VSR Blog

Show Prep 150

2012-02-11T23:04:00.001-08:00

Greetings and Salutations, People: The Heather Marie Combs of podcasting, This is Vertically Striped Radio.

My new nemesis: The janitor lady

Tweet of the Week:

The other night a cop car turned its lights on, ran a red light, and turned them off. Takeaway: nothing's illegal if you're dazzling enough.

Today on VSR – A new Magnificent list of my Top 7 most annoying mispronunciations, we’ll look at a few Super Bowl commercials that you probably DIDN’T see, and we’ll give you a few things to think about.

If you’d like to join in the fun - (646) 716-7522 OR OHMS-1-MRLAB

To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com

Voice Mail – 720-CUB-1-ACE (720-282-1223)

Twitter: @socnorb777

(Bring on Face) –

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

NEW YORK – It may not smell like a rose but a New York City sewage plant is offering tours for lovers on Valentine's Day.

The tour host and superintendent of the Newtown Creek Wastewater treatment plant in Brooklyn tells the Daily News it'll be a unique date, and one that special someone will never forget.

Jim Pynn says the highlight of the tour will be the plant's giant egg-shaped digesters, which break down the noxious waste into harmless sludge and gas.

Pynn says each Valentine's Day visitor will get a Hershey kiss — and at least something to talk about.

FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. – A spat over forgetting to wish his wife a happy birthday landed a South Florida man in jail on domestic violence charges. Joseph Bray pushed his wife (but never hit her) during an argument that began because he had forgotten to wish her a Happy Birthday.

When Judge "Jay" Hurley heard the circumstances that brought 47-year-old Joseph Bray to bond court Tuesday, he issued a unique ruling.

Hurley ordered Bray to buy a birthday card and flowers for his wife before taking her to dinner at Red Lobster and bowling afterward. Hurley ruled the couple should begin seeing a marriage counselor immediately.

Judge Hurley felt this was a "better resolution" since the incident was minor and Bray had no prior arrests. Bray's wife told the judge she's not afraid of her husband.

TOKYO, Japan – If you work at a zoo, it’s important to be prepared in the unlikely instance that a wild animal escapes it’s enclosure. However, the preparations undertaken at Tokyo's Ueno Zoological Gardens may be slightly less than fully effective.

Two zoo workers donned a lifesize paper mache rhino costume and lumbered through the park last week while over a hundred zoo staff, police and paramedics took part in practicing what to do if an actual rhino would ever start ambling slowly through the park.

Although visitors were rushed away from the rhino's path, many stuck around to watch the spectacle - designed to prepare workers for a real-life rampage.

One worker at was even “attacked’ by the life-sized creature, prompting other keepers to rescue their colleague while pushing the animal away with sticks.

After keepers surrounded the rhino with a net, they pretended to tranquilize and capture it, at which point the two staff members inside the rhino were allowed to shed the costume and return to their normal duties.

I’m Craig, and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Bring in the Whale:

Best Super Bowl Commercials not seen at the Super Bowl:

1-Will Ferrell – Old Milwaukee commercial seen only in North Platt, Nebraska.

2-Volkswagon Imperial March barked by dogs.

3-Hockey Commercial seen only in Canada – Rec league hockey game has fans crash the building.

We told 2 Port Credit, Ontario teams that we were shooting a documentary about rec league hockey.

We lied

Generals vs. Amigos

The Week in Wankery:

Tonsil Stones

Thinking Tuesday is Wednesday

Doug – Avalanche Game

The Heather Marie Combs Army

Tree of Life

Magnificent Seven –

Top 7 Most Annoying Mis-Pronunciations:

Anton Chigurh

Orient – “Orientate”

Regardless – “Irregardless”

Specifically – “Pacifically”

Athlete – “Athalete”

Espresso – “Expresso”

Et Cetera – “Excetera”

7. February – “Febuary”

6. Nuclear – “Nucular”

5. Library – “Libary”

4. Height – “Heighth”

3. Rural – “Rual”

2. Supposedly - “Supposably”

1. Ask – “Aks”

Euphemisms for Death:

Go to Facebook Page-

MM Voice Mail – (Clip 53)

TEXT TRANSCRIPTION - "Hi hey Julie I'm sorry ... now in the morning calling and I hello this is Keith I think that you guys need hey I have a meeting you ... she's just wanted to ... so anyway I have what I have to go back on her and ... I don't know what's on man in no Rush call dan can retire I'll Try."

Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:

Did You Ever Look So Nice? – The Samples

Shalom and Good Evening to you all!

Show Prep 148

2012-02-05T22:50:00.001-08:00

Greetings and Salutations, People: 100% less sedated than the Ed Show. THIS is Vertically Striped Radio.

Tweet of the Week:

matt @biorhythmist

Asked a lady when she was due but it turns out she wasn't even a library book.

Today on VSR – Super Bowl mania! I haven’t decided who I’m rooting for tomorrow for Super Bowl 46, so we’re going to break it down VSR style and try to help me come to a decision. Although, sadly for this year’s competition, we have no parrots.

If you’d like to join in the fun - (646) 716-7522 OR OHMS-1-MRLAB

To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com

Voice Mail – 720-CUB-1-ACE (720-282-1223)

Twitter: @socnorb777

(Bring on Face) –

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

BUTTE, Mont. – A 55-year-old Montana man who says he "always wanted" to be part of a police chase can check that off his bucket list.

John C. Hughes followed a patrol car for seven blocks early Thursday before pulling his SUV around and taking off at speeds of up to 70 mph. Officers say the Butte man was driving faster than 100 mph on an interstate toward Rocker, Mont.

Officers in that city laid out a spiked strip to flatten the tires on the SUV.

A police report says Hughes told officers he "just always wanted" to see what it would be like to be in a police chase. Officers say Hughes had not been drinking.

Hughes faces a charge of reckless driving while eluding police.

WAYNESBURG, Pa. – Police in southwestern Pennsylvania say a woman who appeared to not have any teeth in surveillance photos from a bank robbery last month has confessed, apologized and said she planned the heist because she needed the money for dentures.

Forty-nine-year-old Evelyn Marie Fuller, of Carmichaels, was arrested Tuesday by police in Waynesburg, where she's charged with robbing the First National Bank on Jan. 20.

Fuller told a district judge she has mental health problems and lives on disability.

After her arraignment, Fuller told a reporter, "I'm very sorry for what I did and I know God is going to punish me for it." Fuller says her pastor told her to tell the truth about what she did.

MONTPELIER, Vt. – A Vermont prison inmate who makes stationery and license plates has gotten the best of the state police by covertly adding the image of a pig to the state decal on their police cars.

One of the spots on the cow in the state crest has been changed to the shape of a pig, a derogatory term for police. The 16-inch car door decals are made by prisoners in Windsor.

State police discovered the pig images Wednesday. They say they believe the decals have been added to about 30 cruisers in the past year.

Who made the modification and when is being reviewed by the Department of Corrections. Corrections Commissioner Andy Pallito said Thursday new decals will be made by Monday for about $800.

I’m Craig, and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Giorgio sings his Sonic Order – (Clip 50)

Bring in the Whale:

How many Super Bowl rematches have there been?

Dolphins and Redskins – 7, 17

Steelers and Cowboys – 10, 13, 30

49ers and Bengals – 16, 23

Cowboys and Bills – 27, 28

Giants and Patriots – 42, 46

I’m looking for the best euphemism for “He died” –

-We lost him

-passed away

-expired

-went to a better place

-went to his final resting place

-bit the dust

-bought the farm

-Kicked the bucket

-cashed in his chips

-taking a dirt nap

-A grave situation

-assumed room temperature

-bought a Yugo

-checked into the wooden Waldorf

-gone horizontal

-exported to a flat file

-Golf course where everyone gets a hole in one

-promoted to subterranean truffle inspector

-dumped in the people landfill

-Free sex for those who dig.

Europe has "Silent Discos." You listen to music on your headphones

Due to noise ordinances in Europe, club owners have created “silent discos” where clubbers listen to music through headphones. Rather than use a speaker system, some club owners have resorted to wireless headphones to entertain club goers.

Music is broadcast via FM-transmitter to the clubber’s headphones. It’s called “silent discos.” The style of clubbing is popular for music festivals, when people want to party long after noise ordinances would allow. Two DJ’s often compete for the listeners, too.

Super Bowl 46 Breakdown:

Championship Appearances:

Patriots:

7^th Trip to the Super Bowl (3-3)

Lost 1963 AFL Championship Game

Giants:

5^th Trip to the Super Bowl (3-1)

4 NFL Championships (Pre-Super Bowl) 1927*, 1934, 1938, 1956 (went 3-11 in NFL Championship Games) *No Championship Game in 1927

Famous Fans:

Patriots: Mark Wahlberg, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Steven King, Conan O’Brien, Denis Leary, Steven Tyler

Giants: Jon Bon Jovi, Tom Cruise, Spike Lee, Lady Gaga, Jerry Seinfeld, Viggo Mortensen

Tragedy:

The Great Boston Molasses Flood (January 15, 1919 - 21 killed, 150 injured)

vs.

9-11

Quarterback first name:

Tom vs. Eli

Accents:

Boston Accent – Clip 56

New York Accent – Clip 57

Serial Killer:

Son of Sam (6 killed, 7 wounded 1976-77)

vs.

Boston Strangler (13 victims 1962-64)

Sitcom:

Cheers vs. Seinfeld

Flula’s Analysis:

Clip 51 – Patriots Advantage

Clip 52 – Giants Advantage

AL Teams:

Yankees

Red Sox

Suffering City Factor:

Boston –

Last Football Championship - Won Super Bowl 39

Last City Championship - Bruins won Stanley Cup in 2011

New York –

Last Football Championship - - Won Super Bowl 42

Last City Championship – Yankees won World Series in 2009

Literal Mascot Battle:

Actual Patriot vs. Actual Giant

City Attitudes:

New York – Smug Superiority

Boston – Provincial A-holeishness

Most Famous Film Comparison:

Big Fan (Patton Oswalt) vs. Spygate Film (Starring St. Louis Rams Super Bowl Prep)

Controversy:

Dumping Bridget Moynahan for Gisele vs. Lawrence Taylor’s underage prostitute scandal.

Cheesy 80’s Rap Music:

Clip 53 – New England, The Patriots, and We

Clip 54 – We are the New York Giants

Dameshek.com Message Boarders:

Giants: Major Minority

Patriots: UMass Dameshek

Retro Logo Factor:

Giants – Just the word “Giants”

Patriots – Pat Patriot logo

Animals making predictions:

Giants: Princess the Camel (From New Jersey)

Arun the One Horned Asian Rhinoceros (Texas)

Inji – Orangatan (Oregon)

Patriots: Kami the Sumatran Tiger (Alabama)

Kutai – Orangatan (Oregon)

Luke’s prediction:

Giants (Clip 55)

Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:

Simple Song – The Shins (Port of Morrow releasing 3-20-12)

Shalom and Good Evening to you all!

Show Prep 147

2012-02-01T20:09:00.001-08:00

Greetings and Salutations, People:

Tweet of the Week:

Megan Amram @meganamram

Smart children are gifted. Adopted children are regifted.

Today on VSR – We’ll give you a few things to think with “Something to Think About!” about AND the He-Man Movie Watchers Club will convene to discuss “This is Spinal Tap”

If you’d like to join in the fun - (646) 716-7522 OR OHMS-1-MRLAB

To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com

Voice Mail – 720-CUB-1-ACE (720-282-1223)

Twitter: @socnorb777

(Bring on Face) –

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

BORON, Calif., Jan. 26 (UPI) -- A Swiss artist plans to bury an intact Boeing 727 jetliner in California's Mojave Desert and build a tourist tunnel to give visitors a chance to view the underground project.

Christoph Buchel has applied for a Kern County conditional-use permit that will allow him to bury the 153-foot-long decommissioned airliner west of Boron. It's not far from the desert's aircraft boneyard.

The project, dubbed "Terminal," already has planning department staff approval.

The jetliner would be buried 38 feet below the surface.

Visitors will be able to experience the subterranean art project via an underground tunnel connecting the plane to a parking area. They'll be able to use the plane's restrooms, which will be connected to a septic system.

"At this point in time, we've received no letters in opposition to it," said Scott Denney, operations division chief for the county Planning Department. "But we have received a lot of inquiries."

MERIDEN – Connecticut (Reuters) – A pre-kindergarten boy who announced to his teacher at snack time that he wanted to share pulled nine bags of marijuana out of his jacket pocket, police said on Wednesday.

Police in Meriden, Connecticut, some 20 miles south of Hartford, were called to Hanover Elementary School Tuesday afternoon after the 4-year-old special needs student displayed the drugs, authorities said.

Meriden police said the nine individually wrapped bags of marijuana appeared prepared for sale.

Hanover Elementary School principal Miguel Cardona called it an "extremely unfortunate" and "isolated" incident that was not witnessed by any other students.

"What's so disheartening is this is really an adult issue and problem and adult behavior put a student at risk," Meriden schools superintendent Mark Benigni told Reuters.

"This student had no idea what he brought to school or what the substance was," he added.

Authorities are not releasing the names of the student or parents and police said there is a possibility for arrests pending the outcome of the investigation.

The Department of Children and Families is also looking into the incident.

ORANGE PARK, Fla., Jan. 25 (UPI) -- Authorities in Florida said a teenager who broke into a home found himself swiftly being detained by the homeowner, a police officer.

The Clay County Sheriff's Office said deputies responded to a report of a home invasion Sunday in Orange Park and found Jacksonville Police Officer Garret Osilka restraining the suspect, Jarvis Guthrie, 18, WJXT-TV, Jacksonville, reported Wednesday.

Osilka, who said he did not know the teenager, told deputies he and his wife awoke around 3 a.m. Sunday to loud noises outside their home, and he soon heard the suspect force his way through the front door.

Osilka said he restrained Guthrie after a physical struggle and called deputies.

Guthrie was charged with burglary of an occupied dwelling with intent to commit battery.

PARANA, Brazil - The incident was caught on a security camera during the bank job in a small town in the state of Parana.

The thief was guarding the door of the bank while the rest of the gang went inside.

He was seen holding two guns in the bank's entrance while his two partners took a money bag inside.

Everything was going well until he lowered his right arm and shot his own foot.

The thief left the bank limping and was arrested on the same night when he went to hospital for treatment.

Police are still searching for the rest of the gang.

The robbery happened last week but the footage has now been released by police.

I’m Craig, and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Bring in the Whale:

Patriots going to beat the Giants

Something to Think About:

1. I am incapable of typing the last name Bronson – It always comes out Broncos.

2. It doesn’t matter how old you get, you’re always a little jealous of the kid who gets a Nerf gun as a gift.

3. Droid – Too powerful to fall into the wrong hand

4. Announcement: There are no announcements

5. I’m always surprised when I see a really ugly pregnant woman

6. Any girl can be the girl next door if you live in the right neighborhood

7. 4^th and inches plays are kind of crap. How are the line judges really able to see where the ball gets to in the midst of that pile?

This is Spinal Tap:

Characters:

Marty Di Bergi – Rob Reiner

Nigel Tuffnel – Christopher Guest (Also is the guy who invented the pain machine in the Princess Bride)

David St. Hubbins – Michael McKean (All time “That Guy” – His list of credits is ridiculously long) St. Hubbins – The patron saint of quality footwear

Derrick – Harry Shearer - Mr. Burns, Waylon Smithers, Ned Flanders, Reverend Lovejoy, Kent Brockman, Dr. Hibbert, Lenny Leonard, Principal Skinner, Otto Mann and Rainier Wolfcastle

Ian Faith – Tony Hendra

Jeannine – June Chadwick - Total witch, Nigel HATES her.

Cameos from: Paul Shaffer, Fred Willard, Fran Drescher (loses points for that one), Bruno Kirby, Ed Begley, Jr., Anjelica Huston, Howard Hesseman (Dr. Johnny Fever), Dana Carvey and Billy Crystal

Scenes:

-Derrick gets stuck inside his clear pod as the other two guys are playing on stage.

-Nigel backstage can’t figure out the small bread.

-Airport security scene – Zucchini wrapped in tin foil in Derrick’s pants

-Stonehenge – 18 inch Stonehenge monument is lowered and nearly trampled by a dwarf.

-Jeannine gives out new costume ideas for the band members based on their zodiological signs.

Notes:

The band goes through several names. First “The Originals, then the New Originals, then the Thamesmen, then Spinal Tap.

Flower power era band – Album “Listen to the Flower People”

There is no actual "Isle of Lucy" in the United Kingdom off England's coast, where Spinal Tap supposedly played a blues/jazz or jazz/blues festival. In one of the most subtle and overlooked gags of the film, they are really just paying homage to the classic television show, I Love Lucy.

Quotes:

Ian Faith: The Boston gig has been cancelled...
David St. Hubbins: What?
Ian Faith: Yeah. I wouldn't worry about it though, it's not a big college town.

David St. Hubbins: I believe virtually everything I read, and I think that is what makes me more of a selective human than someone who doesn't believe anything.

Big Bottom:

The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'

That's what I said

The looser the waistband, the deeper the quicksand

Or so I have read

My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo

I'd like to sink her with my pink torpedo

Big bottom, big bottom

Talk about bum cakes, my girl's got 'em

Big bottom drive me out of my mind

How could I leave this behind?

I met her on Monday, 'twas my lucky bun day

You know what I mean

I love her each weekday, each velvety cheek day

You know what I mean

My love gun's loaded and she's in my sights

Big game is waiting there inside her tights, yeah

Big bottom, big bottom

Talk about mud flaps, my girl's got 'em

Big bottom drive me out of my mind

How could I leave this behind?

My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo

I'd like to sink her with my pink torpedo

Big bottom, big bottom

Talk about bum cakes, my girl's got 'em

Big bottom drive me out of my mind

How could I leave this behind?

Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:

“Thanks for Nothing” –Middle Brother (Self-Titled Album)

Shalom and Good Evening to you all!

Show Prep 146

2012-01-21T16:33:00.000-08:00

Greetings and Salutations, People: It’s the Egg McMuffin of Fake Radio! This is Vertically Striped Radio. Brought to you by the Amazon link on VerticallyStripedSocks.com. If you’re shopping Amazon anyway, go to Vertically Striped Socks dot Com and click the Amazon link first. It costs you nothing, and your support helps keep Vertically Striped Radio on the air.

Rice Pudding

Tweet of the Week:

Lauren Ashley Bishop @sbellelauren

Really want to get drunk with the Muppets.

Today on VSR – Attention entrepreneurs, pay close attention to the show today, as you may listen your way to wealth. Take your pick of tons of great money making ideas today! We also have a reader submitted Craigslist Missed Connection that is too good to NOT share, the AFC and NFC Championship games go down tomorrow, and we’ll finally delve into a new “Something to Think About.”

If you’d like to join in the fun - (646) 716-7522 OR OHMS-1-MRLAB

To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com

Voice Mail – 720-CUB-1-ACE (720-282-1223)

Twitter: @socnorb777

(Bring on Face) –

Question: What company is the biggest toy distributor in the world?

Answer: McDonalds

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

TOPEKA, Kan. – A judge has dismissed a lawsuit filed by a Colorado man who held a Kansas couple hostage then sued them for breach of contract for turning him in.

Jesse Dimmick of Denver contended he had a legally binding oral contract with Jared and Lindsay Rowley that they'd hide him from police in return for money.

Dimmick was a fugitive facing a murder charge when he burst into the Rowleys' home in September 2009 and confronted them at knifepoint. The Rowleys escaped when he fell asleep.

Dimmick was later convicted of kidnapping and other charges and the Rowleys sued him for more than $75,000 in damages. Dimmick counter-sued, seeking $160,000 for hospital bills and $75,000 for pain and suffering. Thankfully, the judge on the case has dismissed Dimmick’s suit.

SALZBURG, Austria – An Austrian high school principal narrowly escaped legal action after going after potential exam cheaters with a high-tech — but illegal — idea.

Gerhard Klampfer reportedly bought and mounted a jamming device strong enough to prevent graduating classes from doing Internet research on their smartphones during final exams last summer.

State broadcaster ORF said on its website Monday that the move was effective enough to arouse the attention of a phone service provider. The company alerted authorities in charge of monitoring radio traffic after noticing lack of service.

They then notified legal officials who threatened Klampfer with a misdemeanor. Under Austrian law only police, the military and others in charge of security can jam signals.

Klampfer says he didn't know he was breaking the law. He was let off with a warning, instead of a fine.

OAK PARK, Ill. – A suburban Chicago man thought the errant nail that discharged from the gun he was working with had whizzed by his head. Instead, it was lodged in his brain.

Dante Autullo was in his workshop using the nail gun Tuesday when it recoiled near his head.

He felt what he thought was the point of the gun hit his head. But what really happened was that when the gun came in contact with his head, the sensor recognized a flat surface and fired.

"I looked at it when he got home, and it just looked like his head was cut open," his fiancée Gail Glaenzer said. He thought the nail had just whizzed by his ear, and nothing indicated that wasn’t the case, so she simply cleaned the wound with peroxide.

While there are pain-sensitive nerves on a person's skull, there aren't any within the brain itself. That's why he would have felt the nail strike the skull, but he wouldn't have felt it penetrate the brain.

Neither Dante nor Gail thought much about it, and he went on with his day, even plowing a bit of snow. But the next day when he awoke from a nap nausea and a monster headache, Glaenzer sensed something was wrong and suggested they go to the hospital. At first Autullo refused, but he relented after the two picked up their son at school Wednesday evening.

A couple hours later an X-ray was taken, and there in the middle of his brain was a nail. Doctors told Autullo and Glaenzer that the nail came within millimeters from the part of the brain that controls motor function. He was rushed by ambulance to the other hospital for more specialized care.

Here is my favorite part of the story: In the ambulance on the way to the more specialized hospital, Dante posted a photo of the X-Ray to Facebook. After a successful four hour surgery, Dante has lost no movement in his limbs, he’s talking normal, he remembers everything, basically he is showing no ill effects from the experience. His fiancée calls it a miracle. As for the nail, well, Dante wants to make a necklace out of it.

I’m Craig, and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Bring in the Whale:

We’ll get to the band name of the week via a new edition of Craigslist Missed Connections:

Craigslist Missed Connections: (Submitted by Mario Speedwagon)

Hello sir,

My name is Ben and at about 8pm tonight (1/17/12) you ran directly into me with your electric wheelchair in front of the Giant in Columbia Heights, DC.

Allow me to illustrate what exactly happened that was so be-fuddling and anger inducing that it would inspire me to create a "missed connection" post on Craigslist.

After a long day at work, I entered the aforementioned Giant in our wonderful nation's capital. All I needed were paper towels. I purchased said paper towels and was on my merry way home only to be caught in a pedestrian traffic jam of sorts at the entrance of the grocery store. After avoiding disaster and taking a sigh of relief, my eyes were suddenly affixed upon an middle-aged gentleman about four to five feet away from me in an electric wheelchair hellbent on taking me out. That gentleman was you, sir. Not only did you run directly into me, but I consequently fell directly onto you, and then off your wheelchair, and then onto the ground.

Now, what for lack of better words "pisses me the f*ck off" is the fact that you threw up your hands like you were just attacked by a pack of rabid penguins. What "pisses me the f*ck off" even more is the fact that all the on-lookers immediately ran to your side to see if you were "okay." Don't mind me. It's all gravy. Getting hit by people in electric wheelchairs is apparently a normally occurring thing in everyday life. Moreover, I get that you are handicapped for whatever reason and need an electric wheelchair to do whatever it is you do, but in my years of living I've gathered that by now electric wheelchairs have the ability to stop as well as go.

One more thing. I have a broken toe on my right foot. You managed to not only run over that, but my left foot as well, which now feels like it was just hit by an inconsiderate handicapped guy in an electric wheelchair in front of a Giant in Washington, DC (see what I did there?). Anyway, I am currently working as a day manager and head bartender at a bar/nightclub. This job requires me to constantly be quick on my feet and run up and down stairs daily to make sure things run smoothly. Now pardon my language sir, but how the f*ck am I going to explain to my bosses and fellow employees that I cannot perform up to expectations because I got "hit by a guy in an electric wheelchair." These kinds of things not only sound made-up, but make me look like a straight up punk b*tch, and I sir, am not a punk b*tch.

I WILL NOT ACCEPT YOUR GUFF AND DOUCHE-BAGGERY, AND CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL.

Judging by the shape of your legs (literally and figuratively), we cannot engage in a cage fight, and sadly duels to the death are no longer considered "legal." The only fair compromise is that I buy an electric wheelchair myself and we joust. If you accept these terms, I demand we meet in front of the same Giant at the date of your choosing, preferably at sunrise so I can still make it to work after I f*ck your shit up.

I do not care if I miss rent next month, or my cell phone gets cut off. I will use all the money I make to make this happen in order to make things right in this already sad world. The gauntlet has been thrown.

Consider your couch f*cked,

Ben

P.S. - I hate you.

Band name of the week:

Electric Wheelchair Duel

NBA

Nuggets (11-5) at Knicks (5-9)

NFL Final Four:

Ravens at Patriots

Giants at 49ers

Million Dollar Ideas! (Clip 14 - Intro)

Max Johnson @Maxxxjohn

You know those crystal light to-go packets you mix in water bottles? Yeah well the should make beer to-go packets. #milliondollaridea

Bryan @Bryanvinyl6h

I never understood why Einstein's Bros. Bagels's closes at 3 PM. Terrible. #MillionDollarIdea - 24 Hour Einsteins.

Steve Grenier @SteveGrenier15 Jan

A paper shredder that looks and sounds like cookie monster.#MillionDollarIdea

Wesley Yendrys @WYendrys13 Jan

how has no one invented a battery-powered shovel where the shovel part is scolding hot? #milliondollaridea

Awkward When Sober @AwkwrdWhenSober11 Jan

I'm going to create a service that sits on hold for you, then forwards you the call when someone answers. #milliondollaridea

danielle venticinque @danielleventt10 Jan

I'm going to invent impossible to tangle up headphones#milliondollaridea

Elizabeth Chaffin @_liztomania15 Jan

I wish crayola would team up with camel cigarette company so that smoking could be in rainbow format #milliondollaridea @Kaaay_T

Mike Verminski @MVerminski15 Jan

Going to invent flavored sticky parts on envelopes #milliondollaridea

J. Preston @Mr_Preston14 Jan

Someone needs to open a liquor store that delivers.#MillionDollarIdea

Andru Bergdahl @AndruMonster14 Jan

Still in bed. #lazy #DontCare #WantBacon#NeedBaconDeliveryService #MillionDollarIdea

Samuel Chao @Sammy_Rocket12 Jan

#MillionDollarIdea frosted flakes flavored milk.

mack @got2keepitfunny12 Jan

A hedgeshop that also delivers pizza. Kills two birds with one stone.. Food and herbalife. #milliondollaridea

Greg Loizou @GregLoizou 5h

#MillionDollarIdea: Sesame Streetfighter.

Zoltan Spitzer @ZoltanMS12 Jan

Wish they'd invent dog food that makes dogs crap golf balls so I could trade in the scooper for a 5 iron. #milliondollaridea

Jeremy Gallant @RemyAroundTown12 Jan

Toothpaste tube of peanut butter for driving. #MillionDollarIdea

Ryan Bachner @Bach_Nasty12 Jan

An air freshner that smells like buffalo chicken. #MillionDollarIdea

D Garland @RedHeadDG12 Jan

I'm going to start a bakery where people can get cakes that say things like "Happy Birthday Douchebag!" on them. #millionDollarIdea

Martin Cobb @Hughhh_11 Jan

Trampoline floors #milliondollaridea

Richard 'Gun @makeitrich11 Jan

#milliondollaridea A keyboard with a removable crumb tray like a toaster

Matt Flannigan @pron_tron11 Jan

I want to male a fake pregnancy test that always shows positive, so guys to play hilarious tricks on a girlfriends. #milliondollaridea

Nicholas Catania @ncatania110 Jan

Someone needs to invent tooth paste that doesn't ruin orange juice.#milliondollaridea

Overheard on Cambus @CambusStories

Idea for a new social network: upon creating an account, a grammar test is administered. Your/you're, etc. #MillionDollarIdea

cayden ledford @cayden_ledford 13h

I'm shocked that not one dairy farmer from Israel has thought to call his company "Cheeses Of Nazereth!" #MillionDollarIdea

Big Hop @whoisBigHop 19 Jan

U know how they have those cat eye contacts for humans? I'm gonna make human eye contacts for cats... #SuperHigh #MillionDollarIdea

Adam Sachs @sachsmo 19 Jan

Solar-powered suntanning beds. Go! #milliondollaridea

Flula – Why the Miami Heat are not great. (Clip 84)

Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:

Givers – “Saw you first” Album: In Light

Shalom and Good Evening to you all!

Show Prep 145

2012-01-14T21:28:00.000-08:00

Jimmy Fallon – Tebowie Intro

Greetings and Salutations, People: Vertically Striped Radio: What NBC Nightly News would be if Brian Williams had little to no resources, limited interest in the outside world, and was obsessed with The Denver Broncos and Muppets. This IS Vertically Striped Radio, and I am your host, Craig Dodge

Walked into the women’s restroom last night after two glasses of wine. The party was good, Asia, Mexico, Italy, France, and New York Nightclub stations. 5 dollar sodas, booze flowed freely.

Tweet of the Week:

Shane! @batsly

Football: obtain brown thing. Once you have brown thing, run away from other men, lest they hug you.

Today on VSR – The fun of live scoring updates on a podcast from a football game for which 98% of the listeners already know the final outcome! I’ve got a new segment which I found on “My” List, We’ll do something I said we’d do last week with a review of our preseason NFL division winner picks, I’ve got a new “Something to think about” and we’ll probably end up talking a tiny bit of Tebow, as the dude has dominated Denver’s news scene this week.

If you’d like to join in the fun - (646) 716-7522 OR OHMS-1-MRLAB

To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com

Voice Mail – 720-CUB-1-ACE (720-282-1223)

Twitter: @socnorb777

(Bring on Face) –

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

STOCKHOLM (Reuters) – So, if you’re pirating music, did you know that you can now avoid prosecution in Sweden on grounds of religious freedom?

Sweden dealt a symbolic blow to the global fight against digital music and film piracy by officially recognizing the Church of Kopimism, a group that promotes file-sharing across the Internet, as a religion.

Kopimism's name is derived from the words "copy me" and as its website makes clear it strongly supports all forms of downloading and uploading files and sees copyright laws as violating freedom of information.

"We believe that information is holy," said Isak Gerson, who calls himself the "spiritual leader" of a church whose key symbols are "Ctrl C" and "Ctrl V," the keyboard short cuts for copy and paste.

"We do not think that copying is stealing or can ever be stealing," Gerson, 20, added to Reuters.

Graves County, KENTUCKY - A group of Amish men are scheduled to spend 10 days behind bars for a very odd reason. It seems they are in trouble with the law for refusing to put safety triangles on their buggies

The bearded men belong to an ultra-conservative religious offshoot that believes the orange signs are flashy and conflict with their pledge to live low-key and pious lives.

Ananias Byler was the first of 10 Amish men sentenced to 10 days' jail for not paying $489 in fines incurred for failing to attach the orange signs to the back of their horse drawn buggies.

In court the Amish men refused to pay outstanding traffic fines

The men belong to a century-old conservative breakaway group of Amish known as Swartzentruber who live without electricity, plumbing or appliances.

They have been living in breach of the law in recent years for refusing to use the safety triangles on their buggies.

"We're just not going to pay," Jacob Gingerich, a farmer and father-of-12, said before the court appearance.

Gingerich and two other Amish men have sued over the state highway law, saying it infringes on their religious freedom.

The Kentucky Supreme Court has agreed to hear the case later this year after the state appeals court rejected the men's argument.

State politicians are also considering changes to the highway code to allow the Amish to use grey reflective tape instead of orange triangles.

AMSTERDAM, The Netherlands – Apparently the Dutch are serious about fighting crime, but this may be a bit much. Local police requested a military jeep to chase a suspect over soggy terrain that their police cruisers wouldn’t be able to traverse.

At that very moment 2 F-16 fighter jets were about to leave Volkel airbase on a training mission, so the pilots volunteered to help in the chase using their infrared cameras.

The suspect was in a car with stolen license plates that sped away when police tried to pull it over. After an exchange of gunfire, the car crashed into a canal and the man ran away across a field.

In the end, a tip from a suspicious neighbor, and not a high-tech jet, led police to the suspect, but that would have to be intimidating if you’re speeding away in a Jeep after exchanging shots with police in a stolen vehicle, and suddenly you’re being hunted by F-16’s.

I’m Craig, and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Bring in the Whale:

Band name of the week: Gorbachev’s Birthmark (or Gorbachev’s Head Splotch)

Tim Tebow’s fire – Clip 51

Missed Connections: (Intro - Clip 10)

Rose:
I've told you once I've told you a thousand times, you were nothing more than a fling - a sexual fling.
Just because you left your husband, don't think that I am planning to leave my wife.
I suggest you keep seeing that guy (Jay, Jack, John - whatever his name was that I saw at your town-house when I stopped by the other month)

Please stop posting here, I'm not coming back

You work at home depot in arvada. You got me a paint sample, brown teepee and some glitter paint. I thought you were soo cute! I wish I had the guts to say something..

M- I like you. I really like you. I'm not sure if your interested in me. I know I'm older than you and I come with baggage. I really enjoy our kissing, but I would gladly do more. Your the last man standing on my field and maybe I'm done playing. If you see this reply with the beers we drank last night and lets move things to the bedroom. I worry that you and I are simply headed for a missed connection, let's not miss, let's bump ~ A

A- I plan to call you. I don't want to hurt you, but I'm just not into you. As discussed I can't lead you on to nothing. I'm sorry. Can we go back to drinking and throwing sharp objects? ~ M

We met in February years ago. One late night I drove you home and the snow was falling softly on the windshield. I was full of hope and excitement. We became very strange and unlikely friends for a few years.

I feel stupid writing this. One of those broken-hearted fools. Maybe all of us are looking backwards at the things that couldn't be. I'm not really broken hearted though. I got married and oddly enough I'm happily married. He's not you and he's very compassionate, sweet, generous. You were a mess. I loved the mess too but a choice had to be made. You told me to go to him. I did. And then I told you we couldn't be friends because I would always love you and that jeopardized my future with him. Catch 22.

I remember you used to be plagued by dreams of her. You hurt so badly. Now I have a hole in my heart because of you. I dream of you.

This is for catharsis only. My friend who claims to be psychic said she saw that you were happy and moved on. You were getting married or having a baby? Or some shit like that.
But I know that you think of me as much as I think of you though. You are my soul-mate. We came from the same hopeless piece of stardust in the universe and we're stuck together even when we are apart.

On days like this, when it rains, when the moon is full and bright, when you see ducks, when there isn't much to do and you go out driving alone listening to the Killers. You are thinking of me and loving me and missing me, the way I miss you. And there just isn't a fucking thing either of us can do about it.

When you're living your life, well, that's the price you pay
Whenever I breathe out, you're breathing it in
Whenever I breathe out, you take it in again
I'm feeling this positive/negative, positive/negative

Week in Wankery: (Intro: Clip 8)

Girl wearing Patriots shirt working at King Soopers

Cop stalking the School Zone

Me walking into the women’s restroom

Me escaping the women’s restroom without being detected.

Ben Roethlisberger and his terrible Hat

AFC:

AFC East – Jets, Dolphins, Patriots, Bills

Craig - Patriots

Face - Patriots

Dice - Jets

Luke - Jets

AFC North – Steelers, Ravens, Browns, Bengals

Craig - Ravens

Face - Ravens

Dice - Bengals

Luke - Bengals

AFC South – Jaguars, Texans, Colts, Titans

Craig - Colts

Face - Colts

Dice - Titans

Luke - Titans

AFC West – Broncos, Chargers, Chiefs, Raiders

Craig - Chargers

Face - Chargers

Dice - Chargers

Luke - Broncos

NFC:

NFC East – Eagles, Redskins, Giants, Cowboys

Craig - Eagles

Face - Giants

Dice - Cowboys

Luke - Redskins

NFC North – Bears, Packers, Lions, Vikings

Craig - Packers

Face - Packers

Dice - Lions

Luke - Bears

NFC South – Saints, Buccaneers, Falcons, Panthers

Craig - Saints

Face - Falcons

Dice – Buccaneers

Luke - Buccaneers

NFC West – 49ers, Rams, Seahawks, Cardinals

Craig - Rams

Face – Rams

Dice – 49ers

Luke - Cardinals

Craig – 4

Face – 4

Dice – 1

Luke - 1

...And Craig and Face's preseason Super Bowl predictions

Super Bowl:

Face - Falcons vs Ravens - Falcons win Super Bowl

Craig - Eagles vs Colts - Colts win Super Bowl

Beth Stelling – Feeding Raccoons Story from “The Moth” (Clip 81)

Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:

Blind Pilot – One Red Thread – From their 2008 Album “3 Rounds and a Sound”

Shalom and Good Evening to you all!

Show Prep 144

2012-01-09T20:51:00.002-08:00

Greetings and Salutations, People:

Tweet of the Week:

Pittsburgh Dad @Pittsburgh_Dad23h

I broke the TV. You kids are gonna have to watch the little TV in basement.

316 passing yards

Highlights:

Tebow

Demaryius Thomas

Lowlights:

-Steelers Backwards pass called incomplete when the Broncos should have had the ball at inside the 20.

-Willis McGehee fumbling with seven and a half minutes to go, Broncos up 7. Broncos had just driven inside Steelers territory and were looking good.

-John Fox with not a great game: John Fox needs to man up

Kick a FG from the 38 yard line, don’t punt.

Don’t challenge a fumble if you’re not going to win, we may have needed that timeout.

Music Recommendation:

Jon Keyworth – Make those miracles happen

Shalom and Good Evening to you all!

Show Prep 143

2012-01-09T20:51:00.000-08:00

Greetings and Salutations, People: What political radio would be if you replaced all the mudslinging with the word “Smurf”. THIS is Vertically Striped Radio. I am your host Craig Dodge, and we have reached the annual 2 week period where I do the show from my man cave while watching Saturday playoff football. Welcome aboard, and go Texans.

Tweet of the Week:

Molly McNearney @mollymcnearney 1h

My brother is a doctor & delivered a baby named Y'all-Jealous Jones today. This is not a joke. Y'ALL JEALOUS JONES. My brother wins 2012.

Today on VSR – Most pundits make predictions and are never held accountable, however, not in the world of Vertically Striped Radio. We’ll review our preseason NFL division champion predictions and see who won between Face, myself, random chance, and a 4 year old boy. We have a magnificent seven list that is sure to annoy, a new edition of Something to think about is in the holster, and controversy is brewing in the world of the Dameshek.com message board revolving around a “Big Brother” game…which I’m sure we’ll have discuss a bit.

If you’d like to join in the fun - (646) 716-7522 OR OHMS-1-MRLAB

To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com

Voice Mail – 720-CUB-1-ACE (720-282-1223)

Twitter: @socnorb777

(Bring on Face) –

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

14 year old Jakadrien Turner was deported to Columbia by US officials running away from her home in Dallas and being arrested for shoplifting in Houston.

When taken to the police station she gave a false name and age to officials who fingerprinted her and came to believe that she was a 21-year-old criminal from Colombia - even though she did not speak Spanish.

The schoolgirl was then deported to Columbia due to a law that sends illegal immigrants caught committing a crime back to their home country.

Jakadrien's grandmother Lorene Turner said the family finally managed to track the missing teenager down to the South American city after finding a Facebook page that she had created there.

She was flown home to Dallas on Friday where she was met by her family and friends looking subdued but smiling for the cameras.

A family spokesman at the airport said: "The family is ecstatic. We are planning to get some rest; planning to do what we can to make sure that she is able to get back to living a normal life. "But we are so happy and we are ready to get her home."

Lorene Turner said her granddaughter is now pregnant.

WARSAW, Poland – Art student Andrzej Sobiepan didn't want to wait decades for his work to appear in museums. So he took matters in his own hands, covertly hanging one of his paintings in a major Polish gallery.

By Wednesday, the young artist was getting plenty of attention after a nationwide TV channel reported on his stunt at the National Museum in the southwestern city of Wroclaw. He told reporters he hoped galleries would give more exhibition space to young artists as a result.

"I decided that I will not wait 30 or 40 years for my works to appear at a place like this, I want to benefit from them in the here and now."

Sobiepan, a Wroclaw Fine Arts Academy student whose last name means "his own master," said he was inspired by the elusive British graffiti artist Banksy. His own painting is small, white and green, and partly uses swine leather to show a drooping acacia leaf.

On Dec. 10, Sobiepan put it up in a room with contemporary Polish art when a guard at the museum was looking the other way. Museum officials didn't notice the new painting for three days.

Museum director Mariusz Hermansdorfer said that the action revealed some security breaches, but that he also considered it a "witty artistic happening."

"It has shown that the young generation of artists, unlike their predecessors, wants to see their works in museums," Hermansdorfer said.

The museum has kept the painting on display — in its cafe. It will be offered for sale at Poland's biggest charity auction on Sunday.

(Mitch Hedberg - Clip 21)

ADELAIDE, Australia – Police say a car reported stolen from an Australian shopping center parking lot has been found more than two weeks later in the closed garage of a nearby home where it had apparently rolled unaided.

Police said in a statement Friday that the owner of the station wagon had reported it stolen from outside a shop in a suburb of Adelaide city on Dec. 18. The car was found parked in the home's garage Wednesday when the residents returned from vacation.

Police concluded that the car's owner had failed to leave its gear in park. The car then rolled across the parking lot, across a street and then down a driveway. It then bumped under the garage door by knocking it off its tracks. The door then closed behind it.

I’m Craig, and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Bring in the Whale:

Magnificent Seven: 7 Most Annoying Sounds in the World

7. Vuvuzelas

6. Snoring

5. Car Alarm

4. Dial-up Modem

3. Test of the Emergency Broadcasting System

2. Nails on a Chalkboard

1. “Hey, let’s talk about the 30 team fantasy baseball league.”

Dameshek.com Big Brother game discussion:

NFL Playoffs: Wild Card

Bengals at Texans

Lions at Saints

Falcons at Giants

Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:

Peter Bjorn and John – Dig a Little Deeper

Shalom and Good Evening to you all!

Show Prep 142

2011-12-31T22:48:00.003-08:00

Greetings and Salutations, People: It’s a new network, but it’s still the same show you have come to tolerate. This is Vertically Striped Radio, I am your award winning host, Craig Dodge. Never mind that the award is Worst Fake Radio Host, it’s still an award, and I will take it.

Adventures in hair cutting

Tweet of the Week:

Jake Szymanski @szyjake

Do you think ghosts sit around campfires and tell Pac-Man stories?

Today on VSR – The world premiere of my new single, We’ll review the year that was 2011, and the Magnificent Seven will feature the Top 7 biggest deaths of 2011.

If you’d like to join in the fun - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1

To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com

Voice Mail – 720-CUB-1-ACE (720-282-1223)

Twitter: @socnorb777

(Bring on Face) –

I have found the perfect piece of audio to help symbolize the teaming up of Vertically Striped Radio with LCS… (Clip 79)

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

CHICAGO – An animal rights group wants Illinois to install highway signs in memory of cattle killed when trucks hauling them flipped in two separate wrecks.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has asked for permission to buy the markers, one in suburban Chicago and one northwest of Peoria. The group says the signs would pay tribute to the more than 20 cattle killed as a result of negligent driving this year.

Illinois Department of Transportation spokesman Josh Kauffman says the request will likely be denied because the state's Roadside Memorial Act specifies that only relatives who lost loved ones in highway crashes may request memorials.

In 2006, Virginia rejected PETA's request for highway markers to memorialize hogs killed in crashes on their way to slaughter at Smithfield Foods.

PEABODY, Mass. – A Massachusetts woman says an airport security officer in Las Vegas confiscated her frosted cupcake because he thought the icing on it could be a security risk.

Peabody resident Rebecca Hains says the Transportation Security Administration agent took her cupcake, telling her its frosting was "gel-like" enough to violate TSA policies.

The TSA has restrictions on taking liquids and gels onto flights to prevent them from being used as explosives.

Hains says she had passed through security at Boston's Logan International Airport with two cupcakes packaged in jars. But she says she was stopped Wednesday on her return from Las Vegas with one of them.

TSA spokesman Nico Melendez said Friday the agency is reviewing the situation. He says passengers are allowed to take cakes and cupcakes through checkpoints.

GALESBURG, Ill. – Two people who pulled up at a McDonald's drive-thru in western Illinois completely naked face public indecency charges.

Police in Galesburg say a 19-year-old El Paso man and a 21-year-old Galesburg woman have been released from Knox County Jail after being ordered to appear in court to face the charges.

The duo was still in the McDonald's parking lot when officers arrived just before 2 a.m. Wednesday. Police say the man was crouched over in the driver's seat trying to pull on a pair of pants while his passenger was covering up in a blanket.

WGIL reports that the pair told officers the late night fast-food run might not have been a great idea but that they both still thought it was funny.

I’m Craig, and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Bring in the Whale:

Band Name of the Week:

Not as Good as Ezra

Where did the Communist tag for me come from?

Final Regular Season Football Weekend:

Broncos-Chiefs

Cowboys-Giants

Chargers-Raiders

Year in Review:

Magnificent Seven: Top 7 Biggest Deaths of 2011

Harry Morgan - Colonel Potter from MASH

Bill Keane - Family Circus

Heavy D

Andy Rooney

Dan Wheldon

Betty Ford

Peter Falk

Clarence Clemons

Jack Kevorkian

Randy Savage

Moammar Gadhafi

Nate Dogg

7. Amy Winehouse

6. Kim Jong Il

5. Joe Fraizer

4. Elizabeth Taylor

3. Al Davis

2. Osama Bin Laden

1. Steve Jobs

The new single sure to be climbing the charts: Can’t find the beer man (Clip 80)

2011 News Year in Review:

January 8 – Gabrielle Giffords gets shot and survives, 6 others killed, 18 total shot

March - Charlie Sheen goes crazy

March 11 - Japan - Earthquake, Tsunami and Nuclear Power Plant

Spring - Arab Spring – revolutions and political uprisings in Tunisia, Egypt, Syria, Libya, Yemen, Baharain

April 28 - Massive tornadoes hit Alabama

April 29 - Royal Wedding

May 2 - Osama Bin Laden "killed"

May 23 – Massive tornadoes wipes out huge chucks of Joplin, MO – Death toll over 100 people.

July 22 - Norwegian terrorist kills 77 people

Summer - Occupy Wall Street idiots - We're mad and we're going to stand in parks!

September 11 – The 10 year anniversary of the 9-11 attacks go by peacefully, and a bunch of events commemorate the event awkwardly

October 19 – Ohio man who owned a wild animal park releases all his animals and then kills himself

October 20 - Muammar Gaddafi killed

November 5 – Former Penn State assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky indicted on child molestation charges

November 28 – Assistant Coach of the Syracuse Orange basketball team is accused of molesting children.

2011 Sports Year in Review:

February 6 – Packers win an exciting Super Bowl over the Steelers

February 21 - Carmelo traded to Knicks

March 4 - Michigan High School basketball player Wes Leonard dies after hitting game winning shot

April 2 – A Goofy NCAA Basketball tourney sees a 3, 4, 8, and 11 seed reach the Final 4.

April 13 - Manny Ramierez retires from the Tampa Bay Rays after testing positive for steroids

May 9 - Phil Jackson Retires

May 14 - Derek Boogaard found dead

June 13 - Jim Tressel resigns as Head Coach of the Ohio State football team due to Tattoo Parlor scandal

June 13 – Dallas Mavericks shock the Miami Heat in 6 games (Jason Terry doesn’t seem QUITE as ridiculous for his bicep tattoo.)

June 15 - Rioting in Vancouver after Boston defeats the Canucks in the Finals – Led to perhaps the most iconic photo of 2011, the couple making out in the street.

July 9 - Derek Jeter hits a Home Run to record hit number 3000

August 16 - University of Miami scandal breaks – Booster Nevin Shapiro breaks tons of NCAA rules

September 28 - Red Sox and Braves suffer massive final month collapses and both miss the playoffs in dramatic fashion on the final day of the season. Everything goes down in a matter of minutes.

October 27 and 28 - World Series goes 7 games for the first time in 9 years, and baseball provides one of the greatest World Series in history with the Cardinals winning an amazing and improbable Game 6.

Fall - Peyton Manning misses the entire season - Colts collapse

Fall – Tim Tebow drives the sporting world crazy by winning 6 straight crazy games, going 7-3 after Kyle Orton went 1-4 to start the season.

November 26 – After appearing that the NBA would cancel an entire season, the players and owners finally come to an agreement and decide to play a shortened 66 game season this year. (Much to the chagrin of Face and many of the NBA haters)

Movies:

Tintin

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:

Florence + The Machine – Shake It Out

Shalom and Good Evening to you all!

Show Prep 141

2011-12-21T21:14:00.003-08:00

-Jim Gaffigan Christmas Intro

-Craig’s anti-Santa rant

– The Chicago newswoman who says THERE IS NO SANTA.

-Thurl Ravenscroft – The Grinch

-A Christmas Story Clip

-N64 Kid

-Feliz Navidad

-Paul Harvey – The Birds

-Linus explains the true meaning of Christmas

-Merry Christmas, War is over (John Lennon) – So this is Christmas…: Let’s hope it’s a good one without any fear. I hate those fear filled Christmases.

NANUET, New York - Leatrice Ann Eng, 58, called each of the students' parents with a yuletide mea culpa for her gaffe.

Ms Eng was in the middle of a lesson about the North Pole on Tuesday when one of her students pointed out that was where Santa Claus lives.

The teacher replied that not only was there no Santa but it was their mums and dads who left their presents under the tree.

The comment outraged parents who branded her a "real-life Scrooge".

"It's sad. She was wrong," said Irene Hoffman, a mother of three children at George W. Miller Elementary School in Nanuet, New York.

"This whole thing is being blown out of proportion. I think we should focus on our children's education and just move on."

Show Prep 139

2011-12-21T21:14:00.001-08:00

Greetings and Salutations, People: This is your home for peace on earth AND good will towards men! You are listening to Vertically Striped Radio on a lovely December day from Denver. I am the bearded menace of Centennial, Colorado. They call me Craig Dodge, and I will be your host for the festivities today. To get things rolling, may I suggest that you Google “Let it Snow” RIGHT NOW. I’ll wait…Nice, eh?

Tweet of the Week:

TomHanksIsHot Nicole Betz

I don't mean to sound confrontational, but does anyone want to fight to the death?

Today on VSR – Magnificent Seven List of Top 7 Don’t be “That Guy” Guys, a great song to get you in the holiday mood, the obligatory Tim Tebow mention, and a whole mess of other items on tap.

If you’d like to join in the fun - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1

To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com

Voice Mail – 720-CUB-1-ACE (720-282-1223)

Twitter: @socnorb777

(Bring on Face) –

And now, a man who’s as cuddly as a cactus and as charming as an eel, let’s bring on Face.

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

STOCKTON, Calif. – A California teenager has learned the hard way that he's no Santa Claus.

18-year-old George Herrera got stuck in a chimney while trying to sneak into his house Thursday.

The teen was breaking curfew and trying to get inside his home. Herrera was trapped near the chimney bottom for about 90 minutes before emergency crews were called around 10:15 a.m. When they arrived, they could see his feet sticking out of the fireplace.

Rays says rescuers secured ropes around the teenager's wrists and pulled him up about 8 feet with the help of a fire truck ladder.

Officials say Herrera wasn't hurt and was allowed to return home after the rescue, which took about 15 minutes.

GARDEN CITY, N.Y. – Two New York high school athletes have been flagged for organizing several "kneel-downs" in tribute to Tim Tebow.

The mother of 17-year-old twins Connor and Tyler Carroll says they are impressed with the Denver Broncos quarterback. Tebow has led Denver to a 7-1 record and is a devout Christian known for kneeling in prayer on the gridiron.

The twins play football and baseball for Riverhead High School on Long Island. Mom Sherry Carroll says they had no religious intentions when they organized the kneel-downs this week.

About 40 students participated in the largest act of "Tebowing" on Wednesday.

District Superintendent Nancy Carney says the tribute posed a safety hazard by blocking others from getting to class.

Sherry Carroll says Connor served an in-school suspension Friday. Tyler serves his punishment Monday.

BEIJING (Reuters) – Chinese police have arrested a man who hired two strippers to perform at his son's wedding after the performance was mobbed by villagers, a newspaper reported on Wednesday.

Zhang Cheng had originally wanted a band to play at the nuptials, but was then advised he could get performers who’s show would have "special features," the Global Times said.

"After watching the show, Zhang decided it would be appropriate for his son's wedding and requested two strippers for the event," it added. "...Barely five minutes had passed before hundreds of villagers in the conservative community were swarming to the venue, trying to catch a glimpse."

Zhang was arrested the next day, the newspaper reported, though it did not say on what charge.

I’m Craig, and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Magnificent 7 – Don’t be THAT guy

Honorable Mentions:

-Hold the door open from just a bit too far away Guy – On the surface, this guy is nice, but in reality, he’s making you feel rushed to get to the door so he can stop watching you walk towards him. Plus he gets to feel superior while you have to feel indebted to him just because he doesn’t have the good sense to just let you open the door for yourself.

-Kenyon Martin – Don’t be Kenyon Martin

-Flat rimmed baseball cap

7. I wouldn’t change a thing Guy – He’s getting interviewed, and his life has fallen apart, but when the interviewer asks him what he’d do different, he says NOTHING.

6. Pulls his pants to his ankles at the urinal Guy – Just gross.

5. First kiss at the wedding Guy – The Virgin Diaries, couple gets married and their first kiss comes right after the minister pronounces them man and wife. They then proceed to eat each other’s faces.

4. Brushes his teeth in the office bathroom Guy – I’m all for oral hygiene, but no one wants to see you with a foamy mouth in the office bathroom. Handle your business at home.

3. Brags about how drunk he gets Guy -

2. Overusing “That’s what she said” Guy – It’s not that good of a joke, but when you do it 47 times an hour, it becomes something sinister and evil.

1. Bad at Email Guy – Constantly forwarding crap, don’t understand how to do recurring meetings, so he sends a request for a full year’s of meetings all at once…one by one, Hits reply all to make a bad joke so the whole department can read it.

Tom Brady Joke:

Tom Brady, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Patriots flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity Tom, said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here." Tom felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house.

On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the ...corner. It was a huge 3-story mansion with Orange and Blue sidewalks and drive ways, a 50 foot tall flagpole with an enormous Broncos logo flag waving, a swimming pool in shape of a horse, a Broncos logo in every window, and a Tim Tebow jersey on the front door.

Tom looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I won 3 Super Bowls, and I even went to the Hall of Fame."

God said "So what's your point Tom?"

"Well, why does Tim Tebow get a better house than me?"

God chuckled, and said "Tom, that's not Tim's house, it's mine."

All he does is win – DJ Steve Porter

This is getting ridiculous – Broncos have trailed at the 2 minute warning in their last 4 games. 4-0 during those games, by the way.

ESPN Over-Tebowed? – One hour of Sportscenter two weeks ago: (Clip 39)

Tebrew – Tebow themed beer: http://www.9news.com/news/article/236066/188/Nothing-tastes-like-victory-like-Tebrew

Preview of Episode 140:

Straight No Chaser – 12 Days of Christmas – Clip 38

Quick Hits:

-Throwing stuffed animals at my wife in Target

-Worst Transformer ever last night at Target – Matchbox car with a picture of a robot on the bottom.

-The Packers have more NFL victories than the entire state of Florida.

Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:

Hunted by Ghosts – The Local Strangers (Clip 91)

Shalom and Good Evening to you all!

Show Prep 138

2011-12-13T22:10:00.001-08:00

Greetings and Salutations, People: A wonderful bit of truth for you right off the top. If you go to YouTube and type in “Nickelback Rocks” the first result will be a video of Nickelback being pelted by rocks.

Tweet of the Week:

kelly oxford (@kellyoxford)
Pregnant women are the original Trojan Horses.

Today on VSR – A much needed clearing of the air, The world of sports exploded this week with some huge stories that we need to discuss, and new editions of the Week in Wankery and Something to think about.

If you’d like to join in the fun - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1

To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com

Voice Mail – 720-CUB-1-ACE (720-282-1223)

Twitter: @socnorb777

(Bring on Face) –

Before we Bring on Face, I have a little something I need to play…(Clip 35)

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

MONTESANO, Wash. – A jury has acquitted a Washington man accused of breaking into a home and throwing a dead mink at another man during a confrontation that made weasel headlines across the country. 33-year-old Jobie Watkins of Hoquiam was found not guilty of burglary.

Police said Watkins was carrying the dead animal when he went to the other man's apartment looking for his ex-girlfriend on June 6. The other man involved in the altercation confronted Watkins and asked him why he had a dead weasel. Watkins reportedly insisted that it was a marten leading to a fight which occurred after Watkins threw the dead mink at the other man.

The jury in the trial claimed that the witnesses provided inconsistent accounts and the "prosecution failed to prove a link to the mink."

Newspaper “The Daily World of Aberdeen” reports that Watkins never explained why he had the carcass.

ROCHESTER, N.H. – A New Hampshire woman who brought her mother's ashes to bingo games for good luck is hoping for their return after the urn containing them was stolen.

Police say the urn was stolen from Diane Bozzi's van Tuesday morning in Rochester by someone targeting unlocked cars.

Diane Bozzi says the urn was in a bag that she was planning to take to her bingo game later in the day.

She and her mother loved playing bingo together. Before her mother died in 2002, Bozzi promised her she would take some of her ashes with her to play. Her mother agreed, saying she would bring Bozzi luck.

BROOKVILLE, Pa. – Authorities in northwestern Pennsylvania say a man published an obituary for his living mother in a ploy to get paid bereavement time off from work.

Relatives called The Jeffersonian Democrat newspaper in Brookville after the obit appeared to report the woman was actually alive and well. The woman herself then visited the paper.

Brookville police charged 45-year-old Scott Bennett on Tuesday with disorderly conduct.

Democrat editor Randy Bartley says he accepted the obituary in good faith after being unable to confirm the funeral arrangements at press time. He told The Derrick newspaper on Friday that the woman was very understanding.

Police Chief Ken Dworek says Bennett wrote up the memorial notice because he didn't want to get fired for taking time off.

I’m Craig, and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

The economy has claimed another victim: Dippin Dots has filed for bankruptcy

VSR is moving! The Fake Radio Network will be joining forces with the LCS Hockey Show, The Ed Show and The Super Great Internet Show. Personally, I think we should call the new network The Sporting Chicken Radio Network, but perhaps that will just be my pet name for it. LCS originally stood for La Coq Sportiff, a.k.a. The Sporting Chicken.

Something to Think About!

1. The President needs a cool uniform. The suit and tie isn’t cutting it, basically, the President of the United States dresses exactly the same as a television evangelist. We need something with perhaps a beret or a sash, or something fancy looking that is unique and immediately screams “President”. (Something he’d look good eating a turkey leg in.)

2. Nothing in the history of the world has ever been improved by putting the word “Vegan” in front of it. Conversely, nothing in the history of the world has ever been made worse by bacon.

3. What did Dinosaur taste like?

4. I saw a Hawaii license plate today, and it tripped me out.

5. It is impossible for a tiger to lose its stripes. If you shave it down, it has the stripes on its skin.

6. Calling your dog a son of a bitch is not really an insult, meanwhile…calling your son that is just a bad idea all around.

7. I don’t understand what Mom jeans are.

Checking in with Flula – Clip 39 – Flula – Balls to the wall

Sports topics:

-Albert Pujols – Signs 10 year, 254 million dollar contract. (A player so big even I know who he is.)

-David Stern voids Chris Paul trade to the Lakers

Dan Gilbert Letter: (In comic sans font)

Commissioner,

It would be a travesty to allow the Lakers to acquire Chris Paul in the apparent trade being discussed.

This trade should go to a vote of the 29 owners of the Hornets.

Over the next three seasons this deal would save the Lakers approximately $20 million in salaries and approximately $21 million in luxury taxes. That $21 million goes to non-taxpaying teams and to fund revenue sharing.

I cannot remember ever seeing a trade where a team got by far the best player in the trade and saved over $40 million in the process. And it doesn't appear that they would give up any draft picks, which might allow to later make a trade for Dwight Howard. (They would also get a large trade exception that would help them improve their team and/or eventually trade for Howard.) When the Lakers got Pau Gasol (at the time considered an extremely lopsided trade) they took on tens of millions in additional salary and luxury tax and they gave up a number of prospects (one in Marc Gasol who may become a max-salary player).

I just don't see how we can allow this trade to happen.

I know the vast majority of owners feel the same way that I do.

When will we just change the name of 25 of the 30 teams to the Washington Generals?

Please advise...

Dan G.

Tim Tebow does it yet again in Minnesota. Now 6-1.

Wins: Chargers, Raiders, Chiefs, Vikings, Jets, Dolphins

Loss: Lions

Charles Barkley – Stop the madness (I agree with him sorta, it makes me sad that the Tebow hype has turned the kid into Brett Favre.)

Tim Tebow centaur tattoo

Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:

Nobody Told Me – John Lennon (John was killed 31 years ago this week.)

(Clip 91)

Shalom and Good Evening to you all!

Show Prep 137

2011-12-13T22:09:00.001-08:00

Greetings and Salutations, People:

Tweet of the Week:

KaseyAnderson Kasey Anderson

Get a dog. Name it "Diamonds." Boom, it's everyone's best friend. Bam, I saved Christmas. Next problem.

Today on VSR – It’s time to get uncomfortable, I have the Magnificent Seven list of Seven words that make people uncomfortable.

If you’d like to join in the fun - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1

To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com

Voice Mail – 720-CUB-1-ACE (720-282-1223)

Twitter: @socnorb777

(Bring on Face) –

Band Name of the Week:

Lime Green Crime Scene

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

UPPER ST. CLAIR, Pa. – A bank courier van has spilled more than $100,000 in cash along a Pennsylvania highway, and motorists have stopped to grab it.

Police say much of the money was blown around by the wind. Lt. James Englert says "well into six figures" in cash is missing after the money grab in Upper St. Clair, just southwest of Pittsburgh.

Police are investigating why the door of the Fidelity Courier Service van opened. But they say the fact the door opened doesn't mean the money was free. They say taking it is theft.

Anyone who took money has a two-week grace period to return it without fear of prosecution.

The courier company is offering a reward for the return of the money.

IOWA CITY, Iowa – Charity workers are hunting through a warehouse of donated clothes in Iowa after an elderly man said he accidentally left $13,000 in a suit that he gave to a Goodwill store in Moline, Ill.

The man in his 80s says he doesn't know exactly when he donated the suit in which he'd been storing the money. He told Goodwill that the money represented his life's savings and was being used to defray medical expenses from his wife's battle with cancer.

Goodwill spokeswoman Dana Engelbert says the suit could have been sold at the Moline store already or that it may have been sent with other clothing donations to a regional Goodwill warehouse in Iowa City.

A $1,000 reward is being offered for the return of the money.

Rescuers tried for hours to get to the missing cat, only to find a cuddly toy cat with a built in meow.

After struggling to reach what they thought was a missing local pet, engineers were called to cut through the steel.

But once inside they were greeted by a meowing battery-operated toy.

The alarm was raised when a woman passing the bin in the village of Moelfre in North Wales, heard cat sounds.

Puss Puss was not in the bin, as feared, but remains missing

Initially it was feared the animal was heavily-pregnant cat named Puss Puss, who had been missing for days.

Believing she was stranded in the bin, villagers tried in vain to get inside the clothes bank and the fire service were called.

In the end they had to transport the bin 18 miles to a specialist engineering company, where a steel saw was used to cut it open.

Company owner Kelvin Owen told the Daily Post: "Once we got into the bin we heard the meow again, it sounded just like a cat and we all started to carefully search the bags.

"Then I found a bag of toys and picked out a toy cat, I said 'it couldn't be this could it', it wasn't making any noise and I asked if I could cut it open to investigate. As I held it, it went off, meow, meow, mystery solved!

"The lads were in stitches, it was such a laugh."

Would-be rescuer Jasmine Hazelhurst, from Anglesey Pets, said: "We feared finding a dead cat in the clothes bank so to find a stuffed toy was a relief."

I’m Craig, and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

Tebow Flash Mob - Craig’s List Ad:

I am organizing a Tim Tebow flash mob. We will be meeting at a mall or other venue, please wear your tebow jersey and tell a friend i want to make it big. I will be videoing and posting this video. I want tebow to see this. Please call me for place and time. 720-440-1416

Please email, call or text Chris at 720-440-1416.

Fake Kyle Orton – Clip 35 (During the no talking section, he throws a ball and then chases it down and gets all winded.)

Would you rather?

Drive a Vespa or a Hummer?

Constant Hiccups or Terrible Gas 1 hour a day.

Live life with zero hope of ever breaking out of poverty but you’ll die of natural causes after a long life or live life like a sultan but know that sometime after age 50 you will be slowly and painfully tortured to death over an excruciating 3 day period?

Australian School Voice Mail – Clip 38

Magnificent Seven:

Top 7 Awkward Words/Phrases:

7. Slick Bottom Booty

6. Diarrhea

5. Head Lice

4. Menstruation

3. Castration

2. Jesus

1. Penis

Checking in with Flula – Clip 39 – Flula – Balls to the wall

Something to Think About!

1. The President needs a cool uniform (Something he’d look good eating a turkey leg in.)

2. Nothing in the history of the world has ever been improved by putting the word “Vegan” in front of it. Conversely, nothing in the history of the world has ever been made worse by bacon.

3. What did Dinosaur taste like?

4. Stumbled across one of the worst ideas ever: Olly: The smellable tweet device. - Olly is a desktop device that delivers your notifications in the form of smells by triggering a small fan. It has a removable section in the back that can be filled with oils, perfumes, or any other fragrance you like. Think of it as an air freshener for your online social life.

5. I don’t understand what Mom jeans are.

6. Calling your dog a son of a bitch is not really an insult, meanwhile…calling your son that is just a bad idea all around.

7. It is impossible for a tiger to lose its stripes. If you shave it down, it has the stripes on its skin.

Why do coupons say that they have a cash value of 1/20^th of a cent?

It goes back to the days of the Great Depression. Back then, Food items were distributed as ration. Books of Stamps (like coupons) were issued to citizens. Some merchants were smart. They claimed that their books of stamps were worth much more than they really were. They would then sell merchandise through catalogues at greatly inflated prices.

This caused problems. Because both the cash value and redemption prices (in stamps) were greatly inflated, honest stamp issuers were at a competitive disadvantage, because their own books of stamps didn’t seem to be worth much in buying power compared to others.

Several states tried to eliminate these injustices by making all books of stamps – and anything of value that might be used to reduce the price of a product, have a common value. Grocery coupons fell into this category. Kansas State enacted most stringent law. Kansas law overrides the terms and conditions of the coupon for residents of the state and says that if no cash value is stated on the coupon, the consumer may cash in the coupon of face value. (That means, a 50 cents coupon for Tide detergent liquid can be cashed in for 50 cents in the State of Kansas if no cash-value is printed on it).

Manufacturers had two choices: make separate coupons for Kansas, or print a cash value on every coupon. Do folks really try to redeem coupons for the lofty sum of 1/100th of a cent? Hmmm… I don’t think anybody will do that.

Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:

Ben Folds – Album: “Way to Normal” Song: “You Don’t Know Me” Featuring Regina Spektor (Clip 91)

Freelance Whales – Weathervanes - Generator Second Floor

(Clip 92)

Shalom and Good Evening to you all!

Show Prep 136

2011-12-13T22:08:00.001-08:00

Greetings and Salutations, People:

Tweet of the Week:

OfficialKhalid Khalid Hashi

Before you complain about having too much on your plate. Be thankful that you're even at the table.

Today on VSR – Thanksgiving special!

Grapes
McDonalds Hot Mustard dipping sauce
YouTube
Super Hi Bouncey Balls
My wife loves to bake
Dinosaurs the TV Show

Food can be purchased without leaving the car
Insulin
Curious George (man in the yellow hat)
Tim Tebow - Wishbone experiment.
Aligator episode of Family Feud

Anytime a big fat guy gets his hands on an NFL football
That the Lions still play every Thanksgiving
That the cop who pulled me over didn't give me a ticket
Can't hug every cat song

Greg Pineda - 28 days earlier
Occupy Idiots

That the Buffaslug is gone
LeRoy Jenkins

Lesser animals at the zoo. Tapir, Okapi, and Musk Ox.
Thankful my TV is stuck in Spanish mode "Mudo"
Muppets

I’m thankful for Stugotz from the Dan Lebatard show, and his inability to pronounce things.

Amazon shoppers have raised over $100 for FRN.
The Tribe Has Spoken
Mad Men will finally return in 2012
Thankful Ernie doesn't want to live on the moon

The VSR Holiday Gift Giving Guide:

Food Spray Paint:

German-based company The Deli Garage has introduced a new addition to its lineup of edible products. Perfect for when you're expecting a Bond villain for dinner or just want to give that roast chicken a truly golden finish, the company is now selling Food Finish coloring spray that lets you coat your meal in a varnish of gold, silver, red or blue.

To create the culinary coloring spray, The Deli Garage teamed up with a small food factory, which supplies high-quality pastry shops with food coloring. Composed of ethyl alcohol, flavors and several food additives, the food varnish sprays are harmless and tasteless to eat and are sold in 100 ml cans. Just like real paint, the company says the best results will be seen with the application of several thin layers.

The company also produces such appetizing offerings as pasta in the shape of nuts, bolts and screws and chocolate glue.

Food Finish edible sprays retail at EUR24.80 (approx. US$35) and it costs an additional EUR14 (approx. US$20) for international shipping, although only to other European countries. There's no shipping to the U.S. available at this point due to shipping regulations surrounding aerosols.

A Vacuum Elevator:

One of the major problems with installing an elevator in a home is the amount of space required, not to mention the costly infrastructure and maintenance issues and the immense problems and cost associated with any retrofitting. Now a new type of elevator developed in Argentina looks set to revolutionise the residential lift market, making elevators affordable to everyone. The self-supporting vacuum elevator is constructed of aluminium and polycarbonate and takes just a few hours to install. Unlike previous elevators, the new lift is completely self-supporting, extremely light, has a footprint of just one square metr e and requires no excavating pit or hoistway, it can be fitted to almost any two or three storey building at a fraction of the cost of a normal elevator.

The Residential Pneumatic Vacuum Elevator may be a little challenging to look at the first time you see it – the hoistway is transparent and there are clearly no cables supporting the elevator cab, so it looks distinctly like some thing out of Star Trek, operating on some advanced levitation principle.

It’s actually very safe with over 300 lifts already installed and working perfectly and works entirely according to the simplest laws of physics - the difference in air pressure above and beneath the vacuum elevator cab safely raise and lower it on a cushion of air and though there’s not much room inside, the lift is rated to a capacity of 450 pounds.

Though it might look precarious, it is absolutely safe even in the case of an electricity power failure as the descending car automatically stops and locks on the next floor.

Some clever locking mechanisms mean that the lift always stops exactly at floor level and as air pressure rather than mechanical apparatus move the lift, the starting and stopping is very smooth.

What’s more, the unique installation and streamlined design will adapt to many non-conventional living spaces in a variety house styles.

The V8 Snowblower:

If you’re tired of anaemic, one-lung snowblowers with their slipping drive belts, you might consider Kai Grundt’s V8 snow blower which raises the bar on the traditional snow blower in every respect. With electric start, electric block heater, antifreeze heater and eight cylinders, it has no drive belts to freeze up and you’ll never get bored with the job as the 454 cubic inch big block Chevrolet V8 produces 412 horsepower, 430 foot pounds of torque and can throw snow 50 feet at just 3500 rpm. Nor will you get cold as the machine has been ingeniously designed to route the engine coolant through the handle bars, with the rear mounted, enclosed radiator keeping the operator nice and cosy.

Gold Plated Diamond encrusted iPad with a twist:

When dinosaurs roamed the earth, the Tyrannosaurus Rex was king. So it’s only fitting that the world’s most expensive custom iPad 2 contains bits of T-Rex thigh bone shaved into its Ammolite frame. The Canadian-sourced stone is over 75-million years old, making it the oldest in the world. The rest of the iPad is encased in 24-carat gold, has an inlaid 8.5-carat flawless diamond set in platinum with 12 gems surrounding it. The home button is crafted with 65 diamonds and 53 separate gems forming the Apple logo, totaling up to about $8 million.

The prehistoric bedazzled device was designed by Stuart Hughes. He’s best known for creating “ultra luxury” items like a diamond-covered iPhone 4 and even a gold brick phone fit for Gordon Gekko.

Michael Jackson’s Deathbed:

An assortment of items from Jacko’s home are set to be sold at auction at Julien's Auctions Gallery in Beverly Hills, California, include fine arts and furnishings.

The item drawing the most attention right now is the bed where The King of Pop died. If you can get to Julien’s Auctions Gallery in California on December 17^th and are willing to outbid a bunch of weirdos, you too could have a one of a kind gift in

Magnificent 7 –

7. Peanut Butter

6. Sugar Cookies with Icing (Holiday Cookies)

5. Oatmeal Raisin

4. White Chocolate Macadamia Nut

3. Chocolate Chip

2. Snickerdoodles

1. Oatmeal Scotchies

Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:

Caedmon’s Call - Thankful

Shalom and Good Evening to you all!

It's the VSR Thanksgiving spectacular! Craig has a long list of things for which he is thankful that lead the show in some unexpected directions. That include Dinosaurs, Hot Mustard, and what is likely the dumbest utterance of “Alligator” in human history. (And of course, Craig is thankful for the Muppets.)

Craig also has a Magnificent Seven list of his Top 7 Cookies, the VSR Holiday Gift guide with unique gift ideas for that hard to shop for person, and Craig and Luke prepare Egg Cakes in the inaugural (and likely Final) edition of “Cooking with Craig” and then things wrap up with a music recommendation of “Thankful” by Caedmon’s Call.

Show Prep 135

2011-11-19T23:15:00.001-08:00

Greetings and Salutations, People: On to Iowa

Tweet of the Week:

ABigBagOfKeys DOG SATAN

If you’re depressed about the world remember that sea otters hold hands so they don’t float away while sleeping.

Today on VSR –

If you’d like to join in the fun - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1

To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com

Voice Mail – 720-CUB-1-ACE (720-282-1223)

Twitter: @socnorb777

(Bring on Face) –

Band name of the week: Doctor Gums and the Acoustic Maymem

On Deck:

Lime Green Crime Scene

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

MAASTRICHT, Netherlands – Worried that the current level of meat production in the world is not sustainable, Mark Post, a vascular biologist at the University of Maastricht, is working on growing a lab grown cheeseburger by using 3,000 thin strips of meat in a petri dish, then pack them together with some lab-grown fat.

But because 'cultured meat' contains no blood, the flesh will be pale, like a scallop. This is not going to be on a value meal any time soon, as Dr Post estimates the finished product is likely to cost upwards of $300,000.

"The first one will be grown in an academic lab, by highly trained academic staff. It's handmade and time and labour intensive, that's why it's so expensive to produce," he said.

'Cultured meat' begins with stem cells harvested from slaughterhouse leftovers.

Dr Post nurtures the cells with a liquid feed containing sugars, protein building-blocks, fats, minerals and other nutrients.

So far he has produced strips of meat 2.5cm long. Like muscle, these need to be exercised to grow - by stretching them repeatedly between Velcro tabs.

"The first one will be a proof of concept, just to show it's possible," he said.

Only a scientist would create a 300,000 dollar burger because meat production is not sustainable.

Free State, SOUTH AFRICA – Marius Els had an unusual pet. A Hippo. The South African man had adopted Humphrey the Hippo as a calf and he built a bond with him that enabled the former army major to ride on his back, feed him and even brush his teeth.

Supreme Master Television is an international, non-profit channel airing constructive news and programs that foster peace and promote healthy, green living. (Clip 36)

However, there is a reason that the hippo is regarded as one of the most aggressive creatures in the world.

Humphrey, who weighs over a ton, bit Marius Els, dragged him into the water and killed him on his 400-acre farm in South Africa. The man's mutilated body was found submerged in the river where years earlier the creature had been rescued from a flood.

The 40-year-old farmer, who said the animal was like a "son" to him, was confirmed dead by medics early on Sunday morning.

CORAM, N.Y. – A New York man wearing a T-shirt declaring "I'm a drunk" is facing DWI charges after a collision with a police car.

Suffolk County police arrested 23-year-old Kevin Daly of Coram. They say he crashed into an officer's vehicle at about 1:45 a.m. Thursday. The officer was treated for minor injuries.

Daly, who is unemployed, was wearing the T-shirt in a mug shot provided by police. It reads: "I'm not an alcoholic / I'm a drunk / Alcoholics go to meetings."

I’m Craig, and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

How old is _____???

Ozzie Guillen (47)

Nolan Ryan (64)

Sandy Koufax (75)

Michael Jordan (48)

Isaiah Thomas (50)

Wilt Chamberlain (75 if he were still alive, died in 1999 at age 63.)

Dan Marino (50)

Vinny Testaverde (47)

Bart Starr (77)

Tebow – Clip 39 – Lebatard’s Theory – He is proving both sides of a debate.

Something to Think About

1. How confusing would signing your credit card be if your name was See Id?

2. A recent survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found that Facebook is cited in one in five divorces in the United States.

3. Lifestyle guru Martha Stewart is on high alert at home whenever the skies cloud over — she has been struck by lightning three times while hiding out from storms.

Stewart has lived to survive a series of frightening electrical shocks, while cooking and making crafts around her homes in New England.

Recalling the incidents, she says, “I was hit in a little house in Littlefield, Mass., while I was standing at the sink. … I was washing dishes and it hit me in my stomach.

“The second time, I was talking … on the telephone and light came through my skylight in Westport, Conn. (Another time) I was holding on to a metal stand. I let go and the lightning came back out through my foot.”

But Stewart has brushed off the shocking occurrences, and insists her body is simply a bizarre conductor of electricity.

She adds, “Some people attract electrical things, I do. … You can get electrocuted and not die.”

4. It annoys me that Peter Pan is always played by women.

5. Other letters than O or X for Tic Tac Toe
6. Dyson air blade

7. I don’t think I could ever have a snake as a pet, because all I’d want to do is tie it in a knot.

Week in Wankery:

-Tall Chairs

-Person who writes the description of Hockey for Groupon: Hockey is the fastest paced of all major sports, because its players rush to complete the game before the ice field melts into vinegar. Enjoy the acidic thrill of competition with today's GrouponLive deal to see the Colorado Avalanche play the New York Islanders at Pepsi Center on Thursday, November 10, at 7 p.m

Man of the Match - My family wins 50 bucks in Zoo Gift Shop certificates for stuffing a Prius.

I’ll be driving through Nebraska and Iowa in a few days- Thanksgiving will be fun, but driving not so much

Anti-Commercial – Transforming Debt to Wealth (Clip 37)

Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:

E. Watson – The Decemberists – Long Live the King

Shalom and Good Evening to you all!

Show Prep 134

2011-11-12T21:09:00.001-08:00

Greetings and Salutations, People:

Luke enraptured by the promotional searchlight for a restaurant opening.

Luke asks “Who’s leaking?” when Julia is doing Pilates

Tweet of the Week:

RobinMcCauley Robin McCauley

Rorschach's most compelling work was the series of paintings he made about my fear of dying alone.

Today on VSR – The Magnificent Seven will count down the Top 7 injustices in sports history, We will discuss the tweaks that the NFL could and should make to NFC uniforms, plus a bunch more stuff in the holster for today which we may or may not get to.

If you’d like to join in the fun - (646) 716-6831 OR 6-HOP-1-MOVE-1

To contact VSR via email:
Email address: radio@verticallystripedsocks.com

Voice Mail – 720-CUB-1-ACE (720-282-1223)

Twitter: @socnorb777

(Bring on Face) –

Band name of the week: Emu Selanne

Let’s get to the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

MOSCOW (Reuters) – Russian police have arrested a man described by local media as the "cemetery collector" for digging up 29 corpses and dressing the remains in female clothing to display around his flat.

Grainy police video images of the man's cramped flat showed what look like several life-sized female dolls without faces, some with platinum blond wigs.

"During a search of his flat and garage, 29 self-made, life-size dolls dressed in the clothes of buried people were found," a spokesman for police in Nizhny Novgorod, 400 km (250 miles) east of Moscow, said Tuesday.

"It was ascertained that he used mummified human bodies from graves to make them (the dolls)."

Police described the man, who was arrested following the desecration of graves in the area, as a local historian and an expert in the study of place names.

Media cited friends as saying they had never seen the dolls and that he was a learned, if eccentric, man.

DERBYSHIRE, England - Free beer is doing in criminals in England. In an undercover operation, police in Derbyshire, England have sent letters to dozens of criminals with outstanding warrants who had evaded arrest for several months.

The letter asked the criminals to call a marketing company and if they did so, they would collect a free crate of beer.

A total of 19 suspects fell for the hoax and called the number, which put them straight through to Chesterfield Police Station.

A time and date was arranged for the free alcohol to be delivered but instead the suspects were arrested.

Chief Inspector Graham McLaughlin, who is leading the operation, said: "These suspects are people who have managed to evade arrest for some time so we have used different tactics to find them.

"It has been very cost effective as it can take a lot of time and money to track people down.”

Those arrested are alleged to have committed offences including burglary, robbery and sexual assault.

LONDON, England - Businessman William Sachiti spotted the cigarette packet-sized GPS tracker and feared the worst having previously been in the security business.

The bomb squad was called and the street cordoned off and the man called his wife, Diletta Bianchini, an oncologist who works at the Royal Marsden Hospital in Sutton, Surrey.

Sachiti had recently begun working late and his wife thought he was having an affair. She hired a private investigator who bugged Mr Sachiti's silver Lexus.

Mr Sachiti spotted the tracker and mistakenly thought that it was a bomb. He went to the nearest police station and the High Street in Sutton, Surrey, had to be shut down.

"(It) was the wife who hired someone to follow me as she was concerned about my new ambiguous work hours," he explained. "She may well have thought I'm having an affair but I'm not.”

"My wife has always been that sort of person who has wanted to know where I am."

As police began to cordon off the area, Mr Sachiti telephoned his wife and she confessed.

"I'm just so sorry it happened. "It was a huge mistake and I was out of my mind," she said.

A spokesman for Scotland Yard said: "Police cordoned off the immediate area to traffic and pedestrians.

"The bomb disposal squad, London Fire Brigade and London Ambulance Service were called but cancelled shortly after when police officers were informed by the driver's wife that she had arranged to have a tracking device fitted underneath the rear of her husband's car.

I’m Craig, and that is the news… (Play News Music – Clip 03)

NFC Uniform Suggestions:

49ers - Fix the stripes on the sleeves

Rams - Ditch the gold and navy, go back to royal blue and yellow.

Seahawks - Keep the current logo, but go back to the old colors. Silver Helmet, and Royal Blue and Kelly Green jerseys.

Cardinals - Design a new helmet, new logo, start all over. Cards uniforms are dull.

Saints - I'm fine with these as they are

Panthers - Consider going with Carolina Blue and Navy, co-opt the Tarheels colors!

Buccaneers - Broncos are going back to orange jerseys with new logos, figure out a way to go Creamcicle with new logos.

Falcons - RED HELMET!

Vikings - Ditch the yellow, go monochrome purple and white.

Lions - The helmet stripe is too skinny, and the old Lion is better than this newer one.

Packers - Don't change a thing

Bears - (Controversial) Make a cool new Bear logo, update the uniform, put the Bear logo on the helmet.

Giants - Go back to blue letters on the road jersey

Redskins - Scrap the name, scrap the colors, scrap everything, blow it up, worst uniform in the NFL.

Eagles - Kelly Green!

Cowboys - Use the Navy uniform more often, scrap the two different color pants, just wear the silver ones that currently go with the blue jersey, match the numbers color to the helmet color

Magnificent Seven: Top 7 Sports Injustices:

1. USA – Russia – 1972 Olympic basketball

2. Stanley Cup Finals 1999 – Brett Hull’s foot was in the crease in Game 6 OT goal.

3. The Tuck Rule Game – Raiders vs. Patriots

4. Hand of God Goal – Helped Argentina knock England out of the Semi-Finals in the 1986 World Cup. At the post-game press conference, Maradona claimed that the goal was scored "un poco con la cabeza de Maradona y otro poco con la mano de Dios" ("a little with the head of Maradona and a little with the hand of God")

5. Miami-Ohio State Pass Interference

6. Theirry Henry’s handball knocks Ireland out of the World Cup in qualifying

7. Jim Joyce robs Armando Galaraga of a perfect game by a terrible call on what should have been the 27^th out.

8. 5^th Down – Colorado vs. Missouri

9. Broncos-Chargers – The Ed Hoculi Game

Vertically Striped Music Recommendation:

Peter Mulvey – The Dreams

Shalom and Good Evening to you all!