the Roller Skating Rink

6. NBA Referee

5. Mickey Mouse at Disneyland or Mall Santa

4. Preschool Teacher

3. Garbage Man

2. Telemarketer

1. President of the United States

The VSR James Lipton Questions:

1. What is the worst physical pain you have ever experienced?

2. Do you hate a vegetable?

3. What scares you?

4. What sports team do you most enjoy seeing lose?

5. What is a passion you have that might surprise people?

6. What movie would you estimate that you have you seen more than any other?

7. What is the prettiest place you have ever been?

8. Can you make a good Bruce Lee karate sound, and would you be willing to try right now?

9. Do you have a hero, and if so, who is it?

10. What is the best thing in your world?

Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:

Caroline Smith and the Good Night Sleeps - Where has Sally Gone

Shalom and Good Evening to you all!

Show Prep 210

Greetings and Salutations, People: It’s a day that should probably be celebrated as a holiday here in Colorado…4-20.

Tweet of the Week:  

@rolldiggity
"But... I can fix us!" the rocket scientist sobbed, as his wife picked up her suitcase. "Jim," she whispered. "This isn't rocket science."

VSR is brought to you by the Amazon.com link on VerticallyStripedSocks.com.

Things I liked this week:

Nuggets clinched the 3 seed in the West.

Booking guests for the show: Cory for today, Mike Pilot of the Mediocre Show and Obviously Oblivious will join us on May 4^th, and Adam Rank from NFL.com will join us on May 11^th.

Today on VSR – Cory Seymour from Backpage Press will join us and we’ll talk about his business and a recent bold life move, his frightening lack of familiarity with the NBA, and we’ll go head to in a edition of The Magnificent Seven – Top Seven Jobs we’d NEVER want to do.

If you’d like to join in the fun - (646) 716-7522 OR OHMS-1-MRLAB

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03) 

Denver, COLORADO - A Colorado man whose dog dined on $500 (£325) says he will never leave his canine alone in a vehicle again.

Wayne Klinkel left Sundance in his car with five $100 notes and a $1 bill when he and his wife stopped for dinner in Denver at Christmas.

But while the Klinkels were enjoying their meal, Sundance was feasting on the cash.

The 12-year-old golden retriever ate all of the notes - except the $1 bill.

A determined Mr Klinkel said he donned rubber gloves and followed Sundance around the backyard as he went about his "business".

 

Mr Klinkel and his daughter collected the remnants of the bills

Mr Klinkel said he collected fragments from the droppings, and his daughter, who he was visiting in Denver, later found more when the snow melted.

Mr Klinkel, from the town of Helena, washed and bleached the remnants of the bills and sent them taped together to the Treasury Department in hopes of having them replaced.

That process could take up to two years.

"Sundance may have eaten my money, but what he took he gives back in unconditional love," he said.

Mr Klinkel also told the paper he was embarrassed by all the attention he had received.

"I got a call today from a guy I knew 20 years ago and he said he hasn’t stopped laughing about it," he said.

Mr Klinkel said he does not carry a wallet on his chiropractor's advice.

SALEM, Ore. (AP) — A judge in Oregon noticed an unexpected glow on a juror's chest while the courtroom lights were dimmed during video evidence in an armed-robbery trial.

The juror, it seemed, was texting.

Marion County Circuit Judge Dennis Graves cleared the courtroom and excused all jurors except 26-year-old Benjamin Kohler.

According to a news release from the Marion County Sheriff's Office, Kohler had no explanation for his actions.

Jurors in Oregon are given explicit instructions at the outset of each trial not to use cellphones in court.

Graves held Kohler in contempt, and Kohler spent most of Tuesday and Wednesday in the county jail. He was released Wednesday night.

Neither the nature of the text message nor its recipient was disclosed.

Kohler did not immediately return a phone call seeking comment Thursday.

An alternate juror took his place. Sheriff's spokesman Don Thomson said the trial ended Thursday with the defendant found guilty.

Ionia County, MICHIGAN - Judge Raymond Voet has posted his policy in Ionia County District Court, letting all who enter his courtroom know that if their phones go off during proceedings, they’ll be confiscated and returned only after a $25 fine has been paid. Use your cell phone in Judge Raymond Voet’s Michigan courtroom and you’ll be held in contempt. Over the years, he’s confiscated phones from all sorts of people, even police officers.

So what happened when Voet’s own phone went off during the closing arguments of a trial?

Well, Fair is fair, even if you’re the one enforcing the rules, Voet, a man who honors his own convictions, fined himself $25 and held himself in contempt.

"Judges are humans," Voet said. "They're not above the rules. I broke the rule, and I have to live by it."

 “I detest the distraction in the courtroom, and here it happened to me,” he said.

The judge said he had his new Windows smartphone in his pocket during court on Friday but forgot to lock the touch screen, setting off the voice command function.

“The phone is saying, ‘Say a command,’” Voet said.

“The prosecutor was in the middle of his closing arguments. … He lost his train of thought and looked at me. I felt my face starting to burn red,” the judge said.

Voet said he turned off his phone, allowed the prosecutor to finish, and at the next recess, went and paid a $25 fine.

“I like my phones just like anyone else,” he said. “But it’s very distracting when a phone goes off.”

BROOKVILLE, Pa. (AP) — Police in one western Pennsylvania town are investigating a case of bar kill: a groundhog and a grouse, both dead, tossed into a tavern by unsatisfied customers.

The (Dubois) Courier-Express reports that the animals were tossed into Bill's Bar hours apart Sunday in Brookville, about 70 miles northeast of Pittsburgh.

Brookville police Chief Ken Dworek tells The Associated Press that the suspects are an underage man who was refused service at the bar and another who was turned away because of "an alcohol problem."

The chief says such use of animals is a fairly common problem in Brookville. He says, for example, "a guy will get in an argument and put a dead squirrel on his girlfriend's doorknob, that kind of thing."

I’m Craig, and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Bring on Cory to talk Backpage Press AND his story…

The VSR James Lipton Questions:

1. What is the worst physical pain you have ever experienced?

2. Do you hate a vegetable?

3. What scares you?

4. What sports team do you most enjoy seeing lose?

5. What is a passion you have that might surprise people?

6. What movie would you estimate that you have you seen the most?

7. What is the prettiest place you have been?

8. Can you make a good Bruce Lee karate sound, and would you be willing to try right now?

9. Do you have a hero, and if so, who is it?

10. What is the best thing in your world?

Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:

Sweet Caroline – Waylon Jennings or Julio Iglesias  (Went with Waylon)

Shalom and Good Evening to you all!

Show Prep 207

Greetings and Salutations, People: I have a question to which it is impossible to give a straight answer: “Do you want to say no?”

Tweet of the Week:  

@AristotlesNZ
WebMD's slogan should be "It could be nothing...but it’s probably cancer."

VSR is brought to you by the Amazon.com link on VerticallyStripedSocks.com.

Things I liked this week:

Nuggets remain hot: 14 wins in a row

Gorgeous weather…up until last night

Watching soccer in a blizzard – Shorts are a silly choice

Going to the zoo last Saturday…A Lady Ross’ Turaco (A blue bird with a red feathery head) untied my shoe.

Today on VSR – An old college friend will join me to talk about her recent cruise…she was aboard the Carnival Cruise Ship “Triumph” on its rather infamous voyage that because stranded at sea. Then, as if that’s not enough, we’ll finish our home-and-home podcast series with the kids from the Robot Rabbit podcast as Sarah and Leonard will be dropping in to hang out in the second hour.

If you’d like to join in the fun - (646) 716-7522 OR OHMS-1-MRLAB

(Bring on Face) –

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03) 

PHILADELPHIA (AP) — A 61-year-old French man was arrested at Philadelphia International Airport and charged with impersonating a pilot after airline officials found him in the cockpit of a plane scheduled for takeoff, police said Friday.

The crew of a US Airways flight bound for West Palm Beach, Fla., found Philippe Jernnard of La Rochelle, France, in the jump seat behind the pilot on Wednesday evening and removed him after he became argumentative.

Jernnard, who was a ticketed passenger, was wearing a white shirt with an Air France logo and had a black jacket with epaulets on the shoulders. Officer Christine O'Brien said police also found him in possession of a counterfeit Air France crew member ID card.

It's not clear how Jernnard got into the cockpit, but police said there's no indication he meant any harm. Officer O'Brien said Jernnard initially became upset at the gate when he asked to be upgraded to business class.

"The US Airways employee at the gate told the Jernnard that there was no space left in business class, and He became irate," then boarded the plane.

Kalamazoo, MICHIGAN - A deer "killed" by a driver in Michigan surprised a couple of police officers when it jumped out of the trunk of a parked car.

The officers were checking a suspicious vehicle parked behind a motel in Kalamazoo.

Local television stations report the driver told officer David Miller he had killed the deer after hitting it on the road he had put the deer in the trunk of his car and was planning to bring the animal home as meat for his family.

But the deer had other plans, recovering just in time to make its escape as the driver unlocked the trunk with a release button.

A camera mounted in the officers' squad car captured the deer climbing backwards out of the trunk, stumbling onto the pavement and bolting into a nearby woods.

Fortunately, we have an exclusive audio recording captured with recording equipment in the officer’s car…(Clip 52 – That was AWESOME)

Bowie County, TEXAS - So you’re outside, doing a little yard work, when you spot a snake. What do you do? Apparently, a Northeast Texas woman decided the answer to that question was to set the snake on fire. You will not be surprised to learn that this doesn’t turn out well.

The unnamed woman poured gasoline on the snake to try to kill it. Her son then dropped a lighted match on the snake. The burning snake, which was of course trying to get away, slithered into some brush near the home. The brush ignited, and so did the house.

The house was destroyed, according to the AP, and a house next door was damaged. Fortunately, both houses were vacant…Sadly, the snake didn’t make it.

I’m Craig, and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Interview questions for Joy Dyer:

(Clip 51 – The Love Boat Theme Intro)

Why were you on the cruise?

When the fire broke out in the engine room, how quickly did things get weird on the cruise?

What was the oddest thing about being dead in the water?

Does it seem feasible that there could have been a rescue mission to get you and your fellow passengers OFF the ship rather than tow you to shore?

I heard that it was a story of two ships…bringing out the best and worst in people. Some people acting belligerent and hoarding food while others prayed and banded together to help others. Did you see both sides of this?

I read a story that one night they just had an open bar, but that it got cancelled after some people abused it, did you see any of that first hand?

Was there anything legitimately scary going on?

Were the crew of the ship still trying to treat you like you were on vacation, or did it become a survivalist type atmosphere?

What kind of apologies were made?

Was there anything fun about being put into such a weird situation?

What was the food situation like?

What was your reaction when you first arrived on solid ground?

Did you learn anything about yourself as a result of this experience?

Why was everyone who got off the boat wearing white robes?

The Triumph is scheduled to get back to see June 3^rd…Would you recommend getting tickets?

Will you ever go on another cruise?

Bring on the Whale

Band name of the week:

Before they were Muslims - Lew Alcindor, Cassius Clay, Chris Jackson, Whatever Amhad Rashad was called before he changed his name‏

2012 Diagram Prize: Winner was announced March 22nd

(Literature prize for book with the non-intentionally weirdest title.)

This year’s finalists were:

Was Hitler ill? by Henrik Eberle and Hans-Joachim Neumann

Lofts of North America: Pigeon Lofts, by Jerry Gagne

How to Sharpen Pencils, by David Rees

God’s Doodle: The Life and Times of the Penis, by Tom Hickman

Goblinproofing One’s Chicken Coop, by Reginald Bakeley *Winner*

How Tea Cosies Changed the World, by Loani Prior

GREAT STORY FROM THE PAST…

Germany, 1865 - As a cofounder and member of the liberal party Rudolf Virchow was a leading political antagonist of Otto von Bismarck. He was opposed to Bismarck’s excessive military budget, which angered Bismarck enough to challenge Virchow to a duel in 1865.

Of the two versions, one has Virchow declining because he considered dueling an uncivilized way to solve a conflict. The second has passed into legend, but was well documented in the contemporary scientific literature.

It said that Virchow, having been the challenged and therefore entitled to choose the weapons, selecting two pork sausages, a normal sausage and another one, loaded with Trichinella larvae, or roundworm. Bismarck declined the proposition as too risky.

More people on Earth have access to cell phones than toilets:

A new United Nations study has found that more people around the world have access to a cell phone than to a working toilet.

The study’s numbers claim that of the world’s estimated 7 billion people, 6 billion have access to mobile phones. However, only 4.5 billion have access to a toilet.

At a press conference announcing the report, U.N. Deputy Secretary-General Jan Eliasson announced the organization is launching an effort to halve the number of those without access by the end of 2015.

“Let’s face it—this is a problem that people do not like to talk about. But it goes to the heart of ensuring good health, a clean environment and fundamental human dignity for billions of people,” Eliasson said at the press conference.

In August 2012, the Bill Gates Foundation began its own effort to “reinvent the toilet” as a way to help curb the number of people around the world without access to sanitary waste disposal.

Interestingly, the report states that India alone is responsible for 60 percent of the world’s population that does not use a toilet, an estimated 626 million individuals. Yet, at the same time, there are an estimated 1 billion cell phones in India.

Conversely, in the world’s most highly populated country, China, only 14 million people do not have access to a toilet. However, there are also fewer cellphones in China, 986 million, according to the Daily Mail.

Driving the point home, more than 750,000 people die each year from diarrhea and one of its primary causes is from unsanitary conditions created in communities without access to toilets.

And there are other benefits of installing more modern sanitation options that don’t immediately come to mind.

“This can also improve the safety of women and girls, who are often targeted when they are alone outdoors,” said Martin Mogwanja, deputy executive director of the U.N. Children’s Fund. “And providing safe and private toilets may also help girls to stay in school, which we know can increase their future earnings and help break the cycle of poverty.”

Actors passing up roles:

Will Smith – Passed on being Neo in The Matrix (to make Wild Wild West)

Matt Damon – Passed on Harvey Dent in The Dark Knight and was offered the lead in Avatar

Jack Nicholson – Offered Michael Corleone in The Godfather

Johnny Depp – Offered Ferris Buehler

Molly Ringwald – Turned down Julia Roberts role in Pretty Woman and Demi Moore’s role in Ghost

Kevin Costner – Andy Dufrene (Tim Robbins) in The Shawshank Redemption

Shawn Connery – Gandolf in Lord of the Rings and Morpheous in The Matrix

Tom Selleck – Offered Indiana Jones before Harrison Ford.

Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:

Dr. Dog – That Old Black Hole (Clip 91)

Shalom and Good Evening to you all!

Show Prep 206

Greetings and Salutations, People: You know that guy in your office who is a little too old and a little too afraid of new technology, so he uses the fax machine all the time? That guy just screwed over my football team. Marty Magid, agent for Elvis Dumervil.

Tweet of the Week:  

@sixthformpoet
People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

Matt Selman ‏@mattselman

If the United States ever collapses, the upside is that we can finally use the blue starry part of American flags to make wizard hats.

VSR is brought to you by the Amazon.com link on VerticallyStripedSocks.com.

Things I liked this week:

-Nuggets on a roll. Went to the game last night, won despite not playing their style, which is encouraging.

Today on VSR –

If you’d like to join in the fun - (646) 716-7522 OR OHMS-1-MRLAB

(Bring on Face) –

McDonalds manager runs my card again because I ask for a receipt.

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03) 

VATICAN CITY - Hall of Famer basketball star Dennis Rodman’s foray into statecraft apparently was not a one-time affair. At least in his own mind.

CBS Chicago reports that just weeks after his infamous trip to North Korea, Rodman was spotted in Vatican City on Wednesday, awaiting coronation of the new pope.

“I am over here to support the new black pope,” Rodman told CBS, in reference to Cardinal Peter Turkson of Ghana. “He’s 3-to-1 right now. He can come here with some fresh ideas.”

Of course, Turkson was not chosen. That distinction went to Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio of Argentina, aka Pope Francis. In a separate interview, Rodman said he was hoping to arrange a face-to-face meeting with the newly elected pope.

Amazingly, or perhaps not surprisingly at all, during his CBS interview from Vatican City Rodman was wearing a T-shirt and hat promoting a gambling website.

Chicago, ILLINOIS – McDonald's Corp has been sued by a woman who said her two-year-old son ate a used condom he found in the play area of one of its restaurants in Chicago.

Anishi Spencer filed the complaint against the fast-food restaurant chain on Wednesday in Cook County Circuit Court on behalf of herself and her sons, Jonathan Hines and Jacquel Hines.

According to the complaint, Spencer and her sons were at a McDonald's restaurant in Chicago's South Side on February 4, 2012 when Jacquel picked up the used condom from the floor, and shortly thereafter coughed up a piece of it.

Both boys required medical care, and have suffered lasting injuries, pain and discomfort, the complaint said.

Spencer accused McDonald's of negligence for failing to clean hazardous debris from the play area, and failing to use appropriate security measures to help uncover "deviant activities." The lawsuit seeks at least $50,000 of damages.

"This is a very disgusting case," Jeffrey Deutschman, a lawyer for Spencer and her sons at Deutschman & Associates in Chicago, said in a phone interview.

He said he tried to settle, but was unable to do so after having to deal with "layers and layers" of bureaucracy at McDonald's, which is based in Oak Brook, Illinois.

McDonald's spokeswomen did not immediately respond to requests for comment.

Jonathan is now 4 and Jacquel is now 3.

The case is Hines et al v. McDonald's Restaurants of Illinois Inc et al, Cook County Circuit Court, No. 2013L002625.

Losing your iPad would be a source of anger and resentment for most people. But one Arkansas man describes his own stolen device as a “continuing fountain of entertainment,” thanks to the often bizarre pictures taken with the iPad that are posted to his iCloud photostream.

"It's been a continuing fountain of entertainment for me,” Allen Engstram told KTHV. “It's just like I'll wake up one day and they'll be new pictures there and I'm like oh my gosh, she has no idea."

Engstram says he lost the iPad on a flight from Phoenix to Denver. He assumed that was the end of the story until one day his son asked Engstram’s wife about a strange photo that appeared in the family’s photo stream.

"He said mommy, who's this? And of course she said, I have no idea who that is. It showed up on my phone too," Engstram said. "After a while we figured out what was going on. That's the person that has my iPad."

And while he doesn’t know if he’ll ever actually get the iPad back, Engstram is making sure to have a little fun in the meantime: He’s been posting a series of the photos to his social media accounts, including Twitter and Facebook.

In the caption for the photo included in this article, Engstrom writes: “Hey cool! This is an actual pic of the wonderful person who stole my iPad. Apparently the pics she is taking of herself are backing up and appearing on my phone. No I'm not kidding, this is really happening.”

"I have no problem with putting it on Facebook, because hey, it's fun for me and it's apparently fun for a lot of other people,” he told KTHV. “And there's always the chance that someone will say hey, I know who that is. And I want my iPad back."

Thanks to the response from social media users, Engstram has begun to piece together some details about the alleged iPad thief. For example, she apparently lives in Phoenix and Engstram now knows her Instagram user name.

Plus, he’s nearly certain the woman knows she’s holding onto stolen property, since Engstram’s name and contact information are etched onto the back of the iPad.

"It's pretty crazy how quickly it's spread when it goes viral. I've never had anything like that happen before," he said.

Of course, Engstrom would probably have his iPad back by now, or, at least know it's exactly location. But, he says he turned off the device's location enabling functionality before it was stolen.

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/1563667-boxer-curtis-woodhouse-tracks-down-twitter-troll-shows-up-at-his-house

I’m Craig, and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Bring on the Whale

Band name of the week:

Octopus Ink Pen (Octopus Inc)

Damn these asymmetrical apples.

Will 3D printing change the world?

West Michigan Whitecaps – “Baco” A taco with a shell made out of bacon.

Nonsensical Attempts to comfort from stupid people:

-Guy at Lids – “Well the good thing is, if this doesn’t work, you can always just get a new card and it’s only 5 bucks a year.”

-Job Interview – “We can’t pay as much, but we can offer you a lot of hours so you can make the same amount of money.”

Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:

Jack White - Hypocritical Kiss

Shalom and Good Evening to you all!

Show Prep 205

Greetings and Salutations, People: Just for Elevation: I’d like to start off the show today by asking, “Why are Canadians funny?”

Now that that’s out of the way, let me tell you that you are listening to Vertically Striped Radio. I am your host, Craig Dodge, and I have been told that I am a sugar cookie amongst men. Not sure what that means, but I’ve been called worse.

Tweet of the Week:  

@FalconPenAgain
"I don't know, do you guys really think the first rule should be 'Must Wash Hands?'" early brainstorming session on Fight Club script.

VSR is brought to you by the Amazon.com link on VerticallyStripedSocks.com.

Things I liked this week:

60 degree weather

Officially running 10K distances

I have finally figured out Instagram

Today on VSR – 2012 in review, because hey…it’s March now. Other than that, it’s pretty much a slacker Saturday.

If you’d like to join in the fun - (646) 716-7522 OR OHMS-1-MRLAB

(Bring on Face) – We lost one of the great ones this week. Wednesday, Stompin’ Tom Connors passed away. (Clip 50)

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03) 

NOTTINGHAMSHIRE, ENGLAND – An English soccer fan was so outraged with the referee's decision to send off Manchester United's Nani during a Champions League clash with Real Madrid, that he dialed 999.

The 18-year-old Manchester United supporter was watching the second-leg tie at Old Trafford from his home in a village near Bingham, Nottinghamshire, at around 9.20pm on Tuesday when he made the call.

He felt the moment the Reds' Portuguese midfielder was controversially shown the red card by Turkish referee Cuneyt Cakir for a high challenge on Real's Alvaro Albeloa was a crime and called police.

The fan later apologised for his actions, claiming to have been caught up in the excitement. United, who were leading 1-0 at the time of the dismissal, were reduced to 10 men and went on to lose the game 2-1 and were eliminated from the Champions League.

Police are now urging Nottinghamshire residents to think before they dial.

Police Inspector Ted Antill said: "It's no joke. In this case, the man realized his bad judgment and apologized and we decided not to pursue it further - but we can and we do prosecute people for wasting police time and making false reports."

Sorgues, FRANCE –  A woman has appeared in a French court after her three-year-old child named Jihad was sent to school wearing a T-shirt with the words "I am a bomb" inscribed on the front, and the words "Jihad, born September 11" on the back.

The principal and teachers at the school in Sorgues, southern France, notified authorities after Boucha Bagour sent her son to classes dressed in the shirt.

The expression plays on the popular French saying "Je suis la bombe", which translates roughly as "I am the best".

Ms Bagour, 35, was summoned to appear before the court after the school.

The shirt was given to the boy as a gift by his uncle. And Ms Bagour told the court the shirt was not worn with the no intention to provoke or shock.

Speaking to the court, Ms Bagour defended herself, saying: "For me, this is the name of my son and his date of birth."

The problem isn’t that she sent her son with a pro-terrorism shirt, no, the issue is that her son was born on September 11, 2010 and SHE NAMED HIM JIHAD.

She also apologized to the court, saying she thought the shirt might "make people laugh".

 Ms Bagour is facing a potential fine of slightly over $1,000 dollars if the court finds against her. The case will be decided on April 10.

YORK, England - A student who fried a hamster while drunk has been ordered to do 120 hours of unpaid work in the community.

The hamster was found to have died from heart failure

Selby Magistrates' Court heard White had drunk so much in his flat in York he was "on the point of madness" and could not remember what happened.

Here’s what we DO know:

Police were called to a block of flats in York on February 2.

When officers arrived they found White extremely drunk and there was a "strong and pungent smell" and a "frying pan with a hamster in it".

According to the prosecutor, White told the officer: "What, I f****** fried it? I fried it."

The hamster, which belonged to White's flatmate, died from heart failure.

White’s attorney said the hamster's death was the result of "drunken foolishness" and there was "no deliberate intent".

James White, 21, admitted causing unnecessary suffering to the female Syrian hamster after a court accepted it could not be established whether the animal was alive when it went into the pan.

District Judge Roy Anderson told White he was sentencing him on the basis the rodent died minutes before, when the defendant was handling it.

The judge said it was clear the hamster did not die from natural causes.

White, who is studying international relations and politics at York University, changed his plea to guilty on Thursday on the basis that his rough handling of the animal killed it before he put it in the pan.

District Judge Anderson said: "By virtue of your treatment of this small, unfortunate rodent you've destroyed your good character and acquired a criminal conviction.

"It's accepted now that there was rough handling of that animal but that it couldn't be established that it was putting it in the frying pan and applying heat that caused its death.

"Had that sadistic conduct been established I would be dealing with you in a far more serious way than I am."

White was also banned from keeping animals for eight years and ordered to pay a fine that equates to nearly 1500 dollars, American.

I’m Craig, and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Bring on the Whale

Band name of the week:

Next Door Monkey (From watching Curious George)

2012 In Review:

Hostess out of Business

Joe Paterno dies

Facebook IPO

Giants Win! (SF and NY win championships)

Whitney Houston dies.

The Artist – Best Picture

Travon Martin killed

Rush Limbaugh calls a student a slut

Saints Bounty Scandal

Tim Tebow traded to the Jets

Peyton Manning to the Broncos

Secret Service Prostitute Scandal

Dick Clark died

Aurora Movie Theater Shooting

Sandy Hook Shooting

Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:

The Wallflowers – Angel on my Bike

Shalom and Good Evening to you all!